There's no "The One"

Thank you so much. I'm glad you've found the one.

If it doesn't matter to them, good for them. When it matters to some is another story; their story.

That's not what I was talking about at all. I was talking about the difference between the haves and the have nots. Those who focus on and appreciate what they have and those who focus on and complain about what they have not.

I know some people like gojira on this forum, people who focus on what they don't have. They are consistently miserable, always complaining about what they don't have. Some of them even try to claim God will give them what they want. They quote that verse about God giving us the desires of our heart a lot. Some even get mad at God for not giving them what they believe they need.

Then there are people like my dad, who has been married twice. Both marriages ended badly. Now he focuses mostly on rock collecting, making nut butters with a big machine called a champion juicer and just enjoying life in general. He's a lot happier now.

There are people like my uncle Fred, who is actually married. In fact they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary this June. Watching him has taught me a lot about taking life as it comes and appreciating what I have.

There are people like brother Ramey, a deceased member of my church. He never had much. He was always just a poor truck driver. But every time he stood up to testify he always got so excited that he wound up shouting. I started reflexively grinning every time he stood up to say something, because I knew how it would end up. Man I miss that guy.

I have known many people, married and single, who are always complaining and grumpy. I have known many people, married and single, who are usually pretty happy with life. The main constant among these two groups seems to be how much they appreciate what they have and how much they focus on what they don't have.

And it never fails that when I meet a person who is truly spiritual, he is always a person who appreciates what he has. And he's always fairly happy with life.

It seems the closer you get to God, the more you learn to appreciate what he has given you. And when that happens you stop focusing so much on what he has not given you that you think he should have given you.

Or maybe it's just almost impossible to find. Eternal prayers and eternal searching and I'll grow even older and die and "the one" will never be there. Not that I'm a pessimist. It's just an observation throughout the years. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe it's all a dream or wishful thinking. Not gonna lie; at times it hurts.

No you're not asking too much and I don't have the time to read all the posts, but that's my truth. I know a young man who desired to be married, after his first wife went to be with the Lord. He grieved for about 4 mos then signed up on Christian Mingle. For about 3 mos he was live chatting with a young Christian gal who then became his wife. This June will be their 1st anniversary and they are 'in love' 💕 There are many, many young Christian gals who want a family life, so I'd suggest get involved in a local church their single groups, volunteer work and maybe Christian Mingles. 'All things are possible with God'

When God is truly your Shepherd, you have no such wants...Psalm 23:1.

At what point we stop being humans and stop making mistakes? This is an internal/external question. Trust in God he will turn all your wrongs into his rights. For he's merciful, forgiving and loving. Christ came to redeem us and not condemn us, as we have repented, we will never be judged. All things in God are possible. Put your faith in Him. God bless you.

Jimmy and Mary were quite the pair
Back in their younger days
They met and married in six weeks' time
And that was sixty years ago this May

- Steven Curtis Chapman


Don't get me wrong. There's nothing at all wrong with keeping an eye out for a potential spouse, or even actively searching for one. I'm too indolent to do it myself (read: lazy) but there ain't a thing in the world wrong with it.

When people make it the focal point of their lives, that takes it a bit too far. And I see way, way, far and away too many people making it the be-all and end-all of their lives.

Nobody is above anyone.

Probably. Sometimes I feel they're laughing at me. So... yeah. I could find you interesting, but then again I'd need to know you better. Darkness used to be my middle name. and some still call me by it. What are those things you ponder about? Yeah... honesty backfires a lot. Not even Christians are 100% honest. At least I haven't met one that is, and I've met a lot of them.
Anyways. I'm here if you wish to carry on with this conversation.
I do believe in the one. And maybe God doesn't have anyone for us. Maybe He doesn't care. Maybe I'm wrong, and he doesn't mind us that much. Maybe God is indifferent to our needs. Lately the world (including Christian) seem to put God in this General army guy position and not so much as a loving father. Maybe all the years I thought great things about God I was wrong. I mean I've been wrong about seeing good in others... Why would God be exception? Ponders, ponders, ponders... Who knows what?
"Don't make questions... everyone hates questions... just be dumb and follow. either the world or religion"

What are the dark mysteries of life I ponder about? Pretty much anything and everything, lol...the week's youth group lesson topic, the state of humanity and spirituality in our culture, thread topics I find interesting on CC, what it truly means to follow God, even when it hurts.... nothing is really off the table. I'm glad I'm not scared of the muck but I've also learned it's not a good place to set up camp. So when I find myself starting to pitch a tent there I try to remind myself that God is always good, life on earth will always be crazy, and we won't truly live until after we die. Maybe that sounds naive but it works ok for me. *shrugs*

Regarding the "One", let me clarify my personal experience. I'm just sharing my story, not asking anyone to agree with me.

For years I believed in "The One", and looked for him in every man I came across. I have always been a hopeless romantic and my longest and strongest desire was to get married, so I figured the "good" or "happy" part of my life would start when I met Mr. Right. It didn't even occur to me that he might not exist. I just figured God would bring him to me because if He loved me then He would give me what I wanted, because what I wanted was not a bad thing. So I waited. I pretty much refused to date because I didn't want to get involved with a man who wasn't "The One". So I shot a lot of guys down, which I kinda feel bad about now because I should have been more prayerful about it. But I just figured that if I didn't think they were "The One," then why lead them on or waste their time?

Anyway..... fast-forward to my late 20's, most of my friends were married by that point and I had gotten really frustrated and distant from God because I felt like He was holding out on me. I hadn't fallen into sin (well, not the standard "sins" we think of, but really if the greatest commandment is to love God with all my heart and I was neglecting that then I guess you could say I was actually chiefest among sinners). I felt forgotten and I was harboring anger and resentment towards God and that's a really lousy place to be. It's the dumbest thing I've ever done, really. But anyway.....

I was super frustrated one day and I told God that maybe this wasn't on Him to provide, maybe I needed to go get it. I had a friend who was a good Christian guy and had made it clear he wanted to be more than friends. So I told God that I was tired of waiting and I was going to get something started with the friend, even though I knew in the back of my mind that we weren't right for each other. It's hard to explain what happened after I told God that, but it was like my life flashed before my eyes. Not the life I had lived, but the life I would live if I married the friend. It wasn't bad. We had a few kids, he was a good provider and treated me well, it was an ok life and an ok marriage. But it wasn't awesome, it was just "ok". And I heard "You can choose this and I won't stop you, it won't be terrible but it's not what I have planned for you and you'll regret it for the rest of your life". And when I heard that I knew it was true, and it shook me up. Nothing He said indicated that His plan included a different guy who would be a better fit. But I knew that whatever His plan was, that was what I should choose.

So, I asked Jesus to be my everything and to make it so that I would be ok if He was all I had for the rest of my life. And to help me be ok and content with whatever His plan included. And so far He has answered that prayer. I do still get in a funk sometimes but I get out of it pretty quickly. I also still hope to get married someday, but it's no longer the focus of my life and I've accepted that God doesn't owe me anything, including a husband. I kinda feel like I wasted all the years I was hoping so hard for that.... but it's part of my story now and I'm ok with it. Now I just focus on each day and what He has for me to do. And I'm actually happy now, even with the realization that I might never find someone who's right for me.

Anyway... I am not trying to imply that this is how every Christian should be/feel. But I do think that finally being honest with God about how desperate I felt was the turning point for me. And then realizing I needed to let go of it and turn it over to Him was what freed my heart and mind. Clinging so tightly to hope wasn't making me more hopeful, it was only making me miserable.

I hope this was helpful or interesting in some way, if not then my apologies for such a long post!

What are the dark mysteries of life I ponder about? Pretty much anything and everything, lol...the week's youth group lesson topic, the state of humanity and spirituality in our culture, thread topics I find interesting on CC, what it truly means to follow God, even when it hurts.... nothing is really off the table. I'm glad I'm not scared of the muck but I've also learned it's not a good place to set up camp. So when I find myself starting to pitch a tent there I try to remind myself that God is always good, life on earth will always be crazy, and we won't truly live until after we die. Maybe that sounds naive but it works ok for me. *shrugs*

Regarding the "One", let me clarify my personal experience. I'm just sharing my story, not asking anyone to agree with me.

For years I believed in "The One", and looked for him in every man I came across. I have always been a hopeless romantic and my longest and strongest desire was to get married, so I figured the "good" or "happy" part of my life would start when I met Mr. Right. It didn't even occur to me that he might not exist. I just figured God would bring him to me because if He loved me then He would give me what I wanted, because what I wanted was not a bad thing. So I waited. I pretty much refused to date because I didn't want to get involved with a man who wasn't "The One". So I shot a lot of guys down, which I kinda feel bad about now because I should have been more prayerful about it. But I just figured that if I didn't think they were "The One," then why lead them on or waste their time?

Anyway..... fast-forward to my late 20's, most of my friends were married by that point and I had gotten really frustrated and distant from God because I felt like He was holding out on me. I hadn't fallen into sin (well, not the standard "sins" we think of, but really if the greatest commandment is to love God with all my heart and I was neglecting that then I guess you could say I was actually chiefest among sinners). I felt forgotten and I was harboring anger and resentment towards God and that's a really lousy place to be. It's the dumbest thing I've ever done, really. But anyway.....

I was super frustrated one day and I told God that maybe this wasn't on Him to provide, maybe I needed to go get it. I had a friend who was a good Christian guy and had made it clear he wanted to be more than friends. So I told God that I was tired of waiting and I was going to get something started with the friend, even though I knew in the back of my mind that we weren't right for each other. It's hard to explain what happened after I told God that, but it was like my life flashed before my eyes. Not the life I had lived, but the life I would live if I married the friend. It wasn't bad. We had a few kids, he was a good provider and treated me well, it was an ok life and an ok marriage. But it wasn't awesome, it was just "ok". And I heard "You can choose this and I won't stop you, it won't be terrible but it's not what I have planned for you and you'll regret it for the rest of your life". And when I heard that I knew it was true, and it shook me up. Nothing He said indicated that His plan included a different guy who would be a better fit. But I knew that whatever His plan was, that was what I should choose.

So, I asked Jesus to be my everything and to make it so that I would be ok if He was all I had for the rest of my life. And to help me be ok and content with whatever His plan included. And so far He has answered that prayer. I do still get in a funk sometimes but I get out of it pretty quickly. I also still hope to get married someday, but it's no longer the focus of my life and I've accepted that God doesn't owe me anything, including a husband. I kinda feel like I wasted all the years I was hoping so hard for that.... but it's part of my story now and I'm ok with it. Now I just focus on each day and what He has for me to do. And I'm actually happy now, even with the realization that I might never find someone who's right for me.

Anyway... I am not trying to imply that this is how every Christian should be/feel. But I do think that finally being honest with God about how desperate I felt was the turning point for me. And then realizing I needed to let go of it and turn it over to Him was what freed my heart and mind. Clinging so tightly to hope wasn't making me more hopeful, it was only making me miserable.

I hope this was helpful or interesting in some way, if not then my apologies for such a long post!

Or maybe it's just almost impossible to find. Eternal prayers and eternal searching and I'll grow even older and die and "the one" will never be there. Not that I'm a pessimist. It's just an observation throughout the years. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe it's all a dream or wishful thinking. Not gonna lie; at times it hurts.

I'm so saddened by what I'm reading on this thread. The hope of finding someone to share the rest of your life with is crushed by the ineptitude, pride, and closed-mindedness of our church leaders, who are unwilling to lend a hand in the cause.

They tell us to be patient, and God will send someone out of the clouds to rescue us from our loneliness. But we keep waiting and waiting and waiting.

Most don't realize that God is not a genie in a bottle and does not wish to be treated like one. Instead, He lets us make our own choices and gives us the strength to work on our relationships. And oh, what mighty work it requires!

Instead, we are told to pray, and we will receive the person created by the precise blueprints we send to God. We tell Him they must be Godly, possess upright character, and, most importantly, be a man or woman approved by the local church. Please, God, wave your magic wand and make it happen!

So, why do we make such a mockery of God's providence! Why do we ask God to simply conjure up the exact person we want as a spouse out of thin air and right on our doorstep?

Would we do the same if we were unemployed? Would we say to God, "Let me sit on this nice cushy sofa while you bring me back the job of my dreams?" No one would ever dare!

We would roll up our sleeves and get to work on our resumes, all while perfecting our job-hunting skills.

We must do the same to find our next lifelong partner. Instead of sitting around being depressed and lonely, God wants us to get to work on finding someone He can approve of. He gives us the blessing of that choice.

Unfortunately, due to pride, arrogance, and the willingness to cave into those few who long for the status quo, those of us who have expertise and experience in matters of dating and romance are censored.

Meanwhile, you are left to suffer with no answers and no help. It's kind of like being out in your church parking lot while slowly bleeding to death. Instead of calling for an ambulance or taking you to the hospital, each congregant passes by you, saying, "I'll be praying for ya! I'll be prayn' for ya!"

I will be praying for you, but I am sad that I will not be able to offer practical help due to this site's censorship. Blessings.

You sound a lot like me. I've even commented in the same fashion about it. I agree with your points.

The concept of "the one" seems a bit ambiguous. Is it the idea that for everyone, there's just exactly one person they are meant to be together with, and that each and every one of us has such "the one"? The implication would seem to be that even just one person in the whole world marrying the "wrong" person (someone else's "the one") would quite inevitably cause a chain reaction that messes up everything.

You know the world is going down the flush. I know you're doing your part with the youth group. I know I must do mine. I can't wait to be a teacher again and eventually a pastor. Cause this world needs to know about The Christ. There's so much wrong feeding of the Word into the world. I know we can't really discuss these topics in here, but at least for me, I need to discuss them. I won't allow this sense of censorship potentially cause a person lose their salvation. But that's the mission that God has given me, along with other things. The muck is where the sinners are. Those are the ones we need to reach. I don't find your words to be naive. But that's another topic that can't be discused here. Where honesty has to stop.

Thank for sharing your personal experience. It made me understand you better. It's carved into my heart. I take personal experiences to heart. I've heard quite a lot of them. Life is important. People's struggles are important. We're the body of Christ. Can a finger ignore a toe and say it's not part of the same body? I can relate much to your experience. I'd share mine, but even if it's my testimony, I'm pretty sure that most people will see it with sour eyes. There's always a right place and a right time for things. But I do relate to the things you've said here. To be even bolder, it made me teary eyed. You'll find the one. And for the past; Christ can heal all that and make it into a blessing. I've witnessed and experienced than in my life.

The best way is to be honest to God. He's the only one who will truly understand your heart and your intentions. When we tried to hold onto things or people, we just end up hurting those people and hurting ourselves.

You don't need to apologize for the post. At least not to me.

My apologies for going point by point. I try to be as organized as I can be when conversing.

You're welcome, I'm glad you were able to get something out of the story . I know there's plenty who won't agree or connect with it, but that's ok. It's probably even a good thing, because we are not all called to the same things in life. But I always find testimonies interesting. It's neat how He interacts with all of us differently, because He knows how different He made us to be .

I've never really found I couldn't be honest here on the forums . Of course, I don't share just ANYTHING, but in general I can present a viewpoint with humility and people will be respectful of it. Maybe not in the Bible Discussion forum, but here in Singles people are pretty friendly and open-minded. And nobody's viewpoints are 100% correct, so this is a good place to get my iron sharpened, too. But you're right that God is the only one who will truly understand my heart and my intentions. So I take comfort in knowing that He will always be the right Man for me, whether I find a human "one" or not.

I see. If you want to talk about anything else (or more about this), I'm here. If not, I understand. Thank you always for your words and inputs. God bless you!