Hey Everyone,
Just a warning that this is going to be an especially long post.
Long ago, a church mentor I very much respected told me I should start a Singles group, and her words have been with me ever since. One of my callings seems to be to introduce people and bring them together. Now, not to scare anyone
, but I'll sometimes observe people here and think, "Wow, I bet they could be great friends, maybe even more..." And I can admit to even writing a few threads specifically hoping certain people will get get to know each other through them.
I have no interest in starting a real-life singles group, nor even one online. I tried leading an online group chat once, and even though they were all Christians, human nature sets in, and boy is it ugly. Just a few examples... Billy and Bonnie are a couple until Bonnie breaks up with Billy, and suddenly Billy is messaging me if I know whether or not Bonnie is seeing someone else in the group. Billy starts messaging me obsessively, insisting I must know something since I'm the leader of the group, and is now fishing other members for information.
Sarah and Susan both have a crush on Sammy, and suddenly competitive sparks start to fly, with each woman trying to show off more and more why Sammy should choose her (after all, God has told each of them -- as they have each claimed separately -- that Sammy is to be THEIRS!) And so the chat turns into a warzone of competition over someone who is seen as The Prize.
Candace, another member in the group, claims I'm favoring so-and-so and therefore, not acting as a proper Christian leader -- then proceeds to lambast me publicly for in front of everyone. It comes out later that Candace has a drinking problem, and has been known in other circles for such outbursts, and while I tried not to take it too personally, I still had to do something about it within our group.
All of these things are just a tip of the iceberg as to what I personally saw and had to navigate just while running a small (20-30 people) online singles group. And when people get married, are they allowed to stay, or do they have to go since they are no longer single?
Being divorced myself (husband married someone else,) I have had people over the years tell me I don't belong here in Singles and am being deceptive. And just when I think I've heard it all in the Singles community, there's always another challenge.
But when God puts something in us, it's hard to shut it off. Writing threads to try to help entertain/unify/help people get to know each other is my current way of meeting part of that calling. My time here is very sporadic, depending on life events, God's direction, and my own energy levels. For a while, God was telling me to concentrate more on individuals, but lately I've been wanting to create more open threads to get people talking to each other and give those who are lonely a place to go.
I constantly experiment with my thread styles and ideas. Over the years, I've tried tons of different angles trying to see what works best and how far the limitations of a forum can be stretched in bringing people together. I've been putting some threads in Miscellaneous so we can meet new friends who don't come to Singles or wouldn't feel comfortable here. But something I've been praying about a lot is, how responsible are we for helping people guard their hearts and what actions are we required to take to ensure this?
Years ago here on the forum, we had a Singles live chat room. One night while I was there, a moderator came in and made us all confirm in voice or through type that we were all single. She said they'd been having problems with married people claiming to be single in order to prowl, and/or singles becoming too attached to marrieds, and real-life marriages had been broken up because of it.
This is often in the back of my mind when I write threads. In the 15 years I've been on this forum, I think I've only put 2 people on Ignore, and one was a married man who had expressed interest in me in some of his posts and was pursuing some kind of positive response.
A long time ago, I wrote a thread called, "The Singles Forum Goes to the Movies," and it had a huge response. Tons of people responded, often with laugh-out-loud comments, and it really felt as if we were all hanging out together, just having fun.
If I have the time and energy in the future, I'd really like to start something like that up again. It can be adapted to a ton of different scenarios and events (or at least until I burn out, which is why I come and go.) But I always like inviting our married friends to join in. There are some regular marrieds here whose company we all enjoy, and members like @tourist will always be seen as a lifetime friend, because he became a regular here while he was still single. And sometimes, half the responses we get are from our married friends, so without them, the threads would sit mostly empty.
I do realize it's important for everyone involved to also stay within boundaries and act appropriately to all of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I am most certainly NOT trying to somehow say that anyone here is guilty of anything in any way -- I'm just saying, I feel like God is reminding me that as a facilitator, these are things I have to be aware of, and He might even hold me responsible to some degree.
I might still write frilly little throwaway threads here or in Miscellaneous, but I'm thinking my "Social Outings" threads might stay here in Singles -- even though we would invite our married friends to come along.
But I do think that keeping them within the "bounds" of the Singles section itself is a reminder to all of us who participate that we have to be mindful -- and respectful -- of each person's status (even if they're not married, they still might have someone, etc.)
What do you all think? Any thoughts about how we can help people meet friends, ease loneliness, have some online laughs -- while still staying within all necessary boundaries?
I'd like to hear from both the marrieds and the singles, because it will greatly affect how I choose to move forward (or pull back) on this forum.
Just a warning that this is going to be an especially long post.
Long ago, a church mentor I very much respected told me I should start a Singles group, and her words have been with me ever since. One of my callings seems to be to introduce people and bring them together. Now, not to scare anyone
, but I'll sometimes observe people here and think, "Wow, I bet they could be great friends, maybe even more..." And I can admit to even writing a few threads specifically hoping certain people will get get to know each other through them.I have no interest in starting a real-life singles group, nor even one online. I tried leading an online group chat once, and even though they were all Christians, human nature sets in, and boy is it ugly. Just a few examples... Billy and Bonnie are a couple until Bonnie breaks up with Billy, and suddenly Billy is messaging me if I know whether or not Bonnie is seeing someone else in the group. Billy starts messaging me obsessively, insisting I must know something since I'm the leader of the group, and is now fishing other members for information.
Sarah and Susan both have a crush on Sammy, and suddenly competitive sparks start to fly, with each woman trying to show off more and more why Sammy should choose her (after all, God has told each of them -- as they have each claimed separately -- that Sammy is to be THEIRS!) And so the chat turns into a warzone of competition over someone who is seen as The Prize.
Candace, another member in the group, claims I'm favoring so-and-so and therefore, not acting as a proper Christian leader -- then proceeds to lambast me publicly for in front of everyone. It comes out later that Candace has a drinking problem, and has been known in other circles for such outbursts, and while I tried not to take it too personally, I still had to do something about it within our group.
All of these things are just a tip of the iceberg as to what I personally saw and had to navigate just while running a small (20-30 people) online singles group. And when people get married, are they allowed to stay, or do they have to go since they are no longer single?
Being divorced myself (husband married someone else,) I have had people over the years tell me I don't belong here in Singles and am being deceptive. And just when I think I've heard it all in the Singles community, there's always another challenge.
But when God puts something in us, it's hard to shut it off. Writing threads to try to help entertain/unify/help people get to know each other is my current way of meeting part of that calling. My time here is very sporadic, depending on life events, God's direction, and my own energy levels. For a while, God was telling me to concentrate more on individuals, but lately I've been wanting to create more open threads to get people talking to each other and give those who are lonely a place to go.
I constantly experiment with my thread styles and ideas. Over the years, I've tried tons of different angles trying to see what works best and how far the limitations of a forum can be stretched in bringing people together. I've been putting some threads in Miscellaneous so we can meet new friends who don't come to Singles or wouldn't feel comfortable here. But something I've been praying about a lot is, how responsible are we for helping people guard their hearts and what actions are we required to take to ensure this?
Years ago here on the forum, we had a Singles live chat room. One night while I was there, a moderator came in and made us all confirm in voice or through type that we were all single. She said they'd been having problems with married people claiming to be single in order to prowl, and/or singles becoming too attached to marrieds, and real-life marriages had been broken up because of it.
This is often in the back of my mind when I write threads. In the 15 years I've been on this forum, I think I've only put 2 people on Ignore, and one was a married man who had expressed interest in me in some of his posts and was pursuing some kind of positive response.
A long time ago, I wrote a thread called, "The Singles Forum Goes to the Movies," and it had a huge response. Tons of people responded, often with laugh-out-loud comments, and it really felt as if we were all hanging out together, just having fun.
If I have the time and energy in the future, I'd really like to start something like that up again. It can be adapted to a ton of different scenarios and events (or at least until I burn out, which is why I come and go.) But I always like inviting our married friends to join in. There are some regular marrieds here whose company we all enjoy, and members like @tourist will always be seen as a lifetime friend, because he became a regular here while he was still single. And sometimes, half the responses we get are from our married friends, so without them, the threads would sit mostly empty.
I do realize it's important for everyone involved to also stay within boundaries and act appropriately to all of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I am most certainly NOT trying to somehow say that anyone here is guilty of anything in any way -- I'm just saying, I feel like God is reminding me that as a facilitator, these are things I have to be aware of, and He might even hold me responsible to some degree.
I might still write frilly little throwaway threads here or in Miscellaneous, but I'm thinking my "Social Outings" threads might stay here in Singles -- even though we would invite our married friends to come along.
But I do think that keeping them within the "bounds" of the Singles section itself is a reminder to all of us who participate that we have to be mindful -- and respectful -- of each person's status (even if they're not married, they still might have someone, etc.)
What do you all think? Any thoughts about how we can help people meet friends, ease loneliness, have some online laughs -- while still staying within all necessary boundaries?
I'd like to hear from both the marrieds and the singles, because it will greatly affect how I choose to move forward (or pull back) on this forum.
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