The Banned Game

President Lanolin had some thinking to do. Thor was being so nice that she felt obligated to give him something from Lanolinland after he had demonstrated all that Norwegia had to offer.

What does Lanolinland have so much of that we wouldnt miss but Norwegia doesnt have. I am sure that, those pickled herrings he has given us are really just extra and near expiry that he wants to be rid of.

hmm
Could they use sheep manure? Or maybe agapanthus flowers. Unicorns?

Thor was excited about the gift from the president. It had to be enormous judging from the truck hauling it. It pulled up in front of his mansion. Two men wearing John Deere outfits and caps stepped out. “Erre du som ska ha aill denna møkka (this your manure)?” One of them asked. “Møkka (manure)?” Thor said surprised. “Ja, hoinn derran presidentn sa det va te dæ (Yes, the president said it was for you)!” The second one said.

Thor wondered how he could have insulted the president when he saw the manure flooding his lawn.

That's it. I ban Jennymae for not staying within the purpose of this thread!

Shame on you Jennymae. Shame.

That’s biased towards me because none of us are staying within the purpose of this thread. I see no other option than to not only ban you, but also triple ban you.

I support you in this triple ban, Jennymae. Gojira is quite literally a monster. If you have it in you, I would ask that you not only triple ban him, but quadruple and quintuple ban him, for the egregious attitude he has taken to your literary masterpiece, expertly crafted in-between the fake news that seems to gurgle ever outward from the Lanolinland Fakenews Press/Sewer.

I can ban whomever I want! I wanna ban YOU!

HMPF!

President Lanolin had badly misjudged the pickled herrings. They were a ROMANTIC gesture, not a trade deal. The frozen pizza was also a secret signal, that Thor was really very interested, and his supersonic nanowave oven was not a comment on her cooking skills but was a way to speed up their potential relationship, since it was too slow on just microwaves before.
The bookshelves and the balsa wood rafts ...he didnt just make them for anyone.

?! this was all very confusing. She found this all out when King Mittens opened a jar of pickled herrings and inside underneath the lid was engraved

TG ❤️PL 4EVA

President Lanolin had never really mixed business with pleasure before. Oh no what do I do. I thought he was just bribing me and I had to be on my guard or he'll try to take over Lanolinland, she confessed to Mrs Olive, who was her agony aunty. But it seems he sees me as something more than an ally.

Dear Miss Lanolin, said Mrs Olive. Long distance relationships are a lot of work, but thanks to refrigerated shipping the internet and trade currents they are a lot more feasible than they were in the past. Besides if Thor comes over and gets acclimatised to Lanolinland, he'll soon learn its not that easy bringing his thunderclouds. He's no match for the fury of our volcanoes and earthquakes should he ever dare lay a hand on you.

Kevin was wary of Thor
He had heard that Thor barely concealed his temper, had left a trail of destruction on his previous 'allies' and that maybe President Lanolin had been taken for a ride. She only ever saw the fluffy white cloud side of him.

When he did some internet sleuthing, he found out among other things, Thor was short for Thorazine.

But said Miss Greenlips Hine, Miss Lanolin is surely taken with him . She has never spent to so much time away from Lanolinland before. I have barely had anything to do! At first it was great but then... well we are the only country that has a cat for a King and Im afraid this was just a convenient way for her to abandon her presidential duties.

What about King Simba of Bongoland offered Kevin. The Lion King.

Bongoland was a vassal state of Shittimstan. Nobody had ever heard of it before and maybe it was just as well.

I think we better seriously check on those pickled herrings. If King Mittens chokes on them, it could be all over, said Miss Greenlips Hine. Besides if he gets too used to them, he will start turning up his nose our own greenlip mussels.

Ms Jenny was staring out of the window at nothing in particular. The propaganda box was constantly running and now it was on the fifth rerun of the Antarctica is melting down show. It was a show produced by some guy insisting that he was some sort of god, but he was always carrying a hammer, so maybe he was a carpenter. He didn’t carry any resemblance to how Jesus was described in scripture, so it had to be somebody else. He had his name on his belt, just like the redneck girls in an ancient country song. Thor, she had heard that name before. Was not he Ms President’s beau? Or, she didn’t really know her ratings after the manure scandal. The propaganda press had been backtracking and tried to sell the scandal as a fertilizer program, but Ms Jenny knew the truth.

She took a quick glance at the tv screen. The meltdown was now completed and the Antarctica was polar desert. The goal was to make the people believe that the Mosestarians were in control of nothing. Which was just about right.

There was darker clouds on the horizon. The political abyss of North-Gojira was inching closer to the civilized world and there was no stopping the gigantic reptiles from reaching the mainland. A multiple ban had been issued, but to no avail. Bans didn’t bite. Reptiles did.

And, we're a lot of fun at parties!

Kate's the Great's takeover was nearly complete.
Antarktikka's denuded shores was going to be the new Mustique, a southern resort where the second in line to the throne could bide his time and conveniently homeschool their three children since he no longer trusted Eton and St Andrews University as appropriate plague-free educational institutions for the next generation's new Southern Kingdom. Now everything was online, it was easy to access all of known history thanks to tireless work of librarians digitising the entire contents of library books going back to the first folios of Shakespeare.

Kate took to her role as first teacher seriously, all that university study had not gone to waste. She fashioned a cap and gown for herself and assigned her children lots of homework. They groaned, but they had no choice
Husband Wills decided he would be a teacher too, of geography and made sure that his 3 pupils knew their place in the world.

Lousiana, Charlottetown and Georgia were already claimed by the children and they just happened to be under the umbrella of Dixieland, but that would soon change. They just had to slay the beast that was currently in charge and then it would all be theirs.

“What’s all this here ado about somebody claiming ownership of ole Dixie?” The man with the well groomed beard stared at the memo from Lanolinland. “Ah donnow, but word is out dat it’s gidn to become a monarchy”, Mr Double-Bubba said slowly, breaking every vowel in the English alphabet while he was at it. The well groomed man found Mr Double-Bubba highly annoying. Could it really be necessary to multiply every syllable he came across? Inefficient was just the correct word to describe him. He turned his attention to Ms Jenny. “We have to stop this. Next thing we know is that the no good son of the mayor will inherit the position held by his father”.

Ms Jenny was busy painting her nails so she didn’t really pay attention to what he said. “Wouldn’t it be nice if royalty decided to settle down here?” she wondered. “All that drama and those two ladies who hate each other?” Ms Jenny couldn’t think of anything better than that. Maybe even the Lanolinland press would start writing about her as well? She could vividly imagine herself on the front page. “Drop Dead Redneck Beauty - Royal Dames Furious”. They would be so envious of her.

“I think we should give them a fair chance”, she smiled softly, “what do you think, Mr Double-Bubba?” He tipped his John Deere caps to her. “Ah thank ah Imma gonna git me a days a-learnin’ the Queens English and ask wanna dem Royal gals for a date!”

Thor whatsapped Miss Lanolin everyday.
Whats app? He would write, in what he hoped was intelligible messaging. The he added some emojis for good measure.

The messages would reach Miss Lanolin at 3am in the morning waking her up, or he would want to talk sweet talk at 10pm just as she was going to bed, the he would send selfies of himself which she couldnt make out as it was all white snow in the background and foggy up close.

What had she done wrong to make him believe he now had phone access 24/7?
Mrs Olive said maybe she hadnt given him a firm enough handshake and shaken him off. The manure clearly hadnt worked. It just made him more enamoured.

Thor added a sickle to his hammer in his toolbox, and was now sowing lawns to mow outside his mansion. He sent photos of his estate on the whatsapp. Surely President Lanolin would be convinced to just give up on puny Lanolinland, leave her tiny country and all her subjects behind, and move in with him. Then together, they would make Norwegia great.

With great interest Ms Jenny was watching the drama between Ms President Lanolin and Thor playing out on the Spy-O-Rama channel. “Girl power!” she yelled at the screen like she was some football fan.

Obviously this Thor character was a male chauvinist expecting Ms President to give up on everything to move in with him. His pathological need for a hammer proved that. He would probably use it as a means to get what he wanted.

Ms Jenny sat down to write an email.

“Dear Ms President,

do not trust Norwegian men. They will spray you with compliments and gifts until you’re hooked on them. After that they will leave you to do the housework and raise the kids while they are somewhere else.

Whenever the kids are leaving the nest they will inform you that you are being replaced by a young, blond girl barely older than your kids.

Yours sincerely,

Ms Jenny”

Ms Jenny could just pray that the Thor character was ditched like the worm he appeared to be.

Is this a story from a comic book?

The “Nothing but Questions” thread is cattywampus from this here thread.😂😂😂

Cattywampus....I like that! Thanks for the directions🤣🤣

Thor wanted to come to Lanolinland to experience summer. He was desperately short of Vitamin D.

Miss Lanolin recieved an odd email from Ms Jenny, something about Thors housework and kids. Mrs Olive, she thinks Im going to be Thors nanny? And then hes going to hire a blonde au pair barely out of high school as well. Im not sure about the blonde part. Though it seems the common shade in Norwegia.

For his kids, Modi and Magni. He never introduced me to them.

Mrs Olive said do you really want to know what happened to Thors first wife.

Um if it involves beheading, no, not really.

Miss Goodbooks saw President Lanolin borrowing records that she had several Marvel Comic books months overdue. The mobile library had been gone a long time in fantasy land. It had done time in Gilead, Narnia, Middle Earth, Arendelle and Gotham City.

How was she ever going to get all those books back? And when was President Lanolin going to face up to reality and give up on reading fiction? It just confused things. She ought to be back in Lanolinland where she belonged, reading only non-fiction indigenous Lanolinland authors. And dusting off her reference Holy Bible.

The international loans scheme had got way of hand and now the library books were all over the world, and everything was all mixed up and not where it should be...it was now a floating collection. Miss Goodbooks sighed. This mobile library junket was not a good idea. Now President Lanolin had seen the world and it seemed like she was adrift.

Miss Goodbooks decided rather than imposing a hefty fine she would give her a grace period and an amnesty.