Fading faith

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B

berryjo

New member
#1
Oct 8, 2022
2
0
1
#1
Same! I was looking for somewhere to turn yesterday and came across this. I'm also a lonely Christian, who finds no solace in church. I am a believer and have tried serving in our church "littles" in hopes that I might connect with another Christian. There, I've found no one but clicks, and 2-faced "Christians". I have been married for 30 years and am not happy. I'm afraid to be alone, yet I have nothing in common with my husband except that we both are born again believers. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting in Jesus and am even thinking of ways to die. Of course, I have this dog that loves me...yes, a dog. That is all who really loves me. And I'm afraid to kill myself...I'm afraid to leave my little dog in the carelessness of my husband. I'm also afraid that maybe, suicide WON'T be forgiven. I don't want to leave one hell just to spend eternity in a worse, unending hell. Where God can't even hear me!!! That would be the worst! I am so lonely. My only son is autistic and has terrible behaviors, and his dad has always caudled him, against my will, refusing to give him consequences and discipline. And my only daughter now is gay, supposedly, and her "non-binary" partner is pulling her away from me. We were always so close until she went to grad school. My husband didn't want any more kids and he had a vasectomy against my will. He also ruined us financially, by making terrible, "get-rich-quick" schemes that lost us tens of thousands and put us in deeper dept. Now, he doesn't work and is fine with me going to a job I don't really like, while he says "well, I wish you didn't have to go, but I understand". That's maddening! We bought a house from "Christian friends" that is in such poor shape but we were desperate to get away from our landlord (also, a result of his poor financial decisions). This house is in shambles, but it's all we could afford. Now, we have gaping holes in the ceilings where he won't put up lighting, or vent covers, and won't put up floor trim. He doesn't do anything but work on his boat he's been "fixing up" for 10 years. All he talks about is fishing and OSU football.
I'm just so sad. I even spent the past 7 months planning my 1st vacation in 8 years, to my favorite place, Sanibel, Fl. Then this Hurricane Ian decimated it! How horrible!!! All my coworkers and small group people say "well, go somewhere else!" But I can't afford to pay for 2 vacations!!! Apparently, they all could. I can't get money back from those poor people in Florida because they can't even get to their place and it sustained heavy damage.
My husband is glad we're not going. He doesn't want to do anything. He said "we'll do something else!" So I told him to plan it. Sure enough, he hasn't planned a thing.
I'm so lonely and want it all to end. I know I'm being selfish. I KNOW it's not really that bad for me. But I can't get over this depression and sorrow and wishing I could die. I think of many ways to die. But, you know, I've got my little dog that needs me. And I need her. Without my little best friend, I'm sure I would've managed to die already.
Sorry, Christian Chat. I'm not very uplifting.
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#2
May 24, 2014
11,887
8,705
113
#2
berryjo said:
But, you know, I've got my little dog that needs me. And I need her. Without my little best friend, I'm sure I would've managed to die already.
Sorry, Christian Chat. I'm not very uplifting.
Click to expand...
I love you. My Father does too. I am a hermit, so He gave me a little cat named Amelia. What is your little dog's name?
 
EternalFire

EternalFire

Well-known member
#3
Jan 3, 2019
659
352
63
#3
berryjo said:
I was looking for somewhere to turn yesterday and came across this. .... I'm afraid to be alone, yet I have nothing in common with my husband except that we both are born again believers. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting in Jesus and am even thinking of ways to die. .... I am so lonely.
Click to expand...
I am very sorry to hear about all the difficulties you are experiencing. Please take the time to watch this video, as I think you may find some of it to be helpful in this season.

May the God of the Lord Jesus Christ bless you with strength to endure.

 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
#4
Jul 7, 2022
10,276
4,316
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#4
Berryjo,

I'm sorry about your suffering. I can understand and you have a right to those feelings. Like the saying, when it rains it pours.
God can take us when we're broken and use those times in our lives to give us a blessing that we never expected. When we give up on our own efforts is when God wants us to come totally to Him with that brokenness.

Keep in mind that the Devil is using this right now to try to convince you that you can end the suffering...the wrong way. He knows that the suffering would never end and when you realized that you'd been fooled, it would be too late. Jesus warned us all about a certain man who ended up there and described him as being in torments with no hope of relief.
You don't want that and neither does Jesus.

I have some good news for you. This is so important that I'm going to post two short videos that go into a clear explanation of what God promises to anyone who wants something greater than a billionaire could buy. This is better than any lottery, because God provides it and it never gets used up. Don't take my word for it. If you have a Bible handy, get it out and follow along with it if you want to see for yourself what God promises in His record.
The first one is 4 minutes and very basic. The second one has a prayer with it. I hope you will pray with the minister in the second video. Then ask me whatever question you may have. Give me time to respond tomorrow as I am going to bed soon and might be rushed in the morning until lunch. I am praying for you Berryjo. I hope that these will be as much a blessing to you as they are to me.

To your peace and happiness.

 
HealthAndHappiness

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
#5
Jul 7, 2022
10,276
4,316
113
Almost Heaven West Virginia
#5
berryjo said:
Same! I was looking for somewhere to turn yesterday and came across this. I'm also a lonely Christian, who finds no solace in church. I am a believer and have tried serving in our church "littles" in hopes that I might connect with another Christian. There, I've found no one but clicks, and 2-faced "Christians". I have been married for 30 years and am not happy. I'm afraid to be alone, yet I have nothing in common with my husband except that we both are born again believers. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting in Jesus and am even thinking of ways to die. Of course, I have this dog that loves me...yes, a dog. That is all who really loves me. And I'm afraid to kill myself...I'm afraid to leave my little dog in the carelessness of my husband. I'm also afraid that maybe, suicide WON'T be forgiven. I don't want to leave one hell just to spend eternity in a worse, unending hell. Where God can't even hear me!!! That would be the worst! I am so lonely. My only son is autistic and has terrible behaviors, and his dad has always caudled him, against my will, refusing to give him consequences and discipline. And my only daughter now is gay, supposedly, and her "non-binary" partner is pulling her away from me. We were always so close until she went to grad school. My husband didn't want any more kids and he had a vasectomy against my will. He also ruined us financially, by making terrible, "get-rich-quick" schemes that lost us tens of thousands and put us in deeper dept. Now, he doesn't work and is fine with me going to a job I don't really like, while he says "well, I wish you didn't have to go, but I understand". That's maddening! We bought a house from "Christian friends" that is in such poor shape but we were desperate to get away from our landlord (also, a result of his poor financial decisions). This house is in shambles, but it's all we could afford. Now, we have gaping holes in the ceilings where he won't put up lighting, or vent covers, and won't put up floor trim. He doesn't do anything but work on his boat he's been "fixing up" for 10 years. All he talks about is fishing and OSU football.
I'm just so sad. I even spent the past 7 months planning my 1st vacation in 8 years, to my favorite place, Sanibel, Fl. Then this Hurricane Ian decimated it! How horrible!!! All my coworkers and small group people say "well, go somewhere else!" But I can't afford to pay for 2 vacations!!! Apparently, they all could. I can't get money back from those poor people in Florida because they can't even get to their place and it sustained heavy damage.
My husband is glad we're not going. He doesn't want to do anything. He said "we'll do something else!" So I told him to plan it. Sure enough, he hasn't planned a thing.
I'm so lonely and want it all to end. I know I'm being selfish. I KNOW it's not really that bad for me. But I can't get over this depression and sorrow and wishing I could die. I think of many ways to die. But, you know, I've got my little dog that needs me. And I need her. Without my little best friend, I'm sure I would've managed to die already.
Sorry, Christian Chat. I'm not very uplifting.
Click to expand...
Hi again.

I found another video that goes into a little more detail about this most important subject. It makes it easier since it concludes with a sample prayer. Please let me know how you are doing after watching this .
I hope you sleep well.

 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#6
Mar 8, 2022
1,086
731
113
#6
berryjo said:
Same! I was looking for somewhere to turn yesterday and came across this. I'm also a lonely Christian, who finds no solace in church. I am a believer and have tried serving in our church "littles" in hopes that I might connect with another Christian. There, I've found no one but clicks, and 2-faced "Christians". I have been married for 30 years and am not happy. I'm afraid to be alone, yet I have nothing in common with my husband except that we both are born again believers. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting in Jesus and am even thinking of ways to die. Of course, I have this dog that loves me...yes, a dog. That is all who really loves me. And I'm afraid to kill myself...I'm afraid to leave my little dog in the carelessness of my husband. I'm also afraid that maybe, suicide WON'T be forgiven. I don't want to leave one hell just to spend eternity in a worse, unending hell. Where God can't even hear me!!! That would be the worst! I am so lonely. My only son is autistic and has terrible behaviors, and his dad has always caudled him, against my will, refusing to give him consequences and discipline. And my only daughter now is gay, supposedly, and her "non-binary" partner is pulling her away from me. We were always so close until she went to grad school. My husband didn't want any more kids and he had a vasectomy against my will. He also ruined us financially, by making terrible, "get-rich-quick" schemes that lost us tens of thousands and put us in deeper dept. Now, he doesn't work and is fine with me going to a job I don't really like, while he says "well, I wish you didn't have to go, but I understand". That's maddening! We bought a house from "Christian friends" that is in such poor shape but we were desperate to get away from our landlord (also, a result of his poor financial decisions). This house is in shambles, but it's all we could afford. Now, we have gaping holes in the ceilings where he won't put up lighting, or vent covers, and won't put up floor trim. He doesn't do anything but work on his boat he's been "fixing up" for 10 years. All he talks about is fishing and OSU football.
I'm just so sad. I even spent the past 7 months planning my 1st vacation in 8 years, to my favorite place, Sanibel, Fl. Then this Hurricane Ian decimated it! How horrible!!! All my coworkers and small group people say "well, go somewhere else!" But I can't afford to pay for 2 vacations!!! Apparently, they all could. I can't get money back from those poor people in Florida because they can't even get to their place and it sustained heavy damage.
My husband is glad we're not going. He doesn't want to do anything. He said "we'll do something else!" So I told him to plan it. Sure enough, he hasn't planned a thing.
I'm so lonely and want it all to end. I know I'm being selfish. I KNOW it's not really that bad for me. But I can't get over this depression and sorrow and wishing I could die. I think of many ways to die. But, you know, I've got my little dog that needs me. And I need her. Without my little best friend, I'm sure I would've managed to die already.
Sorry, Christian Chat. I'm not very uplifting.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear of all the troubles you are going through. A lot people go through this and the best thing to do is to hope and pray, but also try to find some joy given the circumstances. I can understand you want "more" in your life (better quality in your relationships, better house, better church, etc.). While it may be hard, try to reduce some of your stresses if possible. Does your son live you and your husband? Based on what you described, your husband seems quite content with his life, with just football games, working on his boat, fishing, etc. without a care in the world about finances, state of the house, etc. I would encourage you to worry less about finances and state of the house also, and just focus on the few things you like to do. What are some of your hobbies or things you enjoy, that you can do on your own or with your dog? Unfortunately, I think worrying about the house and finances is of no use and will only add to your stresses. On your relationships, do your part but don't expect anything in return.
 
S

Scarlett7297

Active member
#7
Mar 28, 2020
119
36
28
#7
I understand depression and suicide. I have been on one antidepressant after another after being diagnosed in 2019. I feel sorry for you because i know how depression feels. I have many a times thought of dying. Today I try to live despite depression , and I know what relief the thought of suicide brings to the mind, a way for the suffering to end. I don't even know what to say to you to comfort you. I myself am in a home where not one person is without medications for a mental disease. Dad has depression for years and is on antidepressants , mom has delusional disorder and is on antipsychotics , bro is schizophrenic and is on antipsychotics , sister is also schizophrenic and is on antipsychotics , and I have resistant depression and am on antidepressants since 2019. So there is not one member in this family , who seems capable to listen to my problems and comfort me in my depression. I feel stuck and very lonely . I am just trying to study hard to go to a college but often I am not able to even study..all this makes me feel depressed. I although feel nothing is impossible for God and if He wills , He will one day lift up depression from me. Just remember nothing is impossible for Him. Whatever I have asked Him by faith He has provided it to me. Don't be blinded by the behavior of other Christians. I have recently not asked Him anything in faith because I am giving into an addiction and feel horrible to come and ask Him anything...but I know for sure that if I have faith and ask Him in faith, He will give it to me. I understand although , that in depression , you don't even know if there is anything in this world that will make you happy. That's the confusing part. But think of something. There perhaps is something.
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#8
Feb 9, 2019
9,203
4,751
113
#8
REVISED - Copy (3) - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy.jpg
"I have heard your words. Make no mistake, we have all had our share of
troublesome times and no two life stories shall be alike.
'I can only share what I have learned in my experiences.
And hopefully you become enlightened and not confused through
the worldly illusional 'thinking' pertaining to social media and entertainment disorder."
And to focus on the principles of life through the teachings of Christ
our Lord is a full-time endeavor, believe it."
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#9
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#9
berryjo said:
Same! I was looking for somewhere to turn yesterday and came across this. I'm also a lonely Christian, who finds no solace in church. I am a believer and have tried serving in our church "littles" in hopes that I might connect with another Christian. There, I've found no one but clicks, and 2-faced "Christians". I have been married for 30 years and am not happy. I'm afraid to be alone, yet I have nothing in common with my husband except that we both are born again believers. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting in Jesus and am even thinking of ways to die. Of course, I have this dog that loves me...yes, a dog. That is all who really loves me. And I'm afraid to kill myself...I'm afraid to leave my little dog in the carelessness of my husband. I'm also afraid that maybe, suicide WON'T be forgiven. I don't want to leave one hell just to spend eternity in a worse, unending hell. Where God can't even hear me!!! That would be the worst! I am so lonely. My only son is autistic and has terrible behaviors, and his dad has always caudled him, against my will, refusing to give him consequences and discipline. And my only daughter now is gay, supposedly, and her "non-binary" partner is pulling her away from me. We were always so close until she went to grad school. My husband didn't want any more kids and he had a vasectomy against my will. He also ruined us financially, by making terrible, "get-rich-quick" schemes that lost us tens of thousands and put us in deeper dept. Now, he doesn't work and is fine with me going to a job I don't really like, while he says "well, I wish you didn't have to go, but I understand". That's maddening! We bought a house from "Christian friends" that is in such poor shape but we were desperate to get away from our landlord (also, a result of his poor financial decisions). This house is in shambles, but it's all we could afford. Now, we have gaping holes in the ceilings where he won't put up lighting, or vent covers, and won't put up floor trim. He doesn't do anything but work on his boat he's been "fixing up" for 10 years. All he talks about is fishing and OSU football.
I'm just so sad. I even spent the past 7 months planning my 1st vacation in 8 years, to my favorite place, Sanibel, Fl. Then this Hurricane Ian decimated it! How horrible!!! All my coworkers and small group people say "well, go somewhere else!" But I can't afford to pay for 2 vacations!!! Apparently, they all could. I can't get money back from those poor people in Florida because they can't even get to their place and it sustained heavy damage.
My husband is glad we're not going. He doesn't want to do anything. He said "we'll do something else!" So I told him to plan it. Sure enough, he hasn't planned a thing.
I'm so lonely and want it all to end. I know I'm being selfish. I KNOW it's not really that bad for me. But I can't get over this depression and sorrow and wishing I could die. I think of many ways to die. But, you know, I've got my little dog that needs me. And I need her. Without my little best friend, I'm sure I would've managed to die already.
Sorry, Christian Chat. I'm not very uplifting.
Click to expand...
At one point I had encountered endless obstacles, challenges, and major upheavals to my life. It got to the point where I was basically keeping my head down and hiding in my house; even there I wasn't safe. Seemed like every other day a major expense was to be paid, or a repair was necessary, or there was an incident, or someone close to me suddenly had an emergency. Eventually I'd come out from hiding to do something and, like your vacation, the whole plan would derail due to a weird twist of fate. Not exaggerating. Other people noticed, too, and simply called me "special" and they weren't wrong. I believe you're special too and I'll explain why soon.

Those things eventually manifest in mental/emotional health problems. We get to a point where we cannot breathe, rest our minds, relax, and and experience peace. It definitely can't be understated how challenging it is so I totally sympathize with you because you aren't alone in the struggle.

I realized something along the way. It's that we can take it because we're very strong; aren't we though? Regular people can't go through this sort of thing with the endurance you have. At one point, deep in prayer, I believe I received a word from the Lord and He reminded me of Job; Job is a true story about a man who went through extreme testing. I believe it's possible you're being tried, it's a major blessing and God basically believes you're capable of succeeding. One day you'll look back on all this and remember your successes fondly.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant, but I'll pray for you. See you around the forum.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#10
Oct 23, 2018
13,085
10,649
113
#10
Hi dear sister in Christ, berryjo, so glad the Lord led you to the fellowship here at CC! What I've learned throughout my life is that people may let us down but Jesus will always be there. The best ever thing I do is to read or listen to the Bible everyday and see what a true eternal friend we have in the Father. He is for us and we find our joy and contentment in Him. From how you describe your husband, in what way is he a Christian? Also as parents the best thing to do with our children is to ferverently pray for them to God, in Jesus name. Miracles are happening every day, the news just promotes the negative side. Remember, God says He is for you, so who can be against you? Mk:11- is a prayer you can have faith in (below) God doesn't lie❣
And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Oh and WELCOME to CC😍
 
Evmur

Evmur

Well-known member
#11
Feb 28, 2021
5,219
2,618
113
London
christianchat.com
#11
berryjo said:
Same! I was looking for somewhere to turn yesterday and came across this. I'm also a lonely Christian, who finds no solace in church. I am a believer and have tried serving in our church "littles" in hopes that I might connect with another Christian. There, I've found no one but clicks, and 2-faced "Christians". I have been married for 30 years and am not happy. I'm afraid to be alone, yet I have nothing in common with my husband except that we both are born again believers. I'm having a lot of trouble trusting in Jesus and am even thinking of ways to die. Of course, I have this dog that loves me...yes, a dog. That is all who really loves me. And I'm afraid to kill myself...I'm afraid to leave my little dog in the carelessness of my husband. I'm also afraid that maybe, suicide WON'T be forgiven. I don't want to leave one hell just to spend eternity in a worse, unending hell. Where God can't even hear me!!! That would be the worst! I am so lonely. My only son is autistic and has terrible behaviors, and his dad has always caudled him, against my will, refusing to give him consequences and discipline. And my only daughter now is gay, supposedly, and her "non-binary" partner is pulling her away from me. We were always so close until she went to grad school. My husband didn't want any more kids and he had a vasectomy against my will. He also ruined us financially, by making terrible, "get-rich-quick" schemes that lost us tens of thousands and put us in deeper dept. Now, he doesn't work and is fine with me going to a job I don't really like, while he says "well, I wish you didn't have to go, but I understand". That's maddening! We bought a house from "Christian friends" that is in such poor shape but we were desperate to get away from our landlord (also, a result of his poor financial decisions). This house is in shambles, but it's all we could afford. Now, we have gaping holes in the ceilings where he won't put up lighting, or vent covers, and won't put up floor trim. He doesn't do anything but work on his boat he's been "fixing up" for 10 years. All he talks about is fishing and OSU football.
I'm just so sad. I even spent the past 7 months planning my 1st vacation in 8 years, to my favorite place, Sanibel, Fl. Then this Hurricane Ian decimated it! How horrible!!! All my coworkers and small group people say "well, go somewhere else!" But I can't afford to pay for 2 vacations!!! Apparently, they all could. I can't get money back from those poor people in Florida because they can't even get to their place and it sustained heavy damage.
My husband is glad we're not going. He doesn't want to do anything. He said "we'll do something else!" So I told him to plan it. Sure enough, he hasn't planned a thing.
I'm so lonely and want it all to end. I know I'm being selfish. I KNOW it's not really that bad for me. But I can't get over this depression and sorrow and wishing I could die. I think of many ways to die. But, you know, I've got my little dog that needs me. And I need her. Without my little best friend, I'm sure I would've managed to die already.
Sorry, Christian Chat. I'm not very uplifting.
Click to expand...
God dwells in the praises of His people, praising Him [and it's a decision to do it... especially when we don't feel like it] gets God involved in our affairs. See if you can praise your way out of all this.

At any rate welcome to CC.
 
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