Despair Over the Future

Let me start this by saying I am a Bible-believing Christian. I was raised in the faith and got saved when I was 17. I know my stuff, got it?

Anyway, Christians are supposed to have hope, but the problem is, I'm not seeing too much of it right now. I know I live in the first world and therefore do not have the right to feel bad about anything, but I'm gonna be brutally honest. I'm one year away from turning 30, and I see my life afterward as a downward hill of loss for everything and everyone that's given my life meaning.

My parents, my youthful energy, my personality and drive, my home, and then my life. Time is moving way too fast for me to keep up with it, and I knew I'm gonna lose all those things before I know it. I'm not married and don't have kids (and don't ever intend to do either), and I also have next to no friends outside my family, despite my years of trying to make some (friendship is apparently too much trouble nowadays).

I honestly view the coming decades as seeing me slowly decaying in a shed in my sister's backyard, yearning for human interaction but too angry and embittered by life to receive any. And then I'll die alone, with no one and nothing left with me.

I find the idea distasteful, but at the moment, it just seems inevitable to me. I don't wanna wait till I'm dead to actually have some sense of "joy" (as most Christians would call it). And as much of a Christian as I am, I will admit I do not read my Bible and do not attend church. The former, because I'm tired of reading the same things I've heard all my life over and over again. The latter, because Churches in general just don't know what to do with people like me.

And for all that "relationship with God" talk, I call BS. God and I are nothing alike, and after trying everything I was told to do and receiving no lasting results, I've given up. If there's any relationship between us, it's strictly one of business.

And going back to how Christians are supposed to have hope, I remember distinctly being 9 years old and thinking, "I don't wanna live forever." People keep saying the new heaven and the new earth will be infinitely better than now, and to that I say, "How? Have you been there? Can you give me any real info beyond what the Bible says (which isn't much)?"

The fact of the matter is, this life is all I know. I don't care if it's fallen. And as inevitable as it is, I find the idea of 5 decades of terminal decline utterly distasteful. And then I'm gonna be forced to give it up for some vague, abstract concept of a world that's supposed to be better but gives me no reason to support that claim. I'm supposed to have faith in God, and I want to. But it makes me angry thinking of how utterly powerless I am over 90% of my life. It makes me wonder why I was even born to begin with.

For a lot of people, nebulous faith may be fine, but the truth is, not everyone can have an intimate "relationship" with God. Some of us need something concrete and certain, something we can imagine. And for all the promises God and eternal life with him offer, I just don't think he can give me that. I can't look forward to what I can't imagine.

Enjoy your early years while you can younger people, 'cause sooner or later, it's all gonna be snatched away.

Aren't other people of the same sentiment as you? I said to a Jehovah's Witness just recently that Jesus only spent 33 years on the planet and some Bible references for most three score and ten. He and I got a bit of a laugh with that and he said he thought the same thing. Some part of your point? Maybe?

I saw you know the Bible. But I know that you don't have it all memorized!!!...Ran across this in Job 5:9 Which doeth great things and unsearchable; marvellous things without number: 10 Who giveth rain upon the earth, and sendeth waters upon the fields: 11 To set up on high those that be low; that those which mourn may be exalted to safety..

So right now you are low. Hang in there!!!

All I could see from where I stood
Was three long mountains and a wood;
I turned and looked another way,
And saw three islands in a bay.
So with my eyes I traced the line
Of the horizon, thin and fine,
Straight around till I was come
Back to where I’d started from;
And all I saw from where I stood
Was three long mountains and a wood.
Over these things I could not see;
These were the things that bounded me;
And I could touch them with my hand,
Almost, I thought, from where I stand.
And all at once things seemed so small
My breath came short, and scarce at all.
But, sure, the sky is big, I said;
Miles and miles above my head;
So here upon my back I’ll lie
And look my fill into the sky.
And so I looked, and, after all,
The sky was not so very tall.
The sky, I said, must somewhere stop,
And—sure enough!—I see the top!
The sky, I thought, is not so grand;
I ‘most could touch it with my hand!
And reaching up my hand to try,
I screamed to feel it touch the sky.
I screamed, and—lo!—Infinity
Came down and settled over me;
Forced back my scream into my chest,
Bent back my arm upon my breast,
And, pressing of the Undefined
The definition on my mind,
Held up before my eyes a glass
Through which my shrinking sight did pass
Until it seemed I must behold
Immensity made manifold;
Whispered to me a word whose sound
Deafened the air for worlds around,
And brought unmuffled to my ears
The gossiping of friendly spheres,
The creaking of the tented sky,
The ticking of Eternity.
I saw and heard, and knew at last
The How and Why of all things, past,
And present, and forevermore.
The Universe, cleft to the core,
Lay open to my probing sense
That, sick’ning, I would fain pluck thence
But could not,—nay! But needs must suck
At the great wound, and could not pluck
My lips away till I had drawn
All venom out.—Ah, fearful pawn!
For my omniscience paid I toll
In infinite remorse of soul.
All sin was of my sinning, all
Atoning mine, and mine the gall
Of all regret. Mine was the weight
Of every brooded wrong, the hate
That stood behind each envious thrust,
Mine every greed, mine every lust.
And all the while for every grief,
Each suffering, I craved relief
With individual desire,—
Craved all in vain! And felt fierce fire
About a thousand people crawl;
Perished with each,—then mourned for all!


A man was starving in Capri;
He moved his eyes and looked at me;
I felt his gaze, I heard his moan,
And knew his hunger as my own.
I saw at sea a great fog bank
Between two ships that struck and sank;
A thousand screams the heavens smote;
And every scream tore through my throat.


No hurt I did not feel, no death
That was not mine; mine each last breath
That, crying, met an answering cry
From the compassion that was I.
All suffering mine, and mine its rod;
Mine, pity like the pity of God.
Ah, awful weight! Infinity
Pressed down upon the finite Me!
My anguished spirit, like a bird,
Beating against my lips I heard;
Yet lay the weight so close about
There was no room for it without.
And so beneath the weight lay I
And suffered death, but could not die.
Long had I lain thus, craving death,
When quietly the earth beneath
Gave way, and inch by inch, so great
At last had grown the crushing weight,
Into the earth I sank till I
Full six feet under ground did lie,
And sank no more,—there is no weight
Can follow here, however great.
From off my breast I felt it roll,
And as it went my tortured soul
Burst forth and fled in such a gust
That all about me swirled the dust.
Deep in the earth I rested now;
Cool is its hand upon the brow
And soft its breast beneath the head
Of one who is so gladly dead.
And all at once, and over all
The pitying rain began to fall;
I lay and heard each pattering hoof
Upon my lowly, thatched roof,
And seemed to love the sound far more
Than ever I had done before.
For rain it hath a friendly sound
To one who’s six feet underground;
And scarce the friendly voice or face:
A grave is such a quiet place.
The rain, I said, is kind to come
And speak to me in my new home.
I would I were alive again
To kiss the fingers of the rain,
To drink into my eyes the shine
Of every slanting silver line,
To catch the freshened, fragrant breeze
From drenched and dripping apple-trees.
For soon the shower will be done,
And then the broad face of the sun
Will laugh above the rain-soaked earth
Until the world with answering mirth
Shakes joyously, and each round drop
Rolls, twinkling, from its grass-blade top.
How can I bear it; buried here,
While overhead the sky grows clear
And blue again after the storm?
O, multi-colored, multiform,
Beloved beauty over me,
That I shall never, never see
Again! Spring-silver, autumn-gold,
That I shall never more behold!
Sleeping your myriad magics through,
Close-sepulchred away from you!
O God, I cried, give me new birth,
And put me back upon the earth!
Upset each cloud’s gigantic gourd
And let the heavy rain, down-poured
In one big torrent, set me free,
Washing my grave away from me!
I ceased; and through the breathless hush
That answered me, the far-off rush
Of herald wings came whispering
Like music down the vibrant string
Of my ascending prayer, and—crash!
Before the wild wind’s whistling lash
The startled storm-clouds reared on high
And plunged in terror down the sky,
And the big rain in one black wave
Fell from the sky and struck my grave.
know not how such things can be;
I only know there came to me
A fragrance such as never clings
To aught save happy living things;
A sound as of some joyous elf
Singing sweet songs to please himself,
And, through and over everything,
A sense of glad awakening.
The grass, a-tiptoe at my ear,
Whispering to me I could hear;
I felt the rain’s cool finger-tips
Brushed tenderly across my lips,
Laid gently on my sealed sight,
And all at once the heavy night
Fell from my eyes and I could see,—
A drenched and dripping apple-tree,
A last long line of silver rain,
A sky grown clear and blue again.
And as I looked a quickening gust
Of wind blew up to me and thrust
Into my face a miracle
Of orchard-breath, and with the smell,—
I know not how such things can be!—
I breathed my soul back into me.
Ah! Up then from the ground sprang I
And hailed the earth with such a cry
As is not heard save from a man
Who has been dead, and lives again.
About the trees my arms I wound;

This seems to me, is a choice you are consciously making.

The rest of your post belies the claim that you are Christian. What do you think a Christian is?

If you want concrete results, I would highly suggest taking all of your focus off of yourself, and putting it on other people. Volunteer to help people in all sorts of various ways. It is difficult to feel bad when you are actively helping others.

Uhm... this feeling yeah? I understand a specific part of it, and it's not a place anyone would want to be either... But you really can't give up on life till it's actually over you know? I know you're tired, sick of the whole cycle maybe, you've hoped and prayed maybe for long that things would get better but nothing has really changed... And the last option you're left with is to throw in the towel...

Once you do this the devil would smile menancingly... Why? He has achieved what he has always hoped to happen in your life...

I know your tired, but I plead with you not to give up on God, not to give up on life...
Pick up the book of Psalms and pray every prayer that speaks to your situation like they are your exact words, come all out and tell God about it all, from a place of sincerity, humility, and wanting desperately for Him to show up for you...

All will be well eventually... Hoping to get a bright testimony from you very soon 🙂

I sympathize with you and hear your pain. I have walked a similar path years ago. As 32 years old, the twenties were quite a roller coaster. But God taught me a lot of life lessons.

I can see your a thinking type of person which God loves. We must answer a few questions to determine where we are in faith.

1. Does absolute truth exist (can you know something to be true)
2. Does God exist?
3. Are miracles real?
4. Is the New Testament reliable?

If we examine what we believe may find where our foundation may be lacking this causing everything built on top to crumble.

Also perspective helps as well. Idk if you like history but by your name I would assume you do. History has much to compare with our current suffering compared to times not too long ago. History is so very important because in many ways it gives us guidance for seeing how events may play out. So often, if you look how the Christian impact and compare to world events you will see how God was moving and how he very well could be moving today even if we do not see it in the temporary.

I do like history, partly because it makes me feel a lot more grateful to be living in the time and place I do. But I see the value in learning from the past as well. Plus, I like stories in general, and have been a writer (though not professionally) for at least half my life.

I probably should've elaborated on this, but I have Asperger's Syndrome, or high-functioning autism. I want to have relationships, but they don't come naturally to me. Even before I knew what autism in general was, even when I was in kindergarten I noticed I was different from my classmates. I wasn't bullied however, and I had good teachers. I always thought deeply about things, perhaps more so than most kids at that age. I liked clothes and boys okay like most teenage girls, but I didn't obsess over them. Nor did I care about trends or what everyone else was doing (like sleeping around and getting drunk/doing drugs).

That said, after high-school, it really hit me how much of a disadvantage I was at. I'm naturally introverted and have to force myself to meet new people, if at all. At the moment, the only close friend I have lives on the other side of the country. We keep in touch online. That said, I prefer quality over quantity in my relationships.

If anything, I find it easier to relate to animals than people 'cause animals at least don't play games with their emotions. They don't hide what they're feeling. At the same time however, I know I need people, and I have a family whom I love and cherish.

With that in mind, to those who said I should try volunteering, I have. For years. It felt good for awhile, but the more I did it, the more I felt obligated, and the more it felt like a chore. In fact that only time I truly enjoyed volunteering was at an animal shelter where I got to hang out with the kitties.

So all that said about relationships, everything people said about having a relationship with God has never made sense to me. My online friend is an actual human being like me, and I can prove she exists. In the case of God, neither of those applies. He is completely unlike me in every way. And I can't prove he exists, at least not with my five senses. In addition to that, I'm apparently just supposed to keep reading my same Bible over and over again, and just hope that I'm talking to him when I pray.

Let's all be honest and not bring in any faith jargon. Who wants a relationship like that? Really? Not me. And after doing everything I was told to do and always ending up right back where I started from, I honestly see no point in trying anymore. Besides, having high-functioning autism means I was basically set up to fail in this regard from the very start.

Something is indeed in the weeds,for the last two weeks a flock( at least 30 sheep in China) have been going around in a circle,and at 70 I have to admit the New Year will be anything but happy. But what did we expect?? Open Borders,more crime,a hell of a lot less money with inflation,a President who does not know where he is half the time,and a worthless entire administration! The Problem is that we the believer have to survive. The answer??

Jesus knows our situation, and the good thing is I know he cares, the question for many is but how much does he care? I, like many of you struggle to eat, or pay a bill, so I am well aware of just how many of us are going through some pretty hard times. Do we complain?? Or stay thankful for what we have? I have chosen to be and stay thankful, no matter what! I have come through way too many fires in my life to push Jesus aside now! DON'T YOU!!!

Stay in his Word and stay within yourself!! Do not let feeling run your life any longer! Example- Last year my brother and I were behind 2 months in our rent, we were about to be kicked out of our Apartment, we had 5 days left, so I went into prayer, and told the Lord if you do not put your hand on us we will be out in the streets, but no matter the outcome, and then I yelled this out, I WILL NOT BE MOVED in LOVING AND THANKING YOU!!! (Acts16:22-30) Verse 26 and suddenly!!!

One the day before our end, a lady who we did not know knocked on the door, my brother opened it and the lady stated she is with the Catholic Church and an angel came to her in a vision saying this home needed 1200.00 dollars, so our Church is wishing to meet your need. You do have one do you not?? I came in and shoted PRAISE THE LORD!!!! She said I guess I came to the right house. LOL You sure did sister I said! lol Do not give up your faith,NEVER!!! I hope this gives you the encouragment we all need!! Blessing!

Sir, Ma'am, whatever, this is not a political forum. Keep your politics to yourself or leave.

I am a Christian. I love God (or at least I want to) and the Bible (or at least I want to). But to be brutally honest, there are parts of both that I genuinely do not like.

For example - and I really do not mean any offense by this at all - I don't believe in "aging gracefully" because there's nothing graceful about it. I fear as Christians we romanticize aging and death at the expense of those we leave behind. And here comes my love for history and learning from it. According to Holocaust documentary filmmaker Claude Lanzmann, "Every death is violent. There is no 'natural death,' unlike the picture we like to paint of the father who dies quietly in his sleep, surrounded by his loved ones. I don't believe in that." And neither do I.

My grandma passed away 3 1/2 years ago. For about 5 years before that, she lived with us. And as I watched my mother care for her 90s-year-old body, and mind riddled with dementia, I knew that eventually I might very well have to do the same thing for my mom and dad. I too will be forced to watch the ones who guided me and kept me grounded in reality decay in both body and mind until they finally leave me. And that realization made me angry.

I'm not saying I want to be immortal in a fallen world. But as fallen as this world is, it's the only one I know - and I intend to hold onto it for as long as possible.

Maybe I am a bit selfish. But I've always been a bit of a rebel. From a young age, I never believed something simply because I was told to. Furthermore, I am sick of being reminded of how little in control I am over pretty much every aspect of my life. And I'm sick of being made to feel like I'm sinning simply because I love my life here and want to be happy - me and my loved ones.

Going back to history, I've noticed that whenever medical advancements are made, Christians are often the first to cry blasphemy. For example, when Victorian doctors proposed anesthetizing women in labor, preachers decried it, saying that God commanded for women to suffer in childbirth. And there are still plenty of people who believe that. In fact, in 1591, a woman was burned alive on the castle hill of Edinburgh for the crime of seeking relief from pain in childbirth.

For all the hospitals and whatnot that Christians have established, when it comes to quality and quantity of life, the Christian attitude is a rather defeatist, fatalistic, and even nihilistic one.

Not looking forward to spending possibly 5 decades of decline, all while you watch one loved one die after another? Too bad. Embrace suffering. It's good for you. It reminds you of how worthless you are compared to God. True life only begins when you die anyway.

When people say "Have faith," I hear "Sit down and shut up." If I can't have a say in how I want to live my life, then why was I even born at all? To be a lab experiment? A pawn? If the next life truly is so much better than this one, then abortion isn't murder. It's mercy.

I know, I sound like Job. And frankly, I do not care. Whether God likes it or not, I am an individual person separate from him. I have wants and needs and desires. And at the moment, I don't feel like God is on my side in any of those.

(I do like history, partly because it makes me feel a lot more grateful to be living in the time and place I do. But I see the value in learning from the past as well. Plus, I like stories in general, and have been a writer (though not professionally) for at least half my life.)

Exactly, that is one reason why the study of history is so important.

(I probably should've elaborated on this, but I have Asperger's Syndrome, or high-functioning autism. I want to have relationships, but they don't come naturally to me. Even before I knew what autism in general was, even when I was in kindergarten I noticed I was different from my classmates. I wasn't bullied however, and I had good teachers. I always thought deeply about things, perhaps more so than most kids at that age. I liked clothes and boys okay like most teenage girls, but I didn't obsess over them. Nor did I care about trends or what everyone else was doing (like sleeping around and getting drunk/doing drugs).
That said, after high-school, it really hit me how much of a disadvantage I was at. I'm naturally introverted and have to force myself to meet new people, if at all. At the moment, the only close friend I have lives on the other side of the country. We keep in touch online. That said, I prefer quality over quantity in my relationships.)

You sound normal to me. Introverts have many strengths. I myself am the same way. I look for quality over quantity. It does cause me to over think but that can be a strength like in your writings. Don't sweat the social elements our culture demands. God will send those you need in your life.

(If anything, I find it easier to relate to animals than people 'cause animals at least don't play games with their emotions. They don't hide what they're feeling. At the same time however, I know I need people, and I have a family whom I love and cherish.)

It is good though you have that balance.

(So all that said about relationships, everything people said about having a relationship with God has never made sense to me. My online friend is an actual human being like me, and I can prove she exists. In the case of God, neither of those applies. He is completely unlike me in every way. And I can't prove he exists, at least not with my five senses. )

Intelligent Design and Creation Science either Old or Young Earth science really has more appealing theories and explanations that secular science just do not explain very well.

For example, the Big Bang Theory is one of many best examples for God's existence.

Space, time and matter had a beginning meaning it took a supernatural cause. A cause that was space less, timeless, immaterial, powerful, intelligent, and as humans can testify to the self evident laws of logic, morality, and math point to that a creator has to be logical, knows the difference between right and wrong, and intelligent to program the universe through math.

To have a relationship with God, it involves you knowing Jesus. You know Jesus through the Bible. So with knowing who Jesus is and how the Holy Spirit works, that is where you find relationship.

But this takes knowing the Bible is the Word of God as in that is how God 90% of the time speaks to us.

(In addition to that, I'm apparently just supposed to keep reading my same Bible over and over again, and just hope that I'm talking to him when I pray.)

The Bible is very captivating to say the least. It can teach children and keep the highly intelligent studying for all their life learning the wisdom and guidance of the book. That is the beauty of such work. It speaks to all generations and you learn deeper wisdom as you mature in the faith.

For prayer, God hears most prayers in less it is of the wicked. But God answers in different ways.

(Let's all be honest and not bring in any faith jargon. Who wants a relationship like that? Really? Not me. )

I agree. Not me either. Thankfully God reached out to me in my testimony experience. He lit a fire that led me to a genuine relationship.

(And after doing everything I was told to do and always ending up right back where I started from, I honestly see no point in trying anymore.)

That was my same experience. I had gotten lost in legalism which only kept a repetitive cycle of failure.

(Besides, having high-functioning autism means I was basically set up to fail in this regard from the very start.)

Not true. You are a blessing and God can use you like anyone else. Look at everyone He worked through in the Bible.

(I am a Christian. I love God (or at least I want to) and the Bible (or at least I want to). But to be brutally honest, there are parts of both that I genuinely do not like.)

That is actually how it will be for any Christian. There are elements that will make us uneasy or uncomfortable. It is a journey from seeing and understanding the physical to seeing and understanding the spiritual.

(For example - and I really do not mean any offense by this at all - I don't believe in "aging gracefully" because there's nothing graceful about it. )

There is nothing pretty about death. That is why God sent His Son to conquer death.

(I fear as Christians we romanticize aging and death at the expense of those we leave behind. )

Well for most the suffering of this world makes us long for the resurrection, new Earth, and eternal life in a perfect world like Eden. We believe this to be a reality because we believe Jesus's words as truth due to the miracles and prophetic reveletation that were witnessed or came true.

(And here comes my love for history and learning from it. According to Holocaust documentary filmmaker Claude Lanzmann, "Every death is violent. There is no 'natural death,' unlike the picture we like to paint of the father who dies quietly in his sleep, surrounded by his loved ones. I don't believe in that." And neither do I.

My grandma passed away 3 1/2 years ago. For about 5 years before that, she lived with us. And as I watched my mother care for her 90s-year-old body, and mind riddled with dementia, I knew that eventually I might very well have to do the same thing for my mom and dad. I too will be forced to watch the ones who guided me and kept me grounded in reality decay in both body and mind until they finally leave me. And that realization made me angry.)

It should make us angry but not at God. This fallen world was brought on by Satan. Then human free will gave room to evil. Even in the midst of that God still sent a Savior giving us all a choice of a better future and better way of life in the here and now. True joy and peace is a thing for the Christian. Look at Paul's letters while in prison.

(I'm not saying I want to be immortal in a fallen world. But as fallen as this world is, it's the only one I know - and I intend to hold onto it for as long as possible.)

There is nothing wrong with the will to live. God wants Christians to live and be the salt and light.

(Maybe I am a bit selfish. But I've always been a bit of a rebel. From a young age, I never believed something simply because I was told to.)

You should always believe something only after you have read or studied it yourself. That is a good skill to have.

(Furthermore, I am sick of being reminded of how little in control I am over pretty much every aspect of my life.)

Well, honestly this is just aging. It isn't comfortable but over time you do tend to accept it and for many they give it over to God.


(And I'm sick of being made to feel like I'm sinning simply because I love my life here and want to be happy - me and my loved ones.)

Nothing wrong with this. There is much joy and happiness for the Christian faith. Of course, evil will try to attack but there is evil with or without faith so either way I'll gladly take the joy and happiness of Christianity.

(Going back to history, I've noticed that whenever medical advancements are made, Christians are often the first to cry blasphemy. For example, when Victorian doctors proposed anesthetizing women in labor, preachers decried it, saying that God commanded for women to suffer in childbirth. And there are still plenty of people who believe that. In fact, in 1591, a woman was burned alive on the castle hill of Edinburgh for the crime of seeking relief from pain in childbirth.

For all the hospitals and whatnot that Christians have established, when it comes to quality and quantity of life, the Christian attitude is a rather defeatist, fatalistic, and even nihilistic one.)

No doubt this has occurred but at the same time most science advancements were Christians and hospitals were built due to Christianity. Not everything is fatalistic if they wish to prolong the physical health as well. Jesus even healed the sick a time or two.

(Not looking forward to spending possibly 5 decades of decline, all while you watch one loved one die after another? Too bad. Embrace suffering. It's good for you. It reminds you of how worthless you are compared to God. True life only begins when you die anyway.)

Reality is hardly roses but this is reality that we are born and we die. We decay just like the plants, animals and even the stars. But worthless we are not. Yes, we may not be immortal now but God saw us as priceless when Jesus paid the debt of sin. He not only felt death but his body decayed as well. Far from worthless when in history you see how Christianity through people have greatly and positively impacted the world.

(When people say "Have faith," I hear "Sit down and shut up." )

It is true. Blind faith is not a Biblical concept.

(If I can't have a say in how I want to live my life, then why was I even born at all? To be a lab experiment? A pawn? )

No. That is exactly why God allows free will. You have the choice on how you live. Some choose to rebel while some choose to abide.

(If the next life truly is so much better than this one, then abortion isn't murder. It's mercy.)

Technically we do not know the child's future. Is it mercy to eliminate a potential person like a St Teresa? Or the one who invented penicillin?

(I know, I sound like Job. And frankly, I do not care. Whether God likes it or not, I am an individual person separate from him. )

You simply just sound like a soul that is hurting and on the verge of hearing from God like Elijah who was so deepressed he asked God to take his life. It is in these low moments when we often find ourselves face to face with God.

(I have wants and needs and desires. )

As we all do but they come at different times or not all because somethings we think we want but God knows best. Later we look back and are thankful.

(And at the moment, I don't feel like God is on my side in any of those.)

God is on the side of leading you to His will for your life. It may first be uncomfortable but you find great joy when you walk in step with the Spirit.

History, I am not pollical at all! Just the facts,and for a senior member to judge another without knowing the facts is sure not very Christlike. Not that you care of course.

Luci was ingrateful for God's creation and is upset he can't create his own world, so he's been trying to take over God's creation and look at the ruin he's made of it since. But God knocks down his sandcastles and all he can do about it is throw tantrums and whine. The day comes when God turns the sea of sand into a sea of glass, and though we can only imagine what He can do with living jars of clay, we'll see be there find out!

Very Nice Mem! Facts are just facts, to many people look to live in their own bubble or bury their head in the sand, rather than see reality right in front of them! Miss you mem, here is something I thought was very funny and did it to a few people I did not care for, to see the face was worth it.

Let us say there is a person you do not care for, and you go to a friend who knows them also, and you say you know what is good about (place the name) and they say what?? Oh, you cannot think of anything either. LOL Blessing to you always mem!

Lol, brighthouse98! That's funny whoever you might say that about, haaaaa! After all, the KJB says "I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life," and the ESV translates it, "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live;" so, I know that there is at least some good in you, brighthouse98, I've seen your rejoicing and it's contagious!

It's not just all that that I have an issue with. I am not transgender. I have no desire to have a man's body. But I occasionally wish God had made me a boy cause I identify with them more than my own gender.

Ever since I was 8 years old, I knew unequivocally that I did not want to be a mom. If a woman wants to be a mom, I'm fine with that. But there's a historical and modern societal obsession with motherhood that's always unsettled me. And as much as I appreciate mother-and-child imagery, personally, I find the whole idea of pregnancy disturbing – specifically, the idea (especially in the pro-life camp) that my body is essentially public property and designed to be a tankholder. Furthermore, I hardly ever played with dolls or even toys in general. In books and games, I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. I wanted to be the hero, the trailblazer, the one who saved the day. But according to the Bible, at the end of the day, I will always be of secondary importance to men.

Sure there are some good things that come with being a girl, but as much as I want to believe God loves both girls and guys, the track record in both the Bible and Church history leaves a lot to be desired.

I get it. Cultural context and original language matters. And just because people claim to be Christian and acting for God doesn't mean they are. But actions speak WAY louder than words. And even then, words can inspire either life or death. And based on what I've studied and what I see now, I'm sorry to say God's Word has inspired quite a bit more of the latter than the former.

For one thing, God apparently not only made women weaker than men – he made our bodies in such a way as to hurt us. Sure, it's a fallen world. But men no longer have to sweat to work. Women by contrast must still bear the pain of childbirth.

Again, it's a fallen world. But because men are naturally stronger than women, we're rendered the punching bags on which they vent their petty rages – and bodies for them to abuse and assault at will. And when we complain about it, we're "too emotional," as if emotions are a bad thing.

Even if it was the ancient world, why did God have to be so accommodating to a slaveholding patriarchal culture? Why must he always be referred to as "He," or "Father" to begin with? It's as if women aren't created in his image at all.

While I've since learned that the infamous New Testament passages don't say what we think they do, I shouldn't have had to do that learning in the first place (to say nothing of all the other sins the Bible is unfortunately prone to be used to endorse).

It's one thing when nonbelieving men abuse women – it's a whole other diabolical snake pit when it's not just one Christian man doing it, but hundreds, as has proven to be the case the last few years. And don't gimme any of that "Oh, they weren't real Christians" nonsense. These men were simply living out what they believed. And no, I personally have never been abused. I don't have to be, to be so incensed when this happens – especially at this grand scale.

In short, however much God says he cares for me and my gender, I would by far prefer he SHOW it.

As it stands, the main thing I associate with being a girl…is being WEAK.

You are worrying about the future and that is understandable, since the future is unknown. Personally I believe you can try harder to get out of your comfort zone, attempt to meet people, etc. However, even with that, there is only so much you can do. I know people who have been doing online dating for years, even decades, and they have yet to meet anyone. (However, at the same time, online dating has been successful for many...at least on the outside if the marriage is intact.).

Do you mind disclosing where you are in life? Are you working, studying, etc.? Why do you see yourself living with your sister for decades?