Now that you've taken a risk and said hello (and she's said hi back), you have the daunting task of keeping the conversation going. You do this with a technique known as "deepening."
But before I delve into this vital communication skill, I want to touch briefly on situational flirting. It's typically what you would start with, in many cases.
For example, suppose you meet a woman at a bookstore and you say hello. Right out of the gate, you normally use situational flirting to keep her attention. This method takes something in the environment and exaggerates it, as in the "blue horse" scenario I outlined in my first post on flirting.
For example, you're in a bookstore and a young lady in her twenties is browsing a book on stock market investing. You could say something like, "Wow, you're into stock investing, that's great. When you hit your first billion in dividends, will you give me a ride on your yacht?"
If she plays along and says, "Sure," that's wonderful. It means you have a make-believe world reserved for just the two of you. You would certainly want to follow up from here, but you at least have something familiar to talk about later.
So, when you run into her again, you perhaps could say something like, "Hi, Debra. Have you got your yacht parked out back yet? I've got my rubber-ducky-life-raft in my car, all blown up and ready to go!"
However, this type of flirting interaction is reserved for only the most open-minded, confident men who are secure in their ability to talk to any woman at any time. For this reason, I've decided to skip right into deepening conversations and come back to situational flirting later.
Deepening means peeling back the layers
The best way to start a deepening conversation is with her job. In the above scenario with Debra, you could ask her if she's a stock broker. She might say something like, "No, but I'm really into online trading and would like to get better at it."
Now, you have vital information to build on. For example, you could say, "That's interesting. What is it about online trading that excites you?"
Here, you're peeling back another layer while getting deeper into what she finds attractive in her life.
She might respond with, "My ultimate goal is to quit my job and travel the world. But I know that's going to take time, and I'm not sure if I can do it."
Don't let her get negative on you
It's natural sometimes for a woman to go down a negative, self-defeating path during a conversation. Your job is to redirect her to a more positive outlook during your limited time together.
Like it or not, whatever feelings she has while talking to you–good or bad–will be how she thinks of you going forward. For this reason, she needs to have positive feelings while interacting with you.
For example, if she goes down a rabbit hole of how her past business ventures have failed, you could say something like, "Okay, I get that it's difficult, but what if you succeed as an investor? What then? What would you do with all that money? You already told me your dream of traveling the world."
It's time to peel back another layer
When she tells you that she wants to be a great investor because she would like enough money to travel the world, what she's revealing is her true passion. When you discover a woman's true passion, you have a real gem of information.
You now have the key to what motivates her. In this case, it's not investing in the stock market, it's having the opportunity to travel the world.
Peeling back yet another layer
It's time to ditch all talk of the stock market and ask her about her favorite travel destinations. Where has she been so far? Where would she like to go in the future?
These and other questions tie in beautifully during romantic talk, which I'll cover in the next post.
An example of a deepening conversation between Darrell and Janice
After each says hello to the other and introductions are made, Darrel starts by asking Janice what she does for a living. Really, it's best to ask her how her day is going before jumping right into information about her job – but you get the idea. Each situation is going to be different for every encounter.
"I'm a veterinarian," she says.
"Oh, that's wonderful," replies Darrell. "That must be a rewarding career."
"It is. I've been an animal lover since I was a little girl, and now I work with all types of animals."
"Do you have a specialty?"
"I would love to work with horses more, but I'm a bit tied down since I'm a partner in a clinic in the city. But one day, I would love to work within the rural equestrian field."
"I used to ride horses quite often. Are you opposed to that?"
"No, not at all. In fact, in college, I took first place in team equestrian championships."
"That's quite an accomplishment. It's not every day I meet a beautiful woman who has achieved so much in her life. You must really love the thrill of helping one of these amazing animals get back to health."
"Yeah, a while back I had to travel to a horse breeder who had several sick horses. The owner was frantic, but everything turned out okay."
"What was it like to have helped all those horses regain their health?"
Okay, let's stop for a second. Do you see what's happening here? While it's wonderful that she enjoys her job as a veterinarian, her true passion is horses, so that's what Darrell stays with during the conversation.
So, continuing with the story, she answers Darrell by telling him how her heart was overjoyed at the sight of a young horse being able to walk again. "It's an indescribable feeling," she says.
"I bet," Darrell says. "It's as if an overabundance of joy hits your heart all at once and lingers for weeks on end."
"Exactly."
So, what Darrell has done here is:
1. Found out what this beautiful woman is passionate about
2. Found out a bit about her life and what she does
3. Made a connection with her in a short amount of time
4. Brought out feelings of joy that she can now associate with him
Of course, the conversation can go much deeper than this, usually reserved for a first date. It's also a great way to tie in romantic conversation, which I'll share in the next post.
But before I delve into this vital communication skill, I want to touch briefly on situational flirting. It's typically what you would start with, in many cases.
For example, suppose you meet a woman at a bookstore and you say hello. Right out of the gate, you normally use situational flirting to keep her attention. This method takes something in the environment and exaggerates it, as in the "blue horse" scenario I outlined in my first post on flirting.
For example, you're in a bookstore and a young lady in her twenties is browsing a book on stock market investing. You could say something like, "Wow, you're into stock investing, that's great. When you hit your first billion in dividends, will you give me a ride on your yacht?"
If she plays along and says, "Sure," that's wonderful. It means you have a make-believe world reserved for just the two of you. You would certainly want to follow up from here, but you at least have something familiar to talk about later.
So, when you run into her again, you perhaps could say something like, "Hi, Debra. Have you got your yacht parked out back yet? I've got my rubber-ducky-life-raft in my car, all blown up and ready to go!"
However, this type of flirting interaction is reserved for only the most open-minded, confident men who are secure in their ability to talk to any woman at any time. For this reason, I've decided to skip right into deepening conversations and come back to situational flirting later.
Deepening means peeling back the layers
The best way to start a deepening conversation is with her job. In the above scenario with Debra, you could ask her if she's a stock broker. She might say something like, "No, but I'm really into online trading and would like to get better at it."
Now, you have vital information to build on. For example, you could say, "That's interesting. What is it about online trading that excites you?"
Here, you're peeling back another layer while getting deeper into what she finds attractive in her life.
She might respond with, "My ultimate goal is to quit my job and travel the world. But I know that's going to take time, and I'm not sure if I can do it."
Don't let her get negative on you
It's natural sometimes for a woman to go down a negative, self-defeating path during a conversation. Your job is to redirect her to a more positive outlook during your limited time together.
Like it or not, whatever feelings she has while talking to you–good or bad–will be how she thinks of you going forward. For this reason, she needs to have positive feelings while interacting with you.
For example, if she goes down a rabbit hole of how her past business ventures have failed, you could say something like, "Okay, I get that it's difficult, but what if you succeed as an investor? What then? What would you do with all that money? You already told me your dream of traveling the world."
It's time to peel back another layer
When she tells you that she wants to be a great investor because she would like enough money to travel the world, what she's revealing is her true passion. When you discover a woman's true passion, you have a real gem of information.
You now have the key to what motivates her. In this case, it's not investing in the stock market, it's having the opportunity to travel the world.
Peeling back yet another layer
It's time to ditch all talk of the stock market and ask her about her favorite travel destinations. Where has she been so far? Where would she like to go in the future?
These and other questions tie in beautifully during romantic talk, which I'll cover in the next post.
An example of a deepening conversation between Darrell and Janice
After each says hello to the other and introductions are made, Darrel starts by asking Janice what she does for a living. Really, it's best to ask her how her day is going before jumping right into information about her job – but you get the idea. Each situation is going to be different for every encounter.
"I'm a veterinarian," she says.
"Oh, that's wonderful," replies Darrell. "That must be a rewarding career."
"It is. I've been an animal lover since I was a little girl, and now I work with all types of animals."
"Do you have a specialty?"
"I would love to work with horses more, but I'm a bit tied down since I'm a partner in a clinic in the city. But one day, I would love to work within the rural equestrian field."
"I used to ride horses quite often. Are you opposed to that?"
"No, not at all. In fact, in college, I took first place in team equestrian championships."
"That's quite an accomplishment. It's not every day I meet a beautiful woman who has achieved so much in her life. You must really love the thrill of helping one of these amazing animals get back to health."
"Yeah, a while back I had to travel to a horse breeder who had several sick horses. The owner was frantic, but everything turned out okay."
"What was it like to have helped all those horses regain their health?"
Okay, let's stop for a second. Do you see what's happening here? While it's wonderful that she enjoys her job as a veterinarian, her true passion is horses, so that's what Darrell stays with during the conversation.
So, continuing with the story, she answers Darrell by telling him how her heart was overjoyed at the sight of a young horse being able to walk again. "It's an indescribable feeling," she says.
"I bet," Darrell says. "It's as if an overabundance of joy hits your heart all at once and lingers for weeks on end."
"Exactly."
So, what Darrell has done here is:
1. Found out what this beautiful woman is passionate about
2. Found out a bit about her life and what she does
3. Made a connection with her in a short amount of time
4. Brought out feelings of joy that she can now associate with him
Of course, the conversation can go much deeper than this, usually reserved for a first date. It's also a great way to tie in romantic conversation, which I'll share in the next post.
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