CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)

Karlon · Oct 22, 2023

Magenta said:

i used to enjoy listening to him before the story surfaced on him. he's very intelligent.

Cameron143 · Oct 22, 2023

Magenta said:

A sad occurrence and a stark reminder that what is done in the dark will be known in the light.

Eli1 · Oct 22, 2023

I appreciate the fact that this site doesn't have ads.
Thank you.

Magenta · Nov 2, 2023

Long-term opioid users suffer with crumbling bones, brain injuries and little hope of treatment

Hugh Lampkin says he abused drugs — everything from pot to PCP — for decades. He started at about age 12 in Toronto.

Now in his late 50s, he's an overdose survivor who has beaten back his demons. But his past has
taken a toll on his body, leaving his back bent at an impossible angle, and surgery out of reach.

Lampkin has lost count of the friends he's lost to overdoses and organ failure.

The opioid crisis has claimed more than 13,000 lives in his province since 2016. On Nov. 1, the B.C. Coroners
Service confirmed another 175 suspected deaths in September. That's 10 per cent less than died in Sept. 2022,
but still 5.8 drug deaths per day, with most deaths reported in Vancouver, Surrey and Greater Victoria.

Of the 225,000 British Columbians using unregulated substances, fewer
than 5,000 receive safe supply prescriptions, according to provincial data.

Opioid overdoses have claimed 38,514 lives in Canada in the past seven years, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada.
Many others survive, like Lampkin, but are left with injuries or chronic health issues that then hinder their rehabilitation.

Medical experts say those problems need more study and those people need more support. Today the B.C. Coroners
death review panel urged the government to expand safer supply access to save lives and prevent injuries.

According to data from the Canadian Institute of Health Information, some 5,807 overdoses
were recorded at Canadian hospitals (not including Quebec) between April 2022 and March 2023.

Of those, 327 suffered anoxic brain injury, meaning their brain was damaged due to a lack of oxygen. Anoxic
brain injury is just one of the ailments that can affect overdose survivors. Statistics on the others are scarce.

It's not clear if Lampkin has a brain injury. He says his memory isn't what it was, and his once-long stride
is now an agonizing shuffle along an East Hastings Street sidewalk in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside.

About a year and a half ago, a fall bent his spine almost 90 degrees.

"We were stacking some boxes one day and I fell off — and when I went to stand
back up I couldn't stand up straight and it's been there ever since," he said.

Scan the sidewalks that border the Downtown Eastside and it's common to see residents with contorted
spines, walkers and wheelchairs. Brian Conway, director of Vancouver's Infectious Disease Centre, says
there are 500 or more hospitalizations per day across Canada as a result of overdoses and many more
involving infections that can be introduced where an injection pierces the skin that can then spread to
the blood, heart, brain or bones.

Two men are seen on East Hastings Street in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside on July 25. It's common to
see area residents with contorted spines, walkers and wheelchairs. (Ben Nelms/CBC)© Provided by cbc.ca

"The health-care system, currently designed, is failing the inner city," said Conway.

"There are more people that need more help in a different way."

These include a need for more monitoring and research of drug harms, especially as people age.

"There are many consequences well beyond, unfortunately, dying," Conway said.

"If infection spreads to the bones, causing osteomyelitis" — a serious bacterial infection — "this will cause the bones
to collapse so that people will have collapsed spines; not be able to stand up straight, not be able to walk properly."

Organ damage, paralysis

Conway says opioid abuse can also lead to chronic health issues and damage to the heart, liver or pancreas.

Infections can spread through the bloodstream and cause abscesses and damage that can lead to
mobility issues or even stroke or paralysis. In severe cases the mechanisms and glandular systems
that help grow bone become damaged, and bones become decalcified, crack or even collapse.

Conway works at the Vancouver Urban Health Centre on Main Street, where
he offers medical care for people often failed by traditional hospitals.

Research around the effects of opioid damage and how that impacts rehabilitation is also lacking, according to
Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Ma.

Volkow says too little is understood about effects of multiple anoxic brain injuries — or how they could affect memory in old age.

"Does overdosing, particularly with multiple overdoses, increase your risk for dementia? And I predict it will," Volkow said.

And Volkow says new dangers are spiking right now in the U.S. where a non-addictive drug called Xylazine
(often referred to as "Tranq") — which affects the vascular system and blood vessels — is often found
combined with opioids like fentanyl. Volkow says these so-called Tranq cocktails often cause aggressive
lesions that, if not treated properly, end in amputations.

'Tranq' ups risk of amputations

"This is a rising problem that we're actually right now seeing in the United States. We are seeing
it accelerate because of the presence of a new drug that is being used to lace fentanyl," said Volkow.

Xylazine is showing up in small amounts in Vancouver, according to the
dashboard that logs drug testing for the BC Centre on Substance Abuse.

Volkow says the weakening of the skeletal system and osteoporosis are more common problems;
made worse because spinal surgery, like organ transplants, are rarely offered to long-time drug users.
source

Eli1 · Nov 2, 2023

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

This verse is directed at the suffering but very few who are suffering do it.
I wish they would do it with all their hearts to find peace.

Magenta · Nov 2, 2023

Eli1 said:

Matthew 11:28-30

Karlon · Nov 2, 2023

Magenta said:

there may have never been a time where that verse is so important than now!

Magenta · Feb 4, 2024

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2024 - JUST FOR TODAY – GOD WORKS FOR GOOD
Audio for JUST FOR TODAY – GOD WORKS FOR GOOD

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything else
to my desires. I will trust that God is working all things for good in my life.

We know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)

Those of us who come from an unstable background often feel vulnerable when faced with
something new. We are used to controlling things around us so that we avoid any additional
pain or disappointment that may result from being part of an unfamiliar event.

However, when we decide to trust God, we can relax. God “has our back” and God is “on our side.”
We live in a world where each day seems to bring surprises, some of which are good, and others
not so good. When we are surrendered to God’s will, He will work in any challenging circumstance
to bring about a better solution than we could ever hope for or imagine.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. (Psalm 37:4-5 ESV)

The first thing we need to recognize and humbly admit is, we really do not know what is best for us.
We often react out of fear and worry and try to get things arranged in a way that is manageable for us.
While it may be good to do our part in working towards solutions, we will find even greater wisdom if
we first seek God’s input and trust His good plan for our lives. Sometimes we may have to wait for
something to happen. Sometimes it seems, “the bad guys are winning.” For a time, we may have to
hang on tightly to God’s promise that He will act on our behalf.

With a willing heart and a gracious manner, we do what we can in any situation
and then settle down and relax, knowing that God is guiding us.

Prayer: Loving God, I am grateful that I can release the pressures and burdens of each day
into Your capable hands. Help me to stay focused on what You say and just leave the rest.
You are a good God and You work all things for good in my life. Help me to trust You! Amen

©2024Partners in Hope (used with permission)

Romans 8:28

Magenta · Apr 13, 2024

FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 2024 - A POSITIVE APPROACH TO FEELING BORED
Audio for A POSITIVE APPROACH TO FEELING BORED

In early recovery our positive expectations for a life free from crippling dependencies is huge. We are excited about what the future may hold and say we are willing to do whatever it takes to get our life back on track. As the weeks go on our routine becomes dull, and we find ourselves less enthusiastic than we once were. We start feeling sorry for ourselves and easily get angry with others. The truth is we are bored. We feel challenged and vulnerable in our new routine and have begun to focus on the old familiar patterns of life in addiction.

Hebrews 12:1-3
It is a fair question to ask ourselves why we are impatient and bored with where life is at today. Are we seeking out people who can help us understand what is going on within us, or do we just complain and blame? Anything in life worth having requires time to accomplish. Perhaps we should alter our routine and spend time helping others while we wait for things to happen for us. Telling ourselves that we are bored and feeling depressed does not produce change. When nothing changes, then nothing changes!

Philippians 4:8
Boredom is brought about by lack of action. Perhaps we need to change our thought pattern and think about those things that are worthy of praise.

Maybe we need to work on establishing conscious contact with God, praying for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out. Let’s allow any boredom we experience to point us to deeper growth in our relationship with God and more positive action in our recovery.

Prayer: Loving Father, I admit that boredom is pushing me back into darkness and I need help to remove it from my life. Please help me to consider others and make wise decisions in the use of my time. My desire is to do those things that are pleasing to You. Amen

Video Encouragement and Prayer

©2024Partners in Hope; shared with permission

Karlon · Apr 13, 2024

Magenta said:

FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 2024 - A POSITIVE APPROACH TO FEELING BORED
Audio for A POSITIVE APPROACH TO FEELING BORED

In early recovery our positive expectations for a life free from crippling dependencies is huge. We are excited about what the future may hold and say we are willing to do whatever it takes to get our life back on track. As the weeks go on our routine becomes dull, and we find ourselves less enthusiastic than we once were. We start feeling sorry for ourselves and easily get angry with others. The truth is we are bored. We feel challenged and vulnerable in our new routine and have begun to focus on the old familiar patterns of life in addiction.

Hebrews 12:1-3
It is a fair question to ask ourselves why we are impatient and bored with where life is at today. Are we seeking out people who can help us understand what is going on within us, or do we just complain and blame? Anything in life worth having requires time to accomplish. Perhaps we should alter our routine and spend time helping others while we wait for things to happen for us. Telling ourselves that we are bored and feeling depressed does not produce change. When nothing changes, then nothing changes!

Philippians 4:8
Boredom is brought about by lack of action. Perhaps we need to change our thought pattern and think about those things that are worthy of praise.

Maybe we need to work on establishing conscious contact with God, praying for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out. Let’s allow any boredom we experience to point us to deeper growth in our relationship with God and more positive action in our recovery.

Prayer: Loving Father, I admit that boredom is pushing me back into darkness and I need help to remove it from my life. Please help me to consider others and make wise decisions in the use of my time. My desire is to do those things that are pleasing to You. Amen

Video Encouragement and Prayer

©2024Partners in Hope; shared with permission

that is a magnanimous behooving message especially for present times. very nice Magenta.

Bingo · Jun 26, 2024

(cont. from #917 ('This Side of the Glass)

" I come to this thread for personal reasons and my personal experience, to share
truths that many appear incapable of accepting, as often truth being troublesome to accept over
untruths which may fit in more with worldly foolishness of the man mind."

'I have read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Conceived of over eight decades ago, has reached
around the world, and helped untold lives up out of a seemingly hopeless life. Alcoholics helping alcoholics
would appear senseless to the outside world, but this is what takes place, and through the steps of the BB...
and when acted upon, it works and has for thousands, world wide. And in this eight decades, the BB
has not been changed and/or altered from the original inception. Bonds of love and friendships have endured for
years, I can attest to this. The pain and suffering shared and overcome are miraculous heartfelt events...believe it!
Finding a power greater than ourselves, I and many have found a spiritual reckoning...God in our lives, being our Higher Power'
'Amen'
'The Bible, known about the world over, has been around before the time we know of. Undoubtedly brought
cause of many lives to come to new insights and helped in endless ways for the opportunity of leading
a better life. Many authors, cultures, languages and millenniums have surely brought about untold differences
and inspired interpretations to the Divine readings.'

'Precisely the logic that... people, places and things undoubtedly have over time...surely left great
confusion, interpretations, opinions and debates that have in all appearances, left the modern day Christians
in great turmoil, division and separation, and for the sake of a following and monetary selfish purposes...
worldly selfishness has undoubtedly brought cause of great untruths and falseness into the Christian atmosphere.
Absence of brotherly love, support and sound spiritual worship of Christ, surely being displayed and leaving
many in disarray over contested or otherwise, controversial scripture, which brings undue distance away from
God's spirit and most likely...unwilling to change and ultimately, spiritual rebellion is born...here in the now.'

Magenta · Jun 26, 2024

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26, 2024 - GRATITUDE AT EVERY STAGE OF THE JOURNEY
Audio for GRATITUDE AT EVERY STAGE OF THE JOURNEY

In sharing our recovery journey at meetings, we often look to the model of "what life was like in addiction,
what happened, and what does life look like now." In each of these stages of our journey it does us good
to see God's input into what was and is going on, and thank Him for all He has done and continues to do.

Thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57 NLT)

Only God could have brought us to a place where we recognized that we were powerless and that our lives
had become unmanageable. God, in His wisdom, brought someone across our path to share a message of hope
with us or He simply stirred a desire in us for something other than what we were living. God gave us the strength
and courage to seek help and here we are. One day at a time, one moment at a time God gives us sobriety and a
new life worth living. Have we taken time today to thank God for all of this?

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart
the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. Everything you say and everything you do
should be done for Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus.
(Romans 6:17 NIV, Colossians 3:17 ERV)

There's no doubt that the power of our addiction brought us to a place of being a slave to our drug of choice
and to a lifestyle of doing whatever was necessary, regardless of the harm we caused others. That slavery was
broken by the power of God as we put our trust in the forgiveness and healing that Jesus won for us on the cross.

As we studied God’s Word and put His principles into practice in all our affairs, we have found freedom
to speak and behave in new ways we never would have thought of or imagined. We wake up each day
with a heart filled with gratitude and offer our experience, strength, and hope to those around us.

Prayer: Loving God, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for what You have done for me.
Each breath I take is a gift from You. I don’t want to take my sobriety for granted. Today, and
every day, I want to thank You for my life and my recovery. Amen

Video Encouragement and Prayer

©2024Partners in Hope shared with permission

Karlon · Jun 26, 2024

Magenta said:

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26, 2024 - GRATITUDE AT EVERY STAGE OF THE JOURNEY
Audio for GRATITUDE AT EVERY STAGE OF THE JOURNEY

In sharing our recovery journey at meetings, we often look to the model of "what life was like in addiction,
what happened, and what does life look like now." In each of these stages of our journey it does us good
to see God's input into what was and is going on, and thank Him for all He has done and continues to do.

Thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57 NLT)

Only God could have brought us to a place where we recognized that we were powerless and that our lives
had become unmanageable. God, in His wisdom, brought someone across our path to share a message of hope
with us or He simply stirred a desire in us for something other than what we were living. God gave us the strength
and courage to seek help and here we are. One day at a time, one moment at a time God gives us sobriety and a
new life worth living. Have we taken time today to thank God for all of this?

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart
the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. Everything you say and everything you do
should be done for Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus.
(Romans 6:17 NIV, Colossians 3:17 ERV)

There's no doubt that the power of our addiction brought us to a place of being a slave to our drug of choice
and to a lifestyle of doing whatever was necessary, regardless of the harm we caused others. That slavery was
broken by the power of God as we put our trust in the forgiveness and healing that Jesus won for us on the cross.

As we studied God’s Word and put His principles into practice in all our affairs, we have found freedom
to speak and behave in new ways we never would have thought of or imagined. We wake up each day
with a heart filled with gratitude and offer our experience, strength, and hope to those around us.

Prayer: Loving God, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for what You have done for me.
Each breath I take is a gift from You. I don’t want to take my sobriety for granted. Today, and
every day, I want to thank You for my life and my recovery. Amen

Video Encouragement and Prayer

©2024Partners in Hope shared with permission

no one could have written it any better Magenta. this should assist lot's of people.

Bingo · Jun 27, 2024

Magenta said:

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26, 2024 - GRATITUDE AT EVERY STAGE OF THE JOURNEY
Audio for GRATITUDE AT EVERY STAGE OF THE JOURNEY

In sharing our recovery journey at meetings, we often look to the model of "what life was like in addiction,
what happened, and what does life look like now." In each of these stages of our journey it does us good
to see God's input into what was and is going on, and thank Him for all He has done and continues to do.

Thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57 NLT)

Only God could have brought us to a place where we recognized that we were powerless and that our lives
had become unmanageable. God, in His wisdom, brought someone across our path to share a message of hope
with us or He simply stirred a desire in us for something other than what we were living. God gave us the strength
and courage to seek help and here we are. One day at a time, one moment at a time God gives us sobriety and a
new life worth living. Have we taken time today to thank God for all of this?

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart
the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. Everything you say and everything you do
should be done for Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus.
(Romans 6:17 NIV, Colossians 3:17 ERV)

There's no doubt that the power of our addiction brought us to a place of being a slave to our drug of choice
and to a lifestyle of doing whatever was necessary, regardless of the harm we caused others. That slavery was
broken by the power of God as we put our trust in the forgiveness and healing that Jesus won for us on the cross.

As we studied God’s Word and put His principles into practice in all our affairs, we have found freedom
to speak and behave in new ways we never would have thought of or imagined. We wake up each day
with a heart filled with gratitude and offer our experience, strength, and hope to those around us.

Prayer: Loving God, I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for what You have done for me.
Each breath I take is a gift from You. I don’t want to take my sobriety for granted. Today, and
every day, I want to thank You for my life and my recovery. Amen

Video Encouragement and Prayer

©2024Partners in Hope shared with permission

'Thanks for sharing'
'Amen'

Bingo · Jul 4, 2024

"It's been noticed that one that was struggling with alcohol, no longer shows up. I invited them
to this thread, but looks like to no avail. I appreciate you for sharing on here and keeping this thread alive.
As you most likely are aware, I share on another thread, which inspiration arrives from Twenty-Four Hours a Day."

'In today's sensitive and restless world, many lives of families are in shambles. I can only hope that
what is shared may perhaps reach a troubled heart, here there or wherever we choose to share.'

Magenta · Sep 13, 2024

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2024 - NOT AS I WOULD HAVE IT
Audio for NOT AS I WOULD HAVE IT

The full version of the Serenity Prayer said at most recovery gatherings contains the words, “Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it”. Jesus left heaven where He was known, affirmed, and praised, and came to earth in human flesh to save the world from the power of sin. His environment here was certainly not as He would have it. Jesus was despised and rejected by those who ought to have known who He was. To protect their status and way of living, these people bore false witness against Jesus and handed Him over to be mocked, tortured, and killed by oppressive rulers.

People looked down on him. They didn’t accept him. He knew all about pain and suffering. He was like someone
people turn their faces away from. We looked down on him. We didn’t have any respect for him. (Isaiah 53:3 NIRV)

Even though Jesus suffered many things, He chose not to judge the people who treated Him harshly. He knew everyone was in bondage – not just those suffering from addiction – and He had come to set them free. How do we respond to those who are rude to us and do not treat us kindly? Do we see them, as Jesus does, as people God loves who have not yet been set free?

This world may not be as we would like it and people may not treat us as we think they should but we can make it better by telling others – “normies” as well as fellow addicts – about Jesus, His love for them, and His power and willingness to set them free, just like He did for us.

I’m sending you off to open the eyes of the outsiders so they can see the difference between dark and light, and choose light, see the difference between Satan and God, and choose God. I’m sending you off to present my offer of sins forgiven, and a place in the family, inviting them into the company of those who begin real living by believing in me. (Acts 26:17-18 MSG)

Next time we pray the Serenity Prayer, let’s truly desire to be more like Jesus in the way we respond to others.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, I want to be like You and take this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Help me
to accept the things I cannot change and please give me the courage to change the things I can. Amen

©2024Partners in Hope shared with permission

Serenity Prayer

Magenta · Sep 21, 2024

September 21, 2024
Prayer Page 275

"Prayer takes practice, and we should remind ourselves that skilled people were not born with their skills."
Basic Text, p. 46

Many of us came into recovery with no experience in prayer and worried about not knowing the "right words." Some of us remembered the words we'd learned in childhood but weren't sure we believed in those words anymore. Whatever our background, in recovery we struggled to find words that spoke truly from our hearts.

Often the first prayer we attempt is a simple request to our Higher Power asking for help in staying clean each day. We may ask for guidance and courage or simply pray for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. If we find ourselves stumbling in our prayers, we may ask other members to share with us about how they learned to pray. No matter whether we pray in need or pray in joy, the important thing is to keep making the effort.

Our prayers will be shaped by our experience with the Twelve Steps and our personal understanding of a Higher Power. As our relationship with that Higher Power develops, we become more comfortable with prayer. In time, prayer becomes a source of strength and comfort. We seek that source often and willingly.

Just for Today: I know that prayer can be simple. I will start where I am and practice.

Bingo · Sep 22, 2024

Magenta said:

September 21, 2024
Prayer Page 275

"Prayer takes practice, and we should remind ourselves that skilled people were not born with their skills."
Basic Text, p. 46

Many of us came into recovery with no experience in prayer and worried about not knowing the "right words." Some of us remembered the words we'd learned in childhood but weren't sure we believed in those words anymore. Whatever our background, in recovery we struggled to find words that spoke truly from our hearts.

Often the first prayer we attempt is a simple request to our Higher Power asking for help in staying clean each day. We may ask for guidance and courage or simply pray for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. If we find ourselves stumbling in our prayers, we may ask other members to share with us about how they learned to pray. No matter whether we pray in need or pray in joy, the important thing is to keep making the effort.

Our prayers will be shaped by our experience with the Twelve Steps and our personal understanding of a Higher Power. As our relationship with that Higher Power develops, we become more comfortable with prayer. In time, prayer becomes a source of strength and comfort. We seek that source often and willingly.

Just for Today: I know that prayer can be simple. I will start where I am and practice.

"Amen"

"Thanks for sharing."

seantspence · Oct 3, 2024

Repented sexual immorality almost a month ago and started using covenant eyes, an app used for monitoring lustful images on your devices. It alerts your allies, who will know you have slipped. Even though I’ve been free of it for almost a month, I believe the past trauma of being sexually assaulted by woman when I was 6 and being molested by two men in my teens, have left unhealed scars. There are tons of events that took place in my life where I bottled up all of the pain that took place. From 17 to 26, I was hyper sexualized until I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior. I’m 36 and have been celibate from sex ever since but that is also the same year I got a smart phone and also the same year I switched from sex to porn. In 2022 in February I did try covenant eyes and I was able to stop porn and masturbation for about a year and a half. I never felt more whole and closer to God but the underlying traumas and past abuse was never processed. In October 2023, I got a Christian therapist, who I’ve been talking to two times per week since then. It’s been a year, a lot of progress was made, such as learning how to create boundaries with people and finding out that I have bipolar disorder which is currently being treated with medication but still, I sense that this is just the beginning of my healing process cause I went on my first date in over ten years to a church. We were talking over the phone for about a month and then went on a date to church. I enjoyed the church that we went to but I couldn’t help but notice her negative body language. She put me in the friend zone by the end of our date. I took two trains and two buses to see her. It took a lot of bravery for me to go out there and took about 2.5 hours to get there. Our phone calls before this were great. The whole 2 trains and 2 buses back I felt less than. I didn’t talk to her until the next day. I told her that I’m not sure if I can speak to her because I feel hatred over the situation and that I may have to process things with my therapist. She said “what? Why?” And I told her that I’m just respecting her boundaries. She didn’t like that and so I told her because I got friend zoned on the first date, so all the motivation that I had for pursuing her completely died. My goal was marriage and doing it the right way, keeping things holy until we sign legal documents and have a ceremony. I even had plans of building a 3 bedroom 3 bath diy house in my current backyard. So everything would have been set up perfectly. She said she wants to go on more dates but I felt like I already decided that that wouldn’t be a good idea if she just sees me as a friend. For her it would be like dating her brother. Which to me, isn’t God’s design. Anyways, I have more pain and hurt from my past that I need to process before I date again.

tourist · Oct 3, 2024

seantspence said:

Repented sexual immorality almost a month ago and started using covenant eyes, an app used for monitoring lustful images on your devices. It alerts your allies, who will know you have slipped. Even though I’ve been free of it for almost a month, I believe the past trauma of being sexually assaulted by woman when I was 6 and being molested by two men in my teens, have left unhealed scars. There are tons of events that took place in my life where I bottled up all of the pain that took place. From 17 to 26, I was hyper sexualized until I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior. I’m 36 and have been celibate from sex ever since but that is also the same year I got a smart phone and also the same year I switched from sex to porn. In 2022 in February I did try covenant eyes and I was able to stop porn and masturbation for about a year and a half. I never felt more whole and closer to God but the underlying traumas and past abuse was never processed. In October 2023, I got a Christian therapist, who I’ve been talking to two times per week since then. It’s been a year, a lot of progress was made, such as learning how to create boundaries with people and finding out that I have bipolar disorder which is currently being treated with medication but still, I sense that this is just the beginning of my healing process cause I went on my first date in over ten years to a church. We were talking over the phone for about a month and then went on a date to church. I enjoyed the church that we went to but I couldn’t help but notice her negative body language. She put me in the friend zone by the end of our date. I took two trains and two buses to see her. It took a lot of bravery for me to go out there and took about 2.5 hours to get there. Our phone calls before this were great. The whole 2 trains and 2 buses back I felt less than. I didn’t talk to her until the next day. I told her that I’m not sure if I can speak to her because I feel hatred over the situation and that I may have to process things with my therapist. She said “what? Why?” And I told her that I’m just respecting her boundaries. She didn’t like that and so I told her because I got friend zoned on the first date, so all the motivation that I had for pursuing her completely died. My goal was marriage and doing it the right way, keeping things holy until we sign legal documents and have a ceremony. I even had plans of building a 3 bedroom 3 bath diy house in my current backyard. So everything would have been set up perfectly. She said she wants to go on more dates but I felt like I already decided that that wouldn’t be a good idea if she just sees me as a friend. For her it would be like dating her brother. Which to me, isn’t God’s design. Anyways, I have more pain and hurt from my past that I need to process before I date again.

Nothing worse than having a prospective spouse putting you in the friend zone.

After my divorce in my first marriage years ago I was single and celibate for 18 years. Dated a little after the divorce but finally gave it up.

It is best to pray for God to lead you to the one that was meant for you. In my first marriage I did my own thing with disastrous results. You are right in processing your pain before contemplating pursuing a relationship that may lead to marriage.

Believe me, I get the loneliness aspect too. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

Stay in prayer. Based on my own experience and observation, it is the best way to go.

CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)

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seantspence

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