Need your prayers. Just an ear to hear.

So, I've been living my single life hoping for the best in my future. In my mid 30s. Struggling with my life. Lacking self confidence in my job. You see, I've been bullied growing up. I live life with a very insecure parent. A parent who can turn abusive on me at will. I started to type this and yet as I type this I just go back to delete.

By abuse, I mean verbal abuse. Sometimes physical. She hits me. She has hit me all my life. And She has a very warped view of the world around her. I feel like she is standing in between me and my progress. A complete lack of respect to my person as a son at times.

I've been dealing with this all my life. I know definitely that I cannot marry someone and bring her home to live with me in my current home. And my situation has kept me from finding a partner.

I'm introverted.

I make the mistake of talking about my life to this parent of mine. And I pay for it with complete abuse. The pain I feel is not understood by my parent. The emotional pain is more than anything else.

I've always been with her in her lows. But those lows are not real problems. They are mostly her fears which are not true. She's delusional in her old age. Schizophrenic. Talking to people who aren't there.

So, these are some of the problems I face. It is hard. It has always been hard.

There are nights I can't sleep because of the unresolved conversations I have with her.

My parent weighs down on me and my life. She is machine like. Doing her duties. Like cooking and cleaning the house.

But she cannot understand how her actions have a negative impact with those who live with her.

I am doing my work too. But it doesn't pay as much but it's a dream that I've been working to achieve with slow success.

At times I wake up at night because of troubled dreams. At times I feel an amplified pain in my chest which sometimes even stops me from moving. It's more emotional pain than physical.

I'm putting this out here. Getting this off my chest.

No child has to suffer the way I do. I deserve to be treated better.

Because of my parent, I've lost all my friends. It's a crushing, lonely pain, which I feel. I feel depressed. I'm not ok.

A Christian home is one where Christ is honoured. From your own description, that is not the case. You have made the choices you have, no one is forcing you to stay, so there's no justification for any complaint from you. It's also not right for you to look for someone to 'love' you out of your problems...you're asking them to shoulder the baggage that you oughtn't be carrying, that's not love!

A Christian home is one where Christ is honoured. From your own description, that is not the case. You have made the choices you have, no one is forcing you to stay, so there's no justification for any complaint from you. It's also not right for you to look for someone to 'love' you out of your problems...you're asking them to shoulder the baggage that you oughtn't be carrying, that's not love!

well we can pray for your mum and you and your brother
it is tough to care for someone who can be unpredictable
and certainly your mum needs healing from whatver happened in her marriage that maybe you were too young to know about

many mothers have unrealistic expectations of their children and dont realise the way they act can prevent them from living their life. But take a step for independence and dont let her manipulate those boundaries

Many mothers think that because she gave birth to you that she owns your soul and everythings yours is hers but...thats not true, in the normal order of things a parent put up for the child not the child for the parent. Letting go can be hard for mothers.

Even if its just a simple thing as your own private space, a room where she cant just barge in, but you really have to work to make that boundary. Learn to say NO.

your mum needs friends too. So will pray that she can find some..even if its a pet. And an outlet, maybe a sport...if she hits, she needs to go hit a ball and not a person.

Hard to disagree with this.

You're not in my shoes. Have you been alone without a significant other for all your adult life owing to your life circumstances? I didn't think so. I've sacrificed so much for my family. The main reason I keep from looking for a partner is because I don't want to hurt the woman I'm supposed to love. And I do my best not to play around in a matter of falling in love and starting a life. Everything I have done is for a good future. Should I not desire to be loved?? Is that a crime? You talk as if I don't deserve to be loved. If love were to be given only when it's convenient, then is that love? It's harsh for another Christian to judge whether Christ is honoured in my family or not. No one should assume that. Especially when they don't know my family. How can they know that? This is why I didn't want to respond much to this particular post even though ChristianTonyB may have meant well.

You're not in my shoes. Have you been alone without a significant other for all your adult life owing to your life circumstances? I didn't think so. I've sacrificed so much for my family. The main reason I keep from looking for a partner is because I don't want to hurt the woman I'm supposed to love. And I do my best not to play around in a matter of falling in love and starting a life. Everything I have done is for a good future. Should I not desire to be loved?? Is that a crime? You talk as if I don't deserve to be loved. If love were to be given only when it's convenient, then is that love? It's harsh for another Christian to judge whether Christ is honoured in my family or not. No one should assume that. Especially when they don't know my family. How can they know that? This is why I didn't want to respond much to this particular post even though ChristianTonyB may have meant well.

Well, the answer to your first question is yes. I have been in your ’shoes’, and possibly for a lot longer than yourself. Claiming to be sacrificial and stoic is one thing, making bad choices and suffering the consequences for those is another. And looking for someone to give me an out for something I’m responsible for, is just plain selfishness.

I got the impression that you are prepared to stay in an abusive environment (which will only taint your perspective), because of your personal career and material aspirations that besides yourself might also benefit a person you find difficult to live with.

Sufficient are the trials of today, and dealing with those, than concerning ourselves with a future that we have no control over. Jesus’ directives are of benefit to us only if we apply them, we need to search those out and do them!

So who says I wanted out through another person? did I? I'm talking about my own life in argumentative fashion. I don't like this dialogue and there's only so much advice and help I need. Thanks for your advice. But if you're saying your way is the only way then you're wrong. I appreciate your intentions to help. But don't come judging my family and calling names like "your family is ungodly and calling names about my mother." I don't have to like it or agree with it. You are wrong on so many levels to judge. I shared about my life here not to be judged by you all. Only God can judge what is right or wrong. Not you or anyone else. You can only suggest. Please don't impose or insist. We share here not for those we trust to take advantage of what we share. But to provide whatever help they can by prayer or advice. So, I think you've done enough. If I need your help again I'd ask for it, I assure you.

You can judge a tree by the fruit that it bears. It hardly sounds like your mother's a Godly woman -- from what you described of her treatment of you. Although you also added that she's loved you and been a good mom. Not getting that, and if you somehow reconciled those two opposites in another post, I missed it. From what I read, I (more or less) still agree with the post you've taken exception to.

As for the rest of your response, all I can say is that it got a bit wacko there for a minute. I never said YOU don't deserve to be loved. Neither did Tony.

Finally, I find it interesting that you've been more offended by my mere agreement to a post than by the actual post.

Be offended if you wish. You need to decide what's more important: vegetables in a house of peace, or fine meats in a house of contention. And, it sounds like you've made your choice. So, I really can think of no further counsel for you.

If I'm being harsh, if there's a log in my eye here, I invite the site's members to point it out to me. I'll apologize if I'm wrong.

I posted this thread here out of desperation to be heard. And advice was given by many for which I am very thankful and grateful. And most of them gave it in a way which was right and acceptable. So, I am thankful and I have nothing but good to think of them in return and thank God for what good I received from them.

It is wrong to assume things about my family and my mother and pronounce judgement without first having the sense to ask more about her from me.

In my home, there is no drinking, no fornication or any of those things that happen. My mother is a woman who lives everyday of her life in prayer. But, she is mentally ill and needs her family.

Is that what you do at your church? Call your believers who come to worship God with you ungodly to their face? You feel very safe behind your keyboard to type this don't you? And by labeling them, you are solving the problem?

You should know very well that you cannot assess the situation in my house without first paying a visit to my home. You or anyone for that matter cannot obviously sit behind your puters and be physically present in my home to arrive at conclusions. So, you are wrong to come judging on me and my family. It is wrong.

I didn't post this thread for anyone's sympathy or pity. That I do not want. I just wanted to vent out. That's the main reason. And I refuse to accept your judgement. You don't have the right. So, keep your judgement to yourself. And I never asked for your apology either. I never asked anything from you. Leave me alone in peace.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

Are you in the Mesa, AZ area, by any chance? I live in the 85204 zip code. Let's meet up if so. I'll show you how much of a keyboard warrior I am. I have ZERO problem being honest with people in the real world. And, just for clarity, this isn't some sophomoric threat to fight. This is an invitation to have a direct, face-to-face, adult talk. (Not that I have any great desire to meet you, since you want answers that don't exist and it would be, ultimately, a waste of anyone's time.)

You provided us with awful details about your mother, tell us you must put up with it because you're trapped between a rock and a hard place, we offer opinions you don't like, you got things you didn't want to hear, and then call us judgmental. Okay, moving on.

But.. the offer to meet up if you're near the Mesa area still stands.

I posted this thread here out of desperation to be heard. And advice was given by many for which I am very thankful and grateful. And most of them gave it in a way which was right and acceptable. So, I am thankful and I have nothing but good to think of them in return and thank God for what good I received from them.

It is wrong to assume things about my family and my mother and pronounce judgement without first having the sense to ask more about her from me.

In my home, there is no drinking, no fornication or any of those things that happen. My mother is a woman who lives everyday of her life in prayer. But, she is mentally ill and needs her family.

Is that what you do at your church? Call your believers who come to worship God with you ungodly to their face? You feel very safe behind your keyboard to type this don't you? And by labeling them, you are solving the problem?

You should know very well that you cannot assess the situation in my house without first paying a visit to my home. You or anyone for that matter cannot obviously sit behind your puters and be physically present in my home to arrive at conclusions. So, you are wrong to come judging on me and my family. It is wrong.

I didn't post this thread for anyone's sympathy or pity. That I do not want. I just wanted to vent out. That's the main reason. And I refuse to accept your judgement. You don't have the right. So, keep your judgement to yourself. And I never asked for your apology either. I never asked anything from you. Leave me alone in peace.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

You came here and basically talked down about your own mother, then got offended and accused people of judging when they responded with the information You provided. You don't get to come to a site, bad mouth your parent, then play the victim when people accept your claims of being abused and speak against her. It was Your words and Your post that started this. And the First message You shared was "my mother is abusive".
Perhaps your lack of sharing further information and only focusing on one side of your mother's behavior is the root problem, not everyone else?

But we see this way too often on this site. People coming here claiming to seek advice when really what they want is their own beliefs confirmed.

And it's funny you accusing of others judging when you yourself stated no one else had been in a similar situation. How can you claim that unless you yourself are judging others?

I agree not everything said to you here was good, but I see you being equally as guilty as those you are quick to criticize. You are not innocent, either.

Please listen this song .
I believe that those words that this brother shared with you is exactly what the Lord wants to tell you . We wants you to understand exactly who you are in Christ. How precious you are to him . And this song is call the God who sees . And show how God loves and cares and how much he’s present in all moments of our lives .
I’ll try to resume my testimony because is toooo long , but I was raised in a very beautiful and Christian family. At my age of 14 I found out that my father who was a very “ serious Christian “ was living a double life and having an affair. He also involved us with the other woman, because she was his “secretary “ and knowing and having no courage to tell my mom , me and my sisters suffer a lot of pressure and guilty and emotional confusions , my dad was doing everything he always preached that was sin . And my faith was shaking. He stop going to church and was always lying to my
Mom and that makes me stop believing in church and ppl . Since my example and model was a lie ( my dad ) . I got rebellious and start drinking, dating and with 23 years old I had a strong experience with God and left Brasil and came to USA to visit 2 of my sisters and my pastors cousins. And it was a life changing experience, for the first time in my life I saw ppl preaching by living the word and not only saying the words of God , their daylight lives touched me deeply and I had a very special encounter with God and repent. I ended my engagement in Brasil and decided to stay and follow Jesus and Jesus told me something very important, he told me Sula , I didn’t great you to be use by man but by God , stop controlling your life and let me guide you . Seek holiness and don’t date . Wait and in the right time I will Blessed you with the person I have for you. And I can’t explain but I felt so special and loved and all I wanted it was seek the Lord and be in love with him and please him and let him work all things in my life .
That was in 2001 . I’m still single , but I’m peace knowing that the Lord has all my days planned and by my relationship w him , I’ll know exactly what to do . My dad left us when I came to usa and we took our mom to be with us in Usa . My dad , for 15 years was away from us . Not caring about us only living his life w the other family. In 2015 he had a stroke and the “ other family “ didn’t want him and he came to us . Now he lives w me , he depends on me to do anything, he barely walk , and I work from home and take care of him . He’s very demanding and does a lot of things that hurts me deeply . I had to stop a lot of my dreams behind ( like photography- and others to be able to take care of him ) . But I have being molded in Jesus likeness every day and have an opportunity to be light , to let he see Jesus in everything I do . I know that here is not our eternal home so I’m leaning how to live looking to eternity by his side . I confess that a lot of times I cry a lot , and feel exhausted and sometimes overwhelmed. I have some health issues because of fibromyalgia, but I see the Lord doing miracles in everything. But I Totally understand how emotional abuse parents can be . My dad daily complain and says a lot of things that hurts , but I go to my room and cry and put all in the hands of my Jesus . And I confess that sometimes I get discouraged and the devil tries to make me blame God from all things that never happened in my life ( like being married or having. My own family.. kids ) or even makes me to blame God from everything bad happening) But the Lord is so amazing that he’s always closer to me and showing me my value being his own child and always shows me that everything works for the good of those who loves the Lord . My Church is very supportive and always by my side and I know that I’m not alone even feeling alone sometimes. So I want to encourage you to look all Jesus virtues and seek him daily with all of your heart . Pray about everything.
Ask the Lord , Lord help me to understand your will , show me where you want me to work , show a place where I can work and be light and help ppl to know you . Pray about ur relationship with him to be deeper every day , for you to be thirsty for his worlds and presence . Learn to delight in him and let him take all your burdens . All thoughts ask him to organize and like James says ask for wisdom and he will give to you . If you need a friend , I’m here as your sister to encourage you. May the Lord fill your heart with his peace , and joy and May he heal your heart from every past hurts and help you to find yourself in his arms of Love .
Be blessed and I’ll pray for you.
Sorry I’m not very good “ resume “ my testimony

I'll be praying for you...I understand the struggle...I struggled with low self-confidence when I was growing up...it was hard that is why I always tell this to everyone watch your words...because words can make or break someone...


And words hurt deeply if coming from the people you trust and love...


There is only one thing I wanna tell you...you need to move out from your parents....that is the first thing you should do to slowly regain your self confidence...you deserve to be treated better...I am not saying you disown your parents I mean move out from them and start a life on your own...


I'll keep you in my prayers bro. God bless you 🙏🏻 ❤