The Loneliness Poll

More broadly, lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. (https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/connection/index.html#advisory)

How many of you struggle with loneliness? Do you feel it is on the rise in our cultures? If you are struggling with loneliness, what is causing it? Can you identify the causes? Are there solutions and are they obtainable?

It is a very serious epidemic that we will never fully eradicate but a rise in loneliness can have very devastating consequences.

So one of the best ways to bring attention to this killer is to talk about it and shed light on the problem.

Living in a lonely home since my wife passed in 2009... this feeling has intensified a bit recently. No friends or buddies here in AZ since I moved here in 2019. I do everything alone.

I cannot account for it other than I'm either uglier than sin, or God is blocking me for some unknown reason.

I cannot fully appreciate your pain, but losing your wife and living in an unfamiliar location must be difficult. Living with fewer and fewer options is something many encountered. This seems to be a common experience, but that doesn't make it any easier.

There is something obvious however, you are not uglier than sin (that's an impossibility) and God is not blocking you from anything that will bring you peace and comfort. He doesn't do that. He is the source and author of peace and comfort.

He never stops caring for you, don't give up.

Are you making an effort to make friends? Do you go to church or volunteer? Do you have a pet?

Of course I make efforts. I'm old enough to understand that

I've joined Meetup groups, cell groups at my church, etc. I have not volunteered there yet, but that's in the back of my mind. And, a pet is not going to compensate, no more than it compensated Adam. I love animals, but they're not other humans beings.

Thank you, but the phrase was just meant to indicate (in a rather exaggerated way) that I lack appeal.

As for the second part, I am not certain He's not doing that. There's a pattern in all this that I won't elaborate on here (need to be careful just how much personal stuff I reveal in a public forum), and it's unnerving. And, it's not new. I feel like I'm being blocked, almost as if there's some kind of Cainian mark on me. My career / job life and social life have been all too elusive, and they seem to almost follow the same patterns of rejection. Again, not elaborating beyond this.

I have begged God to show me if there's a sin that He's wanting me to repent of... or, if there's something He wants me to do that I'm not doing. I have bawled my eyes out like a baby asking Him to show me... anything... that would get me out of this crappy malaise I find myself in. Silence. Yes, I'm listening, at least to the best of my ability. I read His word daily, pray daily, and I recently added a Sarah Young devotional to the mix (it's irritating me, but I'm not putting it down just yet). Oh... yes, to anticipate all the questions I usually get, I attend church faithfully.

I can only think that He wants me to make Him my all-in-all, and to be honest, He's not. I do raise that to Him in prayer each evening when I talk to Him about my sanctification. Making Him (truly) Lord of my life 100%, no matter the cost, I have not done. I'm not sure any Christian's done that 100%, regardless of how committed they feel they are. That sanctification's progressive. But, it is sometimes progressive through pain. I have considered for a long time now that that could be what He's doing. I only wish He'd make it happen if that's the case, because I told Him just last night that I really cannot take this for much longer. This nonsense has been going on for a lot longer than a few weeks or months, and I feel like I'm going to fall apart.

Anyway... please don't respond? I've already said way too much. I've said these things to all too many people, online and in real life, for quite some time now. I don't always enjoy the responses I get (not because they're convicting, but because they show just how much the listener does not... cannot... understand). I can almost predict what I will hear, and I've done (most) of the things one is expected to do.

Anyway, your attempt to encourage is appreciated. Prayer is desired (even though so far that seems to have been in vain). I need to know what to do, how to respond, even if it's just to stay the course and trust. At least then, I'd know that this is indeed deliberate and with a purpose.

Thank you. Now, can someone else tell us their story? Let's get off of me. My gigantic dorsal spines will start to hurt you after a while -- especially if I get pissed at someone and have to scorch them.

I was surprised to learn awhile ago that loneliness happens in most age groups, but can relate to that. I actually felt a bit lonely in middle and high school after changing schools (plus my parents were going through some issues), but my social circle improved during college. I experienced another period of loneliness after living on my own (after many years of roommates) and I was going through some issues.

I heard/read awhile ago that loneliness (or being alone?) is one's best friend, and one's worst enemy. I believe that is true.

Before, people were more involved in family and community, now that is not so much the case as they are more transient. As people get older/elderly, it may be a mix of people wanting their own independence and not wanting to compromise or put in the effort in a relationship/friendship, but at the same time wanting companionship. With the younger group, who are not really set in their ways, they want to belong but may have a hard time finding their group.

I went to Meetup groups for a couple of years and found them to be a waste of time. People come and go, so the group changes. I think meetups are fine if you are going there more for yourself than to meet others (like for a book club, you are more interested in the book than the people, or more interested in the hobby, etc. than the people). With church, I bonded with a few others (and more to a lesser extent) by having lunch together after church almost weekly (everyone welcome), and we became friends outside of church too. However, this doesn't work if people are rushing home after church, or they just want to have lunch with their families. All of us were/are singles too so we had time. Plus, newcomers are usually interested in meeting up/lunch after church. Agree animal is not the same, but they help with loneliness and depression. Cats also have healing properties.

I noticed that it must be common for mothers with infants to toddlers to feel lonely as well due to those years are very difficult to find time for social outings and many will often not include then knowing they have young kids that will either disrupt or need attention. My wife who is 29 experienced this.

And, this is my experience with most churches. People don't seem to want to get to know others in church. They just want to get the heck home. Very frustrating.

Perhaps for some

It is difficult because in less, the church has good operating small groups then it is difficult to push people to just group up out of church.

Of course, the problem can arise with clicks but there are risks with not having groups just as much as having them.

I'm married and I'm somewhat out spoken. I know that Jesus is with wherever I go, and keeps out of trouble, because of my mouth. But, I go to bible studies and apparently they like a loudmouth, because everyone is quiet and nobody talks much. My point is people are attracted to energy. I'm filled with the Holy Spirit and it shows in my excitement. Nobody is really attracted to the quiet ones. So speak up, tell a joke, make some people laugh, or tell a story. Ask someone how they are doing, you might be surprised, because people like to talk about themselves.

I agree to a point. But people are attracted to quiet ones as well. I personally as an introvert can get annoyed with some extroverted people. I find the introvert more attractive and I know when they speak it is something well thought out and worth hearing.

Opposites attract.

Well, this isn't a simple topic.
It's a multilayered complex topic.

For example, there are a lot of cultural differences in how the family bond is valued across the world and how friendships are valued.
Also, in U.S. it depends where you are. In certain towns there is the genuine feel of being blessed to have neighbors who care about you and your wellbeing as opposed to self-rightness and arrogant or simply apathy that some other towns or cities have in their neighborhoods.

So, it depends. Maybe try moving around so you can see other places and get to know people better the more you travel.

Wasnt there another thread where Lynx asked "Do you even talk on the phone with people?".
Well, it seems that most of you don't so maybe start there. Talk more on the phone instead of texting.

I like that this is on "Family Forum" and not a Pity-poll on the singles forum. Bravo!

People are not magnets lol

What makes loneliness a pity problem?

The reason may be complicated but the question isn't. The question can only have one of two answers. Yes or no.

Thank you.