Why Are Women Expected to be the Gatekeepers of Virginity?

Good on you! I'm so glad I'm not in the market now. So many people just trying to suck you dry - spiritually, emotionally, financially. Doing that will certainly set yourself apart from 90% of other women out there.

Just a thought for you...
Maybe just pay for yourself for the first few times out? That's what I told my daughter to do. That way you don't owe him anything. He doesn't owe you anything. You're free to walk away without feeling like you've used him or been used by him. It just let's you make good decisions without any emotion getting in the way.

I had taken it by her comment "I don't think we can ever expect anything by itself in this life, not even prayer and confession, to be some kind of foolproof panacea to any and all ailments. "

That she was referring to James 5:16, Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Low T bro. When I hit 50 found that I was just sluggish and lost a step or two and just apathetic. Saw my Doc and she did blood work and other test. Turned out I was going through what a lot of guys that age do and my T production was lower.

So took all the info she had and changed my diet, avoided certain things, and started taking vitamins as well I hit weights. Found her advice was sound that muscle tissue produces testosterone and it just cured a lot of the slow down I had encountered. Reckon it also literally cured the lack of a hunter in me since I have taken up going Elk and small game hunting again.

This validates what I've been trying to say, and you and I agree that both genders have problems. This you will hear no argument from me on that. With what you just explained to me is exactly what's going on with men on a mental and spiritual level. Many women today manipulate men as if it were nothing more than a game to try to get the grand prize, which is the Chad. In the game, they will use ordinary good men so they can cruise through life without too much complication. A lot of times, many men are used as meal tickets and for their luxuries. Or they're used just for the purposes of making children and get alimony off those poor Joes.

Men are tired of being hurt and having their time and resources wasted in attempt to make a woman they're with happy or simply trying to attract. There's times where it feels like we're stepping on eggshells with these women because we say one wrong thing we could get into trouble, even if it was harmless (typically it is). In addition to that, women are basically being told not to respect men, unless if it's Chad. Not all women do that, obviously, but a lot of them don't respect us at all. It's downright rotten, and, honestly, unless if it's someone we really trust and know well, there's times where we don't feel comfortable around women.

We want to be with them, but we live in fear of them. It's not even rejection that scares us, but rather these women running off, telling their friends about us, make fun of us, and start to spread false rumors about us. It's happened to me, it's happened to my family members, and it's happened to my friends. All based on lies. We understand if it's a simple 'no' if we ask them out and they're not interested in us. We just don't the other stuff to follow because it can ruin any sort of a potential relationship with someone who does like us for us. It can even effect us at work and out on the streets. We don't want that hassle and we shouldn't have to try and squash these lies.

There are good men out there that have had their reputation destroyed just based on a false rumor of an ex or someone they asked out. It's very damaging to us. Women have their problems, too. There are bad men out there that do, in fact, lie, take advantage of them, and then hurt them. That drives me crazy because they're typically good women and they go into hiding or they simply don't want a relationship based on that bad experience. The thing, though, that women have going for them is we live in a society that favors women much more than men. Of course, if any woman tries to stand up for what's happening to good men, they're attacked. It's not right, and I can't tell you how badly I want to get rid of the fear what rumors women would spread about me if I simply asked them out.

For most men, yes, they do move on from their bad experiences with women, and, likewise, so do women. But we still have the memories that we have play through in our heads, believing that, to one degree, we screwed up, even though, in truth, we didn't.

Right now, I may have a woman interested in me. However, I don't know with complete certainty if she actually does. I remember back to everything I said to her and, so far, I know I haven't. In her mind, though, she may think I did. Just this past weekend, I've been in contact with her about getting together with a group of people. I'm starting to ask around, but I was figuring in case if we don't get people going, I better have a backup plan. So I asked her if that scenario does happen if she would still be good with going if it were just her and I. She said yes, and I said that I wanted to make sure. Then she said she was getting different thoughts, possibly thinking I'm tricking her into a date. I had to reassure her that it's not. She acknowledged that and continued talking to each other. Truth be told, I am liking her more, even though I had no interest in the beginning when I met her months ago. But, because of that little bit I just mentioned, I don't know if I screwed up or not, fearing I could have derailed any chance at a potential relationship. For now, though, I want to stay friends.

And that's the fear we men have. We shouldn't have it, but we do. Failure is one thing, but failure due to no fault on our end is far worse. I can only imagine the men you were with and how they felt, and I'm sorry you had to experience that. But this is the reality of it. I'm glad you were able to help them out, so understand that I do think you care about someone else. It's tough for us men, but it's not difficult to cheer us up if you're a woman. Just a simple "hey you look nice" or "I appreciate you" makes our day that much better, whether it be a rough day at work or if a loved one passed away. Heck, if any of you women like us, show it. We don't want to play the guessing game. Again, with this woman I talked about, that's where I'm at (although she seems like she's giving off those signals, but could be false alarms). So I hope you at least understand from our perspective where we're at today.

No fear, man. No fear.

Any woman starts rumors about me, I got a bunch of witnesses that I ain't like how she says I am. Nobody would ever believe her because my life denies her rumors.

How do I know? It has happened before, and the person trying to start rumors got laughed out of the room.

Yes, and it also completely invalidates your previous accusation that I know nothing about what men go through.

A good number of women, especially the ones posting on this forum and here in Singles, also know and are sympathetic to men's plights.

You're definitely not talking to an audience here who is ignorant on these matters or doesn't already acknowledge them.

It doesn't invalidate anything. Honestly, the question you asked on here should have been why women NEED to remain pure until marriage. That's far more important because it also applies to men. There are men, that I know, that don't control themselves and should also be told to these guys.

But we can agree then that men do go through hardships as well as women in these situations. The only other acknowledgment we need to make is that one gender's hardships far outweigh the other's. I can't tell you how sick I get hearing that because it doesn't make things any better. Yes, double standards exist. I don't like it and I don't like how that kind of stuff played in your school. But just because it may happen at some places, it doesn't mean it happens every where.

And I can understand why virgin women are tired of hearing why they need to remain pure because they know they need to be. However, the fact that's being neglected is there are A LOT of women who don't follow that. Younger women do need to be told to wait. Same goes with young men because a lot from our end sleep with a whole bunch of women before marriage. For most people, we want others who are pure and that have not participated in such acts, and part of being pure is doing acts of good and to restrain yourself from temptation of evil. There's those, however, that literally prefer evil because they think it makes them feel better, when in fact doesn't.

Is it work to do this? Yes. Do you think the people telling others with the question posted enjoy saying this often? No, but it needs said and it needs to be put in a respectable way.

This is why I find your posts so hard to answer.

With every reply, you try to tell me how my own life has gone because you say that people don't act in the manner I'm describing (only because you haven't experienced it,) thereby denying my own experiences, and then try to tell me what I should do, as you just did above: "the question you asked on here SHOULD HAVE BEEN..."

But yet you want everyone and their mother to listen to every grievance you've ever had regarding your own experiences.

You hint that mine aren't real, but yet want me to listen to every word of yours. And then you tell me I don't know anything about what men go through, and what I should be asking.

The question I wrote in this post is exactly the question I wanted to write. I had no interest in writing about what you are saying I should have asked. I've seen a zillion threads about why people need to remain virgins before marriage, but I hadn't seen a thread that asked about the influences of society putting more pressure on women to do so with that added expectation that their influence should rub off on their dates.

Now of course it can go both ways, and as someone pointed out, I realize that women are becoming more aggressive. But I see this as just another integral part of the discussion: social attitudes about women's sexuality have changed, and so this thread is about exploring some of the impact of those changes.

Whatever question you feel should have been asked, why wouldn't you start your own thread about it, rather than trying to say what I should have asked in mine?

I do understand that this is something to be expected whenever one writes a thread -- there will always be someone who tries to tell you what you should have done differently -- it just comes with the territory.

But what I don't understand is that 99.9% of the time, the person won't just write their own thread themselves. Why not?

If you want to write your own question about why men and women should remain virgins before marriage (as if no one in the audience is aware of that,) then why aren't you?

As I said, I've seen dozens and dozens of discussions about that subject.

It's certainly not that it isn't something important that needs to be talked about (again, and again, and again) -- it's just that I wanted to try something different, and ask about things I've never seen anyone here ask.

And you said I was trolling?

Granted it's probably very tempting to troll seoulsearch because she always responds. She always gives you the reaction you are looking for.

I've been asked a lot in the past why I bother answering people who attack my posts.

My main reasons are usually (I mean this as a general statement, not about anyone in particular):

1. I'm trying to find out a little more about the person and their situation. And if it's someone I've seen attack several others as well, I try to get them talking because I want to know what's going on behind the scenes. I can't tell you the number of times it has come out that an inflammatory person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol (or is having a spell from not taking, or being able to take, the medicine they should be on.)

But maybe there are times when they're actually sober, in their right minds, and can be reasoned with, and that's what I'm searching for -- behavioral patterns that might be useful when communicating with that person.

2. I want to challenge the person to start writing their own threads, because 99.9% plus do not. So, I want to see if they'll grow their own pair of acorns and be willing to put them on the chopping block of public opinion, because that's what people who write threads here are doing.

Most never bother even trying, but yet want to direct how other threads should go. Unless they are willing to take a few shots (I'd say at least 10) at meeting the challenge themselves, I can't take them very seriously because they don't have the experience. It's the person who tells you how to drive when they've never driven themselves.

3. I eventually get to a point where I feel like I"m no longer talking to that person (even if I'm answering their posts,) but rather, to someone out in the audience. On the surface, it looks like I'm talking to that person, but my real focal point is the body of readers.

I understand that when you write a lot of posts, people will form opinions about you, whether good or bad. If someone doesn't like me or strongly disagrees with me, whatever I say isn't going to change their mind, so I figure I may as well just keep talking! I just don't see dislike or disagreement as a reason to stop asking questions or putting up threads (unless, of course, the mods asked me not to.)

And I've had a few younger brothers and sisters here write to me and say, "You don't crumble and die when someone criticizes and attacks you, and it helps me to see examples of that."

Now believe me, there are times when I have plenty of my own times here when I'm ready to throw in the towel, or at the very least, go immediately into Beast Mode. But I'm trying very hard to use every negative experience as a way to keep pushing forward.

When someone does criticize a thread or what I have to say, all it really does is give me a list of new thread ideas, so I try to see it as a chance to improve and hopefully make further progress.

Why don't I start my own thread on this topic? Simple, tried that and people started to attack me on a personal level. I already got Lynx trolling me, trying to rile me up, so why add more? All they're trying to do is get me to say something I will regret and get banned.

Besides, I haven't attacked you personally, nor am I hinting that your experiences are not real. I gain nothing from that. I think you're upset that because there was another point of view that many people are not willing to look at nor discuss. It challenges people to see it from both sides. That's what the Bible does. It can and has offended people. Truth can hurt, and a lot of times it's not pretty. I'm reading everything you said and, yes, I agree women are told a lot about staying pure. Probably more times than what it was intended, but at the same, once again, look at the number of women that commit adultery. There's a lot out there, and unfortunately, it needs to be repeated, and that also applies to men.

And you brought up grievances, we will always listen to a woman's (as we should), but whenever a man brings up his own, not many people are willing to listen. Matter of fact, many people tell us we're being babies and tell us to "man up", but we get no real help. We're being yelled at and put down. What makes a woman's grievance more important than a man's (and vice versa)? Answer, it isn't. Some situations may be more extreme than others, but men should be equally listened to as women whenever they're going through hardships. So, no, I don't buy this idea that women are the only ones that are not listened to. That's simply not true, so don't try to put words in my mouth saying otherwise.

You say I put words in your mouth, but I've certainly never said that women are the only ones who not listened to, nor did I say that you claimed this.

I did say that you seem to be most interested in making sure your own viewpoint is heard while ignoring other's experiences, as when I talked about what I had observed at my Lutheran school and you completely dismissed it all by insisting that no one actually acted that way. And then you told me that I obviously didn't know anything about what men go through.

When I explained some of the things I've observed men going through and its aftermath, you then said it this just proved everything you said.

The more you say, the more this kind of circular reasoning comes out, so I'm mostly just sitting back and skimming.

(And that's not putting words in your mouth -that's simply observing your behavior patterns.)

Bull. You did it in this thread, not to mention all the other threads where you have done it.

If you honestly can't see where you have implied seoulsearch was talking about something that was not real - if you REALLY are that unaware of what you yourself said - I don't know how anybody can help you.

Exactly.

This is what happens when you write threads.

I'm not sure how many I've written here over the years, but it's been since 2009.

Why did you give up so soon?

Because you've found what most people find when they actually try it -- that's it's a whole heck of a lot easier to offer up the criticisms rather than take them on?

Again, why did you just give up?

I know, I know... I wouldn't have said anything if he hadn't repeatedly called me a troll.

And it DOES look like you're feeding the troll, but you have explained before why you reply.

Already told you, people are not willing to listen. It's easy when you have a legion of people on your side, while someone like me who gives the other side of the argument doesn't have the same luxury. Plus I don't have the time like use to have to come up with topics, so there's that too.

And I've answered the question to this thread multiple times already. In no way, shape, or form have ever implied that you're stupid or uneducated. However, I don't necessarily believe that, even though you spent time with those grieving men, you took the time to ask yourself this:

"Could there actually be problem with a lot of modern women today when it comes to relationships? I've talked with this guy, who's a good man, but the story was the same as the last one. The pattern's the same, and I want to see what the root cause of it is."

Men's problem is our egos do inflate quickly and largely, and we become arrogant as a result. It's not because of masculinity. It's a sin issue, as you saw with those boys in your school. However, a lot of women like that and will commit to those men who live and enjoy that lifestyle, thinking they can change them in a way to fit their lifestyle, only to end up hurt.

Those same women, though, will also take advantage and disrespect men who are not those bad boys. In many instances, they don't even care if those good men end up hurt or not, so long as they get what they want. It's got so bad that many men will bend over backwards for these women just to be around them, regardless if it's a true relationship or not. It's what we call beta males.

I'm not trying to attack you here because I'd rather not sink down to that level. Lynx, on the other hand, is already doing a good job of that. I'm to the point where I'm seeing he's responding through my notifications and I ignore what he's saying because it's nothing but attacks with no substance. I've read his posts before, and that's all he's doing. So if you think I'm trying to attack you on a personal level, I'm not. I'm sorry if you think I am, but I'm not sorry for presenting the other side of this question.

All I'm asking is do some research on it because there are women saying that what's happening to men is a problem. I know many men are bad, but most of us (and I'm not saying me, I'll let others judge) are good guys and don't try to degrade nor disrespect women. We should treat them with respect. They are human, after all. But men deserve that same treatment as well. I don't know how that's unreasonable and me being a difficult just for the sake of it. Just simply paying for their stuff or trying to comfort them doesn't solve the problem for these good men. I'm not discouraging it, but there needs to be a long term solution rather than this.

She already has done the research. Have you even read her posts?

Your "poor, pitiful, downtrodden men" routine doesn't get any better or more true the 700th time.

And if I were attacking you I'd be far more obnoxious than this. Just ask... well, they aren't around any more to ask. Never mind, just take my word for it.

You have no idea what my thought process is. For as much as I say, I don't say much about my own current personal life, but for now, it's actually going pretty well (and no, it doesn't involve anyone from CC,) so I do indeed know without a doubt that there are good guys out there.

You told me, "In no way shape, or form have (I) ever implied that you're stupid or uneducated. However, I don't necessarily believe that."

So are you saying even though you haven't explicitly said it, you believe that I'm stupid and uneducated? But that you don't want to stoop to insulting me?

I was just curious if you talk to people like that in real life as well. In most of your posts, you seem to be completely puzzled as to why women don't flock to you or have backed away from you, and I'm just wondering if you say the same kinds of things to them -- and still wonder why.

To be honest, you could call me whatever you wanted all day long and it would tell people more about you than it would about me (this is what Lynx is doing -- he's not trolling you-- he's trying to see what you're made of.)

As I said from the beginning, you're entitled to your own opinion.

The only time I would take the things you say to heart is if it was someone who really knew me, and they would word it in a much better way.

Okay, now you're knowingly taking what I said out of context. I'm not calling you names here, but rather putting out that you don't understand (and seems like you don't want to). Not understanding something doesn't equate to stupidity and you know that, so don't go there with me. And Lynx is a troll because part of being a troll is to see what you're made of and get you to slip up. I'm making the adult decision to ignore him.

Where are you getting that I want a flock of women after me? I guess if there is, send them my way. You'll hear no arguments from me and pay you back later!

Anyway, I'm not demanding that women come after me. Honestly, I don't know if I have a woman interested in me right now or not (one in particular, but that's a story for another time). Would it be great to be in a relationship right now with a woman? Definitely, especially with someone that likes me for me and is a genuine person. Is it difficult right now, given the circumstances of today's world? Yes, and it's getting harder. Does that mean I'll give up entirely? No, I have no real reason to, other than I'll remain single. If God shows me that I'm to be that way the rest of my life, I'll gladly accept it. He's in control of destiny and would be for the better, if that is the case. I don't bend over backwards to these feminists that are running around telling everyone all men (that are not the Chads) are evil. Their position comes out of a place of hate, not of God.

You can believe what you want and choose not to accept what I say. That's fine by me. You can call me whatever you want as well. I don't care. But don't try to take things out of context of what I said, which you clearly did, and try to claim that I'm going out my way to insult you because I'm not. I know you're mad at me, but at least be truthful about what's said on here.

Yeah, maybe do the wine thing with her. Share a glass. Or two. Or three. You might want to share a a cab with her to the winery.