Not sure if I ever received the Holy Spirit

So I started taking God seriously last year and I prayed a lot to receive the Holy Spirit. I tried to confess but honestly sometimes I don’t feel genuine enough. I feel that if I don’t feel emotional doing so that it was fake. But I keep praying for the Holy Spirit but it seems like my heart is just getting worse instead of better. I feel more wicked and sinful and my conviction and love just isn’t there. I lost my fear of God but I guess I was more scared to be punished. Ever since I fell back into sin because of unbelief and anxiety sparking high because of the doubt I first started feeling apathetic and I felt as though the Lord wasn’t there because I cried out to Him to save me and help me but nothing happened. I’m happy I haven’t given up on trying and I don’t deal with that horrible doubt anymore which I think it was just covered up with sin. I honestly don’t know what to do. I never feel like I have enough fear for God or love. I don’t feel like I’m being changed either. I try to pray for help but I don’t feel desperate enough and I start off genuine but then end up feeling careless and have a whatever feeling. I wish I felt a strong desperation and a care. I don’t feel serious about it even though I want to be serious and I want to feel love and reverence. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I also started having intrusive thoughts and emotions this year. Just seems like I’m getting worse.

As hard as it may be for you to believe, you are in a wonderful place. God has awakened you to a new reality...a spiritual reality. The things you are discovering about yourself were always true of you. They were simply hidden to you. And what seems to be getting worse is just God unveiling more and more truth concerning you.
The awesome news is that He has not done so randomly and purposelessly. Rather, He has drawn very near to you and uncovered the truth about yourself that you might see your great need of Him, and turn to Him.
As perplexing as this may seem right now, when you look back upon this time, it will be a source of great joy to you as you recall the time when God made Himself known to you.
In the meantime, continue to seek after God. You will surely find Him. And in finding Him, you will find Him to be all that you need.
Will be keeping you in prayer. Grace and peace.

Thank you! I see why I need God but I’m still not desperate and heartbroken. I hope at some point I get there.

Hi Dess… since you didn’t mention it, I’ll ask: have you repented of all sin and accepted the sacrifice of Jesus Christ in your place? Do you believe that He has redeemed you from punishment for your sin? If so, you already have the Holy Sprit. If not, you don’t, and no amount of asking will change that.

You will

Ephesians 1:13-14

Have you been obedient to the command first presented on the Day of Pentecost when the church was birthed? (Acts 2:37-38) I ask because receiving the Holy Ghost is promised for those willing to repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for remission of sin. The baptism referenced is water baptism as confirmed elsewhere in scripture. (Acts 10:43, 47-48)

If you were truly sincere, then something did happen - perhaps, you just did not recognize it.

Part of that sincerity is having the willingness to turn away from the world and follow after God and His righteousness.

God knows your heart. And, if you ask Him to [forgive you and] save you with the proper 'heart attitude' - one of complete humility and sorrow for the sins you have committed against Him - He will save you.

You should understand, however, that this is a 'spritiual' thing and not an 'emotional' thing. And, it rests in 'knowledge'. So, don't look for the 'change' in the wrong place. While it may invoke emotion, it originates in the 'spiritual' [realm].

The 'confidence' of your salvation rests in the knowledge that God does not lie and will keep His promise if you accept His free gift on His terms:

- humble yourself before God
- admit to Him that He is righteous and that you are a sinner (and have sinned against Him)
- believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross so that your sins might be forgiven
- believe that God raised Him from the dead to be alive evermore
- profess that Jesus is God in the flesh and that He is Lord and Saviour
- turn away from the worldly way and seek after God/Jesus
- ask Him to forgive you and save you
- believe that He keeps His word

If you do this sincerely - you will be saved and will be sealed by the Holy Spirit [unto the day of redemption (Ephesians 4:30)]!

See above.

This could be a good "sign"... (and a good place to be in any case)

The kind of change you are referring to here usually takes some time to manifest.

It helps to read the Bible and actively seek God in every part of your life.

Have you given up any sinful habits? (That is a change!)

Do you have a greater appreciation of His word or of His ways? (That is a change!)

A lot of what you are saying here can be attributed to being "messed with" by the evil forces of darkness. Hold fast to faith and trust in the Lord - and He will help you deal with it.

I’ve repented of my sins and I do believe He died for my sins. I’m not sure if I’ve accepted that He has redeemed me from punishment. Well I know He has.

I haven’t been baptized yet I felt I wasn’t ready after falling into sin again.

Thank You!

Thank You! I had the willingness at the start but it kind of went away. I feel very apathetic about a lot of things at the moment. About God, people, things that I cared about a lot. I have bad intrusive thoughts that I just can’t seem to care about. I do hope that I’ll get out of this state and that Christ will save me from whatever this is. I remember being ready to let go of everything and then and crying at the thought of Him leaving His child’s side it was only at the beginning of this year. I’m dealing with a lot of mental and emotional things. I worried at some point that my heart was hardened. But I’m still trying to pursue Him so I guess it’s not completely there.

The good news is - you can be "completely there" right now (as far as salvation is concerned) - as long as you are sincere - honest with yourself and God - asking Him to save you - and, He will. And then He will work on you little-by-little to help you "grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18).

Try to not let the "surface stuff" - the way you feel, etc. - confuse you. This is a 'spiritual' matter that is confirmed in belief and faith:

Hebrews 11:

1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

The thing that you are not "seeing" - you must have faith - and believe in God and what He says.

If you believe in - and have faith in - the fact that God will do what He says He will do (which, in the context of this discussion, is to save your soul) - if you will only "let" Him by accepting Him and the free gift of salvation (Jesus) - then - if you do that - then - you know you are saved by His grace through faith:

Ephesians 2:

8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

How do you accept the free gift?

Romans 10:

9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

The words "confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus" mean to confess with your mouth that 'Jesus is Lord'.

How can you know you are saved?

1 John 5:

13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.

Because, God does not lie!

Put your full belief, faith, and trust in God - and, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Read the Bible. Learn about the Lord Jesus Christ. You will get the best answers there...

Thank you!

You are very welcome. Also, I will pray for you.

Don't give up Dess... What's most important is the fact that you have the thoughts of God in your heart, and want to please Him. Sometimes the struggle becomes so much, giving up and just living a carefree/sinful life looks like the better option, but it's really not. I don't know if you've seen persons that are genuinely serving God and you just admire them because there's just this beauty encapsulating them and you just wish things would turn out that way for you.
I'll advice you to pray and cry out to God until He answers every prayer concerning your spiritual life and growth. Do not take no for an answer, cry until He comes, until He shows up for you. Looking forward to your testimony and Happy New Year 🙂

Clearly your heart is right; you are willing but your flesh is weak. The enemy would like nothing more than to keep you from obeying what will ultimately be life changing.

Consider Jesus words and how they relate to the gospel message: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice AND open the door I will come IN TO him..." This parallels what happened first at Pentecost. Hearts were pricked. (Jesus knocked) The command to repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus, although spoken by Peter, came directly from Jesus via His Holy Spirit; see Acts 1:2. Those who heard and obeyed were promised they would receive the Holy Ghost.

Although the sequence differs, what has remained the same is getting water baptized in the name of Jesus for remission of ones sin and being filled with the Holy Ghost/Spirit (a separate experience) applies to everyone living in the New Testament era regardless of nationality.

Acts 2:1-4
And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.
And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.

And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.
And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance...


MESSAGE FIRST PREACHED TO JEWS:
"Therefore being by the right hand of God exalted, and having received of the Father the promise of the Holy Ghost, he hath shed forth this, which ye now see and hear...
Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that God hath made that same Jesus, whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ.
Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?


What Peter said next applies to all of humanity as confirmed elsewhere in scripture:
"Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sin and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost...Acts 2:36-38 Receiving the Holy Ghost is a promise for all who are willing to hear and obey.


PREACHED TO SAMARITANS: (These individuals did not receive the Holy Ghost until days after believing the gospel and submitting to water baptism in the name of Jesus. Ever wonder how they knew they had not yet received the Holy Ghost? The answer is revealed in other detailed accounts of those who experienced the NT rebirth.

"...when they believed Philip preaching the things concerning the kingdom of God, and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women."
Now when the apostles which were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent unto them Peter and John: Who, when they were come down, prayed for them, that they might receive the Holy Ghost:
(For as yet he was fallen upon none of them: only they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.)
Then laid they their hands on them, and they received the Holy Ghost." Acts 8:12, 14-17.



PETER INSTRUCTED THE GENTILES: (they received the Holy Ghost first, and afterward submitted to water baptism in the name of Jesus)

"To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins.
While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Ghost fell on all them which heard the word.
And they of the circumcision which believed were astonished, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Ghost.
For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter,
Can any man forbid water, that these should not be baptized, which have received the Holy Ghost as well as we?
And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord." Acts 10:43-48


PAUL INSTRUCTED 12 INDIVIDUALS:
Notice Paul's question, "How were you baptized?" He then proceeds to explain the need to be baptized in the name of the Lord: (This is water baptism as attested to by scriptures elsewhere)

"Paul having passed through the upper coasts came to Ephesus: and finding certain disciples,
He said unto them, Have ye received the Holy Ghost SINCE ye believed? (Paul's question clarifies that receiving the Holy Ghost does not automatically occur upon belief)
And they said unto him, We have not so much as heard whether there be any Holy Ghost.
And he said unto them, Unto what then were ye baptized? And they said, Unto John's baptism.

Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus. When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus." Acts 19:1-5 We know this is referring to being rebaptized in water. How? See the next verse: "And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied." Acts 19:6


Lastly, as scripture reveals individual's knew without a shadow of doubt when they received the Holy Ghost. As noted they spoke in tongues.

There is no requirement that you must feel a specific level of emotion for salvation to be real. Repentance is not a feeling. Repentance is a decision. Repentance is the decision not to allow sin into your life any more. You might feel emotion when you repent but feeling bad enough isn't a requirement of repentance and it isn't the same thing as repentance - at all.

If you believe that Jesus is who he said he was (the son of God) and that he can do what he said he can do (pay the penalty for your sin so you don't have to), and you have made a real and earnest decision to not accept sin in your life and to be obedient to God, you are saved and you have received the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 1:13-14).

We are to stay on the narrow road that leads to life and stay off the broad road that leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13-14). The narrow road is the road of obedience to God and it leads to life, salvation. The edges of the narrow road are defined by sinful things. Everything that isn't part of the narrow road is the broad road which leads to destruction. However, even forgiven Christians who are genuinely endeavoring to live a life obedient to God, walking the narrow road, occasionally step off the narrow road. The t-shirt says "not perfect, just forgiven". If your repentance is genuine, you will run back to the narrow road every time you realize you stepped off.

The relationship with the Holy Spirit is a fragile one. If that occasional step off the narrow road is frequent, the Holy Spirit remains silent. If you are not willing to accept, and act on what the Holy Spirit tells you, the Holy Spirit will remain silent. I used to want the Holy Spirit, but not too much Holy Spirit. I wanted the guidance of the Holy Spirit to clean up my life whenever it became messy but not so much Holy Spirit that I would move to Africa to plant churches or something else that would interfere with my plans for me.

My prayer for the leading of the Holy Spirit was always something like: "Father, please let me hear the guidance of the Holy Spirit (but not too much Holy Spirit). And the result is that the Holy Spirit remained silent. Only after I was willing to obey whatever God had in mind for me did the Holy Spirit begin to work in my life. Sometimes I still step off the narrow road. If that excursion is brief enough and minor, and I realize where I am and run back to the narrow road, God forgives me and life continues. If I allow myself to take a longer excursion or get into things that are more serious, the Holy Spirit goes silent again. The Holy Spirit doesn't pal around with sin.
And it's also important to know that the Holy Spirit exists to promote God's purposes, not ours. If you are treating the Holy Spirit as if you are in charge and can direct the Holy Spirit to do things for you, He will remain silent. When you look for Guidance of the Holy Spirit so that you can serve God's purposes, He will start guiding you. If you are obedient to God, seeking God's plans for you, and earnestly working to stay away from sinful things, God will bless you but that's not what the Holy Spirit is about. The Holy Spirit is about God's plans, not yours.

For me, I have only heard a spoken voice (in my mind) twice when the Holy Spirit was talking to me. And both times It was only 3 or 4 quick, decisive words and it was God correcting me about sin or wrong thinking that God wanted me to stop. Both times was kind of shocking. The voice wasn't shocking, the immediate and obvious clarity about thing I was doing wrong - that I had missed was shocking to me. In all other cases, the guidance of the Holy Spirit was not words, it was an confident certainty about what I was supposed to do.

And there are lots of times when the Holy Spirit is quiet because there are lots of things in life that aren't critical to God's plan for me or because God didn't have a specific job for me at that moment. In most things, obeying God's instructions that are given to us in the Bible is the only instruction needed. If you want guidance from the Holy Spirit, start a habit of reading the Bible every day and spending time with God in prayer. Show that you're interested in what God has to say through the Bible he already gave you before you expect the Holy Spirit to bring your understanding to another level. If you aren't bothering to seek God's direction through the information he's already given you, you can't expect him to work harder to provide you with additional information. We say "God, send me the Holy Spirit" and He says "You aren't even reading the guidance I already gave you".

And, just a side note, any excursion from the narrow road can not be premeditated using God's grace as justification. What I mean is that you can't think it's okay to sin because you know that at some future date you can turn back to God and ask for forgiveness again. That thinking doesn't work because your repentance wasn't authentic if you are still planning a way to sin and get away with it. True repentance means that you have made a real decision that you are done with sin - even though none of us is perfect and the occasional mis-step is going to happen. Repentance and planning to sin are opposites and can't coexist.

Wow!
Thanks for this...