can you guys post something funny please?

You have some competition @Moses_Young

(while I was at the store last night)

An older woman was walking around talking/video on her phone with her young grandchild.

She asked "Did you enjoy seeing the eclipse?"

The grandchild was annoyed and replied "NO! It was dark and I couldn't see anything!"

Pretty sure I've survived more than 5...

When I played for the Toledo Mud Hens, I knew what time there would be complete darkness. It was my time to bat. So, I took my time getting in there. Just as it got dark I hit a line drive to right field. As, I passed each base I slapped someone. The umpires, stood at each base to make sure I touched it. It was a grand slam. The other team protested. The Umpirees said, you should have called for a time out. lol

during that time I used CVS reciepts to wipe.

A politician had an accident and died. His soul reached Heaven and he found the apostle Paul at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven! Before you can come in, there is a little problem. We rarely see politicians here, so we do not know what to do with you." "I see, no problem just let me enter." said the politician. "I would like to let you in but I have higher orders as you may know. We will do the following, you pass one day in hell and one day in Heaven. Then you may choose where to spend eternity." "It is not necessary, I have already decided. I want to stay in Heaven." said the politician. "Sorry, but we have our rules." So, apostle Paul took him to the elevator and down to hell they went. The door opened up and he saw himself in the middle of a beautiful golf course with all his friends and other politicians with whom he had worked with. He was greeted, embraced and then they started talking about the good times getting rich off the expense of the people. They played golf, relaxed and then ate lobster and caviar. The devil was also present, a very friendly guy who spent all the time dancing around and telling jokes. The politician was having so much fun he didn't realize it was time to go. After a lot of redundant hugs and words of farewell he entered the elevator. When the door opened up again, the apostle Paul was waiting for him. “Now it's time to visit Heaven,” he said. The politician spent 24 hours in heaven among a group of happy folks who were telling stories, singing songs, eating good food and enjoying their time with friends and family. All went very well and before he realized the day had came to an end and apostle Paul returned. "Now what? You've spent one day in hell and one day in Heaven. Now choose your eternal home." The politician thought for a minute and answered, "Look, I never thought to make this decision, Heaven is very nice and everything but I think I'll be much happier in hell." Then apostle Paul took him back to the elevator and sent him down to hell. The door opened up and he was cast into outer darkness. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth. He was in punishment, everlasting destruction and alienated from God for all eternity. The devil put his arm around the politician's shoulder. "I do not understand?" Mumbled the politician. "Yesterday I was here and it had a beautiful golf course, a club, lobster, caviar and we danced and had fun all the time. Now all I hear is weeping and wailing, and everything smells like death, and my friends are totally tearing me down!" The devil looked at him, smiled and said, "Yesterday we were in campaign season before the election. Now, that we have your vote, this is your reality

start at #5,280