"Jesus Wept" (John 11:35) -- How Long Does It Take to Work Through Grief?

Hey Everyone,

I think most everyone knows John 11:35 -- Jesus Wept. The shortest verse of the Bible.

The time when Jesus went to the grave of His dear friend Lazarus, and his sister said, "If you had been here in time Lord, my brother would not have died." Little did she know, Jesus was still there, and in plenty of time.

What amazes me most about this verse is that even though Jesus knew what He was going to do -- that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead -- and even if He didn't raise Him then and there, Jesus of all people knew He would see Lazarus again in heaven.

And yet, Jesus, our God and Lord who knows everything, including that Lazarus would live -- still wept over his beloved friend.


How have you reacted to loss and grief in your life? I know the answer will be different for everyone and that there are a multitude of different factors.

But how long has it taken? Are you still working through it? Do you think you'll ever "get over it" in this lifetime?

It could be the loss of a marriage, loss of a relationship (whether romantic or, for example, estrangement from a friend or family member, etc.) a death, a dream that was never fulfilled, or a dream that WAS fulfilled, but didn't work out the way you expected.

* What did you lose (if it's not too personal?)

* How long has it taken you to work through the grief (or are you still working through it?)

* What has helped you heal, and what advice can you give to others who are grieving a loss?

* If you feel you've never gotten over something, how do you cope with it? (And do you think you'll always be struggling, until you get to heaven?)

I would appreciate any thoughts, experiences, and wisdom regarding this topic.

Thank you and God bless.

John 11:35 plus Isaiah 53:3

Yes, I've experienced loss and my fiance cheated on me. Fairly normal stuff, not over the top. I'm a teacher and have watched parents watch their child die and other unimaginable things.

All grieving is trauma. It's not something you "get over." I'm very sensitive and takes me longer than normal to move on. Depression also runs in my family so maybe that's why it takes longer for me. There's no right amount of time. Also, people who move on quickly while grieving it doesn't mean they loved the person any less. Time of grieve doesn't equal amount of love.

The only thing that ever really helped was being with other people and keeping busy. Therapy can be helpful... although I've never done it. I usually yell to or at God to be honest at first. That's usually the anger phase, but go to him crying and such too. Reading and watching movies to try to get mind off and hobbies. Music and hobbies.

For me there's a specific moment where I come back to life basically. So once it was playing the violin, once the piano, twice painting, and once meditation. It's feels like something clicks and I'm back to myself again. Whereas before even if I tried reading the Bible I would just think God hates me or whatever lie would keep me in that state.

Afterthat the emotion is still there and may still cry but it's dulled and I can separate it from my day to day new reality. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it, but I find some happiness throughout the day again... and time does help.

My understanding of this verse is that our Lord wept because of the of understanding and dfaith of the people who should know Him. Otherwise He would not have said to the disciples, no he is not dead but he sleeps. It is not an imperative what I understood, just sharing.

So, I replied to a thread using the same passage that I now see had come up earlier so I'm taking the cue it's what God wants to say, or rather, what He wants us to hear.
Isaiah 53:3 He is despised, a man of sorrows...
and certainly, we have not been first in wondering exactly why He wept here. But it has occurred to me that He might've have been, here weeping for the world.

Think about it, a Man pure and righteous, Who, if it were not for taking upon Himself the sin of the world, should not have ever died, yet, coming in order to die, only for us. He who knew no sin came to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God (2Cor5:21).

God never intended for Adam to know death. Indeed, God separated the light (that was good) from darkness (Gen 1:4), so I wonder if Adam knew darkness, since God saw that all He'd made was 'good'. However, Adam wanted to know (everything) so, here we are, acquainted with grief...

So, I don't think we'll ever really get over it. That is, not until the times comes that God wipes away the tears from our eyes.

It's just something we have to endure through.

are you all right, sweetie? ♥

I read the scriptures and it does not say Jesus was weeping because of the death of Lazarus..

(John 11:33-38) "When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, {34} And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. {35} Jesus wept. {36} Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him! {37} And some of them said, Could not this man, which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died? {38} Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it."

Maybe Jesus knowing and feeling the grieving of Martha and the other Jews was moved to weep because He knew Exactly how they where feeling.. Just something to think about..



I would say the more you love the person who has died the more important that have been in your life, The more intense the loss and the longer it takes to get over their departure..


The worst grieving loss i have experienced is when i fully became aware that the person i loved and would have loved to have a life time relationship with did not and never would have the same feelings for me... It was the loss of something i never had...

Probably 3 months.. But i still remember her sometimes and it still affects me. Fortunately it is less and lass as i grow older..

Accepting the loss, Or more like the never had. And moving on with my life..

You just cope with it.. It's not like you have another option.. You cannot change things..

I am ok, thank you so much for asking, @notmyown.

Some recent events have me contemplating these thoughts, but life is moving along. ❤️

Thank you always for being so compassionate.

I really appreciate people taking the time to answer. 🌹🙏

I grew up without a father. That was my first experience of loss even though I had never seen him. When I got older I found out where he lived and I hopped on a bus going there while my mother was at work. I went straight to his house and knocked on the door. I’m not so good at thinking things through first. Of course he wasn’t there, only a woman telling me he was her husband. A few days later I got to meet him. I was so angry like only an abandoned Cajun girl could be and was going to fry him real hard. Unfortunately he couldn’t speak a word of French…and a scolding in English isn’t the same thing. I got to know him an we came close. Not many years later he died. So I lost him again. Then a little longer down the line my husband died.

I have solved this with keeping myself occupied serving in the military and police. I lost friends there as well. But I have this feeling that I will have to deal with it at some point.

I am so sorry, Susanna.

Thank you so much for your service. ❤️

Some say guys anticipate losses and grieve before the losses occur. That is why guys don't cry a lot at funerals - They got their mourning started weeks ago when it was obvious the person was going downhill, and they are probably through with it by the funeral.

Mind you, I'm not propounding this as a solid fact. Just a theory I heard somewhere.

Obligatory joke answer:

I grieved when my ASUS laptop died. That's why my next laptop was a ThinkPad. ThinkPads are like the irascible spouse you WISH would die, so you can justify getting an updated replacement, but they just keep on going forever.

So THAT is why they don’t cry at funerals? I thought they didn’t cry because tough guys don’t cry.😂😥

No, that's what we pretend.

Kind of like you girls pretending guys will never understand you because you're incredibly complex, when you know it's just because you girls are making most of it up as you go. Girls don't understand girls any better than guys understand girls, unless a given girl has been let in on the secret of what weird stuff the girls are pulling this time to keep guys off balance.

Girls are not complex. Men are complex.

Nah, just sneaky. They did their grieving behind the garage two weeks before the death. That way nobody saw them cry.

The girls were probably busy planning the whole thing.

‘yes, all go through Hell, here on earth. Each in their own way. And each person’s Hell, they go through, is most importantly harming to them. As others listen and hear others. No one but that person knows what they are feeling.
we, the people empathize, can feel what the other feels, yet not to the same exact feeling of the other sharing it. We, the people interfer in other peoples venting out their sorrows, wanting to help them, do not help, when interfering in another persons venting. It is like you are throwing up, venting out, and you get interrupted in the middle of your throw up (venting) by another person, giving advice by their interpretation of the words they here you saying, so. You have to stop throwing up, and never got finished to be relieved enough to hear yourself, your own words, you used, to hear how to heal. You are distracted by other people’s advice. Therefore no healing takes place. Rather confusion.
word(s) of others can’t get anyone healed, ever get anyone over it. I know, for me, my first tragedy in life, happened at 14 years of age. My sister died at 18 on an overdose.
then my dad at age 63, I was 17, then service, got abused. Taught kill. Kill. Kill. Then my eldest brother at age 31, I was 21. I was a drunk, and druggie, a partier, who cares, tomorrow I might die, enjoy life now, while I can.
,
how to deal. How have I dealt?
Faith in God through the Son Jesus. that is how I deal. Not by going to Church. By belief God loves us all, yes my sister, my dad and my brother.
That is my choice I have made.
‘I stopped drinking, partying drugs, at age 26,27, I am 67 now.
i, in belief got this message, God just loves me, period. Therefore my response has been working on one problem at a time. Seeing new. Seeing what is truly good for me and what is not good. I quit and am learning, learned daily, by free choice to do or not do, not of have to anymore, as religion teaches.
‘I wrote all my present problems down and hurts in me.
i looked at them and picked the most prevalent one to solve first. In trust to God to lead me, to reveal to me how to.

Once, I saw how by God showing me how. I took no credit to me, once saw how, by God and then just did it.
no other way for me to explain it. Knowing this truth. I believe God knows all, therefore no matter what happens good or bad, God has taught, continues to teach me contentment in all things.
‘it is like Ny-Quill. Except this is God-Quill< so I can rest medicine.
Hebrews 4
the compassion God put in me, is my new heart given me (Ezekiel 36:26)
God wants this for us all (Jeremiah 29:11)

Jesus, the Son, showed compassion, true love of Father, the two as One (1 Cor 13:4-7) is true love
it is real, and does not have to be depressing. As is taught to be that. So none wants that the depression . We are taught to be in charge. By that others take charge and our freedom to live compassionately is trapped in the have to’s, could have’s and should have’s.
God loves us all unconditionally, which changes people out of depressio. At least this I see it does that for me.
learning learned, contentment in all things, good or bad
‘thank you for being you

‘all I can say, life is as I had a mirror in my hand and it dropped and shattered all over. Left with to pick up the pieces, try to glue it back together, as best can. To be able to deal.
then I saw Japanese art, where they shattered pottery, then glued it back together with gold glue. This art a hit.
i saw this, God is the glue, making me that shattered person glued back together, stronger, better, wiser, than ever. Instead of focusing on the tragedy, I now focus on learning new from every thing, good or bad. To be wiser than any serpent, remaining harmless as a dove
the view one has from whatever has happened, could happen or even is happening presently, is key to live humbly, seeing death as a reality for everyone in the flesh. Seeing new in living forever in our souls, that I see God came to earth to save our souls, in giving us his spirit to cope. Living above all earth circumstances