The Banned Game

What is going on in here????
You are all banned now for breaking the rules of this game!!!

(ps. Who has the cliff notes?)

Me too? Said Hairy as he prepared to dust of and update his resume....

What is that thing?

Godsgirl arrived on the scene brandishing her new banning device that she called Excalibur Santa had given her for Christmas.

However she forgot that she had to actually provide a place for the banished to go otherwise they would just all come back again.

Cliff Notes on the Banned Game

The Ruby Triangle is part of Rubyland and consists of Miss Rubys empire built on mascara made from car tyres. It borders Mosetaria ruled by the Great? Chieftain who is Miss Rubys sworn enemy. Both are currently overrun with giant rabbits and clones when the clone o matic got a bit out of hand.

Jennymaesia is a continental empire of monumental vastness and contains Dixieland where Miss Jenny was born, but she styles herself as the red haired Empress when shes not disguising herself with a fake blonde wig and posh accent as Lady Abigail, boutique owner with her cloned and perfectly suave fiance, Charles

Shittimstan is the land that time forgot. Hairy and his wife Mrs Hairy are the President husband and wife team where anything goes really. The national dish is Donuts.

Nobody knows much about Lanolinland other than it is the centre of the known universe and is paradise on earth for flightless birds called kiwis...and sheep. Lots of sheep.

Hairy and Mrs. Hairy decided to make room for GG in Shitimistan on a part of their palatial estate for as long as she can stand it, or longer.
The guinea pigs were all happy too, and the giant rabbits as well.

In celebration of the return of God's Girl Hairy and Mrs. Hairy have declared a donuts for all holiday.

“Why don’t we go on a holiday?” Ms Jenny said collecting sunscreen from her drawer. “We could go to someplace warm, yet not humid. Maybe an island in the Pacific?”

“What about Lanolinland?” Charles said. Ms Jenny agreed. That would be nice, maybe they could pay the president a visit?

“There’s just one little snag, I can’t find any ways of getting there, and they don’t allow private cars, buses, boats or jets!” Charles spoke slowly, like he didn’t really believe what he was saying. “Hmm…apparently they don’t like visitors”, Ms Jenny realized.

“Mosestaria?” Charles said a little bit too eagerly. “Ain’t it like -60 F all year round there?” Ms Jenny was shivering by the thought of it. “But they’ve got a fantastic penguin shop there!” Charles exclaimed. “Would not the Chieftain arrest you on sight?”

President Lanolin looked outside. It was raining ...AGAIN.
She had to run and get the washing in and put it in the drier. Also she had to empty the dehumidifier, it was full of water.

She sighed, staying in her brothers house it seemed she was always going from one machine to the next to stop it from collapsing. If it wasnt the dehumidifier, it would be the vaccum cleaner, or the alarm system, or the copper guttering on the tin roof that needed fixing. Why he had to move to Rubyland where it was dry as bone and warm like an oven down in the mines and giant rabbit burrows? Oh yea the rubies.

When she lived in her treehouse in the forest she didnt have that problem. The rain just got absorbed by the kauri trees roots. she decided to make up for all the wooden houses built in Lanolinland that had been made from trees she would plant an equal number of trees in the a green belt around the city and for the rusty tinny houses she would convert to garden sheds.

If anyone found it too wet and rainy in Lanolinland they were offered a free ticket to drought stricken Rubyland to live near that giant red rock. What was its name again? Crocodile rock or Eagles rock?

Rachel Hunter found out that Miss Zipmouth had been proposed to by Dr Warner. And he was also proposing a destination wedding in the Cook Islands where Rachel was staying on a very long working holiday visa.

What? He cant come here. He'll take one look at me, fall in love with me and forget all about Miss Zipmouth. I cant do that to baby Jade! Rachel was in hysterics. Also her photo was now everywhere in Rarotonga, selling Tip Top Trumpet Icecreams.

Charles other personality had been activated by the Chieftain’s remote control. His target was now bringing Ms Jenny to Mosestaria. He didn’t know why, he just got his orders from the big boss.

In Mosestaria the Chieftain had some problems with the remote system, but he was pretty sure he had invited Charles and Ms Jenny to visit. Little did he know that what he actually had done was reactivating the ruthless agent personality of Charles.

Whenever Charles couldn’t make Ms Jenny voluntarily leave for Mosestaria, he simply made her go, by force. He put her in a box and shipped her off while traveling first class himself. Needless to say, Ms Jenny had a rough ride inside the box.

Charles called the Chieftain and informed him in a robotically way that the mission was accomplished.

“How strange Charles is acting”, he said in a worried tone to an officer, “I’m curious to see what this is all about whenever they arrive”.

After sad crying day, it was going to be Valentines day but in Lanolinland nobody really observed it because they'd already had Lanolinland Lovers day.

However, their national chocolate factory Whittakers still gave every one a free peanut slab because they had a surplus and were not importing their expired chocolates to Jennymaesia anymore. The Just Jeans retail store went out of business, and half of their stores changed to become Just Juice outlets and the other half Just Jandals.

Agapanthus still lined the Beehive, but it was going to seed and would soon have to be cut back.

Miss Tailfeather what should we watch first...Wahine, or Lady of the earrings? Miss Bluebell had the magic wand that could switch from one to the other.
Um..maybe go in alphabetical order, Lady of the Earrings.

Ok.

They sat down to watch the Jane Campion film. The opening scene was disturbing. It showed Jacinda as a little girl getting her ears pierced. She let out a blood curdling scream.

Jacinda survived her ear piercing but Jane Campion was ramping up the horror and the next scene showed 12 year old Jacinda going to the orthodontist.

Miss Tailfeather observed that Jacinda was a very brave girl to undergo all that torture.
Miss Bluebell said wait till she gets her legs waxed.

The Dixieland chicks had finished their first bowl of popcorn and were now onto the second.

Im not sure they should have put that horrific pregnancy scene in the movie said Miss Bluebell. It was pure agony.

Yes but Jacinda survived! We were cheering at the end! Said Miss Tailfeather. Anyway I thought it was a good movie. And her earrings were the best. I think I'd like some like hers.

Now Wahine was on the screen. It was a windy day in Wellington and several kiwis were making the Cook Strait crossing from the South Island to Lanolinland on board the Wahine ferry.

I wish we could fly over but unfortunately I dont have wings said one kiwi to the other.
Yes well I dont have any either said the other kiwi. Thats why we are on the ferry.

Lets have a cup of tea and a ginger slice
I'll have an anzac biscuit

ok

What on earth are they talking about? Exclaimed Miss Bluebell, I thought kiwis ate worms and huhu grubs!
Miss Tailfeather remarked, you have to get used to the kiwi accent. Thank goodness we can read the subtitles.

It started getting very windy and choppy on the Cook Strait

Miss Bluebell was feeling queasy watching the Wahine ride up and down the waves. It looked like it was about to capsize
Those poor kiwis! Will they ever make it across?

They have to! Said Miss Tailfeather, they cant turn back now or the dogs will eat them!

Can they swim to safety?
I cant look

They were barely in sight of the Wellington shore, but the visibility was poor. The call was to abandon ship.
Where was Tane when you needed him?

Up in Angel Heaven Land, Saint Valentine was looking over his charges. hmm he mused, I dont have a magic wand but I can do miracles.

Santa Claus fell in love with Mrs Santa Claus and they had Santa Baby.
Dr Chris Warner fell in love with Miss Zipmouth and they now have baby Jade
Lionel fell in love with Kirsty and they nôw have a lot of agapanthus

Who's next?

Ms Jenny did not approve of the new Charles. He was indeed a clone, and a bad one at that. Not only had he abducted her, but also had her brought to the wastelands of Mosestaria. It was dead cold freezing and her so-called fiancé hadn’t even bothered to give her some cold weather clothes. How silly of her to trust and love a clone. Somebody’s pushing his buttons and he’d betray her just like a…well…a clone.

“Ms Sissy clone”, she heard a frightening voice say in an awkward, yet sarcastic tone. It had to be the Chieftain. He still hadn’t accepted the masculine transformation of Charles. Maybe he was right about that. “Master, I bring you the Empress of Jennymaesia”, she could hear her former fiancé saying. “I can’t see her, where is she?” the scary voice responded. “In my very large suitcase!” Charles said robotically.

“Oh, is that so?” the voice said surprisingly loud. Charles opened the suitcase. “Here she is!” he said proudly. The Chieftain took a good look. “What a pleasant surprise! You finally made it to pay me a visit”, he laughed out loud. Ms Jenny hadn’t been this frightened since her first appearance as a flyer for the Crimson Tide cheerleading team.

Tane failed to rescue Wahine as he was out of commission. The Wahine foundered within sight of Wellingtons rocky shore and the bodies washed up on the beach after the dreadful storm.

ThE Wahine disaster wasnt as bad as the Tangiwai disaster though, when a passenger train crashed off a bridge thanks to a landslide and active volcano. While the Queen was visiting, a day before Christmas. Most everyone died.

Or the Mt Erebus crash in Antarctica, where a sightseeing Boeing 747 smashed into the volcano. No survivors.

Miss Tailfeather and Miss Bluebell were silent as they watched the credits roll.
They were shocked and shaken and looked at each other. We must save those poor helpless kiwis from Their terrible Public transport system.

President Lanolin I want you to watch this and tell me what you think, said Kevin.

It was his home video footage of the Whakaari White Island volcanic eruption.

I think it would make a great movie Kevin. But James Cameron has already bought half of the South Island to make Avatar 3 and 4. I don't think this one will be necessary.

Oh said Kevin. Well it can always go on Netflix.

The Lanolinland film industry was picking up again. Megs and Harry were filming another chipmunks movie with Peter Jackson. Jane Campion was dealing with Lady of the Earrings fanmail and the franchising Jacinda's new accessories store.
And the Wahine was being turned into a water park adventure ride.

There really was no time to watch anything else.

Saint Valentine looked over from Angel Heaven Land and saw Miss Jenny and her fiance Charles, having difficulties at the Summer Winter Wonderland World suitcase ride.

I thought that theme park was shut down!

Miss Jenny's clothes clearly did not all fit in the too small suitcase.

I know what I'll do, I'll order an entire walk in wardrobe with Louis Vuitton stamped on them for Miss Jenny. She needs appropriate attire.

He waved his magic wand that he'd received from Secret Santa Godmother fairy for Christmas.