The sin of refusing sex

You have been told several times, now you're trying to play a victim. You were told up front what the topic was. But you ignored it.

I suppose laughing at something you don't understand, Indian girl, is understandable. However if you actually think sex is only physical, you do not understand or have not read what scripture says about it.

Where in your bible does it say not having sex with your mate is a "sin"

You have been told several times, now you're trying to play a victim. You were told up front what the topic was. But you ignored it.

my bad on that one

I know that feeling. Someone bought up discipling our body or self control over our flesh. I was trying to back them up in that by those quotes. I keep to chair in the corner to give my sinful nature a beating.

Not at all. Are you responsible for the content in this thread or do you monitor it and decide who can say something or not?

You art not having the effect you seem to desire. I'm still here and will be as long as I wish to be, I suppose as long as I don't break the forum rules.

What I do choose to ignore is your bullying and desire to somehow create the impression I have said the things you attribute to me which I did not say or think.

Are you somehow special here? Saying I have been told? Who do you believe yourself to be?

You have been told several times, now you're trying to play a victim. You were told up front what the topic was. But you ignored it.

Polar in short what is the point you are trying to make in simple short statements??? thanks, daniel

Be nice and develop a thick skin. Remember you can not hear people's tone of voice and text can be misunderstood.
And, Welcome, daniel

Please, explain in simple sentences what the misunderstanding is. I am very tired today from medical treatments.

Clearly, the author should not be counciling married couples. Not all problems in marriage have a spiritual cause.

Signs of Active Listening
Non-Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening
This is a generic list of non-verbal signs of listening, in other words people who are listening are more likely to display at least some of these signs. However these signs may not be appropriate in all situations and across all cultures.
Smile
Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.
Eye Contact
It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation. Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.
Posture
Posture can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting. Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.
Mirroring
Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening. These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations. Attempting to consciously mimic facial expressions (i.e. not automatic reflection of expressions) can be a sign of inattention.
Distraction
The active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.
Be Aware That:
It is perfectly possible to learn and mimic non-verbal signs of active listening and not actually be listening at all.
It is more difficult to mimic verbal signs of listening and comprehension.
Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening

Positive Reinforcement
Although a strong signal of attentiveness, caution should be used when using positive verbal reinforcement.
Although some positive words of encouragement may be beneficial to the speaker the listener should use them sparingly so as not to distract from what is being said or place unnecessary emphasis on parts of the message.
Casual and frequent use of words and phrases, such as: ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ can become irritating to the speaker. It is usually better to elaborate and explain why you are agreeing with a certain point.
Remembering
The human mind is notoriously bad at remembering details, especially for any length of time.
However, remembering a few key points, or even the name of the speaker, can help to reinforce that the messages sent have been received and understood – i.e. listening has been successful. Remembering details, ideas and concepts from previous conversations proves that attention was kept and is likely to encourage the speaker to continue. During longer exchanges it may be appropriate to make very brief notes to act as a memory jog when questioning or clarifying later.
Questioning
The listener can demonstrate that they have been paying attention by asking relevant questions and/or making statements that build or help to clarify what the speaker has said. By asking relevant questions the listener also helps to reinforce that they have an interest in what the speaker has been saying.
Reflection
Reflecting is closely repeating or paraphrasing what the speaker has said in order to show comprehension. Reflection is a powerful skill that can reinforce the message of the speaker and demonstrate understanding.
Clarification
Clarifying involves asking questions of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been received. Clarification usually involves the use of open questions which enables the speaker to expand on certain points as necessary.
Summarisation
Repeating a summary of what has been said back to the speaker is a technique used by the listener to repeat what has been said in their own words. Summarising involves taking the main points of the received message and reiterating them in a logical and clear way, giving the speaker chance to correct if necessary.


Read more at: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html

So, I just read about the first 4 ½ pages of this thread and the last 2 or 3 pages of this thread up until this post that I’m now quoting (haven’t yet read what comes after it), and I obviously missed quite a bit of what was said in between those pages. If I therefore say something out of ignorance, then know that I literally am ignorant of quite a bit of what’s been said on this thread, and please direct me to anything pertinent that I might have missed. Thank you.

With that disclaimer out of the way, I stepped out of retirement (again) to give my opinion on what you said here as a man who was once married for 17 years.

In relation to “being at work all day”, for the entirety of my marriage, I was self-employed, and that was by design. In other words, I wanted the flexibility to make my own schedule so that it would leave me time to serve God, and to best accommodate the needs of my wife and any children that we might have (we had three) together. Normally, I worked only three days a week, but those workdays, including my commute in both directions, sometimes lasted as many as 14 to even 20 hours in a single day. So, yeah, there were many times when I was “at work all day”, and my “work” often didn’t end when I arrived home either.

As I already mentioned, over the course of time, my wife and I had three children, and they were all initially homeschooled. On the days which I worked outside of the home, my wife did most of the homeschooling (while also performing a whole host of other parental duties), but, even then, I normally taught our children math, science, and English (my wife’s native tongue was Spanish) after I arrived home from working all day long.

In all honesty, there definitely were many days when I was working that the thoughts of intimacy with my wife later that night came to my mind and somewhat invigorated me. Notice that I said “intimacy with my wife”, as in making love to her, and not as in merely “having sex” with her. In other words, there’s A LOT MORE to intimacy than just some sexual act. Yes, believe it or not (believe it), I actually desired a SPIRITUAL AND SOULISH CONNECTION with my wife FIRST, and not just some sort of self-satisfying physical act. Anyhow, there were also many times when such thoughts of intimacy never came to fruition for at least the following two reasons.

First of all, as I’ve mentioned on this forum before, I learned that my wife had been sexually molested by her own father repeatedly between the ages of 5 and 6 years old about a month or so AFTER she and I were married. I’m mentioning this again because there were many times during my marriage when my wife had flashbacks of what her father had done to her as we were getting intimate ourselves, and we always refrained from any sexual activity during those times. Unlike some “dog in heat” (which is how men seem to be described in some of the posts that I have read here in relation to their “needs”), I was very understanding and compassionate, and I oftentimes just spent the night holding my wife, and praying for her/with her, and I was totally content in doing the same. The thought of me possibly telling her, “Hey, woman…roll over and perform your conjugal duties!” never even entered my mind, but it seems as if some people here would have no problem at all if they had.

Another reason why my thoughts of intimacy with my wife oftentimes never came to fruition was that I oftentimes put such thoughts to bed (by themselves) on my own. In other words, raising three children at home all day long is full-time work in and of itself, and there were many times when I could sense that my wife just needed some quiet time of her own, and I gladly gave it to her. Again, the thought of me possibly telling her, “Hey, woman…roll over and perform your conjugal duties!” never even entered my mind, but it seems as if some people here would have no problem at all if they had.

After all, she better NOT defraud me of what I’m due and sin against God in the process, right?

Wrong.

Well, wrong for those who actually see their wives as something more than just a leg to hump like the aforementioned dog in heat, anyway.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me (or maybe I’m just a normal Christian), but it seems to me that my now ex-wife (and all women) are more than just a body with a hole in it. Sorry, to be so vulgar, but that’s how some people here almost seem to be describing women themselves. Personally, I always (and I still do, even though we’re now divorced) saw my wife as a spirit-being who possessed a soul, and who lived inside of a body. Her spirit and her soul were of top priority to me, and if I took care of those two aspects of her being, then physical intimacy, apart from the reasons that I already mentioned, was never an issue. And don’t forget that my wife basically HATED ME and tried to destroy me for almost the entirety of our marriage…even as I’ve mentioned here quite a few times in the past. Even then, I still treated her right, and she oftentimes desired intimacy with me. In fact, I still recall that right after a courtroom judge found me innocent of all the phony charges that my wife pressed against me with the police, phony charges in which she sought to take my children away from me permanently, she told me that she wanted to make love to me. Go figure. She’s either nuts or I’m simply irresistible…lol (most likely the former of the two).

Anyhow, women aren’t just some piece of meat that God demands to be served on a man’s plate when he gets home from work, nor are men just some sort of living sex toy for women to enjoy at their fancy. The same Paul who wrote I Corinthians chapter 7 also wrote Ephesians chapter 5 in which he likened the natural marriage relationship between a man and his wife to that of the spiritual relationship between Christ and the church.

Does Christ just care about our bodies while ignoring our spiritual and soulish/emotional needs?

Seems to me that we’re supposed to love him with our whole heart, mind, and strength.

How about husbands do the same towards their wives, IN THAT ORDER, and then see what happens as far as sexual intimacy is concerned?

In my personal observations, and I say this as a man, most men truly are just like “dogs in heat”.

I don’t know about you, but when a dog tries to hump my leg, I push it away.

I’m certainly not seeking to justify all women who similarly push their husbands away, but there definitely is a very real parallel at times.

That said, most women are no day at the beach either…unless there’s a typhoon…lol.

Anyhow, none of this was meant solely for you, kaylagirl.

Instead, I’m just using your comment as a springboard to say certain things which I felt needed to be said.

For whatever that’s worth.

P.S.

I honestly feel sorry for any of you who truly live in a world/situation where “the woman holds all the cards when it comes to sex”.

That’s not the world/situation in which I live/lived, nor is it the way that God designed things to be.

If a man’s wife doesn’t desire intimacy with him, then, in my estimation, it’s probably more the man’s fault than the woman’s fault.

P.P.S.

Quite frankly, I find some of the comments on this thread to be demeaning to both men and women alike in that they’ve basically been described as slabs of meat to satisfy the carnal cravings of others…and all in the name of allegedly obeying God’s word.

Whatever.

I just read this article that was posted. https://www.gotquestions.org/lack-of-sex-in-marriage.html

Clearly, the author should not be counciling married couples. Not all problems in marriage have a spiritual cause.

A couple should just sit down and talk it out without yelling, getting mad and with respect.

Yet you state that I should grow a thick skin and remember that this is a forum and sometimes we can get the tone wrong.

That is all fine when not on a forum. You are simply stating your preferences for counselling and that's fine. That does not automatically make you right all the time either.