Hello All, I thought I'd try to share my testimony with you all.
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother took me, my twin and my 11-month younger brother to live with our father 1 month after he married his new wife. I didn't see my mother for the next 2 years and only sporadically until I was 8 and she remarried.
I was raised those early years in a wonderful (to me) church. Things were good those first few years. When I was 7 we had a charismatic evangelist preach at the church. He preached a powerful Hellfire and Brimstone message to which I very much responded to in great distress for my soul. I was terrified. I knew that I deserved Hell. I had tended to be bossy with my siblings and wasn't kind when they did not obey me. My birth mother would leave me in charge at a very young age as she led a pretty lascivious lifestyle. So, I came by it honestly.
When I responded to the message, I was so scared that I didn't care what they told me to do I was willing, not understanding what everything meant. I was baptized a short time later and indeed something had changed in me. I could no longer think about much else but, learning how to be a Christian. When I tried to spend time with the ladies when the church family got together for various things, they would insist that I go out to play with the other children. I remember stepping out one time seeing the children squealing with glee running through the yard and thinking " how can I go back to playing after all that's happened to me?"
Well, not too long after that, things went sour in the church and then in my family and this is how it was for the next few years. We joined the largest Baptist church in our city and became very involved, except my father. I felt very lonely and could not seem to connect anywhere.
When I turned 12 my mother won custody of me and my sister and brother. This was a very crucial time for me. I was exposed to much evil (nothing compared to today). With my father I was very sheltered from much of pop culture and then with my mother not much was held from me. I lived there for about 2 years. I was under such extreme stress because of my mother's lifestyle that I contracted shingles at 12 years old, the youngest case reported in our large city. I had not realized until much later in life, just how much stress I was under (most of my life).
Things went from bad to worse and I began to realize just how deep my mother's lifestyle went until I couldn't take it anymore. I was hurt, angry, and lost. I ran away to my grandparents. The next day I felt so lost and asked my grandmother to allow me to stay with them and finish the school year. She said no and blamed me for the condition my mother was in. I was devastated. The next day, while I was at school my mother came and took me to the Juvenile Detention Center (which was my first visit of many) to have me locked up for running away from her home. They refused to admit me because I had not been caught by the law. They advised counseling, but instead my mother again dropped me off at my father's. I was about to turn 14.
When I moved back in with my father, I was even more lost and lonely. I had to finish the year at a new school, but with people I had schooled with 2 years earlier and now I was in the high school building, and it was all overwhelming. I did not do well. I began doing the most foolish things and I did not even know why...
I began running away when I would do something foolish instead of facing the consequences. When I would do something foolish my father would be so disappointed with me that he would not know how to handle it and would push me away emotionally. This further drove me to feel isolated in life.
There was a time when I was around 9, or 10, or so that I would finish all my chores and run off to spend the afternoon in the woods with a snack and a drink. I would sit under the trees or make hide outs there. as I sat, I would sense a peace and would have a sort of conversation in my mind with what I now know was the LORD. He would ask me "Would you give up living for this world to live with Me here?" I would think about it and what I would have to give up and many times agree yes, I would. These slight memories of peace and hope are what kept me hoping in a vague future.
I was in and out of trouble, in and out of Juvy, until I was court ordered to go to a teen jail or a women's rehab center. I wound up going to the rehab for 2 terms, being 6 months. on the night that I graduated my family was supposed to be there but, it got very late, and the ceremony ended, and no one showed. I had to call my parents' home, my father was asleep, and I told him that I needed him to come pick me up because I had graduated out of the program that night. He came and picked me up around 10 or so.
On the way home, my father informed me that my stepmother had left with their children. We arrived at the house and the house was bare. Everything was gone.
I started school soon after arriving home. I had started talking to a young man while in the rehab, a son of another woman in rehab. He was 4 years older than I. At that time, I was 16. When my parents found out that he was that old they forbid me to see him anymore. I continued to see him in secret and my sister knew. she wound up telling my parents and I ran away for the last time. In total I had run away 9 times and had only spent around 9 months total at home from the time I was dropped off at my mother's until I left for good that day.
I lived with my boyfriend's sister in another town. I did not return to see my parents until after I turned 18. I bounced around for a while during those years until I started a house cleaning business around 19. I decided that I should not remain in the lifestyle I was in and cried out to GOD one morning as I walked to work, asking Him to "Open a door or shut one." When I got there, I began to tell the lady of the house, whom I had befriended, how miserable my life was. After I finished, she told me "We have been praying for you and wanted to ask you if you would like to move in with us?" To which I immediately answered " No, I could not do that.". Then, the phone rang so, I went to work in the back of the house. As I did my work, that voice said, "You asked me to open a door...". I froze and thought could this be GOD? I prayed "GOD, if this is you talking to me let her come to me and ask me again." Iwas bending down doing my work when, about a minute later and she came in and said "That was my husband on the phone. He sent me back here to ask you 1 more time to please consider moving in with us." I broke down crying because I knew it was GOD answering my prayer.
I moved in with them and immediately began getting plugged in to the church that I grew up in. Only I fellowshipped with an older singles group because I could not relate to the people my age because of the lifestyle I had lived while on my own. I enjoyed my time there.
I lost the rest of my Testimony so; I am posting in parts as I lost 4 hours' worth of work.
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother took me, my twin and my 11-month younger brother to live with our father 1 month after he married his new wife. I didn't see my mother for the next 2 years and only sporadically until I was 8 and she remarried.
I was raised those early years in a wonderful (to me) church. Things were good those first few years. When I was 7 we had a charismatic evangelist preach at the church. He preached a powerful Hellfire and Brimstone message to which I very much responded to in great distress for my soul. I was terrified. I knew that I deserved Hell. I had tended to be bossy with my siblings and wasn't kind when they did not obey me. My birth mother would leave me in charge at a very young age as she led a pretty lascivious lifestyle. So, I came by it honestly.
When I responded to the message, I was so scared that I didn't care what they told me to do I was willing, not understanding what everything meant. I was baptized a short time later and indeed something had changed in me. I could no longer think about much else but, learning how to be a Christian. When I tried to spend time with the ladies when the church family got together for various things, they would insist that I go out to play with the other children. I remember stepping out one time seeing the children squealing with glee running through the yard and thinking " how can I go back to playing after all that's happened to me?"
Well, not too long after that, things went sour in the church and then in my family and this is how it was for the next few years. We joined the largest Baptist church in our city and became very involved, except my father. I felt very lonely and could not seem to connect anywhere.
When I turned 12 my mother won custody of me and my sister and brother. This was a very crucial time for me. I was exposed to much evil (nothing compared to today). With my father I was very sheltered from much of pop culture and then with my mother not much was held from me. I lived there for about 2 years. I was under such extreme stress because of my mother's lifestyle that I contracted shingles at 12 years old, the youngest case reported in our large city. I had not realized until much later in life, just how much stress I was under (most of my life).
Things went from bad to worse and I began to realize just how deep my mother's lifestyle went until I couldn't take it anymore. I was hurt, angry, and lost. I ran away to my grandparents. The next day I felt so lost and asked my grandmother to allow me to stay with them and finish the school year. She said no and blamed me for the condition my mother was in. I was devastated. The next day, while I was at school my mother came and took me to the Juvenile Detention Center (which was my first visit of many) to have me locked up for running away from her home. They refused to admit me because I had not been caught by the law. They advised counseling, but instead my mother again dropped me off at my father's. I was about to turn 14.
When I moved back in with my father, I was even more lost and lonely. I had to finish the year at a new school, but with people I had schooled with 2 years earlier and now I was in the high school building, and it was all overwhelming. I did not do well. I began doing the most foolish things and I did not even know why...
I began running away when I would do something foolish instead of facing the consequences. When I would do something foolish my father would be so disappointed with me that he would not know how to handle it and would push me away emotionally. This further drove me to feel isolated in life.
There was a time when I was around 9, or 10, or so that I would finish all my chores and run off to spend the afternoon in the woods with a snack and a drink. I would sit under the trees or make hide outs there. as I sat, I would sense a peace and would have a sort of conversation in my mind with what I now know was the LORD. He would ask me "Would you give up living for this world to live with Me here?" I would think about it and what I would have to give up and many times agree yes, I would. These slight memories of peace and hope are what kept me hoping in a vague future.
I was in and out of trouble, in and out of Juvy, until I was court ordered to go to a teen jail or a women's rehab center. I wound up going to the rehab for 2 terms, being 6 months. on the night that I graduated my family was supposed to be there but, it got very late, and the ceremony ended, and no one showed. I had to call my parents' home, my father was asleep, and I told him that I needed him to come pick me up because I had graduated out of the program that night. He came and picked me up around 10 or so.
On the way home, my father informed me that my stepmother had left with their children. We arrived at the house and the house was bare. Everything was gone.
I started school soon after arriving home. I had started talking to a young man while in the rehab, a son of another woman in rehab. He was 4 years older than I. At that time, I was 16. When my parents found out that he was that old they forbid me to see him anymore. I continued to see him in secret and my sister knew. she wound up telling my parents and I ran away for the last time. In total I had run away 9 times and had only spent around 9 months total at home from the time I was dropped off at my mother's until I left for good that day.
I lived with my boyfriend's sister in another town. I did not return to see my parents until after I turned 18. I bounced around for a while during those years until I started a house cleaning business around 19. I decided that I should not remain in the lifestyle I was in and cried out to GOD one morning as I walked to work, asking Him to "Open a door or shut one." When I got there, I began to tell the lady of the house, whom I had befriended, how miserable my life was. After I finished, she told me "We have been praying for you and wanted to ask you if you would like to move in with us?" To which I immediately answered " No, I could not do that.". Then, the phone rang so, I went to work in the back of the house. As I did my work, that voice said, "You asked me to open a door...". I froze and thought could this be GOD? I prayed "GOD, if this is you talking to me let her come to me and ask me again." Iwas bending down doing my work when, about a minute later and she came in and said "That was my husband on the phone. He sent me back here to ask you 1 more time to please consider moving in with us." I broke down crying because I knew it was GOD answering my prayer.
I moved in with them and immediately began getting plugged in to the church that I grew up in. Only I fellowshipped with an older singles group because I could not relate to the people my age because of the lifestyle I had lived while on my own. I enjoyed my time there.
I lost the rest of my Testimony so; I am posting in parts as I lost 4 hours' worth of work.
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