When an 80-Year-Old Man Dies and Leaves Behind His 60-Year-Old Wife, Who Will Take Care of Her?

that's about what i said the 1st time i thought about dying when i was a teen. i remember saying simply, " i don't want to get old, 60 something is good enough for me"! i'm over 60 now. but i'm doing well in the physical health area. i've got the body of a fit 20 year old but a 60 something face! it's phunnneee! in 1 day, i can still do a full days landscape work & have a full drum practice.

I only knew the Asian stereotypes perpetuated in my small white town.

Well... isn't this where life insurance comes in, as well as his will? I am unattached, but if I weren't, I'd have my wife as my principle life insurance recipient, and she'd get a good chunk of my other investments as well.

As for the person who called you a bitter old hag for asking questions about couples' age differences, that doesn't sound like a particularly Godly response. Unnecessarily crude, actually.

In most every situation I encounter (churches, Christian dating sites, forums, etc.) it seems to be a given that older men, Christian or not, almost unanimously want a much-younger woman.

This post seems to tally up the vast majority of reasons:




Please note that I DON'T want this thread to be a debate over whether or not this is right or wrong.

Rather, I'd like to concentrate on something I never hear talked about in any of these discussions.

Let's say Bill, age 60, marries Susan, age 40 (Bill was really hoping for a 27-year-old, but hey, he supposes that Susan will do.) For simplicity's sake, let's just say the two had former marriages but no children, and have not had any children together.

The two have had various health issues, and both are struggling with cancer, but Bill's issues have grown much more severe. At age 70, he can no longer walk, and while both have tried to help each other, Susan has always been the primary caretaker. Bill has tried to help but for over 10 years, Susan has done everything, because Bill lost the ability to do anything for himself -- including using the restroom.

Susan, still fighting cancer and losing mobility herself, is now left a widow at 60 years old.

* Should Susan be looking after a younger man to take care of her? Obviously, men her age won't be looking to marry her.

* Who would God say is now responsible for her care? Or is it simply, "Tough luck Susan, you've worn out your usefulness as a younger woman who could take care of an older man... Time to fend for yourself. You'll be fine. After all, it's the church's responsibility to look after old hags like you."

* When Adam and Eve were created, and especially when they fell into sin, Eve was now seen as the "weaker, fairer" sex to be looked after in a marriage. When does that change and the woman's usefulness should actually be to care for and look after a much-older man?

* If God looked at Adam and said, "It's not good for the man to be alone," would He then turn around and say, "It's perfeclty fine that Susan is alone now -- surely she can look after herself."


I understand that if men want younger women, that's just what's going to happen -- I can accept that part. I've brought this subject up in the past and I am always accused of being a bitter old had who can't accept reality and couldn't get a date to save her life.

My own reality is that when I last visited CC friends in 2022, their relatives thought I was around 30, and to my shock, it's often guys who are 15 years younger than my biological age who ask me out, but so far I haven't felt that's where God was leading me. But through these experiences, I can understand the appeal of having someone younger to "look after you."

But for some reason stories like Susan's plague my heart. I feel an increasing draw towards people who have been "left behind" by a spouse who has been called home, and there are usually man more women in this situation than men (at least in my personal surroundings.)

Several have been abandoned by family and friends and truly have no one.

If the men are out looking for daughter-age brides to be their saviors...

What is to become of the women of the women who are looked over, or left behind?

Gojira,

This is the blue ribbon answer I've been hoping to see in all these discussions over the years, but I can't recall any of the guys saying they wanted younger wives bringing it up (I might have missed it after all the times it's been discussed, but I know your answer popped right out at me.)

And we all know what's going to be said next, "Ah ha!!! It's true!! Younger women really are all gold diggers!"

Like any group, some, sure, but not all. And it's just a fact of life that caring for someone takes money. The answer I've been looking for when guys (or gals) say they want someone younger is the acknowledgement that they will most likely die first, leaving their younger companion several years (or decades) left on this earth. And it would be nice to see that they've also thought out what their responsibility might be in giving that person a foundation to start over once they're gone, rather than just, "Terrific! This young person can cook and clean for me and change my diapers... but what becomes of them after I'm dead is their own problem."

I can freely admit to being biased in this way of thinking (planning ahead of how to care for the other person) because it's what I always saw. I grew up with a working dad and stay-at-home mom, with only a 2-year age difference. But my Dad had a very stressful job, and his biggest fear was keeling over from a heart attack while leaving my mom drowning in medical debt and raising a young family alone. They started out with nothing but it was important to my Dad to gradually accumulate policies that would help ensure we wouldn't be homeless if something happened to him.

And this is the kind of thinking I look for in others while trying to reinforce for myself. I know if I married someone younger, I'd need to have a plan in place for him when I'm gone. And when we have the regular rounds in Singles about some wanting traditional wives who stay at home, my first question is always, "How are she and the kids going to make it if something happens to you?" I can't recall anyone ever answering with a plan of how to take care of their family in those discussions, either.

But it was always at the forefront of my Dad's mind.

I do realize that most people don't want to think about getting older, losing their bodiliy functions, and dying, and that maybe my own standards in this area are too high. After all, my parents are wonderful but certainly aren't perfect, and like any family, we have our own issues.

But one thing they did and continue to model very clearly is that you are responsible for taking care of your spouse, and it doesn't necessarily end the minute the first person dies.

I know the vows are "'Til death do us part," but I also believe trying to plan ahead for such events and beyond is Godly stewardship.

And I am very drawn to others who think the same way.

In China there are huge numbers of 'leftover' women.
In NZ the problem we have is 'the brain drain' which generally means young brainy people left NZ to work overseas because the opportunities in NZ are pretty zilch. And this was when I was growing up..the only work that you might be guaranteed a good living from would be ?! (become an All Black rugby player??)

So what most people did was invest in property to rent out and become landlords. Real estate was where it was at.

The people who did that and own retirement villages are such billionaires that they aren't actually allowed to own any more! They literally make a killing from old people. I don't find that ethical but they can spin it as giving new homes to those who've worked all their lives even if they don't actually own them but just have a licence to occupy. So old people are spending the kids inheritance, At this point no children are inheriting anything...all we are inheriting a mess that baby boomers have left behind (and their debts)

that's about what i said the 1st time i thought about dying when i was a teen. i remember saying simply, " i don't want to get old, 60 something is good enough for me"! i'm over 60 now. but i'm doing well in the physical health area. i've got the body of a fit 20 year old but a 60 something face! it's phunnneee! in 1 day, i can still do a full days landscape work & have a full drum practice.

bitter old hag

you called, and here i am.

There are possibilities of economic growth...but for whatever reason NZ does not want to take advantage of them. Once upon a time they did with agricultural products (kiwifruit, lamb, and wool) but they have stopped pushing the products so much or improving their quality. Others are filling the demand for the same products.

There are other products and materials that they could take advantage of and utilize....but they aren't. To the point that they have lost their labor pool. So now it's an uphill battle for them to start getting any economic growth.

Good luck!

I'm not the one running the country I just live here.
Telling our politicians and getting them to act on anything is an exercise in futility. Education and tourism were bringing money in (and real estate) but of course that depends on foreign buyers. Besides, who wants to buy kiwifruit when if you live somewhere with the right climate you can grow it yourself instead of having it shipped halfway round the world. Lamb you can also keep, and only colder countries have any use for wool, most carpets etc are now synthetic. Besides refrigerated or frozen lamb doesn't taste that great.

Being a British colony only worked for as long as the Brits wanted extra farmland (and ruining our forests) since they ran out of theirs, and using our people to fight their stupid wars.

I understand what you are saying....but these things are commodities. Always consumed and desired in the international market. Wool? It may not be cold in NZ but it is London and Michigan and Canada and a lot of places.
Kiwifruit is delicious. I personally can't eat California Kiwi....I can eat NZ kiwi which is a different variety without any trouble.

Shipping is not that big of a thing as you make it out to be. From anywhere to anywhere in 10-14 days is the standard. Field to table in 10 days. Meaning a kiwifruit picked in NZ is on someone's table in the USA/Germany to eat in 10 days time.

The container price index just shot up but it's still reasonable. If you can fill a container full of goods it's affordable to sell that container load even after shipping it. 8foot x 8 foot × 20 foot is a fairly standard shipping container. Where agricultural products (like coffee, sugar, rice) fill leftover space and pay discounted rates things like wool socks and sweaters or bolts of wool cloth pay the larger amount for the container. (Called LTL shipping)

Just saying...it's not as difficult as you are making it out to be for a nation to be industrious, make jobs by selling goods on the open market. People always gotta eat and despite the young people on TicTok people usually wear clothes other than polyester yoga pants.

I'm adopted and grew up around white guys.

It's funny because they certainly weren't attracted to me then unless they were about 40-80+ years old.

I grew up in all white culture, not Asian, so I only knew the Asian stereotypes perpetuated in my small white town. There were maybe 3 other Asians, all adopted, and all around my age. A lot of people there hadn't even met any other Asians.

Growing up, moving away -- and discovering all the other Asian stereotypes -- has been quite a culture shock, but I'm learning as I go.

The whole white guy thing is weird. You know if they attracted to you, it's because you aren't white, and therefore they seem to expect different things of you that they won't have from another white woman. It always seemed to me, they treat you as inferior, like some kind of chattel or a prostitute.

I had this experience IN CHURCH.
Which is why I didn't go back there. If there's predators hitting on me in church, I'm not staying.