Finding a Christian spouse

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M

Makamore

Member
#21
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#21
TabinRivCA said:
Here's my prefab answer: Get involved with volunteer work and keep busy. I know many matches were lit by men observing women dedicated to serving, and vice-versa. Also, I'd toss in Mk11;23-24, the whatsoever you desire verses that state when you pray---believe. God bless.
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Thank you , I take this as a confirmation from God. It's been on my heart to volunteer at an orphanage and your comment was the catalyst that drove me to act upon that desire today. Not necessarily to meet someone but to give back and if I happen to meet someone there, it'll be a bonus. I know for sure that when I'm busy doing the things of God, I hardly even think about dating, so thank God for that :)
 
M

Makamore

Member
#22
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#22
Lanolin said:
It seems a bit weird that all the Bible teachers with a passion for Jesus I knew were women and the ones that were men were pastors or teachers were already married straight out of high school.

?! Anyway I dont think anyone is being picky but you kind of have to be if you want to be bound to someone the rest of your life until you or they die. (or kill each other, as case may be) We dont want that and God doesnt want that for you.

If you dont really care and just want to have children, any man will do it seems. They will leave and you'll be left bringing them up on your own. then your children will leave when they grow up unless you make them stay (i.e. make life so good for them that they will never want to leave you! )
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Yes honestly I know what you mean. Even the head pastor of my church is a woman. In modern times, women have really taken that mantle of being spiritual leaders. Most of my Christian friends are women too. And all the males in ministry I know are already married.

Yeah I definitely don't want to bring children into the world without a solid family structure with Jesus as our foundation because I grew up in an environment where our family structure was very unstable. So I know firsthand how detrimental that can be to everyone involved.
 
M

Makamore

Member
#23
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#23
Lynx said:
Maybe just wait a couple decades until those guys settle down?

I have observed that (in general) the older people get, the less they have the energy for getting up to no good. That might be why people wait so long to become Christians. They just can't handle all the drama and junk anymore with doing life the other way.
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I think you're right, I just have to wait a couple years haha
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#24
May 23, 2009
16,683
5,600
113
#24
Makamore said:
Does anyone else also feel like as a Christian, finding a spouse is a million times harder than those who are non-Christians? I've made peace with the fact that I can't just marry anyone and that God has to give me the go-ahead before I even entertain the idea of being with someone. The closer I get with God, the more things I add to my list of things that a man needs to have (e.g. a healthy prayer life, knowledge of/belief in the spiritual realm, filled with the Holy Spirit, a desire to worship God every day amongst other things) for me to even consider entering into a relationship and I feel like I might be putting myself in a box by having all these checkboxes. Can anyone relate? I definitely don't wanna settle or end up with the wrong person but I'm worried that I'm being too selective. But it just feels like most Christian men my age (27) that I encounter are lacking in these things/the passion for Jesus.
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Sorry I can't add to anything that's been mentioned in this thread, as there's already been some really great suggestions, but I just wanted to say, you are so beautiful!!!

You have glowing skin (sorry, after having struggled with skin issues my whole life, it's something I notice -- and greatly admire -- in others) and, from your answers, a personality to match. Many of us are single and have been so for a long time -- we're all waiting together (or adjusting to singleness if that's what God has for us.)

We invite you to come with us as we enjoy life together and live out our Godly purposes. :)

Welcome to the site! Hope to get know you more in future posts and threads.
 
cv5

cv5

Well-known member
#25
Nov 20, 2018
23,766
8,609
113
#25
Makamore said:
But it just feels like most Christian men my age (27) that I encounter are lacking in these things/the passion for Jesus.
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I sure can relate to that. As for me, I rejected every (many!) supposed potential marriage mates strictly on spiritual grounds.
I knew (definitely knew) that none of them were for me.

I waited DECADES and decades before I found a believing wife. In fact after we first met, we both had to wait SEVEN YEARS after engagement before we were married. And of course only consummated the relationship AFTER we finalized the marriage legally.

So yes, it was quite a trial. With all too many temptations for much too long. And yet I never ate the bitter fruit that Satan was offering.

Our marriage is thereby now sanctified in the eyes of God. And we now enjoy a harmonious and loving marriage, where we both are able to bless many others, bearing fruit for the Lord and serving Him in our small ways.

So yes sister.....I suggest that you do not give in to the temptation to date or marry any person that your heart is warning you to decline. And stay chaste and holy in the eyes of your Lord.

God bless!
 
cv5

cv5

Well-known member
#26
Nov 20, 2018
23,766
8,609
113
#26
Makamore said:
Yes honestly I know what you mean. Even the head pastor of my church is a woman. In modern times, women have really taken that mantle of being spiritual leaders. Most of my Christian friends are women too. And all the males in ministry I know are already married.

Yeah I definitely don't want to bring children into the world without a solid family structure with Jesus as our foundation because I grew up in an environment where our family structure was very unstable. So I know firsthand how detrimental that can be to everyone involved.
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Good call. You have a mature head on your shoulders.
 
cv5

cv5

Well-known member
#27
Nov 20, 2018
23,766
8,609
113
#27
Makamore said:
Thank you, that is very good, practical advice. I'm not opposed to meeting on the internet, but you're right, it's much easier to guage what type of person someone is in person. You gave a lot of good points about the reality of "Christian marriage," plenty for me to chew over. Much appreciated!
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BTW, my wife and I met on a LEGIT Christian "matchmaking" website.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#28
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#28
Its because of the war when able bodied men (husband and sons) went to fight and died leaving wives and daughters by themselves. If you want to trace it back to 'where are all the men?' They have been sacrificed.

I never really got why that was a great idea. ?!

Which war...any war. I think this generation (post war) is a bit luckier than most though if your parents (dads, grandads) never had to fight in any war. But poverty from losing a war has knock on effects.

I was talking with a reliever teacher who used to be a navy wife but separated/divorced as she ended up raising her children mostly on her own since her husband was never there. Spare a thought for military wives he end up being stuck in barracks waiting round for their husbands to come home (alive) or even if they are still alive not drunk from trying to forget about all the horrors theyve experienced.
 
Westward

Westward

Active member
#29
Oct 21, 2022
161
130
43
34
#29
I just quit looking and am focusing on self improvement and having fun. In America especially many women are completely obsessed with social media and worship their phones. Scary stuff
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#30
Aug 13, 2014
27,693
9,621
113
#30
Westward said:
I just quit looking and am focusing on self improvement and having fun. In America especially many women are completely obsessed with social media and worship their phones. Scary stuff
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Howdy Westward and welcome to the forum.

It has ever been the case, with men and women alike, that they worship social status and entertainment. Phones just make it much easier to do. Don't pin it on women specifically. And it ain't nothing new.

But yeah, ain't it great NOT trying to find a date? You're free! You can do life now. :cool:
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#31
#31
seoulsearch said:
Sorry I can't add to anything that's been mentioned in this thread, as there's already been some really great suggestions, but I just wanted to say, you are so beautiful!!!

You have glowing skin (sorry, after having struggled with skin issues my whole life, it's something I notice -- and greatly admire -- in others) and, from your answers, a personality to match. Many of us are single and have been so for a long time -- we're all waiting together (or adjusting to singleness if that's what God has for us.)

We invite you to come with us as we enjoy life together and live out our Godly purposes. :)

Welcome to the site! Hope to get know you more in future posts and threads.
Click to expand...
I agree with Seoul. You look great.
 
D

Dmarie

New member
#32
Jan 22, 2023
19
23
3
28
#32
Makamore said:
Does anyone else also feel like as a Christian, finding a spouse is a million times harder than those who are non-Christians? I've made peace with the fact that I can't just marry anyone and that God has to give me the go-ahead before I even entertain the idea of being with someone. The closer I get with God, the more things I add to my list of things that a man needs to have (e.g. a healthy prayer life, knowledge of/belief in the spiritual realm, filled with the Holy Spirit, a desire to worship God every day amongst other things) for me to even consider entering into a relationship and I feel like I might be putting myself in a box by having all these checkboxes. Can anyone relate? I definitely don't wanna settle or end up with the wrong person but I'm worried that I'm being too selective. But it just feels like most Christian men my age (27) that I encounter are lacking in these things/the passion for Jesus.
Click to expand...
I can totally relate, I've been saying the exact same thing but I have accepted that I am not ready for a relationship, emotionally, financially, or spiritually, I'm still working on myself, and knowing that gives me peace that God knows it too, and Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 says there is a time for everything, this is the season for self-improvement when God knows you are ready, he will give you the partner he sees fit. The question we should be asking ourselves is, I'm asking God for this certain type of man but am I prepared to receive him?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#33
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#33
Westward said:
I just quit looking and am focusing on self improvement and having fun. In America especially many women are completely obsessed with social media and worship their phones. Scary stuff
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I think its cos they have mirrors on them and they are checking their makeup. They can ask their phone 'does my butt look big in this' and the phone will know what to say...so they dont need a man.

At least thats my theory.

However, I notice that american men are probably just as obsessed with their phones as the women are...after all its a male invention, Thanks to Alexander Graham Bell and Steve Jobs.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#34
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#34
I started a new job and my office has a telephone with a cord to it. I was going to ask the IT people how to make it hands free. But my boss said she never uses the schools phone, she always uses her mobile.

I think if I was supplied with a work phone then yea but I am not keen on using my personal mobile (and minutes) for work stuff.

Otherwise yea, everyone here seems to have mobile phones even if they cost an insane amount of money ($2000?) just to buy one. Eventually if you dont have one you'll just be given someones old cast off phone that still works somewhat so they can get the latest model. So I wouldnt worry at all about buying one.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#35
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#35
The point of having a phone for peoole who are dating seems to be so your date can track your every move and call you for a date. Also Tinder only works on phones.

This is when the block caller function comes in handy if you dont want to be interrupted by all your other dates calling while you are having dinner with one....and eavesdropping on your private conversations.
 
M

Makamore

Member
#36
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#36
seoulsearch said:
Sorry I can't add to anything that's been mentioned in this thread, as there's already been some really great suggestions, but I just wanted to say, you are so beautiful!!!

You have glowing skin (sorry, after having struggled with skin issues my whole life, it's something I notice -- and greatly admire -- in others) and, from your answers, a personality to match. Many of us are single and have been so for a long time -- we're all waiting together (or adjusting to singleness if that's what God has for us.)

We invite you to come with us as we enjoy life together and live out our Godly purposes. :)

Welcome to the site! Hope to get know you more in future posts and threads.
Click to expand...
Aww thank you for your kind words, that's so sweet of you, I'm blushing haha. I actually stopped wearing makeup 2+ years ago so I think that helped a lot! I struggled with skin issues a lot growing up so it's very refreshing to get compliments :')

You seem really lovely too! 🤗 Thank you for the invitation haha amen to that! And same here, looking forward to interacting!
 
M

Makamore

Member
#38
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#38
Westward said:
I just quit looking and am focusing on self improvement and having fun. In America especially many women are completely obsessed with social media and worship their phones. Scary stuff
Click to expand...
Yeah that's a good mindset to have! Just live your life and don't go actively looking too much. Yeah it's true about social media, I'm guilty of it myself sometimes. I delete all my socials regularly to take breaks cause it can be so time-consuming.
 
M

Makamore

Member
#39
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#39
Dmarie said:
I can totally relate, I've been saying the exact same thing but I have accepted that I am not ready for a relationship, emotionally, financially, or spiritually, I'm still working on myself, and knowing that gives me peace that God knows it too, and Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 says there is a time for everything, this is the season for self-improvement when God knows you are ready, he will give you the partner he sees fit. The question we should be asking ourselves is, I'm asking God for this certain type of man but am I prepared to receive him?
Click to expand...
Great answer, I definitely know that I have a lot of growing and spiritual maturing to do. And I don't wanna end up hurting someone because of my past trauma and my own shortcomings so yeah it's good to wait until you're in a good place and God knows exactly when that will be 🙏🏾
 
M

Makamore

Member
#40
Feb 17, 2023
44
62
18
Somewhere
#40
cv5 said:
I sure can relate to that. As for me, I rejected every (many!) supposed potential marriage mates strictly on spiritual grounds.
I knew (definitely knew) that none of them were for me.

I waited DECADES and decades before I found a believing wife. In fact after we first met, we both had to wait SEVEN YEARS after engagement before we were married. And of course only consummated the relationship AFTER we finalized the marriage legally.

So yes, it was quite a trial. With all too many temptations for much too long. And yet I never ate the bitter fruit that Satan was offering.

Our marriage is thereby now sanctified in the eyes of God. And we now enjoy a harmonious and loving marriage, where we both are able to bless many others, bearing fruit for the Lord and serving Him in our small ways.

So yes sister.....I suggest that you do not give in to the temptation to date or marry any person that your heart is warning you to decline. And stay chaste and holy in the eyes of your Lord.

God bless!
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing, that's an epic romance tale, I'm so happy for you and your wife that it all worked out in the end! And thank God for His grace that He was able to get you through the tough times. A 7 year wait is no joke, a true testament to God's grace and the fact that He will always provide a way out so that we can ensure temptation. Great advice also, very encouraging! I'll make sure to not compromise or settle for anything less than what God has in store 🙏🏾
 
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