Should women pursue men?

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I_am_Canadian

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
#83
Dec 8, 2014
2,469
836
113
#83
cinder said:
I take it you aren't one of the refugees from the 90's purity culture era then. The church tried that at least in the externals and a very wise article I read said that for the most part that just put all the pressure of an engagement on asking someone out for a date. If you shouldn't date with marital intentions, then that "is this the person I should / am going to marry?" idea is a focus from the first date.

Going back to traditional ways.... well men and women didn't interact much socially except for the purposes of dating and marriage. So the only way to begin getting to know each other was to go on dates and no one thought twice about going on a date with one person Friday night and a different person Saturday night and then two different people the next weekend. Until you found someone you thought you might want to be with and started "going steady" . And of course, when you got married you stayed married no matter how good or bad your situation was because to get divorced made you look bad in the eyes of everyone (how big of a motivator is that to put in the effort to make the marriage work?) .

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for seeking God's wisdom in how to conduct our lives and all our relationships. And I'm all for living moral upright lives. I'm just not sure that equating what people did 60 or 70 years or more ago with God's wisdom is a correct stance.




Because she came to CC as a single and by the time she got married we liked her too much to kick her out just for getting married. We do have a few around the forum like that .
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But you go back further to the 1800's and a courting couple was often escorted by a chaperone.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#84
#84
Pipp said:
Shes here to be an example to us singles that we can have something to look forward to in marriage instead of acting like its a prison :)
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If that's the way you want to look at it, great.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#85
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,656
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#85
Gojira said:
True... And, you seem quite happy in your married state, and remind the singles here just how happy you are.

I suppose this kind of thing will happen from time to time, but I wish it wouldn't. It's not good for the rich person to remind the poor person how good their wealth is.
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MOST of what you said is true... But Melita is not one to rub people's noses in "Ha ha, I've got this and you don't, and wow it's soooooo GOOD!"
 
Hazelelponi

Hazelelponi

Well-known member
#86
Jul 8, 2019
609
397
63
USA
#86
Forever_Saved said:
Me again :giggle:

So what do you think about women pursuing men? Do you think its okay? Or is it out of place?

Nowadays in the world, its very normal for a woman to walk up to a man she's interested in and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink.

In my church, most of the brothers say they wouldn't mind a girl taking the first step. I personally can't, it won't come out naturally from me. I kind of freeze when I like someone and they're right in front of me lol

But then how should a woman show interest in a man without doing too much?

Too many questions... :LOL: But pls tell me what you think.
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I'm not sure how to answer your last "how-to" question, but I pursued my husband.

He never would have asked me about a potential relationship because (his words) someone like me would never be interested in someone like him.

My initial pursuit of my husband involved asking questions - and getting answers - about the Christian faith. Those questions had been boiling inside me and he was the first person who could actually answer me adequately.

I'll never really know whether I love him because I can see Christ in him and it's so beautiful to me, or whether it's specific to him. I rather think it's both.

But I did ask him point blank if he might be interested in a marriage to
me.

In many ways he's like me. He knew Islam very well, learned it during his time in the middle east, and part of him will always be in that culture and part of him will always be in this one. I'm very similar with a foot in each culture too.

His knowledge of culture and Islamic faith meant he understood my proclivities and handled them with ease, and could argue our respective faiths with solid knowledge, and it was very very helpful to me.

I probably shocked him asking (he did say it was forward), but I don't "date" coming from an Islamic background and that worked for me.

We had been talking a long time before we married.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#88
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#88
melita916 said:
We have a newborn. She will be a week old tomorrow ❤️ and because our marriage’s foundation is the Lord, and my husband loves me as Christ loves the church, I love being his wife.
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yea
the few marriages that worked

is your husband online as well. what do you do on CC singles then if you not single? Is it a lot of work being a wife. I mean do you have help or you do everything. How big a property do you have to look after if you dont mind me asking. Would you say you are a housewife?

A lot of marriages are like the couple dont own any property, cos its too expenisve to buy a first home, but if they do they up to their ears in debt. But if you have a good foundation, your home is not going to be broken, like you seee so many broken homes today.

I heard a teacher home burned down yesterday .She got the call at lunchtime, thankfully nobody was IN the house. I heard it was gutted. we took up collection for her. Anyway she will probably need to take some time off work to sort things out. Im not sure what her family situation is, but the thing is anything can happen in a home and the wife has to be the one to deal with it. Like clean it up.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#89
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#89
My cousin asked her husband to marry him, possibly because she was pregnant (to him) lol

apparently they met at a party and he was the only one who made her laugh.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#90
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#90
90s purity culture seemd weird but context was everyone was afraid of getting AIDS

Apparnetly in some places people were dying like flies. This actually happened worldwide...worst places were in Africa, Uganda as already mentioned and thats why so many children were orphaned.
 
Hazelelponi

Hazelelponi

Well-known member
#93
Jul 8, 2019
609
397
63
USA
#93
Beckie said:
well i take that back. My husband of 58 years passed away in Sept. I will stay single :)
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I'm married and was told when I joined the site that this forum was for everyone here, even married people because we have things we can share with those who are still single that may be helpful in their journey.

Not only the above, but because this is a bit of a smaller website that this singles forum in general had become more of a social talk to one another about anything with everyone, married or single, who enjoy the company and fun discussions.

So while this is a singles forum, anyone here is able to post in fellowship. So don't be dissuaded from sharing here. Just note that your a widow when you post in these threads.

Same with the new mom above. No reason for everyone not to post who wants to.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#94
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#94
Pretty much. The only married people we object to are the ones who treat us like second class Christians because we aren't married or who are looking for a little something on the side. Respectful well behaved married people are welcome.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#95
#95
The only thing that bugs me is if we're hearing, over and over, how happy they are as a married person. Occasional references are expected. But, there comes a point when it starts to feel like it's being rubbed in your face -- however unintentional that may be. I know that's a subjective response, as some here take that as wisdom to be shared or something. But, I always use the analogy of the rich man telling the poor man how blessed he is because of his wealth. And, unless I feel just as blessed as a poor man, that's not going to go over well.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#96
Mar 13, 2014
42,663
17,116
113
69
Tennessee
#96
JohnDB said:
Bake him something you KNOW he likes.
Play with your hair in front of him.

Let him see you SMILE when you catch his eyes and look at him from across the room or entering the room and play with your hair at the same time.

Don't smooth down your skirt when he's around...instead fluff the hem if it's a spring skirt.

Ask him for help with something like your car, kitchen sink, or something simple like a car escort or movie escort or dinner escort to a new restaurant....guys love a "damsel in distress" they get to rescue because good guys have "White Knight Syndrome "

This isn't difficult stuff.
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All proven good tips.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#97
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,656
113
#97
Gojira said:
The only thing that bugs me is if we're hearing, over and over, how happy they are as a married person. Occasional references are expected. But, there comes a point when it starts to feel like it's being rubbed in your face -- however unintentional that may be. I know that's a subjective response, as some here take that as wisdom to be shared or something. But, I always use the analogy of the rich man telling the poor man how blessed he is because of his wealth. And, unless I feel just as blessed as a poor man, that's not going to go over well.
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You may need to find a different analogy. I know many poor people who are blessed, myself among them. Money is just a tool. Money also cannot buy my family I have been blessed with. I feel sorry for a lot of rich people.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#98
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#98
Gojira said:
The only thing that bugs me is if we're hearing, over and over, how happy they are as a married person. Occasional references are expected. But, there comes a point when it starts to feel like it's being rubbed in your face -- however unintentional that may be. I know that's a subjective response, as some here take that as wisdom to be shared or something. But, I always use the analogy of the rich man telling the poor man how blessed he is because of his wealth. And, unless I feel just as blessed as a poor man, that's not going to go over well.
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I doubt she would have more than mentioned it in this thread if you hadn't kept talking about it. I'm thinking if you want to stop hearing about it maybe you should change the topic rather than being upset that someone is saying they're happy. Go attack a city or something, that's what makes giant space lizards happy right?
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#99
#99
cinder said:
I doubt she would have more than mentioned it in this thread if you hadn't kept talking about it. I'm thinking if you want to stop hearing about it maybe you should change the topic rather than being upset that someone is saying they're happy. Go attack a city or something, that's what makes giant space lizards happy right?
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What a low standard you have for "attacking". Expressing my feelings about a sore spot in my life constitutes an attack? Goodness, how would you define a mugging?

But, I've been in these kinds of forums long enough to know that this would be the type of ridiculous response I would get here, so yours comes as no surprise. I would have been surprised if no one did respond the way you did. However, I made my statement regardless because it needed to be said. It's now up to the married folks here to decide if they agree with me or not. From there, I will see what happens and respond accordingly.

As for you, since mere breathing constitutes an assault, I recommend you shield yourself and put me on ignore. It may serve us both well.
 
R

RodB651

Well-known member
#100
Feb 11, 2021
759
481
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59
#100
Gojira said:
The only thing that bugs me is if we're hearing, over and over, how happy they are as a married person. Occasional references are expected. But, there comes a point when it starts to feel like it's being rubbed in your face -- however unintentional that may be. I know that's a subjective response, as some here take that as wisdom to be shared or something. But, I always use the analogy of the rich man telling the poor man how blessed he is because of his wealth. And, unless I feel just as blessed as a poor man, that's not going to go over well.
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Personally I'm glad that there are happy marriages and it's good to hear about that.

I don't know Melitas husband. I really don't have to know him. You can see in her words how she glows when she talks about him. That tells me all I need to know. Obviously he's a great husband and I'm sure he will be equally great as a Dad. I have daughters and I hope there are other guys like him out there.
 
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