Marriage

Hi, my name is Liam
I’ve been looking for a place to talk to like minded people and a place that I can talk about things in my life, even things I’m not proud of. Hopefully a place I can fellowship without harsh judgement and more grace

I have a particular area in my life I am struggling with. I’m be been saved since 2008 but have really struggled with very bad anxiety. There was a period where I had returned to sin and rebelled against God. I could always feel Him and knew he was with me but I still continued on sin.

I had moved to another country and with my job I found it difficult to maintain my relationship with God. when I returned home I had gotten into a relationship with a girl who wasn’t Christian, she grew up catholic but doesn’t practice. We eventually had a child who is 2 years old and another on the way. We still aren’t married and it hurts me every time I think of the sin I’m in

I developed a bad case of a panic disorder when I lived abroad and it’s ruined me, I’m still seeking healing but I can’t find it. The biggest thing I struggle with is the thought of marriage, the speaking in front of people and the stress off the day.
I feel I don’t know what to do, the disorder is preventing me from marrying this woman. I just don’t know what to do.
I want to honour God but I have panic attacks in situations when I’m in front of people.

Does anyone have advice, please go easy on me. I rack up judgment and shame everyday

Hi Liam, I've been in your shoes. Had a close relationship with the Lord then wandered away. Thought I had the world by the tail then things started going south. Started having panic attacks and I really freaked out. Then I got on some medication, Remeron; it's classified as an antidepressant but it's also used for anxiety. It worked wonders for me; I stopped having panic attacks and was finally able to get a good night's sleep. But the real issue was my relationship with the Lord. I lived in constant fear I was going to die in a state of rebellion and end up in Hell. It wasn't until I came back to Him completely that I finally found peace.

I will pray that you find the courage to start following Him again with your whole heart and seek His will.

Take care of and provide for your family. Never depart from them. Look for a closer relationship with Christ through prayer and the study of His Word. Let His Word be your guide.

Are you needing to have a big wedding? Are people expecting that? My young nephew kind of got himself in a similar situation when he got his gf pregnant. There was too much drama with family where he was and he's rather shy and struggles with anxiety. So they came and asked me about it and I talked to my pastor and he agreed to marry them. So this past Thanksgiving at about 10 o clock in the evening we had a very simple wedding ceremony with his grandparents (my parents) myself and the pastor. My father sang a song as she walked the aisle with my mother who gave her away. Very simple, emotional and sweet ceremony. Their parents are still upset about it, but my nephew told me they wanted to do what was right. When the baby came, my nephew went in as a husband to the hospital. I really could care less what their parents think. And on top of that it cost them nothing. I loaned my niece in law my veil and bouquet my nephew a boutonnière. End of the story is this, they wanted to make things right before God and they did. I believe they did the right thing. Perhaps with your issues it might be the right path for you. Nothing says you have to have a huge expensive wedding with a church full of people. Just make things right before God and you will feel so much lighter.

The solution is straightforward.

The question is, “Are you willing to obey Jesus?”

John 14:21

“He that has my commandments and keeps them, he it is that loves me: and he that loves me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.”

Liam,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Both you and your wife have put yourselves in a difficult situation. It seems to me that your last expressed thought, “Does anyone have advice, please go easy on me. I rack up judgment and shame everyday.” , says a lot.

I can only suggest that both you and your wife sit down and discuss getting back into a good church to surround yourselves with Christians and hear the word of God. It is important that this is done for both of you. Being equally yoked makes a big difference.

Now as for your last statement! It is clear that it shows a great sadness and doubt in your mind concerning your relationship with God. But, remember that there is nothing that cannot be forgiven by God, “IF THE AXE HEAD FLOATS”.

Those words helped me in the past and I hope they comfort you as well!

I forgot to add that I refer to you as a married couple. Please make it official, even if it is at a courthouse with no other people present!

I have suffered bad anxiety in the past, and it still pops its head up sometimes. So I know that feeling well.
Sometimes anxiety has a core issue, often one we hide ourselves from. And sometimes it's just the pressure of life becomes overwhelming or we place an excessive amount of weight on things.
Also some people's makeup causes them to be more prone to anxiety or or may even be learned from a parent.
Finding which of these applies to you would be a good start.
And anxiety sometimes hits us in the middle of an obviously stressful event, while other times it seems to hit us randomly. I had a friend whose first anxiety attack hit them while driving down the road, no extra stress at that particular moment. But plenty in their life in general.
Trying to figure out which moment it first happened may help make it clear what may be the cause. And that will make it easier to attempt to work through.

Also familiarizing yourself with the Exact symptoms you contend with is a good way to help. Perhaps even write them down, clearly expressed. That way, when anxiety happens, you can have a list that's easy to reference that shows that you're actually experiencing anxiety, and not something worse. This helps since sometimes anxiety symptoms make you fearful something else is wrong and it can be difficult to differentiate. I had that problem a lot.

Another thing that helps is learning more specifically what anxiety is, causes, and symptoms. Sometimes we may have symptoms we aren't aware of. One thing that has helped me is knowledge about what i was suffering from.
With anxiety it can be tricky as even reading about anxiety can sometimes trigger it. When i see someone on this site post about anxiety i have to check myself first, before i decide if I'm able to read it comfortably, or not. And i don't even suffer from it strongly anymore.

If you feel your concerns about God and your lifestyle are the cause, I'd consider looking more into the bible on the subject. I don't believe God's conviction should lead to crippling anxiety. That speaks more to how you're handling that conviction.
But you may also consider that marriage to this woman may not be God's answer. Or at least not in the way you're going about it. In essence what you're saying is 'I'm going to continue sinning, but i want to marry so it's no longer a sin'. That's not a repentant attitude. That's trying to find a loophole as an excuse not to change. That is not honoring God, nor making things right in God's eyes, because the root motive is not "how can "I" change for God", but rather "what can i do to not feel guilty?".
So perhaps rather than trying to rush a marriage it's time to look at the lifestyle you're living, reconsider where you're hearts at and change the things in your life and self that are most important, not just put a band aid over them.

It's also worth considering that marriage to this woman may not be what God wants. I'm not God, i don't know, perhaps it is what He expects of you now, once your heart is right. But even if this woman decides to become spiritual again her most likely place to go would be back into the cult of Catholicism, which isn't really any better than her current situation.
Whether you stay with her or not you still have kids and will always have a requirement to be around for them, both on a personal level, as well as financial. That is one choice that doesn't really have any question as to what's right.

For the anxiety, I'd encourage you to seek some sort of professional help, if able. Anxiety is very difficult to overcome on your own, and requires work on your part to do so. There's no waiting for it to go away. Talk to your GP about it first, he may give you a referral, or perhaps some medications. Depending on the situation I sometimes think GP's handing out meds for it isn't the best choice.
Keep in mind anxiety meds are not a solution, especially for long term sufferers. They should ideally be used in conjunction with counseling or therapy, to dull the symptoms, making it easier to root out the cause, as well as live day to day, and fix and heal the reason for it all. Then once that's done, weening off the meds.
Since it seems religious reasons are part, or all, of the reason for the anxiety (or seems to be) perhaps try finding a Christian counselor or therapist ahead of time, ensuring that your insurance is taken, then seeing if your GP will send them the referral. That would make things much easier than going to someone who could have any belief and trying to deal with matters they don't believe themselves.

Keep in mind, conviction is of a God, it motivates a person to change and grow. Guilt and shame are not from God as they tend halt action, as showcased in your own life. Learning to stop feeling guilt and shame and instead letting yourself hear the conviction of God will take you much further. And i also know this firsthand as I, too, can struggle with guilt and shame, and it stunts my ability to grow or get past things.