I have a question

Hello. I have a question, but I dont know who to ask, so I am asking you. God asks of us to be obedient to our parents, and to be submissive. But what if your father is an abuser, and you really suffer by his side.. should you leave and never return, or should you accept the way he treats you and be obedient to God? ( respect and obey your parents)
I am a pharmasist assistant and daily I deal with children in such situations, and I want to help them according to what God asks of us, but in this case, I dont know what to say or how to help. Please help me with an answer and if you can, explain on what you base your answer. Thank you in advance. God bless you.

Depending on the type of abuse, the authorities may need to get involved. I think the child can always call the police on the parents if he is physically or sexually abused. A family member can take care of the child, or foster parent. If it is nonviolent abuse, the child should try to avoid the parent as much as possible and then leave for college at 18. At that point, the child doesn't need to obey. The child can still honor parents by forgiving and being open to reconciliaton.

That sad, most kids will not call the police on their parents. They still love and want the love and approval of bad parents.

Being obedient is within the confines of the Word.

Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, “provoke not” your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

You are still under their rule of law in their house... so you do have to obey the guidelines as long as they are "within reason". ....But, you also need to do what is necessary to keep yourself safe and free from torment.

That is very sad to read but unfortunately it happens so much. All abuse should be reported doesn't matter how small.
Jesus does say children should respect your father and mother but he always says parents treat your children right.
Maybe sit the child down with another adult present, try to make it a safe place for them to speak and write down what they are saying. If you know what school they go to you can report it to the school and they should investigate it. It's great that children are opening up to you 🥰

1. Did you ask God to deal with your father? When the Israelites were "abused" by the evil Pharaoh, they cried out to God, and He dealt with it. They were eventually released from Egypt.

2. God does not expect you to put up with abuse, but by the same token He allowed Joseph to be sold to strangers, and then allowed him to be in prison for some time. He allowed the apostle Paul to be abused all the time, but that was for the sake of the Gospel.

3. So did you try and get someone else involved with this situation? Someone who could reason with your dad? If you are a member of a local church you could have asked the pastors/elders to speak to you father.

4. As to giving advice to others, unless you know the full circumstances, it is best to avoid doing so. But you can ask them to seek help from those who could help them.

You do have to be obedient, however you don't have to be abused. it is ok to go to the authorities if you have to. The Bible gives no one the right to abuse.

You do have to be obedient, however you don't have to be abused. it is ok to go to the authorities if you have to. The Bible gives no one the right to abuse.

If you are being abused, you do NOT have to obey the person abusing you if they are telling you to do unGodly things. Peter and the apostles told the governor, "I would obey God rather than man".

No do not do whatever is necessary, you are saying they cannot leave so take matters into your own hand: What if the child ends up killing the parent? Talk to someone, a teacher, a school counselor, a youth pastor or leader, Sunday school teacher. I lived with a mother that always let me know I was not good enough; Why can't you be like Bruce, or Dr. Green's kids. Words hurt and stick with you for a long time. Physical, mantel, sexual abuse, no child should have to live with that. If you know about it and you know the child is in danger and you do not report it, you are no better than the abuser because you allow it to cincture. If you do not want to call the police call the school. Do something before you read that child shot, attacked the parent or worse yet took their own life.

I think you have emotionally read into my post ....
I was addressing the question of the OP ↓

OK

If you know someone is being abused and don't DO something about it, like calling the authorities, it's the same as consenting to the abuse; especially if a child is involved.

Whew, that’s a tough situation that may require some fasting and prayer for insight

The commandment that God gave Moses uses the word honor instead of obedience. When God used obey it almost always refers to obedience to God. Paul told us in to obey our parents "in the Lord" and once "in everything". Given all this I believe that is God's intent to honor our parents. It does not give us the responsibility of accepting abuse, nor does it give us permission to mete out abuse to our parents. I suggest that when we have a conflict with our parents that we place a temporary distance between us and our parents and bathe our relationship in prayer.

If the abuse is physical, the best way to honor our parents is to get the police to intervene before someone is permanently injured.

Deu 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

(Ephesians 6:1) "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right."

Good verse, And i agree with your advice..

If a person is being abused and they can leave that situation they should leave because in leaving they will bring that abuse to an end and if the Abuse is sin their leaving will be bringing an end to that sin..

It all depends on what you define as abuse. These days, any kind of spanking is considered abuse; however, the Lord says that sparing the rod spoils the child. In my generation when I was a child in the 50s/60s, everyone spanked their children when they were being outright defiant. My father spanked me with his belt and sent me to my room to "think about what I did". My mother never spanked me, so I knew I could get away with murder haha. He would always come around later and sit down and give me a hug. All of that is part of the bonding process between parent and child, which teaches the child respect and obedience. This bonding is also taught by Dr. James Dobson, a Christian Psychiatrist in his book "The Strong-Willed Child". Today our culture, for the most part, looks at any kind of spanking as abuse, so we have a lot of spoiled adults now who never spank their children and the children are running the household with their threats to report their parents to CPS. It certainly can go overboard when the parent is angry, but then again, it is a fine line. Unless you see the physical results of a child being hit (different from spanking on rear), I would be careful about talking to the child or reporting their parents. I worked in a program with children for over 20 years and all teachers/leaders had to go through training on this. Never be alone with a child either. I've seen children make false claims about an adult that was not true when they were alone with them with no witnesses. So be careful. Hope this helps.

Not enough info.
At work I've heard people claim emotional abuse and verbal abuse because a worker kindly said, "I think this is probably 6 feet🙂", to comply with the 6' distance rule. Some people have no problem making decent people's lives a living nightmare because of frivolous matters, manipulation or vengeance.
I'm not saying that's what is going on with your situations, but I honestly have no idea from the OP.

On the other hand, there are states' foster programs that place children in much harm according to the media coverage by investigative reporters. While decent Christian couples take years trying to adopt, the gt system of some states seem to favor placing them immediately with reprobates, homosexual predators. Now you find this in public schools too.

I think Jesus was referring to true abuse when He said,

"And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 4Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. 6But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. "

I forgot where He said that, so I asked.
Then the Holy Spirit brought me to this chapter right away. This is from the Lord, so I would study it to see how it applies to the specific situations that you are concerned with.

May you make wise discernment and proper decisions that He can bless and perhaps use you as a vessel for His will.

If a child is being abused by their parent(s), they need to get away from the abuser. That being said, the abused child can still forgive the abuser - forgiving doesn't mean you have to stay with the abuser though. Staying out of abusive reach is for the child's safety and mental and emotional well-being.

Also encourage the abused to draw near to God for comfort and protection. God allows terrible things to happen to us, but always with the goal of drawing us to Him. He also uses our persecution to help other people out in the same dire situations if we allow Him to help us first.

Here's a really good article about how to deal with abusive parents:


Here is an excerpt I found especially supportive of the need to stay away from such abusive parents:

Don't be unequally yoked: Second Corinthians 6:14 basically means that we are not to have very close relationships with unbelievers. This applies even if our Christian parents act like unbelievers (Matthew 18:15-20). Our priority is always to God, and He does not want us unduly influenced by ungodly people.

Hope this helps!


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If this abuse is happening to you, you have implied that you are an adult with a job, then you need to break off with your parents. You still need to honour your parents, such as respecting them and helping them when they get sick, or need rides to the doctor's, or visitation if they are in the hospital. But if you get abused again while helping them, you have the right to pull back, and stay away from them. They've been treating you the same way for years, you are going to have to set very firm boundaries about seeing them.

If you are only talking about children you see and are aware they are being abused, and you don't call child protective services, then I believe in most places you can be arrested for not reporting information that you with hold, instead of informing police. Besides, how if you feel if that child went home, and they were beaten to death by a parent, and you could have stopped that death by calling the police about the situation a few hours earlier. Jesus wants us to protect the little children, the least of these.