How Much Does God Influence Whom We Are Attracted To or Who is Attracted to Us -- If At All?

Hey Everyone,

This thread is an expansion of a post in a zombie thread that was resurrected a few weeks ago. I've asked this question before on CC, but it's always interesting to see what the current crowd thinks. I personally don't believe there are any set-in-stone answers here (I think individual cases vary,) but I could be wrong -- so all insights, experiences, Scriptural references, and observations are welcome.

We all know that Samson had a few issues, to say the least.

One of the most fascinating things to me about Samson's story is that God apparently backed him up when choosing a Philistine (the enemies of the Israelites) for a wife.

Judges 14 starts out with the story of Samson spotting a young Philistine woman (not Delilah, but Samson's first wife, whom the Philistines later murdered) and telling his parents to get her for him as his wife. His parents, who were understandably distraught because Israelites were not supposed to marry foreigners, asked Samson, "Can't you find a suitable wife from among our own people?"

But Samson clearly tells his father, "Get her for me. She's the right one for me."

And, in one of what I think is the most intriguing of all Scriptures, the Bible says: "(Samson's parents) did not know that this was from the Lord, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines, for at that time they were ruling over Israel." (Judges 14: 4.)

Personally, I feel sorry for Samson's parents, because they were just trying to do what any good Israelite parent would have done.

And the questions I've always had were: "Was God LEADING Samson to find a wife among His enemies? Did GOD decide that this young Philistine woman was 'the right one', or was God simply using Samson's personal choice for His own purpose? Did God somehow influence Samson in that he couldn't find an Israelite woman he liked, and only seemed drawn to Philistine women?" After all, even after Samson's marriage went up in smoke (literally,) he was right back at it with yet another Philistine woman (the infamous Delilah.)

And, if I'm REALLY honest, my old 5-year-old Sunday School self has to ask, "DID GOD MAKE IT SO THAT ALL THE ISRAELITE WOMEN AT THE TIME WERE UGLY, AND THE ONLY PRETTY WOMEN SAMSON COULD FIND WERE AMONG THE PHILISTINES?"

* Did God actually have it in His heart for Samson to marry a Philistine, or was He just prepared to use Samson's preferences and choices according to His own will? We are always told that God gives us free will, so I certainly don't believe that God caused Samson to fall in love with any particular woman. But if He actually wanted Samson to marry a Philistine, how far does His influence on whom we fall in love with stretch?

* Did God desire that Samson would have married Delilah? We would think not, but yet it was God who directed Hosea to marry Gomer (a prostitute who was serially unfaithful) for His own purpose.

* Was the girl Samson chose first actually "the right one" God wanted him to be with, but since she was killed, did God influence Samson to pick another Philistine woman (Delilah) to marry to continue to "have a reason to confront them"?

I don't know. But these are the kinds of things I think about when I read a story like this... (And pretty much gives away the entire jumbled thought process through which all of my thread ideas are born.)

I was talking to a good friend about this thread, and she also pointed out that King Xerses (ruler of the Persian Empire, another Israelite enemy) was drawn to a young Hebrew woman (Esther,) out of all the other young, beautiful, eligible women he had to choose from. I'm sure most of these women were the best of the best, some with powerful family trees and untold wealth. Did the most powerful man in Persia just happen to be more attracted to Esther, a young Hebrew orphan with nothing, more than all the other most beautiful women of the land, who surely had much more to offer?

Or did God somehow influence his attraction to pick Esther as his queen?

* And what does all this mean for us as singles? How much, if at all, does God influence whom we are attracted to -- or who is attracted to us?

After all, I've heard multiple stories in which one person said, "God says you and I are to be married!" and yet the other person has no interest or attraction to them at all. On the other hand, I've also heard stories of people talking about how God drew or directed them to "exactly the right person," and they've had as close to Godly, "ideal" marriage as one could ever get in this lifetime.

Does God influence or direct whom you like, or who likes you?

As I said earlier, I honestly don't think there are any one-size-fits-all answers, but I would love to hear your thoughts.

I think like with animals wanting to attract the attention of a certain female or vice versa, it's hormonal and visually triggered. Like when a woman sees actor Paul Rudd holding a puppy. Of course God made a special effort for Samson, but I don't think God does that for everybody, but I know nothing. Nothing.

It's also triggered by pheromones. (missed the editing window)

Psychology tells us we choose someone whose characteristics are similar to those of our mother or father in a spouse. But Samson chose Deliah, so this was God's will as a judgement against the Philistines.

If it ever happens for me, I'll let you know which way it goes.

God gives us free will to choose who we want but I'm sure God would prefer us to choose Esther over jezebel. Men we are pretty dumb, we go for looks first it's just natural.

I must be unnatural. I'd rather see how a lady treats the people around her before I want to go for her.

You can be as physically appealing as possible, but if you have an ugly attitude you is just plain ugly.

Would it bother you that God made you like someone so that He could deal with his/her people group?

Wouldn't you like to know that you were interested in them because they interest you? 🤔

I think you're asking all the right questions. I've had those questions myself after reading certain Bible stories.

Of course, one of the famous references about free will, though not romantic , is God hardened Pharoh's heart (Ex 7...).

I guess I don't really have a fun answer . But the way I read scripture and experience life: yes, God is sovereign, and he CAN intervene when he chooses to do so, but that doesn't mean he's controlling people all the time. I think there's more spiritual warfare going on than most think, but God "FORCING someone to do something against their will" is likely a very, very rare occasion.

The thing about something "being from the Lord" is it's subjectively received. You're not likely to see an angel come down and tell everyone Ted and Betty are to be married.

Did the Lord force Sampson to be attracted to the Philistine woman, or did He use his natural attraction to her for His own purposes? I don't think scripture reveals that, and I don't know.

It's much too large a subject to go into the "He guides us" theology. Personally, I'd say scripture and the Holy Spirit tells us what we need to know, basically. Look for the right character. I can be open to God about if he has a "who" for me, but that doesn't mean he has a "who" in mind or has decided to tell me about it when I want to know.

Speaking from experience,yes! ☺️I believe if we will commit our life to God...He gives us wisdom,He guides us and direct us.
In the process sometimes we'll gonna make a few turns and there he/she is! ☺️

As Christians, God is constantly influencing our lives. From the moment we are saved, God is willing and doing in us His good pleasure. I don't think it is a stretch to say that this will influence what we desire in relationships.
Additionally, when we learn to delight ourselves in God, we are told that God gives us the desires of our hearts. This means that God actually places into our hearts good and holy desires. I can't imagine this will not have an influence on us in every consideration.
I've always liked what Hudson Taylor wrote on this subject:

Enough that God my Father knows
That nothing this faith shall dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

To be so influenced of God that every choice be left to Him has proven to be quite a wonderful life.

I think there is a lot of free will when it comes to attraction and preferences. A lot of this is also influenced by societal standards. I think people make a lot of bad decisions when choosing a partner. If they asked themselves some basic questions such as, do I trust this person to look after my child if I died at childbirth or war, or will this person care for me if I'm sick/disabled, etc, they will weed out a lot of people and save a lot of trouble. I think God does push us towards certain people, same with friendships. We can choose friends as we wish, but God could also connect us with someone.

I fully concur with your estimation.

Absolutely. You never know when you are going to meet your future spouse. You might bump into this special one while in the produce section in Walmart while you are thumping the honey dew melons to see which one is ripe.

We all want to think that someone is trying to get close to us out of their own free will (and because they think we are fabulous!) but I often think of times and cultures in which marriage had/has little to do with attraction, and everything to do with political alliances/a host of other benefits that can have little to nothing to do with attraction.

When considering the framework of many historical landscapes, it almost seemed like a stroke of divine intervention if two people marrying were allowed the luxury of actually liking each other.

Maybe not in Samson's case, but certainly in many others... (Never mind me, I'm just rambling miscellaneous thoughts again.)

Well I really don't think He as influenced any of my relationships. Unless he trying teach me lessons. I tend to get people that just want what they can get from me and I wind up bankrupt. So really at my age and level of disability I think I will probably always be alone. I'm not helpless or hopeless but I guess I've never had anyone take a genuine interest. But if it ever happens I will sure let you know

God has put all the proper characteristics in each person that are perfect for his or her mate.