Should women pursue men?

Me again

So what do you think about women pursuing men? Do you think its okay? Or is it out of place?

Nowadays in the world, its very normal for a woman to walk up to a man she's interested in and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink.

In my church, most of the brothers say they wouldn't mind a girl taking the first step. I personally can't, it won't come out naturally from me. I kind of freeze when I like someone and they're right in front of me lol

But then how should a woman show interest in a man without doing too much?

Too many questions... But pls tell me what you think.

Although I'm a man myself and never been in a relationship, I will say that I prefer to do the work. A woman approaching me just feels so unnatural for me, and I don't want a woman with a level of confidence exceeding mine. I wear the trousers.

Usually outside of a bar the woman only gives very subtle signs if she is interested, which is very hard for me to detect anyway. Although maybe this si different in other countries.

Men can feel just as nervous, yet are expected to overcome that and just approach the woman. So no excuses!! (picture my finger wagging) But, really, I'm kind of ambivalent on this.

I lean 55%-45% in favor of the man needing to take the first step. But, if a woman does it, I don't consider it a bad thing.

Also, I think maybe the best way around this is for the female to drop hints that could encourage the man to approach her. She needn't go up and directly ask him to go out with her. But -- and this is important -- she's got to do it in a way that the man understands. If she speaks "Femalese", he's very likely not going to get it. I had a woman do that here on CC not long ago. Supposedly she was dropping hints, but they were so vague and could have been interpreted in other ways, I never noticed -- until she decided to drop it and leave the site. I was called blind or something else negative. But uhh... no, I'm a man and cannot always understand why a woman's doing what she is.

I had a woman apparently drop all kinds of hints back in... 2016 was it? An attractive lady of Latin descent, much younger than I, but seemingly trying to let me know that she liked me. Let's see... she made the point of telling me that she was single, hugged me, held my hands in hers,... So, at the advice of some brothers, I asked her out. Went down like WWII fighter plane. I was not happy.

So, ladies, if you do take this second route of dropping hints, you've got to do it in a way that a man will correctly understand. If that doesn't work, talk to his friends. Maybe they can let the man know for you, or maybe they will know what gets his attention.

Women have always pursued men. The only difference has been how direct they can be or how indirect they have to be.

"Well he finally married her, I see."

"Did he chase her long, then?"

"Chase her? Bless your heart, he did indeed. Chased her until SHE caught HIM!"

There is no shame (these days!) in a woman who demonstrates interest in a man.

Given all the lunacy in relationships and identities (and, sadly, perversions), I think it's a good idea for a woman to be clear about her interest... in an appropriate context and manner, of course.

You can train yourself to get past that initial "freeze". It might be worth the effort.

what, she cant get a drink herself? Drinks are free where Im from.

I'd definitely advise gals who are interested in a Godly man to strike up a conversation with him and start there. If I was looking, I wouldn't be sitting around dreaming or wishing about a relationship, I'd be PMimg some of these nice men here on CC. In a volunteer group or church social w/o being too obvious I'd try and sit by an interest, talk and smell good, lol.

And I agree, I think if a man takes the first step it’s sets the pace of how the relationship is going to be later.

Although I personally have a lot of confidence myself and wouldn’t want ro be with a man who is intimidated by that. We both need to have a good and healthy level of self esteem, self worth and self value.

Well, in my experience I freeze the first days but then the more I get to know him or be around him I get more relaxed. However, he doesn’t realize that I may like him so I lose interest haha

Sometimes it’s could be frustrating bc we show subtle interests but men tend to be very oblivious to these things.

Talk to your pastor, he might be able to help you out.

Or get creative and take up the lost art of letter writing and leave it in his mail box if the church has personal members mail boxes.

Smelling good helps

Always, always smell good haha

I try, but it's not easy in AZ where the summertime temp can hit 115°F.

I am a grandfather and have been married twice. And yet the idea of approaching a women I find interesting still frightens me even though that interest is not in romance.

As for whether a Christian woman should pursue a man, in the Bible Ruth pursued Boaz and their union was blessed. Other women in the Bible also pursued men they were interested in. Nowhere in the Bible was this spoken of in any negative way.

Therefore I believe it is acceptable in God's eyes and that is good enough for me.

Personally I really appreciate a woman who is open about her interest in me.

There is nothing more disappointing then investing time and effort in a relationship that was doomed from the beginning.

Bake him something you KNOW he likes.
Play with your hair in front of him.

Let him see you SMILE when you catch his eyes and look at him from across the room or entering the room and play with your hair at the same time.

Don't smooth down your skirt when he's around...instead fluff the hem if it's a spring skirt.

Ask him for help with something like your car, kitchen sink, or something simple like a car escort or movie escort or dinner escort to a new restaurant....guys love a "damsel in distress" they get to rescue because good guys have "White Knight Syndrome "

This isn't difficult stuff.

Isn't difficult stuff...

You must have sixth sense. Haha.

I guess it's not too hard if we understand the other's "language".

If I've ever had someone sending me signals...I didn't see them. Haha. Except for the time that lady I had met a few times called me. I regret not being the one to make the phonecall but we ended up married.

Men often don't pick up on signals.
Men DO tend to be interested in women who are interested in them.

True about the not picking up on signals.

But I tend to be interested in the women who have zero interest in me. Haha! And I get to find this information out by asking. 😜

My wife and I watched one poor girl we knew. She got stage fright every time she got around a guy she liked. Her lips would get absolutely superglued together if he got around. Everyone knew about it except for him.

She did eventually get married. And we stared in awe and wonder of how she pulled it off. Nice guy too...I liked him when we met.

So if a lady is interested in a guy, she may not say a thing to him, or she might try to converse with him.

She may look at him or avoid him.


See! This isn't confusing at all. 🤣