Hey everybody, I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. I'm so lost and confused right now. I was raised in a really bad "christian" environment with a lot of abuse. I've gone through stages where I've been so sure about God and my relationship and belief him to thinking I was atheist and now I'm back to square one. The truth is I keep coming back to it. Some have said it's because I'm bipolar and have religious delusions. I did once think I was special and had a great mission from God. My mother even said God spoke to her and told her what to name me before she even knew I was going to be. I don't believe that now, but the truth is I don't know what to believe. I've spent the last five years getting into apologetics and debates that it's got my head on backwards. There are parts of the bible I have trouble accepting, but the one part I can't deny deep inside my heart is that Jesus is real and what the bible says about him is true. I don't know why I do, but I do! I was exposed to certain "things" online at an early age as part of the abuse I mentioned earlier and I still have it entrenched in my life. My wife turned atheist too and is leaving me for someone else. I'm trying to justify my reason for being on this planet. I've been praying more (granted it's usually at night when I'm going to bed), but it's better than what I was doing before. Even if you don't reply to this if you could just say a prayer for me, I'd really appreciate it.
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