New(ish) Christian with unbelieving partner

Hello all,

I'm looking for some wisdom in regards to my situation.

I have recently returned to the Lord after many years, it happened suddenly and unexpectedly, but in his abundant grace he drew me out again. I cannot stop thanking him.

Anyway, at home I have a girlfriend I've been with for quite a few years, we also have two very young children.

Long story short, I believe I am to remain where I was called, and that the timing has its purpose. There is however some more complicated issues arisen out of our differences in faith - namely that I am Christian and she is not.

The big one is fornication. We are not married. I am trusting the Lord in this, that as ridiculous as it may seem to my partner - that I suddenly can no longer have sex with the person I already have two children with - that the Lord holds the hearts of all in his hand and can soften or harden at his will.

I am praying and reading the word of God often, always talking to him and asking for wisdom and guidance.

I would really appreciate advice from godly men or women, who may have been through something similar, or have sensible biblical advice on how to approach this conversation with my partner.

Firstly, welcome to the family of God! Secondly, welcome to CC!

And thirdly, may the Lord give you peace, patience, and wisdom. It sounds like you have your head screwed on straight, though you are in an awkward situation. What happened prior to your salvation is past tense for you; it's the old life, and cannot be used to justify continued sin today or in the future. Pray for your girlfriend, that she would be open to hearing the gospel. Ask the Lord for guidance on how and when to broach the subject with her.

Set a firm boundary (well back from actual intercourse; I would recommend no sexual activity at all. Stand firm in your conviction; if she can convince you to sleep with her even once, she may never believe that your salvation is meaningful to you. If separate bedrooms aren't an option, perhaps alternate accommodation may be necessary for a while.

It may sound strange, but I would also recommend against marrying her until and unless she becomes a Christian. That would be unwise because you would be unequally yoked. At present you are not yoked in the same way.

Pray for your kids too. You don't share how old they are, but I would suggest strongly that you begin taking them to a Church service with you, and teaching and modeling biblical truths to them. Tell them the gospel plainly and clearly.

Dino246 has given you some excellent advice. But I was also encouraged for you by two things you wrote:

1. You have already taken steps to be obedient even though this has come at a cost to you. You chose to obey rather than make excuses and in this you honor God.

2. You recognize that though the timing is bad in human terms, it is the time God has chosen. It wasn't random. And God has purpose in His timing.

So continue steadfastly in your pursuit of God and continue to trust Him. I'll be praying for you and your family.

While the sexual aspect may sound ridiculous to her, the obedience aspect may not.

It might even earn her respect to see someone who refuses to disobey God.

Here are two important scriptures to keep in mind.

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man commits is outside the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Isaiah 43:1-3 and Isaiah 43:2

Welcome!

#ICAMETOSHARE

"Make no mistake, a commitment to a bond of love between a man and woman are
often what holds a relationship together to overcome any concerning issues...believe it.

'And most likely everyone here, including myself have undoubtedly committed acts that
are considered sexual immoral according to God's inspired thoughts. It's life happening
in real time here in the now. Things happen, get over it.

'And advice often brings about conflicting thoughts which may cause more confusion than
intended. Every situation of individuals is different, no exceptions.

"I have learned over the past two plus decades since God came into my life, that the past is
history and not to dwell on things I can't change. And my wife has her personal faith, and I have mine
and we accept the fact that it is not necessary to try and change one's personal faith with God.
And long as there is compatible harmony, all is well...because thank God we have a commitment to
our bond of love. This most certainly has endured for over five decades! Thank God!

'And in no uncertain terms, with the proper love of God and one's spouse, all things most likely will
come together for the peace and wellbeing of all to come to learn of...together, one day at a time...
here in the now."

God will bless your obedience to Him,
When she sees you reading the Bible, kneeling in prayer, giving thanks to God in prayer for your food before eating, she might join you, don’t be afraid.
Faith can be very infectious.
An obedient christian is a very honourable thing.
Those who don’t follow the good shepherd Jesus Christ are the first ones to spot a hypocrite.
The Lord will then give you open doors to speak to her, and He will put the words in your mouth.
If she is willing, try to attend a Bible believing meeting somewhere.
That she might be led to the Lord for salvation. I’m sure you probably could do that but it maybe wiser to find a Christian woman to pray with her.
Once she has given her heart to God then of course you can marry her.

The Bible mentions about sexual immorality, but not living together/ having kids.

In my opinion from a biblical standpoint you're considered already married spiritually. "And the 2 will become 1." Your spirits are already intertwined. That's just my opinion. It doesn't specifically say.

So there's this very confusing situation. You're basically on a fast from intercourse.

From a worldly perspective its going to be very difficult. Your gf is not saved, so she's not going to understand. For your relationship it's going to be very difficult. There's a high chance of cheating to occur. It also can seem like an ultimatum. When you're saved, we will get married and have sex. That will never work.

On the other hand perhaps God will open her heart. Whatever the situation God is good and will always give you the desires of your heart. Just be aware... it doesn't always originally go the way we plan. In fact often it doesn't and it's only when looking back we understand.

you are on the right path to obedience to God. all & any sex outside of marriage is sin, whether it's thinking about it, speaking about it or performing it. you may be answering the call of the Holy Spirit. it takes a mighty strong person to refrain from fornication. imagine the number of people who have fornicated since adam & eve! wow! but God's abundant grace continues in His forgiving. 2nd Corinthians chapter 6 explains being unequally yoked. ....for what fellowship hath light with darkness or a believer with a non believer. there is always a way to get anything accomplished. i met a fine Christian woman back in 97' & i told her, "we are Christians, we shouldn't be doing this". so we stopped. i dated her for another 15 years & we refrained from sex. you can do it! tell yourself you have victory over the devil who has no power against you unless you let him. i find that addressing every problem with a smile, comedy & or laughter is a great way to win the battles of life. for me, it works better than anything. with Jesus help, by course. kneel on the floor to Jesus, with your g.f. & pray intensely about this. it looks like the Rapture is soon so that's another reason to implement in your success. you'll be "Christian clean" as i always say!!!!!! blessings to you!

Have you considered she may not want more children and be totally fine with that and even welcome it? Your responsibility as a christian DAD to your own children now comes first not your own selfish desires. Be the best dad to your children that you can be -surely two children are enough blessings ?! and show their mother what true love and faithfulness is really like.

We don't want more children. She isn't totally fine with it. People don't stop having intercourse because they have had their desired amount of children? Furthermore, she is not yet a follower of Christ. She sees a sex life as part of a healthy relationship. Married or not.

Having sex doesn't make two people married. Becoming one flesh is for marriage. Doing it outside of marriage is wrong. Paul warns Christians about becoming one in body with a prostitute. But he is talking about fornication, not marriage. That's in I Corinthians 6. In chapter 7, he suggests marriage as a means of avoiding fornication.

If she were a believer, not entangled with another husband, etc. marriage would seem like the obvious solution. But since that is not the case, this is a more difficult situation. I will pray for her to come to faith in Christ.

Will she go to church, or maybe a seeker type Bible study?

a man & woman's sexual union consumates the marriage when they get married. no doubt that when a man & woman unite, there spirits become 1 in at least a couple ways.

Well are you going to marry your girlfriend then? She might fall in love with you and say yes. Give a date and get engaged and pray about her heart and she may come to faith during that engagement.

The worse that can happen is she breaks the engagement off but then you will know its over for sure if she hasnt had her come to Jesus moment. If she does come to Him then you will defintiely know and promise to love and cherish your wife until you die?

Why dont you want more children? Children may happen as a result of intercourse so be prepared for that. Dont be the 'dad' whos wife falls pregnant because of intercourse and then turn around and say oh its inconvenient we dont want anymore childen. You both chose to do it.