Suicidal?: At my breaking point and feel so hopeless

As a child and teenager I survived the most horrible life that no child should have to through: sexual abuse, human trafficking, extreme child labor working non stop for 20hrs every single day, starvation, beatings.

I overcame everything. Went on to become successful, graduated from a top tier university, obtain some top notch degrees-and I did it all by myself.

Now as an adult, new challenges are causing me the worst pain I have ever felt (physical, emotional, mental), is paralyzing. I am at my breaking point, I feel like I just can't go on with my life. I don't understand how I survived everything what I did when I was young, yet I just can't seem to do it rn. I am under medical care which obvs is not working very well.

What do I do so God can give me the faith and strength to go on?

I think all those who go through a traumatic life when growing up can easily put things under the rug , and just get on , so when the next trauma comes , the pile we hide gets bigger and bigger until it all hits us in the face...

Maybe now , God is showing you that through Him , it is time to face these things that haunt you so much...Let Him bring you through them , because you now have Him to lean on , your Heavenly Father who loves and cares for you like no other person can...Face what you need to face with our Lords blessing , and you will get through it all , in Gods timing...

I to went through awful things as a child and beyond , but God is still healing me this day , one day at a time...
...xox...

You are doing the right thing by reaching out. I will pray for you. I find comfort being surrounded by other Christians so I hope this site will help you. To help you hang in there for now I would read the new testament. There is a site called Bible gateway, I believe, which you can use.

Biblehub.com is a great reference source also.

I trully believe that people like you who experience more troubles in life have greater spiritual value, your Cross is more similar to Christs than maybe mine. Just when bad thoughts attack again say: Not today Satan💪 and pray, open Bible randomely.... You are for sure beautiful and amazing soul, thats why Evil attacks, but dont forget your life was paid by Jesus. Dont throw it away without fight.....and if you are Christian you know story how Jesus was tempted by Satan in Desert....jump so that angels can carry you,bla bla...... Jesus wasnt saved from temptations, and you just stick to Jesus 🙏 He will heal you and all your wounds.

Don't lose hope in God, keep your eyes on the price which helps us endure this life on earth just a little while more, remember when Jesus came he conquered death and the world we live in but he still endured the hardships. Also remember that He left us with a helper which is The Holy Spirit to guide and help us along the way.

In Gods Kingdom there is a greater life waiting for you and I, which God is still preparing for us, there won't be anymore hardships and heartaches, only joy and happiness with our creator, but we need to be strong here and live out our best we can for God.

Many times in the bible says to Be strong in the Lord, because God knows we are weak and frail but if we Commune with him, pray and read his words, he gives us peace of mind and peace of heart, strengthens us and refresh our souls. Remember God loves you so much he gave his ONLY Son for YOU to be able to be with him forever, but while we are still here on earth we give thanks and appreciate and take good care of our life because God Values you so much, you, your life are important and beloved by God.
❤️

"A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory. " (Matthew 12:20)

Hi, Redcars.

The above was written in relation to Jesus Christ.

Know, of a certainty, that his desire is NOT to break you, or to quench you, or to extinguish what little strength you presently have left.

Instead, his desire is to restore your soul:

Psalm 23

[1] The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
[2] He makes me to lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters.
[3] He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
[4] Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.
[5] You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies: you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.
[6] Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

In times of great trial in my own life (and there have been plenty), I've been reminded of what somebody told me many, many years ago.

They said that a piece of thread is very fragile, BUT if you take that piece of thread and wrap it around a cable which upholds a bridge, then it is very strong.

The same principle applies to us and God.

In and of ourselves, we're very weak.

However, if we, figuratively speaking, wrap ourselves around God, then we're basically indestructible as we rely upon his strength, and not our own.

You're in my prayers, and I and others are here to talk to you when needed.

God bless you.

So terribly sorry you went through all that.

What is your Spiritual situation?

Good day ,God bless . Faith is reenforced by hear ,hearing the word of God ,so its written . what ever reenforcements you have going now is Reenforcing fear and lack of faith . friend I will suggest you change the toxic environment you are presently ,you can find a support church group locally that will help you mentally and emotionally . . God is your strength

Dear Redcars

If I may suggest a clean break from your current life. Starting fresh in a new environment, new friends, may help you move forward. Lingering in the past as horrible as it may have been is not a good thing. Focus on something you like to do and move forward. I know it's easy for me to say and you clearly suffered traumatic experiences but do not give up, the Lord will help you if you ask, this I know. Follow the commandments pray for guidance, you will not be left behind.

Bless,

J.F.

I read your post and I wanted to say that reading you speak your truth helps people in way you couldn't imagine. I have been in a low place for awhile to the point where today was the day I wanted to end it all. For me its been family trauma also relationships mental and physical abuse. I have been a giver and a provider my whole life and I keep getting the worst end of the stick. I have been through more disappointments than I have times of peace and love. No one to believe in me so today I was ready to give up. Then I came across your post all I could think about how could I be so selfish this person has been through so much and he still was able stand firm obtain a degree and be successful. You reminded me that peace of mind is a gift from God the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away. My difficulty In life is based on the calling. God has on my life thats why the devil tries with everything he has to bring me down. I pledge to remember how strong iam and how important iam so God and remember he has everything in his hands this strong. That I am in will pass and I will remember God's promises!....


Praying for you in your time of need
Grace

Honestly, I think I might be lacking faith. I have too much fear of the future. Given all the horrible things that has happen to me, I know I can be subject to more suffering and that is what scares me. It scares me that I won't be able to pull through even with God. I also lack in prayer. It is mentally and emotionally draining to pour my heart out to God because I am reliving everything and I kinda just want to forget about it.

This may seem too simplistic, but the solution to the things that you just described are all found in the new birth or in being "born again".

In other words, if our "old man" or old nature is truly "crucified with Christ" (Rom. 6:6) and then "buried with him by baptism" (Rom. 6:4) in order that God might raise us up "in newness of life" (Rom. 6:4), then we really don't need to relive anything in that our old nature is dead and buried.

At the same time, we also find hope for the future in that "if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in us", then "he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken our mortal bodies" (Rom. 8:11) one day or raise us up from the dead unto eternal life.

Try to focus upon these things because they are reality from God's perspective in relation to those who have truly trusted in Christ and been born again.

Hi. After reading your OP, I was reminded of where I was at 22 years ago. I'd put off going to a 5-day ministry retreat. The doctor gave me a tranquilizer and I had an adverse reaction called drug amnesia. While in this altered state of mind, I took a bottle of pain medication.
I guess it stopped me breathing for awhile and the lack of oxygen gave me brain damage. Since then I haven't been able to enjoy life.
I ended up going to the retreat and the Lord met me powerfully. Now I know that if I'd only gone when I knew I was supposed to, life would be different. Sigh!

There is never much peace to be found in the past, nor in trying to work out the future.

God is the great I AM. He is here and now in this present moment with you.
This present moment is all you and I have.
We dont have yesterday, it is gone, whether it was very good or very bad. It is still in the past.

The past has shaped us, that is undeniable, but it cannot decide nor dictate the path we will follow in the future.
I understand your fears, and it is easy for people to say have hope for the future, but sometimes the best thing to do is to STOP. To let go of plans and hopes and what ifs. .and just to seize this very moment and really let yourself live in it.

When we focus on anything, dreams, fears, the past etc. we magnify it in our minds and it is very difficult to overcome when it s the only thing we can see.

But, right now nothing bad is happening. Right now God is with you.

Right now you can have peace if you can only magnify God in your heart and mind, by really studying hard about, and focusing on, His great love for you.

You dont have to fight tomorrows battles, you don't have to relive yesterday.
You just have to rest in Jesus right now. that is all. and you have to do this every single day that you are given.
One day at a time.

Jesus said ... I will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on me.

This is something we are all pretty rubbish at, but we all need to practice daily so that we can live in the peace that He promised us.
Praying that you, and we all, can discover this truth anew for ourselves.

Bless you

Hi, Redcars.

In relation to what you said earlier about possibly lacking faith, and in relation to what Tararose just posted about taking it one day at a time, I remind us all of the following words of Jesus:

Matthew chapter 6

[25] Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
[26] Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
[27] Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
[28] And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
[29] And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
[30] Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
[31] Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
[32] (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
[33] But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
[34] Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

It really is just a matter of DAILY trust or faith in our heavenly Father.

BELIEVE ME, I have to remind myself of this every single day because my own life is no day at the beach either...unless we're talking about me floundering in shark-infested waters with a piece of bloody meat hanging around my neck...lol.

Anyhow, God's grace is sufficient.

Of this, I'm sure.

I can hold my hand up and say the same - if only I had done what I was meant to do when I was meant to do it. Many of us learn the hard way, but thank God there is grace even then. Bless you