Hey everyone,
I am Born Hempy or Andrea by birth. I was born in Hemphill; Texas and I feel about as small as that place is right now. I have a son that is nineteen who loved me one minute and hasn't spoken to me since that minute and that was almost three years ago. Sixty-five days ago, my fifteen-year-old daughter decided she too was done with my parenting and ran off with her girlfriend and landed at the father's she's never know eight hours away, because I' wasn't allowed to correct her behavior. Her walking out brought back all the childhood trauma that I had once tucked away very deeply. I have been saved since I was fifteen and I raised both of my children in the same church I grew up in, without my nonbelieving parents. I was sexually, mentally, and physically abused for most of my childhood. My parents are now passed, and I have no other family other than two siblings that are more screwed up than I am. I quit high school when I was nineteen and have spent the last sixteen years working as much as I could to provide as much as i could on the choices I was making at the time. I moved to Houston two years ago for a fresh start after the kids and I lost everything to our name. Since moving to Houston, I finished high school, and I am now a first-generation college student working on a Bachelor of Science degree. I just finished my first year with a 4.0 GPA and even made the president's list. As great of accomplishments as those sounds, when a person is as broken as I am, it's hard to really understand much of the life that's passing me by. I didn't know how broken I was until getting into college and learning the ends and outs of mental health and addiction. It changed my life in a way I never thought possible. My daughter walking out stopped my life dead in its tracks. I suddenly feel like a monster that is unworthy of anything more than the chaos i was born into. While I didn't always make the right choices, there wasn't a day that passed. I didn't put my children first. I didn't know then what I know now. Then I thought I was a great mother. Now I am saddened because I failed in a way, I wasn't even aware of until I started learning mental health. I am lost. I am discouraged, and any time I stand up for myself or try to set boundaries, I'm punished and walked out on. I'm at the end. I know God has a purpose for my life, but I never imagine my life without my little girl. I spent fifteen years watching her sleep and making sure she stayed safe, and no harm came her way, and I was so good at it that she's never missed a drop of sleep. She was my universe, my only reason to believe there was good out there. She was the first thing I ever liked about myself and now she's gone. I didn't even get to fight with her. We never screamed at each other or had one of those i hate you fights. I thought our relationship was okay; I thought we were close, and I was completely wrong. She hates me and won't even tell me why. She just ignores me. She kissed me and said I'd see her the next day. That was sixty-five days ago. She replaced me in one day and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel like anything more than a monster. Why would I ever try to stand up for myself again? She lied to me and when I tried to correct hher,I lost her. don't understand. I know I'm not the only one to experience something like this, and I know she isn't doing anything all the other kids do at some point, but it all happened too fast for me to keep up. None of my world makes sense and I feel like I'm trapped in a corner, and I got to come out soon. I have joined multiple platforms looking for people to connect with, but I'm bad at it and don't really connect well. I am trying harder than I ever have in my life, but I'm struggling to exist right now. My parents failed to teach me anything except for how to screw up my kids while thinking my best would never be enough. Anyway, I just need a few people to connect with and maybe find my way back. My soul hurts and I just need somewhere to belong and one day that I don't wish God wouldn't have made such a mistake. I went from getting kisses and I love you to being ignored and nonexistent in sixty-five days. I'm still sitting in the same spot waiting for her to come back and make all this end. and she hasn't even missed me enough to call me since shes been gone. I don't want. to see tomorrow today was plenty. I have my faith and im holding on to my mustard seed tight. If nothing else, if you read all this even if you don't respond, just send a little prayer my way please and thank you. i appreciate the space and allowing me to be present. Thank you all.
Andrea
I am Born Hempy or Andrea by birth. I was born in Hemphill; Texas and I feel about as small as that place is right now. I have a son that is nineteen who loved me one minute and hasn't spoken to me since that minute and that was almost three years ago. Sixty-five days ago, my fifteen-year-old daughter decided she too was done with my parenting and ran off with her girlfriend and landed at the father's she's never know eight hours away, because I' wasn't allowed to correct her behavior. Her walking out brought back all the childhood trauma that I had once tucked away very deeply. I have been saved since I was fifteen and I raised both of my children in the same church I grew up in, without my nonbelieving parents. I was sexually, mentally, and physically abused for most of my childhood. My parents are now passed, and I have no other family other than two siblings that are more screwed up than I am. I quit high school when I was nineteen and have spent the last sixteen years working as much as I could to provide as much as i could on the choices I was making at the time. I moved to Houston two years ago for a fresh start after the kids and I lost everything to our name. Since moving to Houston, I finished high school, and I am now a first-generation college student working on a Bachelor of Science degree. I just finished my first year with a 4.0 GPA and even made the president's list. As great of accomplishments as those sounds, when a person is as broken as I am, it's hard to really understand much of the life that's passing me by. I didn't know how broken I was until getting into college and learning the ends and outs of mental health and addiction. It changed my life in a way I never thought possible. My daughter walking out stopped my life dead in its tracks. I suddenly feel like a monster that is unworthy of anything more than the chaos i was born into. While I didn't always make the right choices, there wasn't a day that passed. I didn't put my children first. I didn't know then what I know now. Then I thought I was a great mother. Now I am saddened because I failed in a way, I wasn't even aware of until I started learning mental health. I am lost. I am discouraged, and any time I stand up for myself or try to set boundaries, I'm punished and walked out on. I'm at the end. I know God has a purpose for my life, but I never imagine my life without my little girl. I spent fifteen years watching her sleep and making sure she stayed safe, and no harm came her way, and I was so good at it that she's never missed a drop of sleep. She was my universe, my only reason to believe there was good out there. She was the first thing I ever liked about myself and now she's gone. I didn't even get to fight with her. We never screamed at each other or had one of those i hate you fights. I thought our relationship was okay; I thought we were close, and I was completely wrong. She hates me and won't even tell me why. She just ignores me. She kissed me and said I'd see her the next day. That was sixty-five days ago. She replaced me in one day and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel like anything more than a monster. Why would I ever try to stand up for myself again? She lied to me and when I tried to correct hher,I lost her. don't understand. I know I'm not the only one to experience something like this, and I know she isn't doing anything all the other kids do at some point, but it all happened too fast for me to keep up. None of my world makes sense and I feel like I'm trapped in a corner, and I got to come out soon. I have joined multiple platforms looking for people to connect with, but I'm bad at it and don't really connect well. I am trying harder than I ever have in my life, but I'm struggling to exist right now. My parents failed to teach me anything except for how to screw up my kids while thinking my best would never be enough. Anyway, I just need a few people to connect with and maybe find my way back. My soul hurts and I just need somewhere to belong and one day that I don't wish God wouldn't have made such a mistake. I went from getting kisses and I love you to being ignored and nonexistent in sixty-five days. I'm still sitting in the same spot waiting for her to come back and make all this end. and she hasn't even missed me enough to call me since shes been gone. I don't want. to see tomorrow today was plenty. I have my faith and im holding on to my mustard seed tight. If nothing else, if you read all this even if you don't respond, just send a little prayer my way please and thank you. i appreciate the space and allowing me to be present. Thank you all.
Andrea
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