By What Age Should Someone Own/Have Bought a House?

Hey Everyone,

After talking with a Christian friend about two people we know who are feeling the double whammy of getting older (approaching 35/40,) and not yet owning a house, I was wondering by what age people are expected to accomplish this nowadays.

I realize this will vary widely depending on location, country, age, culture, and perhaps gender -- which is another reason why I'm interested in what others have to say about it. The two people who inspired this thread are male, so I'm wondering if there is more pressure on men to buy or own a home because they are seen as providers. The guys I've asked about this worry about being seen as losers (specifically to potential dates) if they don't have a house.

For my own self, I've always thought it really depends on the person's circumstance, especially in modern economic times. I live in the USA and am seen as part of the "Sandwich Generation" -- not only do many people my age have their own families to care for and kids to put through school, but at the same time, their aging parents are in the stages of needing part or full-time care, both physically and financially.

I personally couldn't expect a man to own his own home if, let's say for example, he's gone through an unwanted divorce, is paying for his children, and is also facing the responsibility of housing/caring for his parents on top of that. The most sensible thing would most likely be for shared living quarters (such as staying at home with them,) so to me, that's completely understandable. It makes me feel a little sad for men who feel this kind of pressure because everyone these days have so much on their plates.

I'm curious as to how the modern Christian community feels about this.

* By what age would you expect a grown adult to have bought or own a home by now?

* Parents -- by what age would you expect your child to live completely financially and spacially independently from you? Do you expect them to live in an apartment or house? Would you want them to have roommates, or be able to afford their own place?

* Do you think the expectations have anything to do with gender? Would you expect a man and a woman to have bought or own a home by the same benchmark age?

* Parents -- do you have different expectations for your sons and daughters? (i.e., Would you expect your son or daughter to buy or own a home by different ages according to gender?)

* Do you even think it's possible to own a home these days?


I'm really looking forward to a discussion about this -- and am even hoping that maybe some of the answers will help calm the anxiety of anyone who might be feeling this type of pressure, but have completely justified reasons for not yet owning a home.

God bless you and thanks for taking the time to answer!

Let's see, I bought my first home at 38 (which was just a few years ago when I got so tired of staying home that I bought a new home, or at least that's how I tell it). I figure I spent a good 10 years in extended adolescence so if I was one of those driven focused career minded people I probably could have bought something around 28 if that had been my goal.

Unfortunately so much depends upon being wise enough at a young age to not set yourself back hugely. Biggest 2 or 3 obstacles for the average person in my area are probably 1) way too many monster sized houses and not enough starter homes 2) debt from credit cards or college or both and just general poor money management skills 3) Wanting the perfect home as your first home ( I took several weeks to decide on my house and would have taken longer if I didn't get spooked by another better house going off the market after a day and realized that this was a good enough deal that I didn't want to loose it even if it felt more like a living quarters upgrade than my dream home).

As to age it "should" be done: I think owning your own home is still something of an American ideal that isn't even practical in many other countries (land is too valuable to sell and no one could afford it anyway). But getting out on your own, ideally within a year of getting your first full time job unless there's a compelling reason you can't ( like having to take care of a family member , traveling for work more than home, etc ). It's good to learn those adulting skills while you have trusted adults still around to teach them to you.

The situation for home ownership has really changed. In my opinion most people can no longer afford to buy a residence. Here's a couple examples of how things have changed:

1. My father was working for US Civil Service, after a 20 year career in the US Army. In the year 1963, he was really proud and bragged that he was making $6 an hour. He supported his wife, a homemaker, and five children. And, while our family only had one car/tv/telephone, we never really wanted for anything. Despite supporting himself, his wife, and five children he was able to afford to buy a 4 bedroom house for $17,000. That same house today lists for $560,000 and most young couples, even with both of them working and no kids, can't afford to buy a house like this.

2. When I was a senior in high school, I washed dishes after school as a part time job. I got the minimum wage of $1 an hour and a 10% raise to $1.10 after 3 months. Don't laugh, I could buy 4 packs of cigarettes with $1 in those days. Today, I'd have to make around $30 an hour to make the same purchase. One day, the short order cook, a young man of about 20 years old who was making $2 an hour asked if I could help him out. Turns out that he was getting married and had just purchased a nice 3 bedroom house and wanted me to help paint it and get it ready for his bride to move into. What short order cook could afford to buy a house today? None at all.

I understand inflation but that's not the problem. The problem is that Americans have lost buying power and can no longer afford to buy the things they used to. About 50% of all households can't save any money at all. Last I checked, the average household credit card debt was running about $14,000.

With the sky high cost of rentals, non-homeowners can't save up to buy a house. They give up.

So, I'm afraid that many are out of luck, unless a parent dies and leaves a fortune or a house. You've got the haves and the have nots. Sad but true. Things didn't used to be that way.

Thank you both for taking the time to answer! I really enjoyed reading about your experiences.

Your posts pointed out several of the modern obstacles to home ownership today.

One of the things I'm curious about is that as you both have stated, things have changed, and quite drastically at that. But owning a home has been entrenched in the American (USA) psyche for so long as being a "God-given right," or at least, an almost absolute goal or expectation, that I'm wondering how long it's going to take for expectations to come into alignment with our new reality.

For instance, will the "American Dream" shift from wanting to a buy a house to just dreaming of renting a bigger apartment/occupancy? And how long will that take to become the "new psychological norm," seeing as it's pretty much what people are having to do now?

If Brother Bill asks Sister Sally on a date this weekend and she's put off by the fact that he can't afford to buy a house (to provide for a family,) how many years will it take for those kinds of societal expectations to change? (If ever?)

I'm also hoping we'll hear from friends in other countries/cultures who will tells us what's expected in their societies, because I'm wondering how what kinds of beliefs people outside of the USA have regarding owning a home.

Equity.

If you're old enough to get a credit card(s), and rent, go for buying a house before you consider a rental.

There is no equity in renting an apartment or home. Whereas paying about the same for a mortgage as you would a rental is an investment that will let you to recoup your money if/when you sell.

I'll write the contrary on this....

My wife and I didn't want a house....so we didn't ever buy one and saved the difference in costs. Houses require regular maintenance and upgrades. A 20year old bathroom or kitchen looks dated....the house is sold on bathrooms and kitchens. And then there's the landscaping. Gotta mow the lawn and weedeater it every week....or shovel the snow off the roof.
All requiring SOMEONE to do these things. Nevermind water heaters, plumbing leaks, air handlers going out, and etc. Paint? Hedges and flowers? Branches broken on trees? Ice storms? Tornadoes?

But renting allowed us true mobility. We could pack up and move in 6 weeks and be all there. No house to sell or anything. Just give notice and go wherever....which is what God said He wanted....for us to keep our powder dry and be ready to go when He said.
And we traveled a lot without a care....nothing due but rent.

So....
All that being said,
My wife and I just finished buying our first home last month. It's a 1890 queen Ann Victorian. It's been somewhat neglected for the past ten years and most of the recent updates since the invention of indoor plumbing and electricity have been done by "Bubba". So much is almost right it's frustrating.....and so much has just been neglected it's depressing. But the bones are solid as a rock....and for a guy like me it's a new hobby. But it's basically a mansion with over 3500 sq/ft.

Currently it sits on 1.18 acres....plenty of room for a fruit farm. A mini orchard. I got lots of pecan trees already. The sides have been neglected so I've been clearing out the encroaching jungle.
I love it because it's not a copycat repeat of a rectangular house with the same boring features as everyone else. 14 foot ceilings....plaster walls...heart pine floors...gingerbread wrap around porch....and the tower. A real attic dying to be finished.
Chair rails, wainscoting, crown molding, transit windows, and stained glass everywhere.
We have a fairytale house...just needs some TLC. (OK, I'll stop crowing)
But it's been 20 years since I mowed a lawn and I know nothing of modern riding lawnmowers that are zero turn. So I'm going to need help.
Even chainsaws have changed.
Weedeaters?

But for my previous lifestyle a house would have been a waste. I had a job as temp help that I worked as temp help for the past 15 years at. As much as I wanted to work. Overtime or not at all. Perfect for me. We just had to work around my wife's regular job. I didn't, but she did. I could stay an extra 2 weeks in Brazil if I needed to so I could finish wiring up a barracks.

So....it's up to what you really need. I know a couple who the husband had a house before they got married but the wife couldn't stand it...she tolerated it for their first 8 years of marriage....but then sold it first chance they got. It was not "their" place. He liked it...but loved her more.

The goal is to have a house paid off by retirement, which means buying a home during late 30s at the latest with a 30 year mortgage. However, if a person is able to pay cash for a house around 65, that is okay too. I just don't think it is a great idea to have a mortgage or have other major debts during retirement as for many people income is already limited and that could add stress.

Personally, it doesn't bother me if a guy has a house or not. One worry I would have is that the guy might be too settled in his house, and would be unwilling to move or is closed to buying our own home together. What matters more to me is if he is being financially responsible and is saving towards his future.

Home ownership is not a big goal of mine, but I do want to have my home paid off by the time I retire. Right now I prefer flexibility and mobility. There is a good case for building equity, but there are a lot of costs associated with home ownership, such as mortgage interest, taxes, insurance, HOAS, even electricity and heat bills are higher for a house than apartment due to larger space. I do not think rent is throwing money away. I prefer renting from an owner rather than leasing company because the increases are much lower, but this may not always be possible. I was kind of lucky/blessed to find my last landlord.

I always like hearing about the different experiences that back up the ongoing debate of whether it's better to own a home and build equity or to rent and, it's said, throw money away.

I've done both, and my personal conclusion is that it all depends on your circumstances. I owned a house in a less expensive area, but even then, the amount I paid in closing costs, maintenance, HOA fees, landscaping, and property taxes easily added up to several months' worth of rent during which I would not have had to worry about any of those things (providing I had a good landlord.)

I've listened to a lot of podcasts about renting vs. owning and the general consensus now seems to be that in order for a house to pay off, you have to stay there at least 7 to 10 years (they said it used to be 3-5, but the payoff time has increased along with the prices.) Due to family situations, I don't feel confident that I can stay in one place long enough for a house to be worth the inflexibility and miscellaneous upfront costs.

When I've been in rental situations, I've been blessed enough to have management that took care of things. I know one of my frustrations of owning a home is the stress of taking care of everything myself, along with trying to find trustworthy professionals who are reliable enough to do any needed work.

With a rental, I just had to put in a request and (praise God,) it was taken care of -- and on my schedule, as I always insisted on being there when the work is done.

I understand the train of thought that rent is throwing money away -- I grew up with that belief firmly entrenched into my brain by family members who had almost always owned their homes. But especially as I get older, seeing as I'm neither handy around the house nor do I have a husband or anyone who might be able to help with such issues, renting is starting to seem like a more attractive option.

We also have to factor in purchasing power and inflation when we do sell a home and make a profit in a future. For example, if you sell a home at a $100K profit 20 years from now, that is $50K in today's worth. (What we have now is worth half 20 years from now, based on consumer price index). A $500K home is the same as a home work $250K around the year 2000, or around $125K in 1980. So, once you factor this in plus all other home ownership costs, I don't see a big motivation to buy a home.

Another factor I am always amazed to see neglected in the "Why It's So Much Better to Own A Home" is that no one ever seems to mention that when you sell your home, if you don't have another place on standby, you are going to need a new place to live! Unless one plans on conveniently clocking out and going to heaven right after the sale...

This means you will have to either find another home that's as affordable or less than what you are living in now, as well as pay a whole new set of closing and moving costs. Not many homes are turn-key, so that would also most likely mean a healthy dose of additional money needed for repairs and updates.

I can understand if perhaps a couple has owned their home their entire lives, raised a family, and then downgrades into a smaller place (but even then -- in my area, you can't find houses that aren't built for couples -- everything is built for families -- one of my relatives called about a new area that doesn't have anything less than 2200 square feet,) so they may very well find themselves renting anyway.

And for those who aren't looking into moving into a smaller place, unless they can really make a killer profit on their home sale and find a less expensive way to live, I agree with you, Ms. Mediator.

It might just be me, but in these kinds of situations, there doesn't seem to be like there's generally much incentive to own -- especially when someone might not be able to buy for the first time until they're say, 45.

Does being 45 with a 30-year mortgage (stretching out until age 75) really sound ideal?

I'm not saying it can't work; I'm just saying that for myself and my own circumstances, this probably isn't what I would chose.

especially if someone was brought up learning how to perform all the chores in & out of the home & performs these tasks with joy, then you are to buy a house. but of course the money issue exists. my thinking is because the world is such a mess, have at least 50-70% of the money for a downpayment to buy the house. your job must be very secure too.

I LOVE Victorian Queen Ann architecture -- it's my absolute favorite style of house.

Please, when you get this beauty all fixed up -- or to the point where you consider it presentable -- let us know.

I would gladly pay an admission fee for a tour!

I have to wonder if there is a kind of fairytale ideal in general that surrounds home ownership and real estate in the USA . Is it like this in other countries too? Does, for example, Canada or New Zealand (countries where some of our frequent posters live) have the same kind of expectations?

I always hear how real estate is THE way to make "passive income" -- but from what I've seen, the rental business is anything but passive. I have family members who have done this and dealt with things such as tenants trashing the house and coming home from vacation to a fence that was blown over. Since the fence was never properly set to begin with, the whole thing had to be taken out, then cement had to be poured to set new posts and the entire thing had to be rebuilt with all-new materials -- all at the landlord's own cost, time, and backbreaking labor, of course.

I just listened to a podcast about a guy in his 30's who was always told that real estate was the way to go... So he started buying and renting out properties when he was 19. He said he intended to try to keep adding to them until he had a fleet of rentals to support himself and could finally quit his day job.

But he soon found that this didn't work out and he said he capped his number of rentals to 5, because he was finding that he needed to set aside $10,000 - $30,000 PER rental due to all the unforeseen costs.

I've also heard of tenants who poured cement down the drains to spite their landlord when they were kicked out, and another story about a couple who tried to sue for "slipping in the bathtub" when in truth, they'd had had an accident at a completely unrelated event (a social cookout!) but thought they could make some easy money off the landlord.

I know that there are plenty of people with stories from the opposite side of the fence (pun intended) -- renters who have had horrific landlords -- but this is my way of musing out loud as to why there seems to be such a big push on owning properties and what seems to be so few mentions of the realities of actually doing so.

Depends on the overall market. A rising tide lifts all boats.
RE paid handsomely in terms of increased valuations, more so in the real hotspots.

It was almost impossible to lose money in this latest bull market. That run is now well and truly over.
Macro and trend indicators are flashing red all over the place now. Ruh roh and buh bye.

And yes being a landlord is the most painful way to make money in the universe.
You get into it for the increased RE valuations.......that is where the real money is made.

Yes,
Admission costs currently involve a paint scraper, and gloves while wearing old clothes.


However a hug, smile, and a bottle of wine to share might suffice.

We currently are developing a story surrounding a ghost that is haunting the house. It's needed for the character of this house. Any suggestions are welcome. It's really not haunted....but the hype will make it appear that way. And all the really cool houses are haunted.

Currently I got ⅓ of a trailer load of brush piled up. More to go. But the hedges got trimmed and around the house itself cleared.

Sounds like a $100K-150K min long term 5-10 year project not including labor. What do you think your cost imputs will be? 10K per year min?

Here you go @seoulsearch a pic of the place. The "before" picture.

Rent has soared as high as house prices. I moved to Colorado in 1982, made $10 an hour and $15 for each overtime hour. It was good money in those days. With overtime I was making $30,000 a year. I got a nice/furnished two bedroom apartment for $300 a month, $3,600 a year.

My annual rent came out to be 12% of my annual salary. Today, the same apartment rents for $2,000 a month or $24,000 a year. In order for that to be 12% of my annual salary, I'd have to be making $200,000 per year. Think about that!!!!!!!!!!

That just shows how rents have soared and why renters can't afford to buy houses.

PS Personally, I have no solution to this problem nor do I know what has caused this problem. I have family members, with both spouses working and no kids, and they can't afford to save anything at all.