Opening Up: An Offensive Term?

Phew! Yes.. to have been interested in, and now to not see much of the person interested in you is just...strange to me.

It seems you are like my male counterpart! Haha. I wish the best for you honestly, it is soo frustrating.

I believe if a person is open, I wouldn't really have to guess most of the time.. unless I'm missing something.

"Strange" doesn't even begin to describe it.

It's also very painful, and I'll explain why in a moment.

It seems like you're handling it better than I am because I honestly can't even joke or laugh about such matters. These types of things truly trouble me greatly, and you'll understand why in a moment.

Here's where the real pain and heartache set in.

In all seriousness, I must be the worst guesser to have ever walked the face of this earth. When I know or at least have some sort of inkling what is going on in the heart of a woman that I am interested in, then I'm truly the most caring, kind, patient, compassionate, thoughtful, you name it, man on the face of the earth. When I don't know what's going on inside of a woman, then I invariably ask the wrong questions or make the wrong guesses, and I wind up looking like the bad guy or like an absolute jerk or idiot, and there goes the person who I truly cared about or whose heart I was truly interested in knowing more about.

It's happened to me time and time and time and time again...and it truly breaks my heart.

Well, it is what it is, I guess.

Again, my default position which may or may not be true is simply this:

If the time ever comes that I'm the right guy, then the woman will want to tell me what's in her heart, and I'll be the happiest man alive.

(The bear lowers his head, turns, and heads further back into the woods...)

Thank you for sharing your experience, that is something hard for people to really speak about, and for good reason. You seem to be a really kind hearted person and I am more than sure that you deserve an openness that is as loving and as warm as you seem to give it. Forgive my ways of handling these situations. The hurt will come in a wave and after it's gone, I become more lighthearted about it but it's also a seemingly cold way of approaching it afterwards, so please forgive my way of responding. I suppose it's my own way of coping and pushing myself along.

The part where you mentioned that you end up feeling like the bad guy, rings true for me as well. Just know that you've done nothing wrong in those situations where genuine interest of a person with little info, turns into a completely skewed idea of someone in another persons mind. Even though it's hard to accept that you've done nothing wrong if it has happened over and over again.

You are not the problem.

Thank you again for sharing and for your openness on something as difficult as this. It's a damaging thing.. as it reoccurs, it slowly chips away at a person over and over again.. but we try to keep going as best as we can, with what little pieces of us are left.

Big hugs to you and know you're not alone in this.

I recently told someone near to me about how I wish they would open up more to me, communicate more, and let me take a peak into what is going on in their head because I feel as if I get less information compared to their friends. It comes from a genuine place of interest and a want to know this person better.

In response to my questioning, I am told by this person that to the people who ask them this question, it's lazy to ask such a thing.. that people should put in more work to figure out which parts are the open parts, because to them they are open all the time, and to basically be okay with what is given. It is seen by this person, that the people are putting all the workload on them to have all the information handed out. Also saying that people should take account for their history and background of how they have many things they are ashamed of and wish to go by their own terms saying, "If it happens, it happens."

Hey everyone, I'm not sure if this topic has been discussed before here or if it will even gain much interest. But I figure I would start it anyways.
I recently told someone near to me about how I wish they would open up more to me, communicate more, and let me take a peak into what is going on in their head because I feel as if I get less information compared to their friends. It comes from a genuine place of interest and a want to know this person better.

In response to my questioning, I am told by this person that to the people who ask them this question, it's lazy to ask such a thing.. that people should put in more work to figure out which parts are the open parts, because to them they are open all the time, and to basically be okay with what is given. It is seen by this person, that the people are putting all the workload on them to have all the information handed out. Also saying that people should take account for their history and background of how they have many things they are ashamed of and wish to go by their own terms saying, "If it happens, it happens."
(I tried to summarize this as best as I can, and may have left out a couple more points or lack explaination as I am trying to keep this as general as possible without specific instances and such)

Coming from someone who has had trouble with social interaction and never really put much thought into it, I never saw it this way. I do not disagree that it's okay to go by a person's own terms for when they feel comfortable enough to open up. Though, in my case, I am considered much closer to this person versus the friends of many years and yet I feel as though I do not recieve as much "openess" as these friends.
Maybe I am being selfish and impatient with them? I admit I never took into consideration the hardships they went through and never thought it was an issue to be asked to open up or to be told that a person wishes to know someone more. I never want to force anyone to "open up," but I realize that maybe that's exactly what I was asking of them.
I am curious if my reaction to this at first, which was shocked because it's such a simple question that I didn't expect to hold so much weight to it, is out of a very simple understanding of this and I should have known it to be more than what I believed it to be/mean, or maybe it was an expected response to some people.

How would you react if someone were to ask you to "open up" more? Would you be offended or would you find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?

Hi Cabby, I do find it lazy when people say that. Because if you wanted to genuinely know someone, wouldnt you ask specific questions to find out more about them? Like who was your favourite teacher at elementary? Not generic questions like can you open up with me a bit more? I wouldnt necessarily be offended but Id have a feeling of read my autobiography which sounds defensive but its not. Its just filtering out the time wasters. Take your time getting to know someone, what is the rush? You dont want them on the back foot.

I find many don't care about knowing people better, everything's very surface and superficial, so if someone takes the time to express an interest in me to share that puts them many steps ahead of most others. And I consider that a good sign.

Hey everyone, I'm not sure if this topic has been discussed before here or if it will even gain much interest. But I figure I would start it anyways.
I recently told someone near to me about how I wish they would open up more to me, communicate more, and let me take a peak into what is going on in their head because I feel as if I get less information compared to their friends. It comes from a genuine place of interest and a want to know this person better.

In response to my questioning, I am told by this person that to the people who ask them this question, it's lazy to ask such a thing.. that people should put in more work to figure out which parts are the open parts, because to them they are open all the time, and to basically be okay with what is given. It is seen by this person, that the people are putting all the workload on them to have all the information handed out. Also saying that people should take account for their history and background of how they have many things they are ashamed of and wish to go by their own terms saying, "If it happens, it happens."
(I tried to summarize this as best as I can, and may have left out a couple more points or lack explaination as I am trying to keep this as general as possible without specific instances and such)

Coming from someone who has had trouble with social interaction and never really put much thought into it, I never saw it this way. I do not disagree that it's okay to go by a person's own terms for when they feel comfortable enough to open up. Though, in my case, I am considered much closer to this person versus the friends of many years and yet I feel as though I do not recieve as much "openess" as these friends.
Maybe I am being selfish and impatient with them? I admit I never took into consideration the hardships they went through and never thought it was an issue to be asked to open up or to be told that a person wishes to know someone more. I never want to force anyone to "open up," but I realize that maybe that's exactly what I was asking of them.
I am curious if my reaction to this at first, which was shocked because it's such a simple question that I didn't expect to hold so much weight to it, is out of a very simple understanding of this and I should have known it to be more than what I believed it to be/mean, or maybe it was an expected response to some people.

How would you react if someone were to ask you to "open up" more? Would you be offended or would you find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?

Problem with this thinking is faulty logic. The assumption that they don't ask = lazy/time waster is judgemental. I am not a person that's good at asking lots of questions. They simply don't occur to me. In fact I usually tell people I get to know not to wait for me to ask questions, but to go ahead and share.
So this issue isn't that I'm lazy or don't care, the issue is that questions simply don't come to mind.
And when people do choose to open up to me they find I become quite invested, listen well and often have solid advice.

I find many don't care about knowing people better, everything's very surface and superficial, so if someone takes the time to express an interest in me to share that puts them many steps ahead of most others. And I consider that a good sign.

Once you show yourself to be trustworthy and the kind of person to open up to, that should be it.

How would you react if someone were to ask you to "open up" more? Would you be offended or would you find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?