Paperback writer

Let's run with that.

Loki lived in the swamps and enjoyed uprooting bamboo and bananas to the dismay of the amish permacutlure lifestyle farmers, who thought they had hit the jackpot with their volcanic rich soil and buggy business.

Are pukekos edible Jim? They are such a nuisance, said Goodwife Sara-anne.

"Jumpin' Jehoshenpepper!", exclaimed Pappy Jim, "I had never thought of that!"
"Grab your cleaver, Sara-anne Deemerschwiener! We gonna hack us off a slice of that beaver...
and fry him up in a pan!"

"I hope you don't end up with swamp fever." mumbled grandpa Fossenshitler grumpily. "You might just find out why they's call 'ems Pukekos."

Lets look 'Pukeko' up in our 30 volume encyclopedia, said the amish children who were keen to help their parents out of their ignorance.
They never went online and didnt use google or wikipedia as wifi and satellite cellular 5G reception was banned within a 30 mile radius.

That's right, agent Lanolin. World wide web and wiikipedia and wifi and satellite cellular 5G reception had indeed been banned for their area whithin a 30 mile radius.

All 15 young'uns headed to the staircase and began a long descent down into the deep dark root cellar where the great tomes of ancient knowledge were kempt. Nary a whisper could be heard as little Alton help forth his tiny wick with it's wee little flame. Many a time did it threaten to perish in the cold, damp, draft that rose up to meet them from that cavernous subterranean tangle of dried fruits and roots dangling from above.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they arrived at the great table of the 30-volume Encyclopedia. Great cobwebs stretched forth onto the table and tomes from the darkness on every side. It was at that moment that tiny Emily sneezed upon that small smoky candle that had been tormentedly tickling her nose for so long.

A warm moist breeze rolled gently across the savannah that evening as detective Lanolin and agent Oyster waded through waist deep grass in search of their quarry.

"We had better think about making camp soon", said agent Oyster. "Yes", replied detective Lanolin, "I don't think these beasts move at night anyway." Detective Lanolin proceeded to set up tent and build a campfire as agent Oyster searched for a stump upon which he could sit and smoke his pipe.

did you want me to take a loki and find out for you?

"Do you think these Pukeko things are sentient? I mean, do they communicate, or... do they give each other names?", asked agent Oyster as he lazily gazed out into space. "Certainly not." was Detective Lanolin's quick, almost knee-jerk response. After a short pause, she added "but though, they are all God's creatures too. I suppose that must count for something at least." She had by now kindled a hot fire between their two pack-tents. "Would you now like to say a little blessin' over our evening meal then?"

"Surely would!" replied Oyster as he ambled over to the cookfire where Lanolin had skillfully prepared some zupi-fish and bisquits. "Gracious Father, we thank thee for yet another fine day and ask thy blessing upon thy gracious provisions... and sister Lanolin's hands which hath so skillfully prepared them and... in Jesus' name..." Lanolin then closed with a heartfelt "Amen".

After a meager but tasty meal, Oyster read a brief passage of Scripture, Lanolin sang a short hymn of praise, and it was off to... tent-mat thingies. Although they were not on Earth, they still felt right at home under God's same stars and God's same sky.

"Good night, Detective Lanolin."
"Good night, Agent Oyster."

Loki and his mate Tik-Toki wandered on through the swamp under the light of the gibbeous earth moon. . They were looking for fresh bananas and followed the well rutted buggy trail toward a rather makeshift camping ground where they could smell something delicious.

Next morning Detective Lanolin woke up bright and early. As she stepped out of her tent, she was much shocked and surprised to see Oyster already up and walking himself about his stump whilst rubbing his rump. "Are you quite all there?" She asked after a few moments of observation.

"No!" He answered. "No", "I've dreamt the queerest of dreams, and... and now feel like I've been stuck in the buttocks with a hat pin!"

"And this is not part of your normal wake up routine?" Queried the ever-inquisitive Detective. "Ok." she responded, "out with it, then."

"Out with what? !", squealed Oyster, "oh, the dream you mean."

Lanolin simply rolled her eyes as she continued to loosen the tent pegs.

"I dreamt that I wandered through a swamp under the light of the gibbous earth moon looking for fresh fruits of some sort. Next thing I knows, this giant wasp or something comes ups behind me and stings me in the left glutimaeus-maximus."

"And then what?", asks Lanolin.

"What do mean 'and then what?', isn't that enough?" Oyster whined.

"And then Agent Oyster pulls up his own tent pegs and does something to help Detective Lanolin get ready for the day as she prepares his breakfast for him.", she retorted with a half-smile.

I am not really sure why I am preparing breakfast for you, said Detective Lanolin to Agent Oyster who had just woken up and complained he had sore behind.

What do you mean? We did paper scissors rock yesterday and you got rock so its your turn to prepare breakfast.

Oh ok. Well its going to be banana waffles with maple syrup and cream today. With hot chocolate. But YOU are preparing lunch.

This paperback side hustle business/scam is getting to me. What if I made a living writing paperbacks?
Who would want to read them , let alone buy them?

Im still trying to get through 200 plus volumes of the Baby-Sitters Club

I quite frankly believe we have been cranking out some prettly good material here, Detective Lanolin. Perhaps if we gave it a fit and proper title, it might garner more attention.

**************** ATTENTION EVERYONE *****************

Please submit a sublime title for our burgeoning and blossoming Magnum Opus <HERE>.

All entries selected for consideration shall receive a...

Virtual Chicken Dinner !!




(Nothing like stirring the pot a 'lil bit. )

by the time you get through the 200 plus baby sitters club books, you'll be ready for the retirees club lol

well old folk are kinda like babies.

Muppet babies?

I read BSC in the USA. Its a super special and the plot is the club have a roadtrip in two Rvs, some go north and some south from Conneticut to California.

Every character gets a chapter but Kristy, the club presidents ruins this carefully orchestrated saga by spotting her long lost dad at a ballpark.

The dad promises to be in touch but you know hes just making a token appearance. Im waiting for the showdown between Kristys millionaire stepdad and her own deadbeat dad who walked out on the family..RV vs Kombi Van or something similar.

However we never get to this as the book is taken up by Staceys boring boyfriend dramas and Abby's allergies

Also its never said how they get back home, do they turn around and go back or fly back to connecticut. Plus who is bankrolling all these trips the babysitters go on? Kristys millionaire stepdad? Im sure hes behind it all and was really plotting to take over Kristys baby sitting business once she turned 18, turn it into a franchise and then sell it for profit.

I re-read the Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, this time in hardback.

It still holds up, though I warn others it has suicide ideation, a pregnancy scene and a losing ones virginity scene (which is darkly humourous) . I also noticed on my reread that Plath mentions that her fictional family were methodists, and how she wanted to be Catholic, but her german dad was atheist (when he could have been lutheran) so her mum compromised and they became Unitarian instead.

But I have never met any Unitarians, they seem not to exist in my country. What is a Unitarian?

One of my librarian colleagues says one of her clients (she volunteers for the housebound run) will ONLY read Amish fiction.

We do not have Amish in nz, the closest we have is a cult called Gloriavale in the South Island.