Do You As a Single Person Feel More Pressure to Get (or Stay) In Shape?

Hey Everyone,

If you're part of the Singles community, whether Christian or not, we all know that at some point, our looks (and weight) are going to be a major consideration. No matter how Christian someone claims to be, looks, to some degree, matter, unless the person is blind. (And even then, I wonder what their standards are... For instance, would blind singles be more drawn/sensitive to qualities in voices other people might miss? But that's a subject for another time.)

Several years ago, I read a joke in a magazine about why single women were supposedly more fit than married women. If we extend it to include both men and women, it went something like this:

"Single people see what's in their refrigerator... and (not finding anything of interest,) go directly to bed. Married people see what's in their bed... and go directly to the refrigerator!" (Now this was just a joke -- please don't be offended, because we all know that there are exceptions to both sides!)

But this had me thinking... With so much emphasis placed on the importance of looks when dating, do single people feel more pressure to work on their weight and physical fitness?

Is there any truth to the saying, "Once someone gets married, they just let themselves go"? (I know, it varies widely for different people, but I'm just asking for sake of discussion here.) I had a friend who once said she "couldn't wait to get married" because then she could "eat whatever she wanted," but I think the opposite actually came true.

Her husband was a great guy who took on his own fair share of household responsibilities, so it actually gave her more time to work out and dedicate to fitness, which she enjoyed.

At any rate, I was just wondering how are CC audience feels about this. I know that as I'm getting older, I feel an intense pressure to try to get/stay in shape not only because of the possibility of finding someone, but in case I DON'T find someone, I know I need to stay as healthy as possible to remain self-reliant as long as I can.

What about the rest of you? All are welcome to answer! I'd be interested in hearing how our married friends feel about this topic, and how much pressure (or not) they feel to stay fit.

* As a single, do you think you feel more pressure to stay fit? Do you think that will change when/if you marry? Why or why not?

* As a married, do you feel more or less pressure to stay fit than when you were single? Is it true (in your experience,) that married people "let themselves go"?

* What changes are you wishing for/trying to make in your life to have a healthier lifestyle? (Whether married or single.)

I'm looking forward to hearing the discussion!

I'll be back to check in right after I "put in my time" (because it really does feel like a punishment) on the dreaded treadmill.

I'm married. I like to run a good bit for fitness. I'm slim and trim and an old guy. I stay as fit as I can because it's been a life long practice that I'd like to keep working at. My wife has let herself go big time. It's unfortunate for her health and quality of life in general, I'd say. The benefits of staying fit are many.

I've started exercising more. Mainly because its just a good idea and another is so many I know around my age are having multiple health issues.

I'm working on myself , not because I'm single, but because I need to work on myself. Lol... I don't think it would make a difference if I were already married or not

In my personal experience, it can go both ways. I've had some really great times of fitness while single and while in a relationship. I've also had struggles in the opposite direction while single and while in a relationship.

I know I've seen more than once two people fall in love and marry. I wouldn't see them for a while, then after a few years I'd see them again and couldn't help but notice a big change in the weight of the man and the woman. I used to work with a lot of people, so I've seen this happen quite a few times. I'm not saying anything about it one way or another, good or bad, just an observation. So, I think there must be something to the saying of people getting comfortable in marriage/relationship and setting fitness aside. Not everyone, of course.

On a funny note, I love doing squats. There's no relationship that will ever stop me from doing squats! I did over 2000 in one day one time, that was while in a relationship. Working out is a great stress reliever. If your woman/man is stressing you out....do squats!!! Or whatever physical activity that you prefer. I like walking/hiking, dumbbell workouts, and throwing punches (no, not at my bf!!).

A LOT of comedians all say the same thing - when you're single you maintain a single body to try to get someone. After you get married you figure "I made it!" and you start letting things slide because you already have someone and feel you no longer have to try.

You, seoul, already know but I will restate for the thread: A few years ago I decided the gradual weight creep had gone on long enough so I started biking to w*rk. Four months melted off all the accumulated weight of a couple decades.

Now biking is not feasible for me for time reasons, and the weight is starting to creep back in. Oh well. If my situation changes and I can resume biking I will. I still have the bike.

well, with me, i never considered myself to be physically attractive, and being overweight didn’t help. then around 2014, i started to exercises because i wanted to lose weight BECAUSE i was thinking about joining a dating website to meet somebody lol. i started feeling somewhat good about myself, and as the weight came off, i was happier.

i didn’t join a dating website lol. but i met my now husband in 2015, and well, after we got married, the weight started coming back slowly BUT i didn’t gain all my weight back until after i had our baby. i weigh more now than when i was pregnant (i had gestational diabetes, so i didn’t have the privilege to eat whatever i wanted lol). i want to get back to healthy living because i am tired all the time. maybe chasing around a toddler will help lol.

At this point (59yo), I may be alone until I die. So for me, while I'd like to be admirable to the opp sex, it's more about health and quality of life than attracting someone.

But, to answer your question more directly, looks matter. Oh there are the hyper-spiritual out there among us who'd never admit it, but that great Godly man who's also 4'11" and 300 lbs with problem skin is not going to be going on many dates. Can God fix him up? Matthew 19:26. But, in greater likelihood, he'll be alone until he's off the earth.

I've watched My 600lb Life. You'd be surprised. A lot of those people (men and women) are married or in relationships. And they got in those relationships while obese. It's not just that show though, I've worked with a lot of people who may not be what society deems as attractive, yet they are married or in relationships.

Just out of curiosity, what do you think are the chances of this "4'11", 300 lb. man with problem skin" accepting and falling in love with a woman who is 4'11" or shorter, also 300 lbs, and also has problem skin if she was interested in him?

Does anyone else use things like this cold winter weather to motivate themselves into working out?

For instance, it was about 25 degrees today and continuously raining/freezing. I was able to stay inside but kept my room at about 62 degrees -- this was because I knew it would finally convince me to hop on the treadmill...

The first 30 minutes is just trying to get the feeling back in my toes!

My size doesn't fluctuate too much, as I fluctuate between two sizes, though the larger size can sometimes feel tight. My concern is not body weight as much, but that my face becomes rounder when I gain weight or that I look "pregnant" with my weight going to my front belly. So, I watch my weight for those reasons. I also try to stay fit by watching what I eat. I don't exercise too much now.

That's funny ...and a little sad


Not a very sophisticated answer …..but, I stay in shape for me.

I am not a big gym person, even though I was part owner of some in AZ. But, I have always enjoyed running ….well ….“always enjoyed” ….may be little inflated … some runs are brutal …and you do it because …. that is what you do….. just push through it, then it’s enjoyed.

I used to do 8 miles every day, but I dropped back to 5x5 when I was raising my kids and I have maintained that to date ….with a few major hiccups that sidelined me for periods of time ….even being told I would never walk again….but God!!! … is my strength my power….and my healer.

For anyone struggling with appearance or health challenges associated with weight,here are a few tips that require nearly no effort or will power.

Weight Gain and Chemical Estrogen Mimicer Connection

I hope this helps.

more pressure than what, married people (who dont date) is this all to do with with dating again

I would think people get fit if they are doing athletics and for themselves and their general health not simply in order to attract another person or keep them.

As pregnancy can pull women out of shape I guess it just depends on...how pregnant they are. No man would expect a woman to NOT expand when shes pregnant...unless hes a bit of an idiot and thinks babies just appear by magic.

I think the important thing is to find balance with this. We should try to be healthy, but we should also recognize that no one stays the same weight all throughout their life. It's normal for people to gain a little as they age. But I do think it's dangerous for people to gain too much.

I've been walking a lot more and I'm really excited about it! It's great seeing my blood pressure numbers go down again. My highest reading was 143/102 and now I get numbers in the normal range. Praise God! I got that really high number last Summer. It was at night and I remember thinking I was going to die. Since then I told God I was going to do better and I've cut out a lot stuff from my diet and walk more and more each week. One of the things I realized that was affecting me was red meat/pork and coffee. I don't eat red meat or drink coffee anymore. I just feel great and I'm super excited about it! Walking and jogging helps me release stress. When I run on my treadmill I feel like I'm flying almost. It's euphoric. So if anything, I would want a man who is willing to walk with me. Someone who cares about their health. He doesn't need to be a gym rat, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who is going to want to go out to eat junk everyday either.

So to answer your question, I feel pressure to take better care of myself because of my health. I'm not doing it to look good haha. And I hope to continue walking and avoiding high sodium foods after marriage. If I do marry.

Hard to say. Some people will go for someone "on their level"... others live in the fantasy world of perfection.

In the latter case, I'd say my point was still made.

This is true, and it can happen. I just believe it is much harder.

As was mine. 😬

Yup.

Whole lotta people out there wondering why they're single like your example of a short, 300 lb man with bad skin, and it's often because they are looking for or will only accept someone with qualities like being thin that they don't qualify for.

They want to be accepted, but often won't accept the qualities they have in others.

And then lament being forever single, because they feel that because God wants the best for them, they deserve a unicorn 🦄 instead of someone like themselves.

Unicorn