Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

How did you get that to play?

But that's marriage...that's competitive love.

Because I am concerned and love her and she does the same...and it's an active thing of taking care of the other's needs before my own...

Together like that we become more than the sum of our parts.

and that's a "giphy" it's a toggle in the toolkit above the writing box.

I would never think to describe it as competitive love..just love.

Thanks...I didn’t know to use that.

Well...
My job is to love my wife.
Obviously she needs to feel loved. (And we are both a tad competitive)

Who "wins" at Christmas is who gave the better gifts. Not who got them. Each gift giving opportunity is treated in this fashion.
The "surprise" this year was my winning...my wife never used a Garmin before. Always used gps on her phone for navigation...but her phone's google is overwhelmed often and freezes, gets lost, doesn't navigate really well. (She is overloaded with apps and open browser windows)
So I bought her a really nice one that does a lot of things.
She is such a nerd with gizmos...she didn't think that she would like it...but then she read the instructions and fell in love. She has a thing for her garmin now. "Don't leave home without it"

But all that is just skimming the surface. I worry about her having opportunities to shine and be recognized for her talents. I try to make those things happen too. She does the same thing for me. I have habits and hobbies she supports as I support and promote hers.

She is my quarantine buddy...I'm glad it's her. We don't even have to watch television. I do have to stop our conversations so we do actually get a chance to watch some. LOL.

Our house is not the average...but we are very happy. Which again is not the norm either.

It's because they want it to be perfect, instead of remembering the meaning behind the day. Vanity has become a big issue because of all the ways that bridal magazines advertise and tell you that you have to be.

I'm still debating on if I intend on getting married or not. There's just something about the current generations of women and modern day liberalism has ruined a lot of them in them being happy and content in the role of a wife and mother. And if I'm looking for a wife to be the mother of my kids, I'm not looking for someone "career oriented."

On that note it's hard to survive even on your own unless you get a higher collar job. Housing is soaring due to companies snapping everything up, buying a house is a credit score issue, and all that comes with the banks cheating people.

I wish we could just go back to the days where unless you lived on the property, or ran a business out of it (not real estate) then it was up for grabs.

WTB a infinite sized world like Minecraft where I just go out, find an area I like and build there, and people leave me alone, and maybe I get to live with the woman I love and raise a family (even though adding that feature to the game required a mod for it).

I'd say I long for the pioneer days but I never lived those so I don't know what that's like.

I'll take dealing with the exploding creepers, zombies, skeletons, spiders and even endermen any day of the week over dealing with having to buy property and feel like I'm bonded in a payment plan that makes parasitical companies rich that give nothing back to society other than using their money to manipulate our society and governments.

The idea of living "off grid" sounds nice and all but how am I going to pay for my groceries, fuel for my vehicle (if I even have one) and fuel for the generator for power? Solar is nice, but I have to pay for those too you know.

If your money comes from businesses or anything else that requires interaction with the public, you're really not "off grid" at all at that point. Because if the economy collapses, how are you going to pay for your property and all that other stuff?

Sounds like the gift giving competition is too competitive for my tastes. I just try to buy something I think the other person would like not try to outdo the other person.

You seem to have some good things going on in your marriage.


Why would you want to watch tv? I’d love to get my husband to stop watching tv...not so we could talk or do other things..but to not put the worldly culture into our lives. I often sit with him as he watches tv but I do other things like read. I could live without the tv and when home alone don’t turn it on.

Because we will have a great movie to watch but get caught up in yet another conversation...we talk to each other a lot...and by the time we both remember that we are supposed to be watching a movie we rented, it gets too late and so we have to put it off until the next day... hopefully we will not get caught up in each other again (as we do several times each day) and actually have enough time to watch the movie.
I'm sorry if your hubby is focused on the television. Maybe start discussing the elements of the show he is watching with him... getting him to dissect merits, demerits, and how they performed the various parts. Maybe how they could have improved, things to leave out...you know... talk about the things he finds interesting and why he likes them.

He uses the tv to relax after his stressful day at work. He mostly watches car shows and some food network or house hunters..and I think he does it to involve me too.

Right now i'm watching Mandolorian season 1

We are watching "Changing Spaces" that takes place in Australia...

The color schemes are odd to us Yanks but they seem to enjoy them.

The kitchens are disasters IMHO...but I'm all about function over style anyway. I need lots and lots of storage and counter space. Then hard working workhorse appliances. (Which don't look pretty often)

And they use wallpaper...
Really!
I mean I don't mind stenciled decorations or murals. But wallpaper is always tacky. Pleather on cabinets is the most disgusting thing. Hammered copper or brushed brass or even iron works... leather doesn't.

Then the office spaces are completely inadequate for the wifey. She needs plugs and countertop space and file cabinets.

The both of you can agree on a set amount to set aside each month in the budget for gift spending which does not have to be spent each month. This would allow either spouse the ability to purchase a birthday, anniversary or Christmas gift without 'asking permission' to make the spend and spoiling the surprise and it would also prevent any type of fight later over financial spending because you both agreed to set aside the money spent in advance for that specific purpose.

That's fairly close to how it happens in our house. We go by paydays but it's pretty much exactly how it's done.

@JohnDB how did you budget for a wedding or did your parents pay for it? Just wondering.

We budgeted...her parents had some things they wanted to pay for. (Her dress and flowers)
All of the food was made by local family. Including the rehearsal dinner.
We printed out invitations with a kit from a combination of invitations we found at a store and kinkos.

I made the four tier Bride's cake. (Recovering Chef)
We all payed for our tuxedos.
Kept the bridesmaids few who bought their own dresses.
Grandparents paid the preacher and the church.
Friend sang...I can't remember who payed for the music...if it was canned or pianist. Solo was canned. Not sure who payed the sound guy.

It was a wonderful country wedding.
We paid for the honeymoon.

Matzos and welch's sparkling did communion.

Oh...
The rehearsal dinner was at the church...and I had one request. I wanted something fun for the kids so I bought a BUNCH of water balloons and squirtguns. Had future sister-in-law fill them up during the rehearsal and had four five gallon buckets full of them. I bought all of those supplies.

MIL had a fit at us having a water balloon fight at the church but the preacher and the kids loved it. The kids kinda doubted that an adult would think of them during a wedding. They get drug to these things like so much excess baggage and made to sit still and behave... totally bored.

But that's not me. Not my wife either.
Wifey made table decorations from junk at craft store and dollar store. Fishbowls filled with rocks and flowers. Purple and yellow.

It was expensive for it all...but completely doable. Had about 200 there. Barely got away with a little picnic basket and the cake topper.
(Preacher had four slices)

We went to her cousins wedding a couple of years later...whew! That one had to cost a mint. The catering bill plus the venue had to be very very expensive...prolly at least $20K for it all. (MIL, me, my wife, and FIL liked our wedding better)
All total for ours, including what others spent, was probably around $4,000.00
We wanted a cheerful, light, and fun event. Our vows were written by us and expressed how we were joining ministries to create a new ministry that would be better able to serve God together.
We let the preacher preach at them a little too.

We wouldn't have changed a thing.

A wedding is you as a couple to come out swinging by means of a bully pulpit to tell the world who you are and what you want to be in your community. Other than the cheesey "oh how much we love each other" we made ours about God and others... because that's who we are.
They still talk about our wedding and the water balloon fight. The church burned down a few years back...they rebuilt. But it ain't the same.

Marriage is as expensive as ones ego/pride chooses to make it. There is a Focus on the Family Article that provides some good Biblical information concerning marriage:

A Christian View of Civil Marriage - Focus on the Family

It discusses Civil and Church Marriage Ceremonies. If one wants to read it, just click on the link!

I almost forgot. Something that everyone will want to remember, whether you are married or not Insurance companies still consider pregnancy a pre-existing condition once she has been pregnant and still use it as an excuse to hike up the cost of a woman's health insurance cost even if she is no longer pregnant.

If your friend(s) is (are) trying to argue that it is less expensive to avoid tying the knot, then they might not have thoroughly thought that one through as well as they thought they had. It depends on the definition of cost. For example, there may be a matter of someone needing to clean up their credit and the other potential partner fears damaging their credit by combining accounts. If they already share accounts and have shared an account for over a year, then in some states they are already considered to be Common Law married (This I believe is the case in Texas).

flowers free at the wedding I went to, picked them in the morning, and we threw them at the couple as they went out the church door.
no water fight, but the refreshments afterwards was the grooms idea. There wasnt really any entertainment it was just hang out. order something at bar put on his tab kind of thing. There was a air hockey type table but that was kinda it for kids.

invites were emailed attachments, no cake, no table decorations and they didnt have bridesmaids or anything..they bought their own tuxes and gowns. I think it was still expensive maybe 2 thousand or so otherwise I wouldnt be hearing about how they are a bit skint.
I dont know how much it costs to hire the church for the wedding but I do know there was another one after theres because the ushers were like you are going over your time limit. when the bride was late.

I enjoyed being there though its optional to stay on for refreshments a lot of people just go to church ceremony and then leave I dont think they would have minded. Although I do think if ppl come from far away they do expect a feed of some sort.

was inivited to another wedding from a former church member in another town but that would have meant driving 4 hours to get there and then come back in one day. as I had nowhere to stay there. I didnt go as had other plans that weekend tho its hard to say no to a wedding invite.

A wedding for guys is not the same as it is for a Bride...
It's a bride's chance to be the princess for the day... something of so many girl's fantasies. (Disney princess coming to mind)
And it's a wedding... something to celebrate.

Of course there are Bridezillas and mean, nasty controlling people...and in some locations churches have so many weddings each and every Saturday that it can be nothing more than an annoying photo op.

Jewish weddings are the ones not to miss...they usually are the most lavish and fun. Catholic ones run the gambit of skint to extremes of overindulgence. Open bars always make for drunks and memorable tales later. (Some you wish didn't happen)

yea guys dont have to do much
Hair and makeup for gals is a huge deal and expense. Plus the gown, shoes and flowers. If not hiring a gown to buy it costs a bomb, it has to be fitted, and of course the time it takes to make it.

I was surprised that my friend chose a formal gown that was kind of peachy and chiffony with pearl detail, plus a veil and lacy gloves she got online. Would have been at least a thousand bucks. Then submitted herself to the whole hair and makeup drama. All eyes were on her as she walked down the aisle carrying a bouquet. Then if course lots of photos.
wHen the wedding was over she quickly got changed into a normal dress.

I dont know if I would like all the attention If I ever got married. its like prom or ball nights. Ive been to a few but your first one is a huge deal. For a girl to have a gown that touches the floor and have her hair done and everything. I know when I did it I didnt even recongnise myself. and people were like, who is this? lol

Cousin is engaged and thinking about having a wedding this year in spring but...honestly the money could go toward the house and she needs to look for a new job.

she thought about eloping and I wouldnt blame her for doing that. His parents are divorced. Her parents arent particularly fussed about it.

I dont want her to do it just for the sake of my mum and inviting family some of whom she doesnt get on with. Mum doesnt care for a wedding and has never pressured or even hinted for any of us to have one or be married. Even though my siblings are single.

anyway. Again its expensive so just said get married legally and then throw a party in your backyard, invite your friends and say you got married that morning.