Struggling to forgive despite understanding

Reading Mathew 18 verses 22 to end, I understand. Saying the Lord's Prayer ' forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us', I understand.

Yet, I struggle to do it. There are those who not only have hurt me but they continue to do so.

I distance myself from them but I know not what else to do.

Should I tell them they are forgiven? I tried and was mocked. Those who have brought me pain are atheists who don't care. I just stay away from them but cannot find the power to forgive their actions - all mental cruelty I must make clear.

I look for peace and cannot find it, I suffer illness and inner torment despite much prayer. I fear a breakdown because I know I have not obeyed Jesus as commanded.

Has anyone got guidance, advice or testimony on forgiveness?

Your situation certainly sounds challenging. I struggled with forgiving the ex-wife after she ended our marriage. I could give you a litany of her wrongdoing, but it doesn't matter now. What does is that I had to choose to put all her wrongdoing in God's hands, say (in the Lord's hearing, not hers) that I forgive her and all the judgment is now in His hands, and ask Him for help to live in that forgiveness.

I also had to ask the Lord's forgiveness for my sin of judging her; that's His job.

Ten years later, I still want nothing to do with her, don't like hearing her name, and can work myself into a storm of resentment at her wrongdoing, but most of the time I simply don't think of her at all. Occasionally I have to repeat that I forgive her. Of course, I'm not having to interact with her at all, so that does make it easier.

In your situation, avoiding these hurtful people as much as possible will help, but the greater help will be in seeking the Lord's strength to forgive - daily or more often as needed - so that you aren't carrying the offenses.

immediately, in your heart, soul, spirit, conscious & mind, forgive them. do it with a smile & deep Jesus like conviction! you don't have to confront them. too, pray for them & continue to pray for them. God is big on forgiveness. James starts out as a wonderful teaching: "count it ALL JOY when you fall into divers temptations knowing that the TRIALl of your FAITH PRODUCES PATIENCE....." there isn't a Christian anywhere who has not been tried or tested dozens of times. ( 1st Peter 4:12,13 ). get on your knees in complete humbleness to Jesus & ask for strength in forgiveness. if you are a born again Christian, His ears open to your prayers & He will grant your requests. slow your pace down in this. the devil wants you IN the problem. ( James 4:7 ). resist the devil & you are not in the fight with him!!! cast out the devil in the name of Jesus Christ & you are all set

'One should not overburden themselves when struggling with forgiveness. Unconsciously
or otherwise many struggle with this self inflicted burden. Practice love where it is meant to be,
and accept the things one cannot change. Love the Lord and do the best one can muster up.
Rest the mind on good and positive things to improve your sense of having God in your life.
When we fail at something it's not the end of the world, we need to regroup and strive to practice
that which we can find calm and contentment with, it will come with practice and to know God's wisdom
is available to rely on in all things...believe it.'

'I have learned this in my life, to beat myself up only leaves an unnecessary burden. When we lighten
up and practice the principles of life, it works so long as I work at it. To focus on our own wellbeing often
brings about courage and strength never thought we had, and when wanted enough...it will come to be.'

It's been quite a while back that someone did something that broke my heart. In the natural I had every right to hate this person. I knew this was wrong and tried to forgive but could not. I could honestly pray "Lord in my own strength I cannot forgive this person so please love they through me." I continued to pray for this person and eventually the hate went away.

The commandment Jesus gave was addressing Israel …

We are not Israel …our forgiveness is not dependent on forgiving other …we should …. but it’s a (even as) higher calling.



This is what is addressed to the church of God.

Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

It is a higher calling… because we don’t have to forgive.

Our trespasses are forgiven... We forgive even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us ... hence, the higher calling.
Our contingent for the Father forgiving us… is not by forgiving others.... our forgiveness was made unto us through Christ's accomplishments.

1Jo 2:12I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake.

We forgive (I think) for two reasons: First, as the scriptures above state…. because we know what God has forgiven us for… when we didn’t deserve it.

Secondly: It doesn’t matter or affect the person who caused you grief, most of the time they could care less …..But to harbor the resentment and contentious anger is seriously unhealthy, it will eat away at you like a cancer.

I know …it’s not always easy …but you don’t need the anguish in your life.

Yes, when we are looking at Scriptures that are not Directly To us, then we
have confusion / conflict - ie:

God Made, According to Prophecy, Covenants of "faith Plus works" for
His Nation of Israel (OT, Mat-Joh, Heb-Rev):
Directly to them ↑↑↑

"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

Rightly Divided (2 Timothy 2:15) From “Things That Differ” (online)

God Has, According to 'The Revelation Of The Mystery,' Pure Grace For
The Body Of Christ (Romans Through Philemon)
Directly ↑ ↑ ↑ To us:

"And grieve not The Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto
The Day Of Redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger,
and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even
As God For Christ's Sake Hath [ Already ] Forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:30)

Because of:

Christ's ALL-Sufficient Work On The Cross!

we can now have, including in our struggling with forgiveness,:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!

Amen.

This is a real challenge; because when someone is like this, you can remember things they did that you already forgave- and it accumulates and magnifies the indignation. We have to do what psalm 4 says and process that anger every time. We can't just bypass the anger- which I used to always do.

Don't tell someone you forgave them if you really would just like to cut their throat and throw them in a ditch (obviously, don't tell them THAT either). But, I'm using such an extreme example because, no matter how angry we get we have to be honest with God about it- even if we went too far, repent if necessary; give thanks to God and give him praise.

Reading Mathew chapter 26 verses 47 to 56.
Here Jesus is totally betrayed and abandoned to His fate.
No matter what has happened to me it cannot compare with that. So, if He can forgive, why can't I?
So I am working on it. All the pain others have caused me, I know I must forgive as I am forgiven for my wretched sinning existence.

Even if you aren't sure if you can forgive them right now, I find that praying for them will help you get to that point. It will be hard at first, but gets easier.

You can also ask Jesus to help you see them the way He does. When I do that I often come to realize that the person is actually much more lost, scared and hurt than I am.....they are just acting it out in some very uncharming ways.

All the best, I will pray for you in this! ❤

That is wonderful wise advice which I will try to follow. Thankyou.

You are very welcome Miss Mary . And please also keep in mind that you are important to God and He cares about the pain you've been through-

Psalm 56:8

You keep track of all my sorrows.[a]
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.


You already know that forgiveness is important, but please know that your personal healing is important too. The two often work hand in hand, actually. I'm very glad that you have separated yourself from these people for now. I'm sorry for the pain they caused you, and I pray that Jesus heals every hurt left on your heart.

Please be patient and gracious with yourself, forgiveness might not come overnight but I have confidence that you will get there!

Love,
Nichole

Someone once told me that anger, bitterness and resentment are a poison that you choose to drink into yourself while waiting for the other person to die. Holding onto it certainly hurts you more than it hurts them. I'm sure you know this.
Forgiveness is internal. Other people do not care if you have forgiven them because it is a healing tool for you, not for them. I wouldn't tell someone I forgive them because I need to rid myself of the poison, not them. If you feel that you cannot forgive their actions, then you are giving them too much power. Keep avoiding them and working on healing yourself from their words and actions. Remember not to take what they do and say personally -- it is their own evil hearts that causes them to lash out, and it's not your job to fix that.

Amen and well said. This is my motto too. It’s a daily struggle sometimes but when I leave things in God’s hands I know that justice will eventually prevail and the He will have the final word, so this helps me overcome a lot of negative or nonsensical energy at my job or elsewhere.
This approach can ultimately make you be in the middle of the worst things, without participating in their negativity or being affected by it.
Only God gives this sort of peace when dealing with an insane world. It’s not easy some days, but God is always there to brighten the day and turn everything into a song towards Him.

You have to forgive and come to terms/peace, but also accept that you may not be totally pain-free about this issue during this life. God said he will remove our pain, tears, etc., in the next life. It sounds like you are not really keeping your distance well; you have every right to set boundaries. Analyze why you are being tormented by their words.

Revelation 21:4
New International Version
4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I don’t know if this helps,
I forgave the violent and abusive person, but God said to me, “do you want your toddlers to grow up in this environment of physical violence and abuse.
So I escaped in obedience to Gods direction and God provided somewhere for us to stay.

It is wise advice you give, yet I think it is too late. I just cannot do it.
I am now unwell on many levels and cannot deal with the pain others have given me. Depression is indeed hurting me but I don't know how to stop it. I wouldn't ever harm anyone but the anger has gone into me as it has nowhere else to go.

I think of Romans 12:19, in which the heading for its advice, "Do not avenger yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God's wrath," is in the context of the title heading Forgiveness. Without overlooking the reminder stuck right in the middle of that verse, that God regards you and calls you beloved, this also reminds me that I can't save anyone any more than I can damn any one to hell, no matter how much I'd like to do one or the other. And it seems silly praying, 'Lord, please, give them a good knock..." though I can't say I haven't at least thought too... Ok, well..., I'm neither confirming nor denying I've prayed worse... God knows.
Getting back to that you are God's beloved, the apple of His eye, and anyone that pokes at the apple of His eye... well, I feel bad for them if they think He doesn't notice.

Looking on the brighter side of that, how would you feel if you knew, for real and for true, that the most beautiful person in the whole universe adored you? No one could 'bring you down' from cloud nine, could they? And if you believed that this Person were the most powerful being over all of creation, that cared for you so very much, what would you be anxious about?

For sure. When my marriage broke up, my wife disappeared with my two children. What saved me was the principles you will find in the following article. It was written by a man who lost everything to his first wife. She and the accountant conspired to take away the business he worked hard to establish.

https://www.christianlife.org.au/can-you-forgive-from-your-heart

Don't give up Mary 🥰
You sound at a place I was at a couple of years ago.
Every time I got to a place of forgiven this person they would do something even more worse than the last time. I was so full of hate, anger, bitterness, revenge. I got to the point where I was exhausted and just about to give up when inside of me came "cast your cares on me" that very moment I gave it all to Jesus and it felt like a weight had been lifted. That some year that person came to mine for Christmas dinner. I know that Jesus had done it and he set me free from what was keeping me chained up. I haven't forgot what that person did/said but Jesus has helped me to forgive 🥰 and I know 100% he will and can help you too 🥰