Singles: What Do You Find Are the Biggest Challenges to Living Independently?

My biggest problem was insularity. I say problem, not challenge, because I didn't see any way to remedy the situation.
When you live alone you are your only reference point for what normal is. I knew some of my reference points were drifting but, aside from finding a wife, I didn't know any way to fix the problem. It never caused trouble though - I never started a toothpaste tube collection or got in a fistfight at Walmart over checkout line etiquette or anything - So I just let them drift.

My problem was that I didn't have accountability and was living in a neighbourhood where there was too many people looking to sin.
When you live alone there is very little to stop you sliding downwards to the very dark apart of yourself which is often very primitive

Hey Everyone,

Some of the recent threads here have me thinking about singles who are living independently or are thinking about doing so. Others might have their own definition of what that means, but I define living independently as someone who is responsible for paying their own way and taking care of his or her self.

You might be living alone, with roommates, or still with family members (as in, your family members ARE your roommates), but you are the one who pays for your own food, bills, and livelihood, and no one else is paying your way. You take care of yourself and don't rely much on others to do so. Or maybe you aren't quite there yet, but are trying or aspire to live on your own -- what things are holding you back?

What have you personally found to be the greatest challenges of living independently? I'm going to write a poll with some common answers, but please don't let it be a substitute for a discussion here in the thread. And if you don't see your answer in the poll, I either missed it or the system wouldn't allow for any further options -- either way, please include it here to add to the conversation.

I lived at home for the first few years of college to save money, but moved out when I went to complete my degree at another school. I haven't been back since except for a few times when I was waiting to get into a new place. However, time has taught me the value of trying to make my home base fairly close to reliable family members and/or friends.

My biggest challenges have been:

1. Maintenance and repairs -- i.e., your pipes are exploding all over the place and the plumbing company says they can only send someone somewhere between the hours of 8 and 4 (and they won't give you an exact time, just somewhere within that range,) and it's always on the days you work. I once had an amazing friend who volunteered her whole day off at my place just so that she could be there when a repair guy showed up.

2. Getting sick -- I don't get sick often and I usually just keep going when I do, but one of my hallmarks is extreme nausea and there are times I can't get out to pick up meds or food. I've been fortunate enough to have family or friends drop off things I really needed and I would have been lost without them.

3. Safety -- I've had guys I just met try to invite themselves over to my place more than once, and as I said, I don't ever want to be someone who sees men as an enemy, but I'm very protective over my personal space. I often have to cram maintenance appointments all into one day, and I like knowing I have an emergency back up not too far away when several strangers are showing up to my house.

I remember several years ago when a Christian single parent said I should be using my place to shelter those in need and that I wasn't using the things God had given me to help others (such as single mothers and their kids.) Has anyone else living independently been criticized for this as well?

But when I prayed about it, I truly believe that God was telling me that, being my extremely introverted self, I needed a place free of anyone else's emotional clutter but my own, and that I can help others in different ways. I am useless to other people unless I have a way of recharging, and that requires my own space. I also didn't want to be in a situation in which someone else's angry ex is showing up on my doorstep.

Although I do have the usual worries over bills and regular bouts of loneliness, I tend to hide behind work and the busy pace of life in order to stay distracted.

How about the rest of you?

* What do you find are your biggest challenges to living independently?

* If you are still striving to get there, what stops you from living independently?

* Or maybe living independently isn't for you? Why or why not?

I always enjoy hearing about how people live and about the things they've learned that do and do not work for them.

Thank you for your time!

I want to thank you gentlemen for bringing up the very important issue of accountability. I do believe that some people just aren't built to live alone or in too much isolation. They might be fully independent regarding expenses and responsibilities, but need to live with roommates or family members, etc., for the very reasons you stated.

I've known a few people who would unwind with a glass of wine or a beer in the evening, and there's nothing wrong with that. But without any social cues to stop, one drink eventually turned into a whole bottle or case at a time.

Although I tend to be an extremely introverted person, I have to have regular contact (these days, almost always online) with regular conservative believers or, as was illustrated, I start to make up my own rules -- and nothing good will come from that.

I know this is a completely different subject but this is also why I feel (for myself at least) that I have to somehow be connected to a church. It's a lot harder for me to fall into bad habits when I have to look other Christian people in the eyes at least once a week. I've never been one who could lie or put up a front without eventually cracking.

I understand that many people have had bad experiences in churches (many of my posts are full of mine,) but the first thing I wonder when I talk to people who consider themselves to be "spiritual lone wolves" is who keeps them accountable when they go astray. I would be skeptically cautious if they told me that God alone keeps them in line. Even David had to be confronted by Nathan and his heart was so hard that he didn't even recognize himself as the rich man who had taken the poor man's only lamb in Nathan's parable.

I know that for myself, just "me and God" isn't enough -- I need people around me who know me well enough to stand up to me, but also care enough to not have the goal of just constantly tearing me down.

It would be interesting to hear from others who know they can't live alone for specific reasons -- maybe we could help break up the stereotype that there must always be something wrong with people who still live with their families.

Even cooking feels like a chore many days, so it leaves my diet with room for improvement.

I understand that many people have had bad experiences in churches (many of my posts are full of mine,) but the first thing I wonder when I talk to people who consider themselves to be "spiritual lone wolves" is who keeps them accountable when they go astray. I would be skeptically cautious if they told me that God alone keeps them in line. Even David had to be confronted by Nathan and his heart was so hard that he didn't even recognize himself as the rich man who had taken the poor man's only lamb in Nathan's parable.

I think having a pet would help greatly, especially now we'll be teleworking even more days.

I am glad that I am not alone in this feeling that living alone is not always beneficial. In terms of spiritual lone wolves, I think I have had to learn to live this way from day one

I can relate to that. My best friends are non-believers. I have been betrayed, abandoned and insulted by "church people" so many times now I can't at the moment, go back to church.

I think one of my big challenges in living independently is letting things go when there's no one else around to keep up appearances for. While I was doing the work at home thing before I had my dog, there were plenty of days I just didn't get around to getting dressed because I wasn't going out anywhere or interacting with people in person that day.