A problematic Christian

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D

Dromedar

New member
#1
Apr 7, 2024
8
3
3
#1
Since my childhood I was forced into religion. It took me many years and many bad experiences to come over this and to find a way back. I believe with all my heart and soul. I will however never know if God really forgave me. I know that Jesus gave his life for all of us, but I am sick and fight hard to keep the good way. But it occurs on a regular basis that I fall back in bad habits (all three to six months or so - alcohol). I am the most peaceful person you can imagine - and I hurt only myself with what I do. On the other side I take 1. Jacob 1:18 literally and have a widow and two orphans on my charge. This is sometimes on the limit (now that I am retired). Instead of saying "I am saved" I rather ask myself if God will ever forgive me. All these verses condemning lies, alcohol etc, come to my mind. And I am pretty down, depressive. Due to all my years as a Jehovahs Witness I have become very strict with myself. I do not judge - I think they are (with exceptions) quite serious in their believe and honestly, you learn a lot about the Bible - but not in the context. I have left some 30 years ago and found only back to Jesus some years ago, when I was working abroad. My actual problem is as well, that I am completely isolated: I live in a foreign country, a small village without any chance to exchange with other Christians. I do not even have a car to make this possible. I do not even have access to medical treatment and if something happens, I have to find a way out by myself. Until now I always was strong enough to do this. So this is not a nice story and I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Sometimes it seems that I made my life so hard and never had a chance to build up a community of friends. Always working in different countries is not helpful - you can have colleagues, buddies but not real friends - except the family i take care of - but even this is by distance over three countries and two continents. I feel pretty alone. The only good moments are, when I walk (long distances) and pray. Then sometimes I feel better. Any idea how to change the situation? I believe with all my heart and I hope that Jesus sees my struggle. I wish sometimes someone would take me in the arm - and I could cry. A sad situation here. Pray for me if you want and can. I feel like the "tax collector" who does not want to raise his eyes and says "oh, lord how can you forgive me". And I wondered very often what he actually did after this prayer. Continue to collect taxes - but not cheating? Or did he give up his job and went to work on a field? All this has led now to deep depressions and sometimes ideas, not to want to live any longer. But even that - nobody to talk to. I have to do it all by myself. May God help me in my distress and have mercy.
 
GRACE_ambassador

GRACE_ambassador

Well-known member
#2
Feb 22, 2021
3,209
1,611
113
Midwest
#2
Dromedar said:
I believe with all my heart and soul. I will however never know if God really forgave me.
Click to expand...
Precious friend, when you believed In Christ, His Death, Burial, and
Resurrection, He "Forgave you ALL your sin, According To His Word Of
Truth! Please Be Very Richly Encouraged And Comforted In:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!

I will pray for you.

Amen.
 
D

Dromedar

New member
#3
Apr 7, 2024
8
3
3
#3
In my need, I often write music. This one was to praise of Jesus and for all persons with depression.
 
BillyBob

BillyBob

Active member
#4
Dec 20, 2023
404
173
43
Texas
#4
Dromedar said:
Since my childhood I was forced into religion. It took me many years and many bad experiences to come over this and to find a way back. I believe with all my heart and soul. I will however never know if God really forgave me. I know that Jesus gave his life for all of us, but I am sick and fight hard to keep the good way. But it occurs on a regular basis that I fall back in bad habits (all three to six months or so - alcohol). I am the most peaceful person you can imagine - and I hurt only myself with what I do. On the other side I take 1. Jacob 1:18 literally and have a widow and two orphans on my charge. This is sometimes on the limit (now that I am retired). Instead of saying "I am saved" I rather ask myself if God will ever forgive me. All these verses condemning lies, alcohol etc, come to my mind. And I am pretty down, depressive. Due to all my years as a Jehovahs Witness I have become very strict with myself. I do not judge - I think they are (with exceptions) quite serious in their believe and honestly, you learn a lot about the Bible - but not in the context. I have left some 30 years ago and found only back to Jesus some years ago, when I was working abroad. My actual problem is as well, that I am completely isolated: I live in a foreign country, a small village without any chance to exchange with other Christians. I do not even have a car to make this possible. I do not even have access to medical treatment and if something happens, I have to find a way out by myself. Until now I always was strong enough to do this. So this is not a nice story and I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Sometimes it seems that I made my life so hard and never had a chance to build up a community of friends. Always working in different countries is not helpful - you can have colleagues, buddies but not real friends - except the family i take care of - but even this is by distance over three countries and two continents. I feel pretty alone. The only good moments are, when I walk (long distances) and pray. Then sometimes I feel better. Any idea how to change the situation? I believe with all my heart and I hope that Jesus sees my struggle. I wish sometimes someone would take me in the arm - and I could cry. A sad situation here. Pray for me if you want and can. I feel like the "tax collector" who does not want to raise his eyes and says "oh, lord how can you forgive me". And I wondered very often what he actually did after this prayer. Continue to collect taxes - but not cheating? Or did he give up his job and went to work on a field? All this has led now to deep depressions and sometimes ideas, not to want to live any longer. But even that - nobody to talk to. I have to do it all by myself. May God help me in my distress and have mercy.
Click to expand...
The Axe Head Recovered
2 Kings 6:5

5 But as one was felling a log, his axe head fell into the water, and he cried out, “Alas, my master! It was borrowed.” 6 Then the man of God said, “Where did it fall?” When he showed him the place, he cut off a stick and threw it in there and made the iron float. 7 And he said, “Take it up.” So he reached out his hand and took it.

In reading this story, I would think that the man who lost the axe head was desperate and without hope. He had borrowed the axe, and did not have the means to replace the borrowed item that he had lost. But what did he do! He cried out to his master for help – and his cry did not go unheard. Elisha, the prophet of God, worked a miracle to help this man.
Your cry will not go unheard as well. Please know well that there is no sin that is so terrible, that cannot be forgiven if the axe head floats.
Cry out to your master and believe that He hears your plea! My prayers are with you..............
 
G

Gideon300

Well-known member
#6
Mar 18, 2021
5,300
3,129
113
#6
Dromedar said:
Since my childhood I was forced into religion. It took me many years and many bad experiences to come over this and to find a way back. I believe with all my heart and soul. I will however never know if God really forgave me. I know that Jesus gave his life for all of us, but I am sick and fight hard to keep the good way. But it occurs on a regular basis that I fall back in bad habits (all three to six months or so - alcohol). I am the most peaceful person you can imagine - and I hurt only myself with what I do. On the other side I take 1. Jacob 1:18 literally and have a widow and two orphans on my charge. This is sometimes on the limit (now that I am retired). Instead of saying "I am saved" I rather ask myself if God will ever forgive me. All these verses condemning lies, alcohol etc, come to my mind. And I am pretty down, depressive. Due to all my years as a Jehovahs Witness I have become very strict with myself. I do not judge - I think they are (with exceptions) quite serious in their believe and honestly, you learn a lot about the Bible - but not in the context. I have left some 30 years ago and found only back to Jesus some years ago, when I was working abroad. My actual problem is as well, that I am completely isolated: I live in a foreign country, a small village without any chance to exchange with other Christians. I do not even have a car to make this possible. I do not even have access to medical treatment and if something happens, I have to find a way out by myself. Until now I always was strong enough to do this. So this is not a nice story and I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Sometimes it seems that I made my life so hard and never had a chance to build up a community of friends. Always working in different countries is not helpful - you can have colleagues, buddies but not real friends - except the family i take care of - but even this is by distance over three countries and two continents. I feel pretty alone. The only good moments are, when I walk (long distances) and pray. Then sometimes I feel better. Any idea how to change the situation? I believe with all my heart and I hope that Jesus sees my struggle. I wish sometimes someone would take me in the arm - and I could cry. A sad situation here. Pray for me if you want and can. I feel like the "tax collector" who does not want to raise his eyes and says "oh, lord how can you forgive me". And I wondered very often what he actually did after this prayer. Continue to collect taxes - but not cheating? Or did he give up his job and went to work on a field? All this has led now to deep depressions and sometimes ideas, not to want to live any longer. But even that - nobody to talk to. I have to do it all by myself. May God help me in my distress and have mercy.
Click to expand...
I've been through this kind of experience myself. It's no fun. The answer is to quit looking at yourself and, instead, look to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Satan is the accuser of the brethren. We need to know that when God forgives, He forgets. Do you think that Peter, who denied Christ 3 times, was immune to Satan's attacks? Not at all, but Peter learned the grace and mercy of God and the power of the blood of Jesus to remove sin. Paul saw himself as "chief of sinners", but he also knew the forgiveness, mercy and grace of God.

You also need to know what Jesus did for you on the cross. He not only died for your sins, but for you, the sinner of those sins. Who takes a dead person to court? Who puts them in prison, no matter how terrible their sin may be? When Jesus died, so did you. No doubt you do not feel dead. You do not behave as if you were dead. So what are you going to believe, your feelings or God's word?

The final step in my freedom was when I realised that there was nothing I could do to either add to, or take away from, the great salvation that Jesus bought for me at Calvary. When Jesus died, so did I. When He rose again, I rose with Him. This is fact, reality, unchangeable and eternal. I was always looking for a breakthrough. The breakthrough came when I realised that I did not need a breakthrough. The salvation that Jesus bought for us is so good that even we can't mess it up.

This does not mean that I am suddenly perfect. I still fail and sin from time to time. But I do not care. I will not permit a temporary lapse to get me down. Jesus is changing me, day by day, and He will perfect that which concerns me. What He has done for me, He will do for you. Start thanking Jesus for the wonderful salvation that is yours in Him already. Quit worrying about yourself. Sure, confess your sin. That's all God requires of us. Ask Jesus to caused you to be the person that He wants you to be. Let Him have complete control and just live.

You do need to spend time in prayer and study of God's word. If you have doubts still, let God's word assure you. Read the first two chapters of Ephesians and write down who God says that you are. That's the truth, not your opinions or feelings about yourself.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#7
Oct 23, 2018
13,073
10,638
113
#7
Hi Dromedar, nice to meet you and welcome to CC fellowship! You've already received some great advice here so all I will add is check out FB or YT and others for zoom Christian group studies. They also connect you to fellow believers, some that may be isolated as well. God bless, guide & keep you in His love🙏🎈
 
Seeker47

Seeker47

Well-known member
#10
Aug 7, 2018
1,114
958
113
#10
Take heart friend, you are exactly where God wants you to be, and more; you are doing what He wants you to do.

Your letter took my mind on a journey, first to a dusty road when Jesus asked, “Why do you kick against the goads?” and then to King David’s realization that God was present no matter where he went.
There are others like you, those who fight and struggle to keep God’s word yet fall again and again. Those who continue to battle an enemy stronger than they while failing to grasp the depth of God’s love. Every time you wake up laying in the sawdust and blood, you struggle to your feet. Bruised and battered, you take those faltering steps trying to move back to the one you love. You fail to fully grasp His love. It may be your seventh or seventieth attempt to return but He values each new struggle more than the first. The world is stronger than you, He allows that. But you fight back again and again. Each time he cheers for you with tears in His eyes and outstretched arms. Believe His promise that He will give you one more victory than loss.

You don’t know why you are there, but that’s God’s will for you right now. He may not give you the “why” until the very end, He asks you to step out in faith from where He has placed you. What He wants is probably not what you imagine. It may be saving a soul or feeding a brother, or it may be kicking a stone off a deserted path in a thoughtless act for you, but an important accomplishment for Him.
You are never alone, remember King David. Family and friends will come and go, in the end we will all stand naked, but not alone. Quit kicking and trust.

May none of these words appear harsh or condescending, not my intent; language skills are not a talent. I want, can and will pray for you.
 
E

Evangelique

New member
#11
Apr 13, 2024
5
3
3
#11
Beloved brother in Christ, please watch this video.


You are dearly loved by God !!!

ALL your sins are forgiven !!!

God bless you💖
 
E

Edify

Well-known member
#12
Jan 27, 2021
1,559
654
113
#12
Evangelique said:
Beloved brother in Christ, please watch this video.


You are dearly loved by God !!!

ALL your sins are forgiven !!!

God bless you💖
Click to expand...
I'm sorry to inform you that Joseph Prince teaches what's known as hypergrace & CC staff believe it to be as wrong as legalism. As far as I can tell we're not supposed to prmote it in any way. I don't believe you did this knowingly, I just felt you might need a heads-up, that's all.:)

https://christianchat.com/bible-dis...e-and-preachers-of-the-doctrine-on-cc.143507/
 
E

Evangelique

New member
#13
Apr 13, 2024
5
3
3
#13
Edify said:
I'm sorry to inform you that Joseph Prince teaches what's known as hypergrace & CC staff believe it to be as wrong as legalism. As far as I can tell we're not supposed to prmote it in any way. I don't believe you did this knowingly, I just felt you might need a heads-up, that's all.:)

https://christianchat.com/bible-dis...e-and-preachers-of-the-doctrine-on-cc.143507/
Click to expand...
I see the love and grace of God in his teachings. Sorry if you don't.
Everyone has their own favorite pastor/teacher.
As long as we love Christ and follow Him, we are saved.
That's what matters.
 
Rosemaryx

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
#14
May 3, 2017
3,756
4,119
113
63
#14
Dromedar said:
Since my childhood I was forced into religion. It took me many years and many bad experiences to come over this and to find a way back. I believe with all my heart and soul. I will however never know if God really forgave me. I know that Jesus gave his life for all of us, but I am sick and fight hard to keep the good way. But it occurs on a regular basis that I fall back in bad habits (all three to six months or so - alcohol). I am the most peaceful person you can imagine - and I hurt only myself with what I do. On the other side I take 1. Jacob 1:18 literally and have a widow and two orphans on my charge. This is sometimes on the limit (now that I am retired). Instead of saying "I am saved" I rather ask myself if God will ever forgive me. All these verses condemning lies, alcohol etc, come to my mind. And I am pretty down, depressive. Due to all my years as a Jehovahs Witness I have become very strict with myself. I do not judge - I think they are (with exceptions) quite serious in their believe and honestly, you learn a lot about the Bible - but not in the context. I have left some 30 years ago and found only back to Jesus some years ago, when I was working abroad. My actual problem is as well, that I am completely isolated: I live in a foreign country, a small village without any chance to exchange with other Christians. I do not even have a car to make this possible. I do not even have access to medical treatment and if something happens, I have to find a way out by myself. Until now I always was strong enough to do this. So this is not a nice story and I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Sometimes it seems that I made my life so hard and never had a chance to build up a community of friends. Always working in different countries is not helpful - you can have colleagues, buddies but not real friends - except the family i take care of - but even this is by distance over three countries and two continents. I feel pretty alone. The only good moments are, when I walk (long distances) and pray. Then sometimes I feel better. Any idea how to change the situation? I believe with all my heart and I hope that Jesus sees my struggle. I wish sometimes someone would take me in the arm - and I could cry. A sad situation here. Pray for me if you want and can. I feel like the "tax collector" who does not want to raise his eyes and says "oh, lord how can you forgive me". And I wondered very often what he actually did after this prayer. Continue to collect taxes - but not cheating? Or did he give up his job and went to work on a field? All this has led now to deep depressions and sometimes ideas, not to want to live any longer. But even that - nobody to talk to. I have to do it all by myself. May God help me in my distress and have mercy.
Click to expand...

Matthew 5:3

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
 
K

kookydaisy

New member
#15
Mar 4, 2024
25
15
3
#15
Dromedar said:
Since my childhood I was forced into religion. It took me many years and many bad experiences to come over this and to find a way back. I believe with all my heart and soul. I will however never know if God really forgave me. I know that Jesus gave his life for all of us, but I am sick and fight hard to keep the good way. But it occurs on a regular basis that I fall back in bad habits (all three to six months or so - alcohol). I am the most peaceful person you can imagine - and I hurt only myself with what I do. On the other side I take 1. Jacob 1:18 literally and have a widow and two orphans on my charge. This is sometimes on the limit (now that I am retired). Instead of saying "I am saved" I rather ask myself if God will ever forgive me. All these verses condemning lies, alcohol etc, come to my mind. And I am pretty down, depressive. Due to all my years as a Jehovahs Witness I have become very strict with myself. I do not judge - I think they are (with exceptions) quite serious in their believe and honestly, you learn a lot about the Bible - but not in the context. I have left some 30 years ago and found only back to Jesus some years ago, when I was working abroad. My actual problem is as well, that I am completely isolated: I live in a foreign country, a small village without any chance to exchange with other Christians. I do not even have a car to make this possible. I do not even have access to medical treatment and if something happens, I have to find a way out by myself. Until now I always was strong enough to do this. So this is not a nice story and I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Sometimes it seems that I made my life so hard and never had a chance to build up a community of friends. Always working in different countries is not helpful - you can have colleagues, buddies but not real friends - except the family i take care of - but even this is by distance over three countries and two continents. I feel pretty alone. The only good moments are, when I walk (long distances) and pray. Then sometimes I feel better. Any idea how to change the situation? I believe with all my heart and I hope that Jesus sees my struggle. I wish sometimes someone would take me in the arm - and I could cry. A sad situation here. Pray for me if you want and can. I feel like the "tax collector" who does not want to raise his eyes and says "oh, lord how can you forgive me". And I wondered very often what he actually did after this prayer. Continue to collect taxes - but not cheating? Or did he give up his job and went to work on a field? All this has led now to deep depressions and sometimes ideas, not to want to live any longer. But even that - nobody to talk to. I have to do it all by myself. May God help me in my distress and have mercy.
Click to expand...
You need to know that God has forgiven all your sins past, present and future if you have asked Jesus to live in your heart. He also forgets "from the east to the west" our sins. It is up to us to accept God's forgiveness and let it go. I have been a Christian for a long time and I'm still reminded daily by Satan's demons of my wrongdoings. I, too am an alcoholic but I haven't had a drink for almost 11 years. God knows the sincerity of our hearts . I hope this helps a little bit and I will pray for you.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#16
Jul 3, 2015
59,938
29,304
113
#16
kookydaisy said:
You need to know that God has forgiven all your sins past, present and future if you have asked Jesus to live in your heart. He also forgets "from the east to the west" our sins. It is up to us to accept God's forgiveness and let it go. I have been a Christian for a long time and I'm still reminded daily by Satan's demons of my wrongdoings. I, too am an alcoholic but I haven't had a drink for almost 11 years. God knows the sincerity of our hearts . I hope this helps a little bit and I will pray for you.
Click to expand...

Psalm 103:12
:)
 
Marcipa

Marcipa

Member
#18
Apr 13, 2024
51
24
8
58
Kansas
#18
Evangelique said:
I see the love and grace of God in his teachings. Sorry if you don't.
Everyone has their own favorite pastor/teacher.
As long as we love Christ and follow Him, we are saved.
That's what matters.
Click to expand...
That's what I was taught too.
 
E

Edify

Well-known member
#19
Jan 27, 2021
1,559
654
113
#19
Evangelique said:
I see the love and grace of God in his teachings. Sorry if you don't.
Everyone has their own favorite pastor/teacher.
As long as we love Christ and follow Him, we are saved.
That's what matters.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't speak such a thing unless I absolutely knew it to be true, Nor would I throw it out there as a judgment call.
It was for your safety to remain on CC & especially for your spiritual safety as a christian.:)
 
Marcipa

Marcipa

Member
#20
Apr 13, 2024
51
24
8
58
Kansas
#20
I don't believe the statement she made was about hyper-grace. It was simply a statement of belief in a teaching in the Bible. That is all. That is what I was taught that once you were saved you were forgiven. You still have to repent and stay clear of the sin you asked forgiveness for.
 
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