How Would You Answer Someone Who Said, "I Should Have Never Been Born"?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
16,713
5,623
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

Our conversation in another thread regarding DNA had me thinking of some specific times when I have heard people say, "I should have never been born."

Now of course I know the Christian answer that any one of us would give someone who says this: We would tell them that God had a purpose for their existence, and that He loves them and has a plan for their life.

But what about when the reasons why a person is feeling this way become a little more personal?

For example, I am very open about the fact that I am adopted and that there are no records about my biological parents or the circumstances. But one thing I do know that must be kept in mind when searching for one's history is that babies and children are usually not given away under good conditions.

I recently read an article about a 24-year-old man who is building a very successful career, and he decided to look into his background, seeing as he is biracial and adopted.

His investigation resulted in finding out that his existence came about because of a 25-year-old man setting his sights on a 14-year-old girl, and refusing to take no for an answer.

In other words, his birth was the result of the rape of a child, and as could be understood, this young man felt utterly devastated. He said, "I had hoped that at the very least, (the people who created me) had loved each other."

I have talked to others whose existence came about because of an extramarital affair, a forbidden marriage (or remarriage,) or even a crime.

This often leaves people feeling like they are a living mistake or that it is a sin just for them to exist because the circumstances surrounding their birth were wrong. Therefore, they conclude that they should have never been born.

What words of Christ's love and assurance can we give to people who are suffering because of this?
 
R

RodB651

Well-known member
#2
Feb 11, 2021
760
481
63
59
#2
It's a good question Seoul...

In the Bible, there is records of kids being offered up to idols, surely that wasn't their purpose for being here.

There are kids born into bad situations here in this country and around the world. The odds are stacked against them from birth.

In the headlines now, there are kids laying dead on the battlefields of Europe, the middle east, Africa, and other places I'm sure... How did they deserve that?

And then there are the kids that are terminated before they are born, but that's not the topic here...

I don't know Seoul, sometimes it's like there is a devine lottery taking place somewhere, but I know that's not the case.

Fortunately, there are those who change their circumstances like the one you mentioned. How all these things come about is a mystery. Maybe one day that question will be answered, but maybe it won't matter by then... "For the old will pass away and all things will become new"...

I don't know if that's an answer, but maybe it will lead to deeper discussion... :)
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#3
Apr 26, 2012
2,592
76
48
#3
Biblically, the first thing I think of is the verse about what was meant for bad God worked for good. He gives beauty for ashes. King Solomon was the result of sin, not him exactly but David & Bathsheba's shameful relationship. That might comfort someone who is studying the word and believes it, but in situations like that I always just ask The Holy Spirit to speak through me, as the Spirit knows what words will comfort each individual person.

I was once led to tell a lady I liked her pickup truck. It seemed an unimportant thing to say but she almost started crying. She said it was the first vehicle she had ever paid off and she was proud of her accomplishment.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#4
Jul 3, 2015
61,160
30,309
113
#4



God loves us and has plans for us regardless of our history, background, parentage etc...
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#5
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#5
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

Our conversation in another thread regarding DNA had me thinking of some specific times when I have heard people say, "I should have never been born."

Now of course I know the Christian answer that any one of us would give someone who says this: We would tell them that God had a purpose for their existence, and that He loves them and has a plan for their life.

But what about when the reasons why a person is feeling this way become a little more personal?

For example, I am very open about the fact that I am adopted and that there are no records about my biological parents or the circumstances. But one thing I do know that must be kept in mind when searching for one's history is that babies and children are usually not given away under good conditions.

I recently read an article about a 24-year-old man who is building a very successful career, and he decided to look into his background, seeing as he is biracial and adopted.

His investigation resulted in finding out that his existence came about because of a 25-year-old man setting his sights on a 14-year-old girl, and refusing to take no for an answer.

In other words, his birth was the result of the rape of a child, and as could be understood, this young man felt utterly devastated. He said, "I had hoped that at the very least, (the people who created me) had loved each other."

I have talked to others whose existence came about because of an extramarital affair, a forbidden marriage (or remarriage,) or even a crime.

This often leaves people feeling like they are a living mistake or that it is a sin just for them to exist because the circumstances surrounding their birth were wrong. Therefore, they conclude that they should have never been born.

What words of Christ's love and assurance can we give to people who are suffering because of this?
Click to expand...
There's this tv show, I can't remember the name, where they investigate famous celebrities past ancestry. I only watched 2 episodes because I caught it while flipping channels, but in one episode it was a famous black actor, I can't remember who (sorry). And the investigation into old birth records showed that his like great-great-great grandmother gave birth at 13 to his great great grandmother, and that she had gotten pregnant by her slavemaster who was of course, caucasian. So he found out that he is part caucasian, and his DNA test results confirmed it.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#6
zeroturbulence said:
There's this tv show, I can't remember the name, where they investigate famous celebrities past ancestry. I only watched 2 episodes because I caught it while flipping channels, but in one episode it was a famous black actor, I can't remember who (sorry). And the investigation into old birth records showed that his like great-great-great grandmother gave birth at 13 to his great great grandmother, and that she had gotten pregnant by her slavemaster who was of course, caucasian. So he found out that he is part caucasian, and his DNA test results confirmed it.
Click to expand...
I googled and found the name of the show. It's called 'Finding Your Roots' on PBS. Fascinating show.

 
J

JAPOV

Guest
#7
#7
Matthew 7-
7Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
12In everything, then, do to others as you would have them do to you. For this is the essence of the Law and the Prophets...........

15Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20So then, by their fruit you will recognize them.
21Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’
23Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of lawlessness!’

Fear God!
He has done all He can for mankind.
The decision is YOURS!
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#8
Sep 17, 2018
4,101
3,199
113
#8
As a person who has been through this a number of times, i can say with confidence the majority of Christians are entirely unequipped to give any sort of useful or valid response. More than likely they'll make things worse, while patting themselves on the back for how good they think they've done. And if what they said doesn't work? It's the fault of the receiver of the advice, again, making things worse.

I've learned not to dwell on things the way i used to. So this kind of thinking is not something i currently contend with, but i could easily see myself falling into it if i gave myself the time to think on it.
And people that feel this way typically have either grown up, or currently live (or both) in abuse that includes verbal and are being told they are worthless in one way or another. Or have clinical depression wherein their brain is not functioning as intended, making controlling such feelings difficult, and perhaps for some, impossible.

To even begin to have a hope of influencing someone who feels this way requires more than bumper sticker psychology, happy thoughts, slapping them with scripture, telling them to get over it and such similar comments. It takes time and getting personal with the individual to even crack the surface. Not to mention not judging.

In regards as to what to tell them, i don't know. As mentioned i could see myself falling into this easily given the right circumstances. But i can guarantee it won't be fixed, or even meaningfully affected for anyone, in a forum. Especially not this forum.
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#9
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
2,722
113
Georgia
#9
The way I see it , If God didnt want you here He wouldnt have allowed you to be here. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Sadly life circumstances can make us forget that, but it doesnt change the facts that God doesnt make mistakes.
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#10
May 25, 2015
6,149
851
113
#10
I have said this countless times in my life since the age of 10.

I am freed now and no longer think this way, but that took about 22 years to get over that mindset.

What helped me the most was people meeting me where I was and supporting me where I was. Words of encouragement were lost on me. They didn't help at all, and usually, people who spoke encouraging words, the people would be gone the next day. It wasn't until someone really sat alongside me and in the dirt with me to where I finally felt seen, heard, and validated.

We are supposed to identify with others.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#11
Oct 23, 2018
13,234
10,766
113
#11
I would bring up the example of Christine Caine, who is a Christian leader who was adopted then abused. She speaks around the world and has started a major org that rescues children in trafficking rings and goes after the perps. No matter who we are, what counts is if we have accepted Christ, then we are in His family. He's the best Father we could wish for w/benefits🤩.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#13
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#13
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

Our conversation in another thread regarding DNA had me thinking of some specific times when I have heard people say, "I should have never been born."

Now of course I know the Christian answer that any one of us would give someone who says this: We would tell them that God had a purpose for their existence, and that He loves them and has a plan for their life.

But what about when the reasons why a person is feeling this way become a little more personal?

For example, I am very open about the fact that I am adopted and that there are no records about my biological parents or the circumstances. But one thing I do know that must be kept in mind when searching for one's history is that babies and children are usually not given away under good conditions.

I recently read an article about a 24-year-old man who is building a very successful career, and he decided to look into his background, seeing as he is biracial and adopted.

His investigation resulted in finding out that his existence came about because of a 25-year-old man setting his sights on a 14-year-old girl, and refusing to take no for an answer.

In other words, his birth was the result of the rape of a child, and as could be understood, this young man felt utterly devastated. He said, "I had hoped that at the very least, (the people who created me) had loved each other."

I have talked to others whose existence came about because of an extramarital affair, a forbidden marriage (or remarriage,) or even a crime.

This often leaves people feeling like they are a living mistake or that it is a sin just for them to exist because the circumstances surrounding their birth were wrong. Therefore, they conclude that they should have never been born.

What words of Christ's love and assurance can we give to people who are suffering because of this?
Click to expand...
We can quote and edify them as much as we can with bible scriptures and spirit led conversations but ultimately the peace and reassurance from God will touch their hearts to bring them hope and joy 😊
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#14
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,659
113
#14
Don't shun me for this, but... I have found much truth in a line from the second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Yeah it was VERY cheesy but...

They found out the "ooze" that made them what they are was no big, important secret. It was just a mistake a chemical plant made, and they were trying to dispose of it.
SPLINTER: What troubles you, my son?
DONATELLO: I don't know. I just always thought there'd be more to it... to the ooze... to, you know, us!
SPLINTER: I know.
DONATELLO: I always thought there'd be something. I thought we'd find out we were special.
SPLINTER: Do not confuse the specter of your origins with your present worth, my son.
Click to expand...
Where we come from only defines our starting conditions. How we play the game with what we have defines who we are more than how we started this game.

Where you came from may cut off a few choices, but never let it define where you're going.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#15
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,659
113
#15
And of course now Bohemian Rhapsody is playing in my head. :rolleyes:

I'm not afraid to die
Sometimes I wish
I'd never been born at all
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,316
113
#16
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

Our conversation in another thread regarding DNA had me thinking of some specific times when I have heard people say, "I should have never been born."

Now of course I know the Christian answer that any one of us would give someone who says this: We would tell them that God had a purpose for their existence, and that He loves them and has a plan for their life.

But what about when the reasons why a person is feeling this way become a little more personal?

For example, I am very open about the fact that I am adopted and that there are no records about my biological parents or the circumstances. But one thing I do know that must be kept in mind when searching for one's history is that babies and children are usually not given away under good conditions.

I recently read an article about a 24-year-old man who is building a very successful career, and he decided to look into his background, seeing as he is biracial and adopted.

His investigation resulted in finding out that his existence came about because of a 25-year-old man setting his sights on a 14-year-old girl, and refusing to take no for an answer.

In other words, his birth was the result of the rape of a child, and as could be understood, this young man felt utterly devastated. He said, "I had hoped that at the very least, (the people who created me) had loved each other."

I have talked to others whose existence came about because of an extramarital affair, a forbidden marriage (or remarriage,) or even a crime.

This often leaves people feeling like they are a living mistake or that it is a sin just for them to exist because the circumstances surrounding their birth were wrong. Therefore, they conclude that they should have never been born.

What words of Christ's love and assurance can we give to people who are suffering because of this?
Click to expand...
Job felt that he should have never been born because he lost everything... his health, his children and all of his wealth, but in the final chapter of his story, God restores his health and prosperity, gives him new sons and daughters and doubles his riches.


Job 10:18-19 BSB:

Why then did You bring me from the womb?

Oh, that I had died, and no eye had seen me!

If only I had never come to be,

but had been carried from the womb to the grave.


Job 42:10-13 BSB:

After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his prosperity and doubled his former possessions. All his brothers and sisters and prior acquaintances came and dined with him in his house. They consoled him and comforted him over all the adversity that the LORD had brought upon him. And each one gave him a piece of silverc and a gold ring.

So the LORD blessed Job’s latter days more than his first. He owned 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. And he also had seven sons and three daughters.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#17
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#17
A good line to start with is probably something like, maybe it's not that you weren't supposed to be here; maybe you are God's bringing good out of something bad (or redeeming a situation etc.) But I'll also agree that, that doesn't mean much unless you also treat people like you really believe they're inherently valuable even when you stand nothing to gain from them. I think too often we're quick to tell people they have value, but we don't give them the opportunity to add value to anything by their work and actions.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#18
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#18
I read a memoir last year called White Moko by Tim Tipene

He wrote that he was a product of rape but he wouldnt let that define him. He got adopted by the Maori family (he is pakeha - caucasian or white to non nzers) of his stepdad. You can read some of his story here. It was love that saved him..so dont think that the love you show a child is wasted. They will remember it even if circumstances change.


https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/prog.../2018763240/warrior-kid-tim-tipene-white-moko
 
JStates

JStates

Banned
#19
Jan 5, 2022
1,224
620
113
37
"A higher plane," hehe
www.youtube.com
#19
"That sounds like a complaint you should take up with your parents"

No, in all seriousness, if they are a Christian or believe in a Creator, I would point out that God allowed their birth and thus there must be some purpose they are meant to find. I would mention that Job didn't understand his purpose during his lifetime either. I would encourage them to pursue truth and to live well: "do justly, love mercy, walk humbly with God."

If someone is not a believer I guess we would have a longer conversation about purpose, the nature of reality, sin, redemption through Christ, etc.
 
C

ChristianTonyB

Guest
#20
#20
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

Our conversation in another thread regarding DNA had me thinking of some specific times when I have heard people say, "I should have never been born."

Now of course I know the Christian answer that any one of us would give someone who says this: We would tell them that God had a purpose for their existence, and that He loves them and has a plan for their life.

But what about when the reasons why a person is feeling this way become a little more personal?

For example, I am very open about the fact that I am adopted and that there are no records about my biological parents or the circumstances. But one thing I do know that must be kept in mind when searching for one's history is that babies and children are usually not given away under good conditions.

I recently read an article about a 24-year-old man who is building a very successful career, and he decided to look into his background, seeing as he is biracial and adopted.

His investigation resulted in finding out that his existence came about because of a 25-year-old man setting his sights on a 14-year-old girl, and refusing to take no for an answer.

In other words, his birth was the result of the rape of a child, and as could be understood, this young man felt utterly devastated. He said, "I had hoped that at the very least, (the people who created me) had loved each other."

I have talked to others whose existence came about because of an extramarital affair, a forbidden marriage (or remarriage,) or even a crime.

This often leaves people feeling like they are a living mistake or that it is a sin just for them to exist because the circumstances surrounding their birth were wrong. Therefore, they conclude that they should have never been born.

What words of Christ's love and assurance can we give to people who are suffering because of this?
Click to expand...
That‘s very sad.

I would probably try and convince him that life is not so much about from whence we have come, but rather to where we are going. Don’t look back to the negatives of the past which are not possible for us to change, forget these, instead look ahead to the things of good that we can can influence into our lives!
 
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