Hi everyone,
I’m searching for an identity that will deeply sink into my soul, transforming me. I do believe that I was saved, but the faith is little more than a mustard seed. God has worked miracles in my life before, but I forget. I get caught up in the slog of working a job I hate (ok that’s an exaggeration, but most days are not great), and I put a perfectionist amount of pressure most days, even though I’m not seeing lots of results. I basically have a moral perfectionism, and work myself too hard. I don’t have a strong sense of identity or healthy self image, due to an extended period of lonelinesss & emotional abuse. I also don’t have much of a feeling of a safety net. I also struggle with social anxiety. In years past I would spend hours reading psychology or philosophy things, trying to heal my ego / mind, self image. Lately I’ve been attempting my that through Christianity… Sometimes I can feel the Holy Spirit. However often I’m so busy with work, that I neglect it somewhat. I work too hard, and get burned out. I forget who I am. I just get in my head too much..
I want to know if I should live more from my heart… What would that look like? The human hearts evil right? So maybe I shouldn’t? Is it a sin to have our self image based partially in anything but the Bible? Such as in enjoying a hobby, or liking to do something?
I also have a problem with doing too much for others, and not doing good for myself. The last 3 days I made chili for others, at the expense of my own time that could have been spent rejuvenating my soul a bit (or getting my own tasks / chores done that really need to get done). I end up burning myself out… I think it partly stems from deep down feeling like I’m not good enough. I feel that I’m evil inside in some way, I think though my parents, and those who were my friends when I was younger, I learned to hate myself. Kind of just get despondent I guess. I’m a high functioning depressed, anxious, unsettled & ungrounded soul. If my head were filled with other things, I’d probably be fine, as I wouldn’t get in my head so much, but when I get in my head, I’m just in a terrible mood until something else takes it’s place in my mind. I no longer see myself as the good person I did, when I was a kid. I nearly feel unlovable.
God bless you all!!
I’m searching for an identity that will deeply sink into my soul, transforming me. I do believe that I was saved, but the faith is little more than a mustard seed. God has worked miracles in my life before, but I forget. I get caught up in the slog of working a job I hate (ok that’s an exaggeration, but most days are not great), and I put a perfectionist amount of pressure most days, even though I’m not seeing lots of results. I basically have a moral perfectionism, and work myself too hard. I don’t have a strong sense of identity or healthy self image, due to an extended period of lonelinesss & emotional abuse. I also don’t have much of a feeling of a safety net. I also struggle with social anxiety. In years past I would spend hours reading psychology or philosophy things, trying to heal my ego / mind, self image. Lately I’ve been attempting my that through Christianity… Sometimes I can feel the Holy Spirit. However often I’m so busy with work, that I neglect it somewhat. I work too hard, and get burned out. I forget who I am. I just get in my head too much..
I want to know if I should live more from my heart… What would that look like? The human hearts evil right? So maybe I shouldn’t? Is it a sin to have our self image based partially in anything but the Bible? Such as in enjoying a hobby, or liking to do something?
I also have a problem with doing too much for others, and not doing good for myself. The last 3 days I made chili for others, at the expense of my own time that could have been spent rejuvenating my soul a bit (or getting my own tasks / chores done that really need to get done). I end up burning myself out… I think it partly stems from deep down feeling like I’m not good enough. I feel that I’m evil inside in some way, I think though my parents, and those who were my friends when I was younger, I learned to hate myself. Kind of just get despondent I guess. I’m a high functioning depressed, anxious, unsettled & ungrounded soul. If my head were filled with other things, I’d probably be fine, as I wouldn’t get in my head so much, but when I get in my head, I’m just in a terrible mood until something else takes it’s place in my mind. I no longer see myself as the good person I did, when I was a kid. I nearly feel unlovable.
God bless you all!!
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