Can't be mad at anyone but myself right now. I'm dealing with some kind of health scare right now as a result of some bad choices I made 3 weeks ago. Not even exactly sure what's going on except I've been depressed and laying in bed everyday. I have no energy to do anything and have been having suicidal ideations yet again.
Hello Gemmy,
I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I have often been where you are right now many times in my life, and from experience I can honestly tell you, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and that there is no such thing as a mistake. That said, please understand and know that God understands what you are going through (in fact, God already knew you would do what you did–before you even thought about doing it). He allowed you to utilize your "Free Will" which He had given you so you could make the choice you've made (whether right or wrong–good or bad). Now, God allowed you to make the choices you've made for a reason. What is the reason and the lesson you need to learn from the situation you're in is "The Key and The Answer" to your troubles/problem. Here are some possible thoughts you might want to consider as an answer and or solution to your situation:
1.
God is trying to speak to you through the situation you are in. So, listen carefully with your heart, intellect and spirit.
2.
God maybe punishing you for what you have done, so that you will know that it is wrong and that you shouldn't do it again.
3.
God wants you to turn away from others support (including yourself) and turn to Him for EVERYTHING you need.
4.
God is TESTING your faith in Him and His power to help and heal you (if it's His will to do so; if not, then He won't).
5.
God maybe preparing you for His task, work or ministry which may require you to be humble and experienced from this situation.
6.
God is possibly saving your (spiritual and spiritual) life by allowing you to go through what you're going through.
7.
God wants to see how you will handle the situation. Will you handle it His way or your way; or in a good or bad way?
And finally, God wants you to ALWAYS give Him thanks and praise for EVERYTHING that He allows to happen to you and for you (whether or not you or others think it is good or bad). Accept what God allows for you and God will show and or tell you His plan for your situation and life. This His SHALL do, IF you trust Him by faith in Him and His Almighty Power. Amen. HalleluYah!
Also, please read about Job's; Jonah's; Joseph's; Moses', the Hebrews or Children of Israel; Christ Jesus'; the Disciples; the Apostles; etc. misfortunes in both the Old and New Testaments and be encouraged from their life's troubles, problems and losses. And know that God hasn't forgotten or forsaken you in you time of trouble or need, just like He never forgotten or forsaken any of His people and children in or outside the Bible, NEVER–EVER. Amen. HalleluYah!
I'm praying for you Gemmy, and God will bless and help you, IF you REPENT (stop doing or committing) your sins ALL of them. I mean, DO NOT willfully commit them, because you will always sin (accidentally or unknowingly) until God convicts your conscious, heart and soul of your sins (i.e., of what you've done wrong or whenever you break or disobey God's laws and commandments). Amen.