can you guys post something funny please?

I'm just quoting the questionnaire that asked women why they voted for certain presidents . If you ask me, they all look as attractive as a bloated dog tick on a coon hound's ear.

Church Bulletin Bloopers:

1. Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
2. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery down stairs.
3. Today’s Sermon: How Much Can a Man Drink? with hymns from a full choir.
4. The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
5. Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
6. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
7. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
8. Thursday night: Potluck supper – Prayer and medication to follow.
9. Twenty two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
10. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
11. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
12. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
13. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
14. Don’t miss this Saturday’s exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.
15. On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD; Dr. Hargreaves is better.
16. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.
17. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
18. The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings.
19. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
20. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
21. Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
22. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
23. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
24. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
25. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
26. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.
27. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
28. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
29. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
30. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
31. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
32. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.
33. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
34. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.
35. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
36. The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
37. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
38. Hymn: “I Love Thee My Ford.”
39. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
40. Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
41. Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”
42. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
43. Ushers will eat latecomers.
44. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.
45. A worm welcome to all who have come today.
46. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.
47. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
48. Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
49. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
50. The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus

I was agreed to work with some students from India for a group project in Eco Tourism, and they didn't give me anything to do other than present in front of the class. I could tell from day 1 it was going to be a problem and last week I posted on God giving me wisdom.
It was funny because no one expected me to stand up with my group this week especially after the project I submitted last week.

One fellow student called me a good man (I was surprised) but we started the first slide didn't get past the first point before my instructor told me to sit down and told the group to re do the slides and present them by tommorow evening.

On another note the other Group doing a rafting company for Eco Tourism went up before us, they were going to use cloud technology for their business. Then our teacher pointed out that Cloud had nothing to do with rafting because it was program for software.

When asked what Joe Biden wants for Christmas, I told them a lie people will believe!! LOL

2 Smogarians were dragging a deer thru the woods by it's tail when they ran across another hunter. "it would be easier", said the hunter, "if you would drag the deer by the antlers instead of the tail. then he won't get caught in all the bushes". the 2 Smogarians did as the hunter suggested. about an hour after dragging the deer by the antlers, 1 smogarian said to the other, "this sure is a lot easier". "yeah", said the other smogarian, but i think we're going in the wrong direction".

i was a former professional drinker. so, this past Monday, i had a full exercise session & a long drum practice. i drank a huge amount after drumming. reminded me of my old drinking days. then i thought of getting back into drinking because work is done for the year & i ran out of interests. & i did, indeed decide to start drinking again. why not, really? boy, that water tastes great!

Their is a running gag on Christianchat People are running into trouble when they run out of jokes.

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman? Rick-O-Shea…

A teacher was giving a lesson on the Old Testament and asked one of her students, “Tommy, who knocked down the walls of Jericho?”

Tommy answered, “Well, it wasn’t me. I was home all last night”

Worried about this lack of Bible knowledge, the teacher called Tommy’s mother.

His mother said, “Look, my son’s a good kid. If he says he didn’t knock the wall down, he didn’t knock the wall down.”

More worried, the teacher called Tommy’s father. He listened to her story and said, “Well, look, I don’t want any trouble. Just tell me how much this wall costs, and I’ll take care of it.”

mary: "well, what happened when you showed all the girls in the office your new wedding ring? did they all admire it"?
sara: "better than that, 4 women recognized it"!

Anyone needs some, I have extra.