Let's Talk Sex, from a Biblical View

We seem to be having a row in the family forum about sex. Ahh, I got your attention, good! The thread is about the "sin of refusing sex". So we defined the topic saying we were talking about a healthy, loving Christian marriage before we went further. So first up, what is a "healthy Christian marriage to you?"

As we continued the subject issues like health were brought up or past trauma and it was made clear we were talking about only healthy Christian marriages. As we continued along, from my POV, I saw the thread divide. Things were said like sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage. Other things were said that made me question if people thought it was wrong to either enjoy or want sex in a marriage. Each time the subject of the man came up, it was as if he was lusting to want his wife. No, sex isn't the most important, but it is as equally important as any other part of the marriage. I see too often the idea of a lustful husband lunging with his tongue out at his poor put upon wife. And I think we have so much of a feminist influence in society now, that we haven't seen it creep into the church.

So, the subject is a healthy Christian marriage, no health issues, no past trauma. Ladies and gents, let's hear your voice on the subject. Here are the verses that have caused so much contention...

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Who's the first to pull the pin on this bomb??

Sexual relations between a healthy married couple is incapable of the sin of lust. He and she are both in a committed relationship. It's NORMAL for either the woman or man to have a hormonal drive to engage in relations...and inside the confines/commitment of marriage there is no reason to not fulfill those wants.

Marriage is all about giving and looking for opportunities to give to your spouse in meaningful ways. If ANY desire is known by the other spouse it's an instant green light and gas pedal to the floor of fulfilling that desire.

It's about paying attention to a spouse...what do they enjoy? Can I make their enjoyment better? Feed their hobbies. Buy frivolous things for their hobbies. Sex? In a heartbeat....it's a race to see who gets naked first. It requires nothing to "get in the mood" except that two sentence question, "you wanna?"

That's how things in a healthy relationship work.

But my wife and I are absolutely besotted with each other...we have made expressions of love a competition in our house. I like winning and so does my wife. It's never a "give to get" type relationship. That's a destructive attitude to any relationship. So is "I will only if they do".
These sorts of attitudes makes your spouse some sort of prostitute.

It's amazing how dysfunctional some households are....even in Christian circles.

commnication is the key to all marital or other relationships issues.

If one side or the other is not wanting sex. then discussiom over why is a good start. dont quote scriptures to one another showing the LAW. discuss in love.

How do you both move towards intimacy without one or the other feeling they are dominated over.

So yes communicate . pray. fast.


Discuss all options and variety. Deal with the causes not the symptoms

I think Paul is clear about what a healthy sexual relationship is between a husband and wife. Don’t deny each other the pleasure of it. Of course there is other factors that come into play other than then the physical aspects; husband love your wives and wives respect your husbands. When these thing are put in actual practice, love making is being treated as the way God intended it. Even Solomon noted this and wrote a whole book of poetry on it.

I'm thinking that dysfunctional relationships and attitudes are really exacerbated when it comes time for sexual relations. That how a couple approaches the situation is really telling about how good or poor their relationship really is.

It's that whole "unconditional, intimate, and active" love thingy that is modeled by our Heavenly Father....not that God is a sexual creature...mankind has that...God does not.

I do agree, if there are issues they need to be discussed. And unlike my parents day, there are many Christian books on this. I read one before I ever married that talked about love languages. I can't say I used it in my marriage, but maybe I have and didn't realize it. But sometimes I think it has to do with attitude before we ever start discussing sex. Somehow it seems people are confusing sex with a worldly, dirty thing, not something that God created and people have abused and misused.

Sex is the most intimate you can be with someone , but it is all about pleasing the other not pleasing your self first

so again with that frame of mind you wont be demanding sex. you will be offering it knowing that it is a gift for your partners pleasure.\

Yes, that is certainly the key, meeting each others needs will keep things in balance. Great point.

Solomon had lots of practice.
He had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

Yes he did. I thought that. Of course he regretted a lot of that and wrote Ecclesiastes.

I suppose one had to consider what he regretted.

Was it the wives and concubines he referred or

1 Kings 11:1-7

Solomon’s Heart Turns from the Lord
1 But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites—
2 from the nations of whom the Lord had said to the children of Israel, “You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.
3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart.
4 For it was so, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David.
5 For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites.
6 Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord, and did not fully follow the Lord, as did his father David.
7 Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, on the hill that is east of Jerusalem, and for Molech the abomination of the people of Ammon.

Solomons sins were so great it played a major role in the kingdom splitting into two. But God kept his promise that Davids line would still sit on the throne. Solomon was a very remorseful man, but his past actions had future impacts that last generations.

The sex acts themselves are the same whether within or outside of marriage, so I think some people may not make a distinction and draw a broad conclusions on sex (whether dirty, or "romantic", etc).

This level of intimacy may make a person very vulnerable. This could lead to psychological issues such as insecurities, etc. that impact their relationship. Unfortunately, some spouses may not be understanding. A while ago, I read here a question (different thread), what if you find your spouse unattractive? Someone else said, turn off the lights. A spouse can sense this type of rejection (even though the other spouse still wants sex), and may not react well.

The reason a man leaves his family. The reason a woman leaves her family. Scripture says the two shall become one flesh.

Sex, or, the "fruit of marriage" is a normal, and actually vital part of a healthy marriage. God created man and woman to be one fless, and to PROCREATE! All His creations had the purpose of procreation.

Now, as far as problems in a marriage where one or the other partner does not enjoy sex, or desire sex, then this is something they should both seek counseling for. I suggest, first their Pastor, and then a Professional Counselor if needed.

In any event, such issues SHOULD HAVE BEEN known and discussed between the two PRIOR to their marriage.

As for sex in marraige being "taboo," that is Biblically wrong. Any who believe such need to never read the Psalms. Especially those written by King David.

Solomon already did in the Song of Songs (Song of Solomon). "Nuff said.

I am pro sex in marriage....Just sayin'

1. what is a "healthy Christian marriage to you?"

answer:

it is a marriage where both the man and the women love Jesus with all their heart and are expressing it in the context of marriage to each other.

That is the only question I see you have asked

wow. that is harsh to turn off the lights.

Love is gone from relationships once you not attracted to your spouse. that is so sad.

This why we need to pray as David did. "lord create in me a new heart"

A heartful of Gods love that still loves when the Spouse is ugly, when the spouse is wrong. when the spouse does things that are sin. We must still love.

Marriage.. to just make it simple her body is mine and mine is hers and whatever we do in that bedroom is between just me and her. If she or me say NO I have a headache.. so what? I was not given any power nor authority over her in any area See we can twist in my eyes some verses yet we leave out LOVE. Love never wants its own way it ALWAYS thinks of the other first.