Have you ever sat in a restaurant and noticed a little kid staring at you from their mom and dad's table in the distance? Sometimes, they'll smile at you or play peek-a-boo by hiding their face and suddenly look back to see if you notice them. Simply put, they're flirting with you. They're not being rude, intrusive, or even naughty. They are showing that they are curious about you, and if given the chance, they would be glad to add you to their "play-date" list.
What is flirting, exactly?
It's really just a way for men and women to be playful, imaginative, and fun in a nonthreatening way. It's a way to get to know someone to whom you've never been introduced, and most importantly, it opens the door for a first date.
Sexual and non-sexual flirting
We often think of flirting as merely a way for a guy to get to home-plate with a woman for the first time. But we all know that's a sin, so how do we avoid that when introducing ourselves yet make a memorable first impression? The key is to show interest without making any reference to physical touch or, worse, sexual innuendos. Even non-Christians know you're not supposed to be creepy!
Here are some reasons for non-sexual flirting:
--It allows you to introduce yourself in a fun, creative way
--It builds rapport between two people
--It allows you to gage what the other person might be like on a first date
--If anything, it's a fun way to brighten someone else's day
The biggest mistake men make when introducing themselves
Most Christian men view being flirtatious with women as somehow dirty and reserved only for characters in R-rated movies. They'll approach a woman as if in a job interview, all tense and well-rehearsed. Sorry guys, women don't like that-- If you're tense and rigid in your approach, they will be nervous and tense, which may even scare them a little. There are ways to be flirtatious without alluding to sex or being overtly creepy.
I challenge you to watch the movie Mary Poppins, especially the scene where the kids wander off to the merry-go-round and leave Mary and Bert alone to have tea together. The entire time, they flirt with each other, which has become a lost art. Bert is dancing and trying to impress Mary with his antics, while she feins annoyance and finally joins in with him. By the end of the scene, when they reunite with the kids on the merry-go-round, they have formed an even greater bond of friendship than when they started.
Examples of two Christian guys meeting the same woman, Susan
John: He sees Susan sitting alone in the sanctuary before the Sunday service and awkwardly approaches her from behind. He startles her by tapping her shoulder, sticking out his right hand abruptly, and says, "Hi, I'm John. You probably never noticed me, but I'm the guy who's been sitting behind you in church for the past six months. I definitely have an interest in you, and I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."
Susan, not knowing what to say, nods her head nervously and finally blurts out, "Yeah, maybe sometime." Of course, poor Susan does her best to avoid the next encounter with John so she doesn't have to go through that again.
David: Sees Susan sitting alone in the sanctuary. As he sits two seats down from her (not right next to her), he asks, "Is this seat taken?" She says it isn't, and she can't help but notice his boldness and determination to sit there. So, her interest is piqued.
David turns to her and says in a serious tone, "Have you seen a blue horse anywhere around the church property lately?" She answers, "No, is there a blue horse around here somewhere?" David says, "No, I was just wondering if you've seen any lately." By this time, he's looking directly at her and grinning from ear to ear.
Susan can't help but giggle a little. David knows he has an opening now, so he introduces himself, and she reciprocates. David is a true gentleman, so during the service, he gives Susan her space to worship and politely says it was nice to meet her after the service is over. He doesn't ask her out, he doesn't show a sense of desperation, and he doesn't follow her.
The next Sunday, David sees Susan sitting alone again in the same spot. This time, he approaches her a bit more boldly and asks, "Have you seen any blue horses around here lately?" Giggling, she says she hasn't, but he's welcome to take his "usual spot next to her." (The running joke about the stupid horse thing gives them a unique sense of bonding now).
After the service, David says, "Come and join me in the cafeteria for coffee and donuts. I'm buying." Susan giggles again as she follows David. She knows very well the church never charges for their donuts and coffee.
What is flirting, exactly?
It's really just a way for men and women to be playful, imaginative, and fun in a nonthreatening way. It's a way to get to know someone to whom you've never been introduced, and most importantly, it opens the door for a first date.
Sexual and non-sexual flirting
We often think of flirting as merely a way for a guy to get to home-plate with a woman for the first time. But we all know that's a sin, so how do we avoid that when introducing ourselves yet make a memorable first impression? The key is to show interest without making any reference to physical touch or, worse, sexual innuendos. Even non-Christians know you're not supposed to be creepy!
Here are some reasons for non-sexual flirting:
--It allows you to introduce yourself in a fun, creative way
--It builds rapport between two people
--It allows you to gage what the other person might be like on a first date
--If anything, it's a fun way to brighten someone else's day
The biggest mistake men make when introducing themselves
Most Christian men view being flirtatious with women as somehow dirty and reserved only for characters in R-rated movies. They'll approach a woman as if in a job interview, all tense and well-rehearsed. Sorry guys, women don't like that-- If you're tense and rigid in your approach, they will be nervous and tense, which may even scare them a little. There are ways to be flirtatious without alluding to sex or being overtly creepy.
I challenge you to watch the movie Mary Poppins, especially the scene where the kids wander off to the merry-go-round and leave Mary and Bert alone to have tea together. The entire time, they flirt with each other, which has become a lost art. Bert is dancing and trying to impress Mary with his antics, while she feins annoyance and finally joins in with him. By the end of the scene, when they reunite with the kids on the merry-go-round, they have formed an even greater bond of friendship than when they started.
Examples of two Christian guys meeting the same woman, Susan
John: He sees Susan sitting alone in the sanctuary before the Sunday service and awkwardly approaches her from behind. He startles her by tapping her shoulder, sticking out his right hand abruptly, and says, "Hi, I'm John. You probably never noticed me, but I'm the guy who's been sitting behind you in church for the past six months. I definitely have an interest in you, and I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."
Susan, not knowing what to say, nods her head nervously and finally blurts out, "Yeah, maybe sometime." Of course, poor Susan does her best to avoid the next encounter with John so she doesn't have to go through that again.
David: Sees Susan sitting alone in the sanctuary. As he sits two seats down from her (not right next to her), he asks, "Is this seat taken?" She says it isn't, and she can't help but notice his boldness and determination to sit there. So, her interest is piqued.
David turns to her and says in a serious tone, "Have you seen a blue horse anywhere around the church property lately?" She answers, "No, is there a blue horse around here somewhere?" David says, "No, I was just wondering if you've seen any lately." By this time, he's looking directly at her and grinning from ear to ear.
Susan can't help but giggle a little. David knows he has an opening now, so he introduces himself, and she reciprocates. David is a true gentleman, so during the service, he gives Susan her space to worship and politely says it was nice to meet her after the service is over. He doesn't ask her out, he doesn't show a sense of desperation, and he doesn't follow her.
The next Sunday, David sees Susan sitting alone again in the same spot. This time, he approaches her a bit more boldly and asks, "Have you seen any blue horses around here lately?" Giggling, she says she hasn't, but he's welcome to take his "usual spot next to her." (The running joke about the stupid horse thing gives them a unique sense of bonding now).
After the service, David says, "Come and join me in the cafeteria for coffee and donuts. I'm buying." Susan giggles again as she follows David. She knows very well the church never charges for their donuts and coffee.
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