Isolated and depressed

Mountaingirl · Jan 3, 2022

I am in ministry and having problems with my husband.
I moved away from a big city to a very remote part of the country to be with my husband.
I left family and grown kids, friends, my Job, Life, everything to be with my husband.
We live VERY remote and secluded.
Some towns are 20 min to 1 hour away and I have a small car.
I miss my job, most of the day I just sit around bored and missing my active and interesting life I once had.
I miss seeing people, taking walks Downtown, working and just having Friends.
I am 50 and have always known my life to be like this.
I am stuck in the house all day and feel like a prisoner, it depresses me.
I want to work, but my husband won't let me, because he thinks he will have to do more chores that way.
He won't allow me to go and do things on my own, because he believes that because of his work, we are a target for Satan and that it would put me in harms way on the roads with my little car between the SUVs and trucks.
Everytime I try to talk to him about this problem, he retorts that we go grocery shopping together and drive into town once a month to do things and get things done, but for me it's not enough.
I miss my autonomy and I feel depressed because I am only allowed to so things with him.
For every dollar I spend I have to ask first, even when I have an allowance, he wants to tell me what I should get for it and get's upset when I just want to spend it on something expensive I have been wanting.
He is very loving and sweet, he worships the ground I walk on and I love him dearly, but he is pretty controlling about the things I metioned.
I feel like a muslim woman who is not allowed to have some freedom, because the ministry and Satan get hung over my head any time I ask for some personal freedom.
What do I do??

Nehemiah6 · Jan 3, 2022

Mountaingirl said:

It looks like you have two very conflicting spiritual scenarios operating at one and the same time. How can a "very loving and sweet" Christian husband enslave his wife so that she feels like a Muslim woman? In view of this, if you can get your husband to agree (seeing that he worships the ground you walk on), it would be best to sit down with some mature Christian pastors or elders and lay it all out, so that they can provide you with a spiritual resolution. You need an objective assessment and the sooner the better.

Kireina · Jan 3, 2022

Hi Mountain girl 👧

I understand what you are feeling right now...I can imagine it...a wife who used to live in the city , a wife who used to work...will suddenly find herself in a secluded place... I am sure you find it hard to get used to your present surrounding right now...

Maybe since your husband is in the ministry maybe make friends with the ladies in the ministry ...slowly reach out to the wives in your church...? Or maybe try to develop a new hobby like gardening or growing plants....? teaching the kids or help teaching the kids in the ministry ...bake or cook food for everyone once a week invite your neighbors or churchmates 😊

Maybe try those things and learn to enjoy it... everytime you get bored and you get depressed plant something in your backyard let it grow take good care of them ... maybe it will help you 😊

Welcome to CC sis 🤗 I'll pray for you and your family 👪 ❤

Mountaingirl · Jan 4, 2022

Kireina said:

Thank you for your reply.
I guess I didn't explain: it's an online ministry.
We don't have personal contact to actual people.
I am tired of living an online life, I need interaction with real people.
My husband doesn't like having people over, he is very guarded and picky when it comes to having friends, which he doesn't have here at all.

Buckle · Jan 4, 2022

Mountaingirl said:

that is very concerning considering the relationship I have seen. A Christian man with no oversight is a dangerous thing. Do you attend a local church? If not I would get connected now and if he tries to block it by any means (and I mean any...coersion, the Satan thing (which by the way is using is not biblical), demands, guilt, etc) you need to get away somewhere safe. Advise him at that point if he want you back in his home he must see a Christian councillor of you choice, preferably a pastor or elder in the church. If you do attend a church, sit down with the leaders and explain what i s happening in detail. My mother-in-law went through something, not quite the same physical situation,, similar enough in feel and 20 years later both my wife and mother-in-law bear scars (not physically) to this day. My prayers are with you.

TabinRivCA · Jan 4, 2022

+++'I want to work, but my husband won't let me, because he thinks he will have to do more chores that way '

This is not a Christian way of life.

+++I am 50 and have always known my life to be like this. ------ Always known to be what?

Control isn't my idea of love, it's a negative trait. You need to put your foot down and tell him you don't want that kind of life, it's a waste and sorrowful for you. Marriage doesn't mean being under someone's thumb. Find someone who can help or back you in this but I'd advise don't waste anymore time. God bless you and guide you, in Jesus name Amen🙌

3angelsmsg · Jan 4, 2022

Hello Mountaingirl, this is a very sensitive situation. And I am sure it is not a problem which is surfacing now it was steady building up through the years. And the current pandemic has just escalate the crisis in your life. It is not all doom and gloom. There is always hope and solution. And it will take of you to understand that your happiness is not linked to your outside circumstances or from the actions of your husband. You need the peace of God. The important thing is for you to connect to God and to be depended on Him for your happiness. There is not much you can do to control your husband other than to talk him. It may help your cause or it may not. Your greatest need which I see is your need for freedom, love, security which is only found in God. This is symptom of a spiritual lack and the solution here would be to go to the root of the problem address the problem otherwise the problem will manifest in a different manner in the future. My suggestion would be to get to know yourself and how your thought-process works and think of your own actions that will make you happy. Because at the end of the day, its your actions that is more important than what the other person does or doesn't do. May God grant your the power and wisdom and to lean evenmore on Him.

Billyd · Jan 4, 2022

Do you have a daily worship time with your husband?

What is your husband's online ministry?

Lanolin · Jan 4, 2022

huh I was going to ask the same what is this online ministry so we can all email it and ask your husband exactly what is going on and why are you keeping your wife captive?!

Is this remote place very beautiful, do you have neighbours, are there animals?

inukubo · Jan 4, 2022

I hate to say this, but your situations sounds like it has the makings of a cult. Red flags everywhere. Get out.

Mountaingirl · Jan 4, 2022

No cult and my husband is wonderful otherwise.
We have a missionary ministry and are in contact with other ministries in Pakistan and India.
My husband is Pakistani, but christian.
He would listen to advice from scripture.
I just need help from Christians in how to adress this matter in a Christian way.
With scripture would greatly help, please no wordly wisdom.
I love him and want to discuss this in a biblical way.
Many spouses can be controlling, without them truly realising it.
I want to stay loving, but firm so we can eradicate this problem.

Nehemiah6 · Jan 4, 2022

Mountaingirl said:

As I mentioned earlier, the issue can only be resolved if someone outside the situation can tell you both objectively what the problem is.

In practical terms there was no need for your husband to go to a remote and secluded location to which you did not want to go in the first place. Especially if your ministry in online.

You can have a face-to-face ministry in the "big city" right where you were to begin with. In fact it could be even more productive. So the simple solution is to tell your husband that he honestly did not need to isolate himself (and you) and its time to pack up and head home. If he loves you as much as you say he does, then he should start packing tomorrow.

CS1 · Jan 4, 2022

Mountaingirl said:

The first thing is you need to pray very specifically for your husband and you.

pray and fast for the following:

Lord draw me close to you during this time take three days

Pray for your husband and for the Lord to Remove fear
Pray for yourself and empowering of the Holy Spirit
Pray That The Lord will speak to your husband's heart of what HE wants him to do.

Lord bring liberty to my marriage and home

Pray and ask the Lord to show you what to do
Pray with your husband and read the word of God together
ask for family and friends to pray for you and your husband specifically renewal and Gods' will.
anoint your home with oil in the name of the Lord Jesus inside and out

Jesus_Leads · Jan 5, 2022

Mountaingirl said:

Thank God you are in the right mind. Please don't listen to anybody advising you to leave, even after all the details you have provided about your situation it's still unclear for me, so making a quick judgement of leaving would end up in disaster.

I don't see any mistake in your wish to meet people in person. But what you are facing is a common culture in India once. Where wife are treated like one step lower than husband(actually few floors lower if you're not a Christian). So if your husband is from Pakistan (once part of India) your issue might not seem like a problem for him that's why he isn't taking it seriously. If you are not from the same region it might be hard for you to understand this culture. You must understand that I dont support this culture but this is what happend here and things are changing now.

Your husband's claim of there's a possibility of satan attack on you may be true. If he's working in deliverence ministry or any ministry that brings new souls to Jesus. And the good news is satan can be won easily if you strengthen your relationship with Jesus.

Kindly asnwer these if you can,

Are you sure the relationship between God and your husband is good are you sure he is following the Bible correctly and not carried away ?

Are you guys going to a local church weekly?

How good is your relationship with Jesus ?

PennEd · Jan 5, 2022

Mountaingirl said:

Here is some Scripture:

Hebrews 10:25
King James Version

25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Zoom, and online ministry is absolutely NO substitute for in person Church and fellowship.

You MUST get connected to a local Church, with other Christian people.

Tell him your Soul needs this, just as Scripture dictates.

Be blessed

Lanolin · Jan 5, 2022

hmm I know its hard but many people not just you will be in the same boat and not even cos of culture its because of Covid! In my region we were locked down for over 100 days!

what was your job?

I prayed and this is what I got

Proverbs 28:6

Better is the poor that walketh in his uprightness, than he that is perverse in his ways, though he be rich

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