It has been a long time coming. I always felt that Islam had some major issues, and it never rang true. Every memory I have of interactions with Christians is a good one. The first time I met a real Christian was 30 years ago. This young man just spoke to me and I felt his sincerity. We used to talk often, and he told me about the gospel. That same night as I laid in bed, I started to have this intense anxiety which turned into panic attack. Anyways, we were on an int'l campus and some Muslim guys were called to sooth me...I asked one of them whether it was Allah punishing me because I had been sinning hard since I arrived. He told me that we never share our sins, and nothing good ever comes from talking. Next day, I met my friend and he just made me feel so worthy that I couldn't help balling. Fast forward a few years, I befriended quite a few good people, and I noticed how when they spoke to me about Christianity, they always knew just when to pull back. I respected that, and became a better person for it. As Muslims never really know how to discuss their religion without attempting to discredit others.
I had multiple vivid dreams of a neon cross.
I was about to do something horrific to myself when I felt Him. I kept saying how sorry I was, and he asked me to read. I remember finding it difficult to recite memorized suras...Anyway, at a certain point when it was obvious I was failing poetry that day, i just felt calm.. I asked directly: Is Islam the only way to heaven?
Begged for an answer.
Nothing. Just silence. After that we talked, it just felt pure. *When I say "we talked", I mean that I felt a symbiotic exchange, the smoothness and accuracy of which far surpasses my ability to express.
I did not change a bit. I continued to ruin my life and hurt myself and those I loved, and I believe He has kept me alive. I just can't recall all the times I just threw all I could into my body not caring what would happen.
These past couple of years I started learning more about the history the faith. I tried to pray to what I believed then, nothing. I felt nothing. Also, as I got older I just could no longer ignore the blatant evidence of the backwardness of the believers. No humanity. No tenderness, no love. Now, I know that it's because they have not felt love, ever. I feel for them.
This last week, I sat and prayed during a tough moment. I just prayed to God, at first. Then just felt it coming forth to pray to Jesus. I did, and I knew that meant I was going to hell according to my past, but I just felt certain that I was right. It was pretty intense. I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for deeming me worthy of his bliss. Later on, I fully and willfully claimed my faith and prayed for acceptance into the kingdom.
Apologies, I didn't have enough time to write something shorter...