Children: does gender matter?

Okay the title might be misleading but let me explain.

Growing up in a female-dominated family and extended family, we always had treated any of our newborn males like princes of the family. For example, in my generation amongst my cousins we only have 2 males cousins out of about 20 of us female cousins, so those 2 guys throughout my childhood and teen years were treated like royalty by our aunties and uncles.

In my culture, women are seen as the pride of the family who keep everything in order. The men are to respect them and in some cases, they would serve them and protect them without fail.

I have 3 sisters so when one of my sisters had her firstborn son, you guessed it, he was treated like the prince of the family, and since he’s the first born grandchild, he has a softspot for all of us.

With this kind of life experience, it makes me want to have male babies if I ever get married or part of God’s plan, but I’ve always wanted a baby boy first then a baby girl - reason is because there’s that desire for the big bro to protect his sister but then I think maybe it’s because growing up, male family members (whether brothers or cousins) were a rare thing.

But…….as I get older, the desire to have my own babies becomes also less desirable and the thought of putting my body through that kind of scares me lol but I’d be open to the idea of fostering, adopting or if my husband to be (hypothetically) had his own children from a previous relationship - would also be okay.

For now, the only babies I do have are my neices and nephews which I am labelled in my family “that aunty” who spoils them as if they were my own.

Have any of you experienced the same here? Or what are your thoughts around having children of your own (if you haven’t already) and whether gender plays a part in what you want as a family?

Be keen to hear from our married friends as well

I grew up with lots of cousins. And an older sister and younger brothers.
I think in my culture boys have tradtionally been placed first over girls, but, because of randomness this doesnt happen...girls can be born first!

I think in the end things balance out. I dont know how but God knows. I sometimes rag Him about it like...what about your firstborn DAUGHTER? And what happened to Dinah?

Jacob married two SISTER wives? come on. He could have told his brother Esau to marry the other one.

It is funny how the Queen of England got to be queen . She had no brothers. But she made a perfectly good queen.

I ask people in the UK why isnt your country named the UQ...United Queendom.
They just think I am being funny...but Im serious. Youve had two long lasting royal monarchs whove been queens and you didnt bother to change the name?

I dunno... It doesn't always work that way.

I'm a guy and I was born first, but my sister was the one who told the bullies to back off. Somebody might pick on me at school for a week or two and then drift away... I thought it was just because I wasn't giving them the reaction they wanted. Decades later I found out my sister would catch wind of it (how, I don't know, because I never complained about it at home) and threaten the bully with mortal harm if he didn't leave me alone.

I think the first question is a huge topic that deserves its own thread (on biological vs non-biological children). I believe one can love both both biological and non-biological children equally (If one chooses to that is, sometimes people are predisposed to the "not of my seed/egg" bias and they do not fully accept the non-biological child as their own. Conversely, the child may not accept the non-biological parent as their own.). I think it really depends on both parties, if both are willing to fully accept eachother; if one party doesn't there could be issues. Biological parents and children can have issues as well, as they could reject/hate/dislike eachother, but with non-biological relations I believe they have to overcome the lack of bloodline issue (if they make it an issue that is) and not have it cause a major issue. The lack of bloodlines shouldn't really matter, and for some people adults/children it doesn't matter at all, but for others it seems to matter more.

Regarding the second question, nowadays in the developed world, it is not a huge benefit to have a boy over a girl. If one is having biological children one cannot control the gender. However, if I were to adopt/foster/etc., I would choose a girl as I would be able to relate to her more.

Thoughts on children...well being female of course I can relate to girls more. But I suppose if part of a couple my male spouse might prefer a boy, so we'd just have both if both involved in fostering. Though I dont know if girls have more of a need to be fostered/adopted than boys do. I hadnt really looked into it.

I have read one books called Kisses from Katie about an american who adopted 25 girls in Uganda. She was not married at the time either. I thought that was a lot! But I supoose if you have a lot of love to give why not go for broke.

be that Aunty!

I've got three boys (24, 22, and 14) and two girls (30 and 20)...
Years ago, I thought there would be just one of each. But then #3 came, then #4, then #5 a few years later. I've had to mature into being a Dad and I've been blessed with this bunch.

There was a time when I wanted a lot of kids, maybe twelve or so. A mix of boys and girls. But honestly, kids require energy and I'm sad to say that I have seen a lot of large Christian families that did okay with their older kids... but left the younger ones to their own devices and they didn't turn out well. I've seen this over and over. If you have kids, you had better be in it 100%... and that does not mean just dropping them at age 18 and washing your hands of them. There are going to be a lot of Christian parents with much to answer for.

I met someone nice a few years back who didn't want any kids at all. She's not in my life any longer and we never had anything other than a friendship, but it got me thinking about different perspectives on things. Kids are great, but it's true that you give up some things for their sake. Worth it? Sure, if you follow through and raise them right.

The world continues to spiral ever downwards, and I'm not getting younger or more energetic. I have had chronic health issues since 2016 and sometimes they are near debilitating. It comes and goes. Could I raise kids like this? Not without a truly exceptional and very energetic woman. A woman I seem to be unable to find in life. It might just be for the best not to have kids. And if I meet someone who took the jab... even if we want a couple she might not be able to carry a child to term.

So, while I do like kids - and even have a long list of child names in the back of my Bible - it may never happen. I'm a bit more open to all the possibilities now. Maybe there will be no kids at all. Maybe just a couple. Maybe a huge family still... but God had BETTER give me a double helping of grace in that case. Regardless of that... the search for a life partner has to be successful first either way.

I'm fortunate to have a great little niece though, who is 3. We're good pals. She has a good sense of humor, she is really smart, and my sister has done a great job with her. She's very polite and well behaved. Quite amazing for a child that age, actually. She's brought a lot of sunshine to my life in the aftermath of some dark years, and I'm going to miss her a lot when I move to Tennessee.

speaking of children while there are many adults that now dont have offspring, there are also many children that dont have parents.

In Africa I know HIV and Aids and war has devasted a lot of adults so there are huge numbers of orphans.

I mean not to point out the obvious but...well there it is. Just do what you can and also help raise children in your extended families, if you dont have your own.

And girls...dont mind treating them like princesses either. Not many get the royal treatment. In many families, girls are treated as maids.

Are you Democrat or Republican?

You do have a point, I mean their national anthem is basically “God save the Queen” - what about “God save United Kingdom”? Lol

well they did change the anthem from. God save the King when Elizabeth was coronated after her father died.
So why not the name of the country? Might be a bit late to change it now though.

In my culture, and this might be common for some, we have that saying (and I’m not saying we made the saying up) “it takes a village to raise a child” which is very true in my family. When my younger sister had her first child, the first grandchild, us older siblings we part of helping care for him, feeding him, changing nappies, paying for his clothes, babysitting, all of that. Same thing happened for the rest of the grandchildren that followed. Even my cousins played a part in their upbringing and I could say the same for my cousins children - I was part of helping raise them until they moved to Australia.

Who?

what does that have to do with her post? Lol

are democrats and republicans genders? lol

Oh, like you ya'll don't get it!

If you were questioning the original poster, you do know she doesn't live in the USA, right?

Neither do some of the people answering.

Therefore, your previous inquiry of whether they are a Republican or Democrat either might not be understood or just doesn't apply to some here.

Mel can you comment on fa'afine
I think thats when islanders raise boys as girls maybe they have too many sons and need a daughter. Im not sure where this phenomenon came about but I heard that happens in some villages.

One of my church friends has five sons...the only girl she had was stillborn. I think she really wanted a daughter but shes content with just boys.

sorry Fa'afafine