Mine started with family and always being a 3rd class member of it, despite my being what my mom called the best son. I was always last in importance and being ignored or looked past.
It continued with society. Seemed like if I showed up somewhere I was made welcome, but when out of sight I didn't exist. I would keep hearing about people having a party or going riding or doing all kinds of things yet never being invited. When i asked why I was never invited, the answer was always "well we just didn't think of you". I would invite people to things, but invariably they would never show up and I would do those things alone. They always "forgot".
Same with work. I did my job and then some. Yet when they needed someone to throw under the bus, I was always top of the list. I actually did some heroic things that just never appeared on the radar.
Mind you, I know I march to the beat of a different drummer. But unlike the poem they didn't let me march. At least not with them.
So yeah, social anxiety is huge with me. It's hard to be comfortable in social settings when you know that to them, you just don't exist.
WB: Here's a reality - not easy to take but true nonetheless and which when you accept it will set you free - all of us and I do mean ALL are self-centred. It's how we are; we've inherited this self-centred sin nature from Adam and in the present Age we're stuck with it.
There are, of course, different degrees from the 'mild' end of the spectrum to the totally narcissistic.
IF - and it seems to me that I'm not too far off the mark - you are expecting others (self-centred people) to treat you fair, right, honest, just and to put your needs and feeling first.....you've set yourself up for bitter disappointment because inevitably people will let you down....and you're going to feel mixed emotions disappointment, sadness, depression, anger and even worse. Right?
In other words maybe you've set the bar too high when it comes to what you're wanting and hoping for in others, right?
Another point - a vital one I'd say - is it seems that your self esteem/value is determined by what others think of you and how they value you.....and in that case it's not YOUR self esteem at all because you've turned you value into what you perceive as how others value you.
And your perception of how others see you could very well be incorrect.
So, how do you bring about change for the better?
Accept that others - you included - are self-centred...even though they may not see it that way and even though you don't want to be self focussed.
Understand that the value self centred people put on you is wrong. And the only ONE you really matters is Jesus Christ who died for you. He thinks that much of you.
Put Him first. Serve Him...by serving others.
I hope this is of some help.
5
2
