What Should Happen On a First Date?

Well, your pastor might look at this question and say, "NOT MUCH!"

But, all kidding aside, it's best to look at the first date as not really a "date" at all, at least not in the traditional sense. When we say "date," it usually conjures images of the guy going to the woman's house to pick her up. They may go to a nice restaurant for dinner, a movie, or both. After the movie, the guy brings her back home and walks her to her door; she fumbles for the keys, and he at least attempts to kiss her.

However, nothing like this should ever happen on the first date. Why? Because neither of you knows each other well enough to make the date successful. At the very least, you should have chatted for a little while to see what kinds of food and movies you like. Also, it would be a borderline tragedy to find out that neither of you could stand the other halfway through dessert!

This is where the first date comes in. It goes something like this:

You have said hi and flirted with Sharon a few times before Sunday church services. She's been receptive enough to laugh at a few of your corny jokes, and now, in the church community room, you are getting up the nerve to talk to her again.

"Oh no, have we run out of donuts this morning?" You ask her.

"Only the yucky ones are left," she says.

"I have an absolutely brilliant idea, and most of my ideas are brilliant."

"And what exactly is that?"

"Let's meet at XYZ Donuts for coffee and those extra gooey raspberry-filled things with the fifteen pounds of powdered sugar they sprinkle over them."

"Now?"

"Yes, of course, now. Who knows what might happen if I don't get my sugar fix today. It will be my treat."

Sharon hesitates.

"Besides, you said you moved here from California, and I would be interested in learning about the differences between here and there. "

"Well, okay," she says. "But I don't have much time before I have to go feed my cats."

"I understand. Cats be needn' feedn'" (You smile. She smiles. Everyone eavesdropping in on your conversation smiles).

You both get to the donut place at about the same time. OF COURSE, YOU OPEN THE DOOR FOR HER.

You are at the counter and let her choose WHATEVER she wants. Sharon is a lovely lady who doesn't want to rob you of your life savings, so she orders one donut and a cup of coffee.

Now is not the time for you to pig out. Show some control!

You pay for both hers and yours. This is non-negotiable. The man always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, pays! She can be a doctor, lawyer, businesswoman, or the President of the United States. You still must pay for all dates.

Why you ask?

It has to do with her perception of you, mostly. Do you want her to perceive you as just another one of her male friends who she pals around with once in a while or a romantic tiger who can sweep her off her feet and eventually become so in love with you that she has no other choice but to say yes to marriage?

In the next post, I'll explore the differences between being relegated to just her "friend" and being the man of her dreams. For now, suffice it to say you need to pony up the $9.29 for the coffee and donuts.

Welcome to the first date. You will spend no more than one hour with her with the following objectives in mind:

1. Show each other that neither of you is a raging psychopathic ax murderer

2. Delve (a very little bit) into what she does and a bit about her family (plenty of time for that on other dates as well)

3. Find out if you have anything in common (besides a love for Christ)

4. Show your romantic interest (super duper, extremely important!)

5. Getting the second date


Things NOT to talk about

--The weather
--Computers, quantum mechanics, or doctrinal differences between denominations
--Politics
--Your past failures with women
--Her cats (Get off of that subject as quick as possible. It's bad enough having to compete with other men, let alone her cats!)


What to talk about on a first date

--Which do you find more beautiful, the sunsets here or in California?

--What's the best vacation you've ever taken?

-- How inspired you were when your parents finally told you how they met and fell in love. What about her parents?

--What's the most romantic movie you've ever watched?

The list is only limited by your imagination and the feelings you want to elicit from her. Remember, women are all about feelings, feelings, feelings, so talk about things that will make her feel good. Conversely, avoid discussing things that elicit sadness, distress, or grief. There will be plenty of that kind of talk when you start having children.

Setting up the second date

Never ask a woman, "Hey, would you like to go out again sometime?" That only works in the movies and sitcoms.

Instead, say this:

"I've really enjoyed our time together, but I have to go, and I know you have to get back to your lovely cats. So, I was thinking... I have two movie passes that are going to expire soon, which would be a shame. I've been wanting to see (pick any chick flick or, better yet, an inspiring spiritual movie). I certainly don't want to go alone. Would you like to go with me this coming Saturday?"

Always be as specific about the date as possible. Never offer up any ambiguity. Never say, "You wanna get together sometime?"

When she says yes, get her phone number and say you will call her the night before to confirm. It will be a 30-second call to ensure she has not come down with COVID or something since your last encounter. Also, it's not a time to tell her how bad your week has been going or to see how she feels about the latest Fox News poll on the upcoming election.

Once she says she's still going, tell her you look forward to seeing her tomorrow. Then say goodbye and hang up!

The less you talk at this point, the better.

1. You are weird, sir, and the more you talk the more weird you seem. I tried to give you a chance at the start, but I give up.

2. You are giving advice to people who don't need it. Have you noticed the kind of people who frequent this forum?

3. You are giving weird advice, and if people actually use your advice they might stay single for a LOT longer.

4. Your condescension is breathtaking.


This is doggone entertaining though, so... Keep up the good work!

Takes notes so I can learn how to stay single for a longer period of time.

Okay, yeah, that's a valid point. It could be handy in some use cases.

But personally I never have found it hard to act weird for that purpose. =^.^=

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
She bringeth forth breakfast...

🤔😁

Yesterday I ate tuna, smoked mussels, mayo and hummus, all mashed into a paste and eaten on pringles "pizza" chips.

Juliet wouldn't wanna make my breakfast. A man's gotta make a man's own breakfast if he wants to get a good breakfast.

This is all too complex.
Give her some donuts, ask about her cat and she might give you her number. Problem solved.

Could say something about Juliet wouldn't wanna be around a man who ate your breakfast either. Your breath is going to smell fishy.

You lost me at “The man always pays” (mind you, I’m not looking for advice).

That idea died a slow death but it is firmly dead. Many women would insist on paying their own way at least on the first date to remove any sense of obligation.

Offer to pay if you want, but don’t demand. Or let her pay her share and perhaps expose any entitlement.

I'm single, today's my day off and Grandma lost her sense of smell decades ago. Nobody cares.

I think I understand now. You're a frustrated teen movie scriptwriter who fell into some sort of time anomaly and was catapulted 40 years into the future. Good job on adapting to the internet age by the way. (Then again maybe I've just been watching too much Dr Who recently, the stories are more interesting)

But the stereotyping, the outdated norms, the cringey conversation topics yeah this is all like something out of an 80's teen movie and completely not relatable to real life.
Also guys getting excited about and inspired by how we met stories would be weird.
And how does any guy transition from the fake guy you're advising him to be to get the date (guy really wanted to go see chick flick, uh maybe you do but most don't) to actually being himself and being in a relationship where he is valued for him?

Which brings up a very important stress test for your advice:
1) How many first dates have you gotten using this method?
2) How many of those women realized they were on a first date when they showed up at the donut shop or equivalent?
3) How many second dates and actual relationships has this method led to?
4) What about all those potential daters and datees who don't fit the stereotypes and wouldn't find this approach very attractive? You know like most of us here who are too old to still have naive notions of gooey emotional romance because we've got too much real world experience.

Short version:

Steve you're talking to the wrong group. You're talking to kids, and there ain't no kids here. They're all on whatsapp, snapchat and fortnite.

And even then, you're talking to kids like people talked to kids back in the 80s. We have since learned that even kids are more intelligent than that, and nobody talks to kids like that anymore. Well... except for you.

I actually agree with a lot of this for those who want to go about dating in the traditional way.
Maybe I'm sort of odd. The relationships I've been in have occurred after getting to know each other at work or online, or in high school (my first relationship was when I was 17). After spending time together and finding we liked each other more than just working together or what-have-you, we'd decide to be in a relationship and then the fun stuff began...going on dates and even more flirting and hand holding and smoochies. I like dates that involve picnicking in the great outdoors or walking trails or interesting museums or aquariums. I just never really got into the whole awkward traditional dating stuff. That's just me personally! Not knocking those who are at all. Like I said, I think this is some good advice for those who prefer to go about it that way, except for the part about picking a chick flick. Not all of us women like chick flicks. Of course, if that's your thing don't let me stop you. Meanwhile, imma sneak over to the action or horror or some other movie

My Dating Advice for 2024

1. Step One:
- To Do: Go online, pick out a good movie.
- Reason: If the prospective date turns you down, you've already replaced her with something else.

2. Step Two:
- To Do: Before asking her out, ask how she feels about 4th wave feminism.
- Reason: If she's into that, inform her she'll need to pay for everything, and give her a time to pick you up.

3. Step Three:
- To Do: Visit the restaurant ahead of time, and do some reconnaissance - look for a window in the men's bathroom.
- Reason: If she's awful (which is about 50/50 odds) then you have an easy means of escape.

4. Step Four:
- There is no step 4
- If you aren't capable of talking to a girl at a restaurant... you aren't old enough to be on a date.


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I'm right there with you, CarriePie!

I hate most chick flicks. Lovelorn woman goes gaga for a guy who barely says hi to her and then they wind up almost immediately sleeping together. BLEH.

I mean, c'mon. He hasn't even taken the time to learn the names of her 20 cats yet!

I miss the days of 80's and 90's macho movies. An ideal date movie to me would have involved the likes of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, or Van Damme, with a lot of things being blown up and a whole lot of bad guys getting their due. Big guns, explosions, and helicopter kicks -- OH YEAH, BRING. IT. ON!

My favorite storyline was when the big, macho tough guy was assigned to guard some plucky, independent woman (I'm not into the helpless damsel vibe,) and, despite himself (and his arms being twice the size of her neck,) he just can't help but falling for her!

Now THAT'S a good chick flick right there.

But then again, I guess I'm dating myself self (as in, not taking my actual self out, but letting it slip that I'm from a time that's obviously long past yonder.)

So your favorite chick flick was... Crocodile Dundee?

That's not a chick flick.

THIS is a chick flick:

Bloodsport is one of my favorites! For me personally, I really like Bolo Yeung's fighting. He was also fighting Van Damme in Double Take (1991). Van Damme had requested that he be in the movie. Anyway, great movie!!

Well these days dating does seem like a bloodsport. And discussing Christian dating (or bible stuff, just go peek at the bdf) is most definitely a bloodsport