Should a Certain Amount of Debt Prevent A Person from Marrying? How Should It Be Handled?

think of the opposite: the higher the debt amount, the more responsibility when married. minds change their way of thinking after matrimony. people start thinking, "oh no, what did i do"? unless a spouse is super rich, getting married is a huge no-no when pre existing debt is in question.

For me, debt doesn't bother me as much if it is "good" debt. I know many people with student loans. Fortunately I made it a point to pay off my debt by the time I reached 30.

Money, spending, and debt are conversations I don't think enough Christians have -- at least, not before it's too late.

I don't know if it's a case of opposites attracting, but one of the reasons I'm single is because I generally attracted guys who spent a lot more money than they made. Women always get a bad rap for shopping or wanting a life beyond their means and then using a man as an ATM, but somehow I wound up in the opposite situation, and people often wouldn't believe me.

There's also the double whammy that in the Christian mindset, the man is supposed to be the head of the household. But that doesn't mean he's automatically good with or should be handling the money. And that causes a lot of friction, because in the few relationships I had, it usually boiled down to, "I'm the man, so there's no way a woman is going to be in control of the finances. Sure, I know you're paying some of my bills for me because of my irresponsible spending and refusing to change, but I'm the man, and I'll dictate my finances -- and yours." No thank you. I know of at least one case in which the guy had to file for bankruptcy, and I thank God I got out when I did.

And I'm certainly no financial genius. I just had parents who said NO to a lot of things when I was growing up (I always tell them one of the most valuable lessons they taught me was delayed gratification,) lived under their means, and always stressed saving and investing for the future.

It's an interesting -- and hazardous -- phenomenon in the church as well. I was raised in a church where since the pastors were the spiritual authority, they were always seen as the financial authority as well. It didn't seem to cross their minds that people can be great in one area but have absolutely no skill in another. All the church seemed to know how was to make big plans, continuously ask the people for more money, and then say it was to get more people saved -- with the unspoken side effect of bringing in more money (to make bigger plans, to bring in more people, to get more saved, who bring in more money...) And so the merry-go-round went on and on.

Now to give them credit, they were always open about where the money was going. It's just that there never seemed to be any talk of paying off debt before taking on more.

These days, one of my criteria for a church is how open it is about its finances and how much it prioritizes paying off debt (because how can they teach people about this if they're not doing it themselves?)

In my young adulthood, I started attending another church that had a lot of community involvement and was seeing a lot of growth because of it. I remember the day when, instead of asking for money, they asked regulars if they would be open to attending church on a different day or time to allow room for new people during the more traditional service times.

The pastor explained that the church had no debt, and so instead of taking out a loan and building an additional sanctuary, they first wanted to try getting more use out of the space they already owned by offering more services. I was floored. My original church would have just started planning an addition -- the cost would have been an afterthought because they would say that "The Lord will provide" (via expectations that members would just give more.)

I'm certainly not saying there isn't a time or place for each of these strategies, depending on where God leads.

But I remember calling my parents right after the service and telling them, "I've found a church that doesn't have any debt! Isn't that... Some kind of sin?!?"

But all I had ever known was churches swimming in masses of debt as the norm.

It's funny how something can be so ingrained into your mindset that even when you come across a better, healthier way -- somehow, at least at first, it still feels wrong.

I dont like being thought of as a 'money bringer' to church like Im somehow a paying customer rather than a member. Doesnt sit well with me. But then I kept wondering why people always asked me after the service had I found a job or how was work or was I still working. I didnt really clue in they just wanted to know how much I earned so they could judge me on how much value I was or what I was worth.

Or they were genuinely concerned and wanted to know if their prayers for you had been answered.

Hey Everyone,

I can't confirm how accurate these numbers are because this was just a quick web search, and I can't tell you what the average age is that would be associated with these numbers.

But if Google is to be believed, the average American's debts look something like this:

Average American Credit Card Debt: $9,260.00
Average American Student Loan Balance: $37,338.00
Average American Auto Loan Balance: $20,987.00


Grand Total: $67,585.00


So if an average American man and woman with the average amount of debt were to get married, they might possibly be looking at about $135,170.00 worth of debt -- right as they say, "I do." Some of this might be included in the credit card debt, but what about additional medical bills a person might have and/or family expenses (children from previous marriages, etc.)? And the numbers keep climbing higher every year.

Even as Christians, statistics still show that money is always at the top of the list of reasons as to why many people divorce. Now of course, our faith in God should ALWAYS be above money.

But I have to be honest -- I can't imagine what it must be like to start a brand-new life with someone when it comes with the immense pressure of a 6-figure debt right off the bat. Then again, each person was dealing with their own debts individually, so maybe now it will be a relief to have someone else to tackle it with -- even if it means double or more the amount.

How does debt affect Christian singles in their dating life/search for a spouse?

* Does debt ever cause you to withdraw from dating -- whether because you don't want to put your debts onto someone else, or because you don't want to take on anyone else's debt but your own?

* What is the line between going ahead, getting married, and "trusting that God will work everything out," vs. holding off getting married or not marrying at all because of extreme debt? And how do you know when to make which choice?

* If someone told you they had over $60,000 in debt, would it affect your decision of whether or not to date or eventually marry them? Would it depend on how much debt you yourself owed?

* What experiences have you had or have seen regarding this? Did you or someone you know marry anyway, despite large debts? How did it go? Or did you wait and try to get some of them paid down first? What happened?

* What would be your advice to couples who want to marry, but are facing enormous amounts of debt? Should they wait, or go ahead and marry, trusting that God will help them pay?

Please don't misunderstand. I am NOT saying in any way that we should somehow let money guide our decisions rather than God.

But even the Bible talks about having solid foundations to build our lives upon, and I know that for me, I would be very cautious about getting into such a situation without a lot of prayer, counsel, and action (having an active plan of how to pay the debts down.) All the prayer in the world isn't going to give us peace of mind if we have bill collectors hounding us 24/7.

And for people who have not experienced this first hand, maybe you've seen this happen with your own parents or family members.

I would really like to hear some honest accounts of how these situations were handled, and how people are approaching this today.

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she spent $3000 on a pet rabbit though who had a cat scan and has cancer
so medical bills is something you cant help

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Spending $3000 or not on a sick rabbit is something you can help. lol

I don't blink at getting a pet medical attention, but I wouldn't spend thousands of dollars to treat a rabbit, partially because they have a 5-10 yr lifespan. Spending a lot of money on sick pets is a very difficult decision, I think every situation is different. I just think it's important to remember animals are not as important as people.