Hello,
I'm going to try to not make this too long. I am in desperate need of prayer. I was raised in the church and always believed in God. However, I never had a close relationship with him especially as a young adult as I was in search of other things to make me happy even dabbling in occult practices. All the while I occasionally went to church, engaged in drugs and even prayed at times. Many unpleasant things have happened over the years that have caused major trauma. I decided recently to fast and attempted to seek God in an effort to be delivered or fix my situation. However, things went waaay different than I expected. I struggled to sleep, felt condemned, remembered sins of my past I forgot about, I discovered how broken my relationship was with God and how there were many things in my heart that were not right. Guilt, shame, and condemnation came flooding in. I am also now super conscience of how messed up my heart really is- the problem now is I don't know if I can fix it. I don't feel God and don't know if I've grown too cold towards Him and His ways due to my consistent sin and the nature of the sin, which also being up the issue of true repentance. I am not sure if I am under a demonic attack (which is possible because of past things) or if my heart is just that messed up. This has led to extreme anxiety and depression. I have struggled to find consistent joy and peace in things because I don't know if God has left me. Please keep me in your prayers.
I'm going to try to not make this too long. I am in desperate need of prayer. I was raised in the church and always believed in God. However, I never had a close relationship with him especially as a young adult as I was in search of other things to make me happy even dabbling in occult practices. All the while I occasionally went to church, engaged in drugs and even prayed at times. Many unpleasant things have happened over the years that have caused major trauma. I decided recently to fast and attempted to seek God in an effort to be delivered or fix my situation. However, things went waaay different than I expected. I struggled to sleep, felt condemned, remembered sins of my past I forgot about, I discovered how broken my relationship was with God and how there were many things in my heart that were not right. Guilt, shame, and condemnation came flooding in. I am also now super conscience of how messed up my heart really is- the problem now is I don't know if I can fix it. I don't feel God and don't know if I've grown too cold towards Him and His ways due to my consistent sin and the nature of the sin, which also being up the issue of true repentance. I am not sure if I am under a demonic attack (which is possible because of past things) or if my heart is just that messed up. This has led to extreme anxiety and depression. I have struggled to find consistent joy and peace in things because I don't know if God has left me. Please keep me in your prayers.
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