~Chuckle for the Day~

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,733
9,660
113
Ah yes, Get Smart. Great show. Terrible movie. We like to pretend the movie never happened.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
i am a junk man hauling junk for a living so here are a few of my "chuckle's of the day": "you call, i haul, that's all", "don't pout, give a shout, no doubt i'll throw it out", "don't moan, pick up the phone, call me at home".
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
9,422
4,837
113
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco.

While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?”

"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars and handed it to the shop owner. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story.”

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began walking a bit faster. A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown. "Ahhh," said the owner,
You come back for story?”

No sir," said the man. "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.”

facepalm-monkey - Copy.jpg banjo_lg_wht.gif
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
once upon a time, time was born & took its time until time never ran out!!!
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
yes, time slips into time infinitely but i can't see time & time again why time has no time!!!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,733
9,660
113
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco.

While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?”

"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars and handed it to the shop owner. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story.”

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began walking a bit faster. A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.


Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.


The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown. "Ahhh," said the owner,
You come back for story?”


No sir," said the man. "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.”

View attachment 250293 View attachment 250294
I have been getting SO much mileage out of this one with the family and on the job.
 

Karlon

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2023
2,703
1,236
113
hhhhhmmmmmmm!!! maybe the internet should be called the "fishing net"! & school should be called "school without rule"!
 

ChristsChild

Active member
Apr 28, 2023
213
109
43
After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.


During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

:LOL:
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
9,422
4,837
113
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery…

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance.”

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?” He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."


facepalm-monkey - Copy.jpg hippy.gif
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
9,422
4,837
113
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
>
>> 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St Peter asked.
>
>> 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
>
>> 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen
>
>> So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!
>
>> St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
>
>> 'Couple of minutes ago’
>

>

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