Adult Child Responsibilities to Elder Parents/In-laws

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MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#1
Mar 8, 2022
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#1
What are adult child responsibilities to their elder parents/in-laws? The Bible says to honor your parents and to make sure they are provided for, but doesn't get into specifics.

A few questions that come to mind are:

- Can a parent make requests such as "Don't put me in a home/facility"? Can a child make such a promise when the future is unknown?
- Can a parent expect their child/child's family to quit jobs/uproot and move to the parent's hometown, because the parent doesn't want to sell the home/leave the hometown?
- In extreme cases where son/daughter in-law does not want to provide in-home care, and the parent does not want to move to a "home", should the child separate/divorce the spouse to care for the parent? What is a solution to this situation?
- If an adult child is currently single, is it reasonable to inform the potential spouse that she/he and the parent(s) come as a package and will move into the common/marriage home together? Assuming the potential spouse is Christian, should he/she hesitate about accepting the package? Here, let's assume that the parents contribute to the bills.

I have not encountered these situation(s) yet, but I am curious to hear others' experiences/thoughts.
 
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Poinsetta

Well-known member
#2
Nov 24, 2018
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#2
Seriously, who would've thought my brother in law cannot afford to pay rent and it seems he is on this program (low-income, section 8) that helps him keep an apartment sometimes though, they are called to get out like the plan expires and my brother in law has to find a different place also according to the program and this sometimes take months or years to finally get called and move into a new place. This has been an ongoing struggle since the end of 2016- till now. So now they have been coming to our house and stayed here while that whole process goes on. The first time was not good my sister made me get out of my room and she moved in there with her husband and two daughters. A lot of backlash and bad things happened the family was struck. Second time she was not feeling well she was going through a crisis she got hospitalized for three days and that took a whole turn for them. This is the third time they are here and it seems like they are taking their time. They told they have been calling and waiting for an apartment but it seems like they haven't been called so now I don't know how long until they get called.
 
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Poinsetta

Well-known member
#3
Nov 24, 2018
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#3
On a positive side I am not alone they are here and they provide food for their children and they are nice enough to offer some for me too. So...

I mean they buy pizza, lemonade, chocolate cupcakes, milk, water, etc.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#4
Mar 8, 2022
1,083
725
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#4
Poinsetta said:
Seriously, who would've thought my brother in law cannot afford to pay rent and it seems he is on this program (low-income, section 8) that helps him keep an apartment sometimes though, they are called to get out like the plan expires and my brother in law has to find a different place also according to the program and this sometimes take months or years to finally get called and move into a new place. This has been an ongoing struggle since the end of 2016- till now. So now they have been coming to our house and stayed here while that whole process goes on. The first time was not good my sister made me get out of my room and she moved in there with her husband and two daughters. A lot of backlash and bad things happened the family was struck. Second time she was not feeling well she was going through a crisis she got hospitalized for three days and that took a whole turn for them. This is the third time they are here and it seems like they are taking their time. They told they have been calling and waiting for an apartment but it seems like they haven't been called so now I don't know how long until they get called.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear, that is a rough situation. Where are you sleeping now? I am surprised Section 8 is that unreliable. Where does the government expect people to stay when changing/switching apartments during the gap periods?
 
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Poinsetta

Well-known member
#5
Nov 24, 2018
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#5
MsMediator said:
Sorry to hear, that is a rough situation. Where are you sleeping now? I am surprised Section 8 is that unreliable. Where does the government expect people to stay when changing/switching apartments during the gap periods?
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yeah, thankfully I'm able to sleep in my own room. The girls and my sister sleep in the guest area. He doesn't seem to fit in here so he sleeps at his sister's house. And I think they need to change the system and rules of this because yeah its sad.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#6
Mar 13, 2014
42,571
17,039
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Tennessee
#6
Poinsetta said:
On a positive side I am not alone they are here and they provide food for their children and they are nice enough to offer some for me too. So...

I mean they buy pizza, lemonade, chocolate cupcakes, milk, water, etc.
Click to expand...
I'm down with the pizza and lemonade. Two of my faves.
 
GospelScribe

GospelScribe

New member
#7
Mar 13, 2024
26
14
3
#7
MsMediator said:
What are adult child responsibilities to their elder parents/in-laws? The Bible says to honor your parents and to make sure they are provided for, but doesn't get into specifics.

A few questions that come to mind are:

- Can a parent make requests such as "Don't put me in a home/facility"? Can a child make such a promise when the future is unknown?
- Can a parent expect their child/child's family to quit jobs/uproot and move to the parent's hometown, because the parent doesn't want to sell the home/leave the hometown?
- In extreme cases where son/daughter in-law does not want to provide in-home care, and the parent does not want to move to a "home", should the child separate/divorce the spouse to care for the parent? What is a solution to this situation?
- If an adult child is currently single, is it reasonable to inform the potential spouse that she/he and the parent(s) come as a package and will move into the common/marriage home together? Assuming the potential spouse is Christian, should he/she hesitate about accepting the package? Here, let's assume that the parents contribute to the bills.

I have not encountered these situation(s) yet, but I am curious to hear others' experiences/thoughts.
Click to expand...
My aunt lost her husband in February. None of her four children offered to take her into their homes. The executor of my late uncle’s estate, decided to place her in a senior community and she is miserable there. The only Scripture that I can recall, as it relates to your question, is “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Sadly, most adult children don’t care about the welfare of their parents, as we did when we were their age. We simply have to trust that the Lord will provide for us, as we age. It’s difficult not to expect more from the children that we raised. Personally, I cannot afford to expect anything from anyone other than Jesus. I have to trust and believe that He will take care of me when no one else will…because He always has!!! Hopefully, this helps, in some way!?! Stay blessed…. Because you are His!!!
 
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